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A Cry For Help
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TITLE (EDIT)
A Cry For Help |
DESCRIPTION
Home alone during the day? A warning from a daytime TV addict...
[666 words] |
AUTHOR
Sondra Collard |
ABOUT
THE AUTHOR
Sondra Collard is a stay-at-home empty nester in a small Arizona town. She amuses herself by crocheting afghans, reading cheap paperbacks and writing about her experiences and observations. She has a grown daughter, an adorable granddaughter (just ask her), a loving husband and a very spoiled little dog.
[November 1999] |
AUTHOR'S E-MAIL ADDRESS
desacoll@eaznet.com |
A Cry For Help
Sondra Collard
A CRY FOR HELP
My name is S. and I am a recovering addict.
I knew all the risks before I even began, but I thought I could handle it. I laughed in the face of family and friends who tried to warn me! I was different, I said; I wasn't going to get hooked! My will power was stronger than any habit! Yet it happened. I became a junkie- a bona-fide, 100% pure daytime TV addict.
I started with the mild stuff. First a little CNN to start the day and wake myself up. I mixed it with a little Weather Channel whenever I could. Then, before I knew it, I had graduated to the "Today" show. Soon I needed jolts of "Good Morning America" just to keep going. When that didn't cut it for me anymore, I added "Good Morning Arizona", "Good Day Arizona" and "Good Evening Arizona" to boost the high. When I couldn't get anything else, I watch "Entertainment Tonight" and, when I was truly desperate, "Hard Copy".
From there graduated to talk shows. I loved my first taste of "Sally". When she introduced me to Maury, Montel, and Leeza, I spiraled out of control. Soon I found myself hitting the hard stuff: Rikki Lake and Jenny Jones. My eyes were red and swollen from crying sympathetic tears for innocent victims, and I grew hoarse from booing cruel lovers, cheating husbands and ungrateful children. I only left the house to buy more Kleenex and cough drops. One day my mother-in-law caught me croaking, "Jer-RY! Jer-RY!" I knew I had a problem.
I tried to cut down to just Oprah and Rosie, but it wasn't enough to satisfy my craving. Roseanne didn't help much, and Donnie and Marie were just temporary fixes. Regis and Kathy Lee didn't do a thing for me, and The View just gave me the shakes.
I used game shows to take the edge off. I started the day with "The Price Is Right" and ended it with "Jeopardy". In between were long, foggy hours filled with "Let's Make a Deal", "Hollywood Squares" and "Celebrity Password". The rush I got from "Wheel of Fortune" made me giggle. My world revolved around spinning wheels, colored lights, buzzers and bells. I answered questions with answers and answered in questions. My family began to avoid me. Friends stopped visiting.
I knew I had a real monkey on my back, so I started watching the court shows in hopes of getting my life back together. Judge Judy and Judge Koch became my lifelines. That succeeded for a while, but then they got me hooked on Judge Joe Brown, Judge Mills Lane, and Judge Mathis. Finally I was craving Divorce Court, and when I couldn't get that, Forgive or Forget. It was a living nightmare.
It was all downhill from there. I tried to clean up with the soaps. I lived Days of Our Lives in General Hospital. I knew I only had One Life to Live As the World Turns, so I encouraged All My Children to follow The Guiding Light. Unfortunately, they became The Young and the Restless until The Edge of Night. I should have sought outside help at that point, but I still thought I could do it on my own.
Soon the commercials began making me neurotic and paranoid. I neither ate nor slept. As the wee hours of the morning ticked by I worried about my breath, my wrinkles, my hair color and my toilet. I tried counting sheep, but saw only scrubbing bubbles and ticklish dough boys dancing across my countertops. Was my floor shiny enough? Were my dishes sanitized? Was my T.P. soft enough? I wrote passionate fan letters to Mr. Whipple and Madge the Hairdresser. One awful day I got arrested for stalking the Keebler Elves.
I went cold turkey after that. I threw out the TV and now occupy my time with new, more worthwhile pursuits. Right now I am learning the computer. And I've found this thing called the Internet…
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READER'S REVIEWS (4)
DISCLAIMER: STORYMANIA DOES NOT PROVIDE AND IS NOT RESPONSIBLE FOR REVIEWS. ALL REVIEWS ARE PROVIDED BY NON-ASSOCIATED VISITORS, REGARDLESS OF THE WAY THEY CALL THEMSELVES.
"This is hilarious! I really enjoyed this and I think you should send it out - You did a terrific job and I wish you luck with your writing --- it reminded me of Erma Bombeck. " -- Valerie, San Jose, CA, USA.
"That is great. Ienjoyed it very much. Do more, you are an axcellent writer." -- Robert carlomagno, San Angelo, Tx, USA.
"lol this is funny! Nice. Like ur style of writing! if you want to look at some of my stuff I'm C G L Davies on this thing! Have fun!" -- C Davies.
"I don't think there a person in this country who doesn't watch lots of television. I have to say this was funny." -- Jeanette.
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COPYRIGHT NOTICE
© 1999 Sondra Collard |
STORYMANIA PUBLICATION DATE
November 1999 |
NUMBER OF TIMES TITLE VIEWED
2257
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