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‘And How Do We Feel This Morning?'
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TITLE (EDIT)
‘And How Do We Feel This Morning?'
DESCRIPTION
Without question, going to the hospital is teamwork from the time you arrive until you are wheeled out the front door. Everyone is working together for the common good of the patient, or at least a crack at his bank account. That is as it should be in such mercenary endeavors.


[909 words]
TITLE KEYWORD
Humor
AUTHOR
James Snyder
ABOUT THE AUTHOR
James L. Snyder is an award winning author and popular columnist living with his wife, Martha, in Ocala, Florida and can be contacted at [email protected]
[October 2009]
AUTHOR'S E-MAIL ADDRESS
[email protected]
AUTHOR'S OTHER TITLES (15)
A Cup Of Joe Says A Lot About Us (Short Stories) This week I came face-to-face with a genuine dilemma. I had several meetings across town and for some reason I miscalculated and ended up with a 2-1/2 hour gap between meetings. I hate to waste time, ... [902 words]
A Page From Betty Crocker’S Cookbook (Essays) Recently, while sitting in my chair drinking the last of my breakfast coffee, a thought staggered into my mind. I must confess most thoughts are quite lonely once they enter my mind, but this one had ... [860 words] [Humor]
A Silent Night — Not At My House (Essays) People say, as they get older their hearing is not what it used to be. I have found this to be true for myself. The older I get, and I plan to get as old as I can, the more I hear noises in the middle... [895 words] [Humor]
Be Happy, Join The Wednesday Worry Club (Essays) Of all the people who know me, no one would say I am afflicted with worryitis. They may say other things about me, which may or may not be true, but that's another story. [918 words] [Humor]
Dead-To-The-World Man Walking (Essays) One morning this week, I woke up with a black eye. How I got it still baffles me. I have my suspicions, of course, but some things are better left to themselves no matter how lonely they may get. [891 words] [Humor]
How To Cash In On Your ‘Ailment Capital' (Essays) Right after the president won his re-election bid for the White House, he made an interesting comment. He said he was going to spend his "political capital" wisely. At first, I did not understand wha... [926 words] [Humor]
If All Things Are Possible,” Why Can't I Balance My Checkbook? (Short Stories) For me, the most terrible time of each month is the day our bank statement comes. We commonly call it BSS (Bank Statement Syndrome). I don't know why it is, but I have trouble getting the parsonage ch... [904 words] [Humor]
In My House, If It's Broken I Bought It (Essays) Often a store has a sign with the warning, "You break it, you bought it." This is to keep people from carelessly handling the merchandise. I'm thinking of another sign, which should be posted all thr... [907 words] [Humor]
Malice In “I Wonder Who I Am” Land (Essays) For many years I maintained confidence in my personal identity. I knew exactly who I was and was quite comfortable in my skin. Although, I must confess my skin used to fit me better than it does these... [885 words]
Now That I'm Older, I'm Still Not Wiser (Essays) Now that summer is over and the children are back in school I found myself indulging in a little bit of retrospective thinking. It took some doing but I was able to think all the back to when I was a ... [883 words] [Humor]
Nurses, Bedpans And X-Rated Hospital Gowns (Essays) Tuesday last I awoke from my nightly slumber with terrific pain in my chest, much like an elephant break-dancing on my chest. It was painful just to breathe, but like the trooper I am, I shrugged it o... [923 words] [Humor]
Old Phil Propagated A Good Old Hoax (Essays) It began as all things begin n a long period of boredom with nothing exciting to do. Whoever said, “Idle hands are the devil’s workshop,” knew something of what they were speaking. [882 words]
The One Great Sermon That Got Away (Essays) Most people don't realize ministers are obligated to prepare and preach one great sermon in their career. In looking over my record of sermons, I noticed many "good" sermons, but an obvious lack in th... [886 words] [Humor]
Who Has The Greatest Job In The World? (Essays) I have, in my opinion, the world's perfect job. Just look at the evidence. I love people and I love God. I love talking to people about God and I love talking to God about people. Therefore, if you p... [963 words] [Humor]
‘I'm Not A Christian, But I Play One On Sunday' (Essays) After more than three decades of church ministry, I have come to one unsettling conclusion. Actually, I've come to more than one conclusion, but this one is the most depressing. That conclusion is si... [890 words] [Humor]
‘And How Do We Feel This Morning?'
James Snyder

Without question, going to the hospital is teamwork from the time you arrive until you are wheeled out the front door. Everyone is working together for the common good of the patient, or at least a crack at his bank account. That is as it should be in such mercenary endeavors.

Spending a few days in the hospital recently reinforced this in my own mind. Although my time in the hospital was brief, I was given the full treatment.

The hospital staff left no bed unturned in the holy quest of my recuperation. No matter what time of night it was, each nurse cooperated in awakening me and asking, "And how do we feel tonight?"

Teamwork is good for a number of things in life. Peanut butter and jelly, ham and eggs, and bologna and cheese are a few things benefiting from cooperation. In each example, one element compliments the other and the combination is greater than each individual part. This is coordination at it finest.

There is a limitation to the so-called cooperation, especially in the environment of the hospital. I don't want to complain, but now that I am out, I feel a little freer expressing my opinion, without fear of any needling from the hospital staff.

I will grant you, nurses are some of the most wonderful people in the world. The job they do is simply marvelous. It is absolutely true that patients could not get along without these nurses.

On the other hand, what would these nurses do without patients?

I don't want to brag here, but if it were not for patients like me (if there are patients like me), nurses would not have a single thing to do in the hospital. Essentially, they owe their job to me. The level of their significance is in direct proportion to the patients they serve.

Not one to belabor a point, (it's hard to do any labor in my condition right now) I think it's about time someone stood up for patient rights. Since I have nothing to do for the next week except recuperate here at home, I am the perfect person to say something about this crucial issue.

The major complaint I have is with the "we-disease" rampant in hospitals across the nation. This "we-disease" syndrome has gotten out of hand and despite all the research, no cure seems looming in the hospital corridors.

Every morning, around 5 o'clock, my nurse came bouncing into my room with the cheeriest of dispositions, completely disregarding my condition at hand and boldly asked, "And how do we feel this morning?"

Even on my best day, 5 o'clock in the morning is not a good time to ask me any question, especially how I'm feeling. If there were any chance that I was feeling good, I certainly would not be in the hospital.

The thing most disturbing to me is the sense on the part of the nurse to personally identify with my pain. Hence, "And how do we feel this morning?"

I object to this vehemently. It is my pain, not "our" pain. I believe each nurse should go and get their own pain. I'm paying a lot for this pain and I deserve all the credit. I do not choose to share my pain with anyone, especially someone with a bubbly orientation so early in the morning.

It's my ailment and I have the right to not only enjoy it but also tell everyone about it. One reason it's so hard to tell people about my ailment is everybody wants to tell me about their own ailments instead.

My hospital room that I'm paying for should be the one place I can indulge my ailment. I should not have to compete with nurses concerning my prevailing ailment. From a casual perusal of medical journals while waiting in the doctor's office, there are more than enough ailments to go around.

This is my ailment and I share it with no person, especially healthy nurses wielding needles and pain pills.

If I hear that phrase, "And how do we feel this morning?" one more time I'm going to throw some business to my favorite funeral home.

A related phrase brought just as much frustration. My good nurse came in one morning and quipped, "And are we having our breakfast this morning?"

Looking at the breakfast tray before me, with barely enough for me, I simply glared at her. If she had any designs of slicing in on my breakfast, blood would flow. I gripped my plastic knife menacingly.

This whole thing came to a head my last morning in the hospital. My evanescent nurse burst into my room and asked, "And are we ready for our bath this morning?" This was the straw that sipped the last drop of patience from my languishing body.

Nothing is more personal to me then "my" bath. I will share my tub with nobody except my rubber ducky.

Getting rest in the hospital is a challenge for the weariest soul. Just when you think you have snuggled down for a snooze, someone asks how you are.

The best rest comes from Jesus Christ who invites everyone to "Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me; for I am meek and lowly in heart: and ye shall find rest unto your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light." (Matthew 11:28-30 KJV.)

His inquiry is always welcome and comes at the right time, like now.

 

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COPYRIGHT NOTICE
© 2005 James Snyder
STORYMANIA PUBLICATION DATE
March 2005
NUMBER OF TIMES TITLE VIEWED
1544
 

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