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About my stepmother.
[1,144 words]
Hanan Al Kindi
Hanan Al Kindi. 16 years old and lives in Oman (Middle East).
[March 2003]
[email protected]
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Hanan Al Kindi

Its hurts when we love somebody, because loving is a painful thing, that is its nature. Today, even though we are not sure that the pain will pass, it has to be said that our loving is hurting us.

My dad married my stepmom four years ago. I was about 12 by then. Before he got married to her, he asked me what i thought about the whole thing. We were in his room and i was telling him stuff about school. Then he suddenly just asked me
"Hanan .. what if i get married.. what would you think about it?"
Well, i didn't like the idea at all. I cried. I guess you would say it was a stupid reaction, but i did. Because my mom and dad had just divorced 2 months ago and i was just getting over it when suddenly *bomb* another explosion. When he saw me crying he didn't bring up the subject again. After weeks, my dad called me and showed me an email from this woman. From the begining i knew it was 'her'. He would sit there infront of his computer, with this big smile on his face as he read her emails. Then she started writing to me, and i replied. Well i thought she was a nice person. She seemed so cool and fun to speak to. Later i found out my dad knew her from a long time ago.

Then, marriage suddenly came. I was okay with it then. I had already sent her millions of emails and talked to her on the phone, but surprisingly i had never met her. This didn't bother me though, it would be like a surprise. So anyway, i was coming back from school with my two brothers and my cousins. They were dropping us off, because my father was at home with her. So when we arrived, she looked so happy and nice. The first thing I thought was 'wow she looks kind'. she was short and had an oval face. Her nose was very long but kind of funny. She had a huge smile, and she kept on asking us questions about school and life. Then she played around with my little brother Talal, who was 4 at that time. She also played a silly game of horses and the farmer.
I went to the kitchen to get a glass of water, when i saw the disgusted look on my maids face. Her name is Sini, and she's always right about stuff. So anyway i said:
"she's fun isn't she?"
"I don't think so. She's fake"
"no .. no .. she's fun"
And i stormed out. Little did i know that she was right.

Now here i am four years later, writing all this down. She's so different. She changed to her real self very fast. I must say I really hate her. And Sini was right, she is fake. My father has changed too, he's become very different. I used to be very close to him, and suddenly problems started happening and we drifted apart. He says cruel stuff to me at times, like once he was sick and he said i was the cause of his sickness. I just keep quiet when he says stuff.. i dont think it's worth wasting my breath on. I just look at something else and keep quiet. My cousin says im too patient. Well, I dont know about that. My mom has heard stuff about my stepmom too. Bad stuff. But she doesn't tell me what she's heard. I think what i go through every weekend at my dads house is more than enough.

Her family are truly disgusting. They joke on and on about things that aren't funny and they are so backward. When i go to her moms place the words "im bored" go around my head in circles. What really pisses me off is the fact that my dad doesn't see her in the way I do. He does fight with her every now and then for some silly reasons, but in the end they'll make up and everything will be back to what it was before the fight ever took place. One reason why i really hate my stepmom is her greadiness. she is sooo gready. She doesn't want my dad to spend money on us, but thank god she has no influence on him where money is involved.

I've just come back from Dubai, a country four hours away from mine. Anyway, my cousin Sarah came with us, and i thought it was supposed to be an amazing holiday.. but it was the worst ever. When we wanted to eat at a specific restaurant she would say "no,,, we dont have burgers for lunch" why whats wrong with burgers ?? Aghh .. well thats one thing.
When we were going to the movies on the second night in Dubai, we were finally beginging to have some fun. But just when we reached there, she went like:
"no we can't watch this movie, because it's over 18"
"but its an action movie.. and anyway they always say its over 18 but we dont die when we watch it" i said
"no im sorry but we are NOT watching it"
"okay what about this other one.. it starts at 11:30" i said, angry by now.
"No. we can't go back late" she said.
At that instance i felt like jumping up at her and squeezing her neck until every bit of air inside her would come out. I felt like i wanted to punch her. My cousin and brother were pissed like hell.
And then theres another thing she did. She called my little brother Talal (8) a baby, because he was crying " i wanna come with you ". So what? every child does that.. you can't just leave a child at home and go out and expect him to be happy with it. And when her son , my half brother, cried she said "oh poor him ... poor him" what about my brother? its okay for him, but when its my bro it isn't?!

I live a life of hell with this stepmom, so if you live with both parent you should really thank god. Sometimes i cry and cry because my mom and dad are divorced. When i look at the old albums and their pictures happily together , hand in hand, i say "why did they divorce?! .. why?". But then i force myself to count my blessings, and it makes me feel a bit better. when i go to my fathers place, i hate it. Because i know im going to see that green eyed monster again. Well, Im going to study hard and get good results then Im going to go to England and study Law. May god help me.



"Aw that is so sad. I partly know how you feel because my parents are divorced. I have to live with my mom for 2 years in the u.s. Then go live with my dad for 2 years in the Caribbean, my mom can�t do anything without my mom. She asks me to ask him for money when she needs it and when she talks to my dad she says I need the money. My mom is the aggressive type and my dad is the quiet type. I prefer living with my dad because he tries to bring fun to my life. My mom doesn�t even care about that. I haven�t even being to the movies before, nor the circus, nor an amusement park in the third world country I�m from. I�m in the u.s with my mom and it�s just not happening. I have one more year to live on my own. But I don�t know if I want to stay here or go back to the Caribbean." -- lori-ann.
"*to start living on my own *been" -- lori-ann.
"hanan, i really felt sorry for u, when i read ur poem. hope to cu online and clarify things..of yesterday.. " -- george, uk.


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© 2003 Hanan Al Kindi
March 2003

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