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So Much Time
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So Much Time
|AUTHOR'S OTHER TITLES (3)
Scattered Love (Poetry) - [86 words]
The Dream Of Not Real (Poetry) - [117 words]
Unrealistic Reality (Essays) - [319 words]
So Much Time
Thereís so much time. Without sleep, all I have is time. There arenít enough things to do to fill all the time I have. I donít like TV much. Thereís nothing on anyway.
So, I draw. But, that gets old fast these days. I used to love it. But, I have so much time that I end up doing it so often that itís mundane now, no excitement in it.
We want to get a house, my boyfriend and me. We figure why pay rent somewhere when we could pay a mortgage and work towards owning a home. He says his dad would cosign a loan. He wants land. I found two houses just in the next town over that I think heíll really like. But that only took twenty minutes to do.
So, while I was on the computer I did a few pointless surveys on Myspace. There was a question about why was your boyfriend or girlfriend your boyfriend or girlfriend. I wrote about that passion he has for life, even though life has thrown him down and beat him up, he doesnít care. I think thatís why I want him to have his dream house so bad. He deserves to have this one dream. And itís almost like my dream would be to see him so happy. To know that karma does exist, even if it takes time.
See, thereís time again.
I believe strongly in karma, what goes around comes around. I think all the suffering Iím going though is okay because in the end Iíll be okay. Iíll get mine. Iíll get something to make up for it, even if itís seeing Ken get his dream house. His dream has become mine. He wants a house with land, land to grow vegetables and flowers and land for animals, goats, horses, pigs. I love it. I love how it sounds. I want a miniature horse, theyíre so cute. He wants to use the animals for manure for his gardens, and then sell his vegetables. He has this plan and he thinks itís crazy but it doesnít sound crazy to me. It sounds like a dream that just needs a beginning. And if karma is true, heíll get his dream. And his dream is my dream now, too, so we have two sets of karma working in our favor. Karma takes time, though.
Time. I still have an hour before I can start getting ready for work and even then Iíll be early. Better early than late. I was going to call, but I think Iíll just go. I donít want to chicken out; after all, itís been two weeks. More time. Time is everything. I have to go. They have to let me work today, at least a few hours. Time, again.
There are a lot of things I want in time. I want to go back to school. I want to get married. I want a child or two.
I wish you could go back in time, but not until later. My children will never meet my father. He was the best Grampy. He spoiled the kids rotten. He spoiled me rotten. I wish that after I had my kids I could take them back to meet him. He was a great man. I canít imagine my like without my parents. My parents were and my mother is my life support. Without my mother, time would not longer be a concern of mine. She saved my life, more than once. I owe her more than she would ever admit to. I owe her everything great I do from this point in my life and outwards.
Back to time again. You would think that writing this would be taking my time, but really itís not taking up nearly as much time as I had hoped. I write. Itís what I do. So, when I do it, I can do it well, and do it fast. And, it doesnít waste any of my time. Words come naturally to me.
Kindness also comes naturally. I think thatís what makes me good at my job. I care about everyone. I love thinking about the fact that everyone has a life story. I bet some of my patients have some really great life stories. Sometimes you can see it in their spirits. Thatís time, too.
Everything revolves around time, including the twenty minutes it took me to jot this down.
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© 2008 Michelle Mercier
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