State Of The Subway Cars Report (R44s-R188s) by Winson Thai A really long report that I wrote in high school about all the sub... [3,858 words]
Sheepshead Bay Station by Winson Thai This is an essay I wrote in college about how the subway station I lived by, Sheepshead ... [712 words]
Africans, Westerners And Intelligence. by Colin Baker A reply to Dr. James D. Watson's recent assertion that Africans are of i... [7,297 words]
Connecting With A Train Engineer: My Personal Memories Of Amtrak's Coast Starlight by Shelley J Alongi Four trips on the Coast Star... [3,862 words]
Metrolink111: The Learning Trip by Shelley J Alongi It has been two months since the Metrolink 111 accident. I've learned lots and... [1,758 words]
Metrolink111: I'd Rather Have The Serving Dish by Shelley J Alongi Thoughts of losing Rob the Metrolink engineer in the Chatsworth ... [2,571 words]
So Much Time by Michelle Mercier - [740 words]
Metrolink111: Brown Eyes, Technology And Railroad Tracks by Shelley J Alongi Another milestone in my journey through the metrolink ... [2,744 words]
Metrolink 111: Being Unforgettable by Shelley J Alongi Yet another trip to the Fullerton station provides more relief and allows me... [1,475 words]
Metrolink 111: What Does That Face Look Like by Shelley J Alongi Reflections on the portrayal of Robert M. Sanchez in the media, an... [1,425 words]
Metrolink 111: The Green Light Of Passion by Shelley J Alongi A trip to the fullerton train station to get a hair of the dog that b... [1,417 words]
Metrolink 111: The Freight Train From Nowhere by Shelley J Alongi My perspective on why I feel so keenly the loss of robert M. Sanc... [1,831 words]
Metrolink 111: Taking The Curve by Shelley J Alongi Another trip to the fullerton station and plans to commune with the Chatsworth ... [1,408 words]
Metrolink 111: So What Do I Know About Trains? by Shelley J Alongi Stories start in the strangest places. I never would have though... [977 words]
Metrolink 111: Looking Hell In The Eyes by Shelley J Alongi Another step on my journey through the Metrolink 111 Sept 12 crash; a s... [1,557 words]
Metrolink 111: It's All About Lunch by Shelley J Alongi Never turn down an invitation to lunch and always make good memories. Good ... [909 words]
Metrolink 111: Being With Trains by Shelley J Alongi A second trip to the Fullerton train station allows me to get started on an id... [3,040 words]
Kitty Kisses: The Feline Moving Day Blues by Shelley J Alongi Moving with two cats. [1,239 words]
The Unheard Of Name by Graham Reynolds Graham, itís not a name you here everyday now is it? In fact I have only met one other pers... [235 words]
Memorial To A Train Engineer by Shelley J Alongi Personal reflection on the crash of Metrolink 111. [963 words]
Covert Now To Islam by Wael El-Manzalawy - [241 words]
Bernie Mac by Jeffrey Williams Jr A Loss? [627 words]
Simply The Best by James Donaldson Collins The story of the rise and fall of Bobby Fischer [2,259 words]
A Great Loneliness by James Donaldson Collins A plea for understanding of how the wolf fits into our world. [1,499 words]
Kitty Kisses: Affection With Stipulations by Shelley J Alongi Signing a contract with a cat can be a pleasant affair. [664 words]
The Tyrant Of Egypt by Wael El-Manzalawy - [108 words]
The Dictator Of Egypt by Wael El-Manzalawy - [705 words]
Music, Ignore Please by Mark E S Hanson Ignore [327 words]
Media Coursework by Mark E S Hanson Ignore please [3,091 words]
Media Coursework, Don't Bother by M Hanson A-- [649 words]
No Title Just Bs by Sheridan Pickett A line of BS that is sure to confuse. There is about 1000 pages of this random crap. Should I ... [1,204 words]
Interviews From Hell by Jeffrey Lee Williams Hunting for the perfect position can be Hell. Here is a small example. [1,450 words]
Alone With Others by Elena Kravtsova A story about one lady's life which makes others feel sorry... [603 words]
Unbridled Fury: The Subconscious by R Bennett Okerstrom Subconscious thought... [365 words]
Unbridled Fury: The Battle To Breathe by R Bennett Okerstrom Subconscious thought... [685 words]
WhatíS Wrong With Assimilation? by Richard Koss This essay was originally written in 2006 when the Senate was considering an Im... [453 words]
My Dad by T Demarest - [306 words]
Media by M Hanson Don't comment, I just need this [478 words]
Existence Manifesto by Brandon Gregory Ryner Coltress A philosophy paper that I wrote. Maybe it started out as a letter to a friend. Maybe it s... [1,354 words]
Drama, Ignore It by Hanson Ignore it [1,850 words]
Dedicated To The Best Teacher In My Life by Elena Kravtsova This is an ode to a university teacher who influenced the author's per... [326 words]
True Stories About True People Story 3--'the Power Of Love.Mother's.' by Elena Kravtsova We love our mothers and sometimes are shy... [702 words]
The Islamic Dream by Wael El-Manzalawy - [338 words]
Kitty Kisses: Cat Wisdom by Shelley J Alongi After three years of cohabitating with cats, what have I learned? Read this entertaini... [1,383 words]
An Itsy Bitsy Lesson by Dee Sleng The way it works. [464 words]
What Is Heaven? by Wanderer Bass - [211 words]
Transfusion by Julie Fonda How one woman regroups after a chaotic day. [730 words]
Rant - Stupid Kids by Wanderer Bass Here's a rant that we all share when we think about stupid highschool kids. [718 words]
Mommy by Jae Rae It's more of a letter than an essay. It's something I wrote to my mom on Mother's Day. [597 words]
If You Don't Like It... by Wanderer Bass To all the people who don't have a brain out there. [349 words]
On Turning Seventy by Liilia Morrison A woman ponders the march of time [717 words]
In Soviet... by Wanderer Bass Just a bunch of random "In Soviet..." tidbits I thought up. If any of these are offensive to you, ... [83 words]
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|AUTHOR'S OTHER TITLES (3)
Scattered Love (Poetry) - [86 words]
So Much Time (Essays) - [740 words]
The Dream Of Not Real (Poetry) - [117 words]
I bounce back and forth between reality and my distorted belief of reality. More often than not I canít tell the difference, I am often so tired, yet I canít sleep. So, itís like Iím dreaming while Iím awake. Or am I sleeping, and the dream just feels so real? Am I sleepwalking or am I actually awake doing this? I am so tired I canít tell.
Itís like Iím always standing in the background, watching my own like from a distance. Like itís a show that Iím watching and Iím the star. But Iím not the director; I have not control over whatís happening. Itís exhausting watching me. Iím in so much pain. I put so much energy, yet achieve so little.
I need to be emptied, drained; maybe if I were vacantly weightless, just maybe then I could have some peace.
Peace would be finding out that all this time has only been a nightmare. Iím just sleeping. None of this is real. Iím seventeen again and fine and happy. No mental illness. No nothing, just the excitement of youth again.
Thatís unrealistic talk if Iíve ever heard any. In twenty-four, and Iím bipolar. Iím not happy. Thereís not excitement, except when Iím manic and thatís fake.
I have a fear that this will never end; that this reality is what my life will be. It will never get any better. Luckily, it will also never get any worse.
It just seems like every time I make a little headway, I get blown back so hard the wind is knocked out of me. I feel like Iím always starting everything over again. Iím always moving backwards and not forwards. I feel like Iím in one of those commercials where everyone is moving so fast but one person is standing still, and Ií, the ones standing still.
However, I guess for not, thatís my reality.
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© 2008 Michelle Mercier
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