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I Wont Tell
I Wonder What They See In Me by Skyler Drevan When I walk down the street and people stare; what are they thinking? [629 words]
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TITLE (EDIT)
I Wont Tell |
DESCRIPTION
This is not for the weak at heart type. This is a strong piece that is loosely based on my childhood. If you can take the sensitive content of this piece, read on.
[927 words] |
TITLE KEYWORD
Relationships |
AUTHOR
Skyler Drevan |
ABOUT
THE AUTHOR
I am Jeff, writer, dreamer, realist.
[July 2006] |
AUTHOR'S E-MAIL ADDRESS
[email protected] |
AUTHOR'S OTHER TITLES (100)
A Battered Woman Looks In The Mirror (Short Stories) What does she see? [912 words]
A Memoir Of Angst (Poetry) - [50 words]
A Night At The Cineplex (Short Stories) Sometimes I feel like watching a flick, sometimes I feel like this. [957 words]
A Reflection Of Love (Poetry) - [23 words]
A Ride On The New York City Subway (Short Stories) If you live or have traveled on our lovely subway systems here, you would totally understand this piece. [1,115 words] [Drama]
A Spark Of Light Through The Valley (Poetry) - [253 words]
An Ode To Man's Best Friend (Poetry) - [199 words]
Another Beggar's At The Door (Poetry) - [221 words]
Asleep (Poetry) - [170 words]
Asphyxiate (Poetry) - [169 words]
Attorney At Law (Poetry) - [218 words]
Battle Cry (Essays) Another self discovery made in the middle of a restless night. [438 words] [Psychology]
Blue Bird (Poetry) - [142 words] [Fable]
Child Murder (Short Stories) Another story written for my psychology class on a study in child criminalization in the last fifty to a hundred years. [7,471 words] [Psychology]
Christianity (Non-Fiction) - [113 words] [Mind]
College Boys (Essays) - [558 words]
Confused Youth (Poetry) Haven't we all felt this way? [155 words] [Drama]
Conversations With A Hate Monger (Short Stories) A tale of the ramblings of a bigot. Make your own judgements. [1,090 words] [Drama]
Devoted Husband And Father (Short Stories) - [268 words] [Fable]
Disturbing Gift (Short Stories) This is a short story that has a taboo subject twist to it. Tell me what ya think. [262 words] [Fable]
Double Indifference (Poetry) - [43 words]
Drinking Coffee With Loveliness (Poetry) Loveliness is a metaphor in this poem about whatever makes you smile. [122 words]
Empty Barnyard In October (Poetry) - [207 words]
Extreme Panhandling (Essays) This is an article I wrote about a severe problem that plagues the beautiful city of New York. [1,191 words] [Drama]
Feeding Love With Hate (Essays) An article on three men dealing with their sexuality. [2,339 words] [Gay & Lesbian]
Forever Mystery (Poetry) - [136 words]
Friendship, Oblivion (Short Stories) Have you ever had a relationship like this? Have you ever had a friendship like this? I think I may be starting a special series. I can use more real accounts like this one. Yes, this is actual. [373 words]
From Kenya, With Love (Non-Fiction) True story. [1,644 words] [Gay & Lesbian]
Glum (Essays) I think this is self explaning. [207 words] [Drama]
Go Away! (Short Stories) She screamed louder than ever before. [254 words] [Fable]
Governmental Fiasco (Essays) This government is going to hell if we do not get rid of BUSH!!!!! Say what you will about this piece, but the fact remains that he, like Reagan, were the worst we have seen in years. BUSH, OUT!! [781 words]
Grace (Poetry) A little poem about my late grandmother Grace Johnson. You're always in my heart. [102 words]
Homosexual Agenda: Equality! (Essays) What gay people are really looking for. [1,647 words] [Gay & Lesbian]
Hopelessly Together (Poetry) - [108 words]
Human Abstract (Short Stories) Unusual art exhibit. [4,254 words] [Fan Fiction]
I Didn't Do All I Could (But I Tried) (Poetry) When you haven't done enough, but should have tried. [340 words]
I Miss You So Very Much (Non-Fiction) (Just For You) [493 words]
I Wonder What They See In Me (Essays) When I walk down the street and people stare; what are they thinking? [629 words]
If I Could Do It Again (Poetry) Regret. [96 words]
If I Had Only Known Then (Poetry) - [36 words]
I'm Welcomed (Poetry) A feeling of bliss under the night sky. [67 words]
Intensely And Beautifully Obscene (Poetry) - [49 words]
Is It Still Today? (Poetry) A poem about everyday life. [196 words] [Drama]
Isn't It Strange? (Poetry) - [24 words]
I've Been Having These Dreams About You... (Non-Fiction) Something I wrote about a former boyfriend of mine. I really don't know why I'm posting this here but we'll see what happens. [243 words] [Gay & Lesbian]
Just A Kiss (Poetry) A poem written while vacationing in North Carolina in late July. [177 words]
Keeping Your Dignity And Creativity (Getting Published) (Essays) This is an article on rejection, how to get published and a few tips to follow. [2,169 words] [Writing Resource]
Life And It's Irony (Poetry) - [128 words]
Little Boy (Poetry) A short poem I wrote ten years ago when I was just twelve years old. I wrote it about myself and the way I thought my parents should look at me. [104 words]
Mommy, Was I A Mistake? (Short Stories) Hold me when I'm here and love me when I'm gone. [768 words]
Mother Please (Poetry) A poem about a mother in dire need of help. [133 words] [Drama]
Mr. Michael Jackson-The King Of Pop (Essays) Let me explain something to the reviewers who may make ignorant comments about this piece on Michael Jackson. I am not posting here to get anyone�s approval and I am not posting here to make friends. ... [382 words] [Drama]
My Fathers Eyes (Poetry) The relationship between a father and son. [59 words] [Drama]
My Swan Song (Poetry) - [78 words]
Our Bodies Are In The Way (Poetry) - [342 words] [Fantasy]
Overindulge (Poetry) When life has gone too far. [101 words] [Drama]
Partners Slowly Slipping Away (Poetry) - [218 words]
Playing With My Hair (Non-Fiction) This is a piece that I thought about writing while driving up the Florida Turnpike from West Palm Beach to Orlando. The mind wonders during such long trips. [228 words]
Please Say (Poetry) Longing. [111 words] [Relationships]
Plunge (Poetry) This is one of my final seven submissions to this site for a while. [173 words]
Probing (Short Stories) This is a short story I wrote for my psychology class. It's written as a sadistic persona similiar to that of Jeffrey Dahmer. I chose Jeffrey because he was the first serial killer I learned about as ... [1,489 words] [Psychology]
Reinvent The World (Poetry) If I were in charge, this is what it would be like. [206 words]
Remains (Poetry) - [56 words]
Ronald Reagan (Essays) Was he that good? [1,096 words]
Satisfaction Guaranteed: Refundexchange (Poetry) - [70 words]
Shame Or Protection (Non-Fiction) You be the judge. [985 words] [Gay & Lesbian]
Small World (Poetry) - [137 words]
Speak Freely (Short Stories) This is another addition to my "Fable" anthology I am creating. [258 words] [Fable]
Struggling To Face Reality (Essays) My thoughts on Bill Cosby and his recent comments. [1,577 words]
Success (Short Stories) Another part of my 'Fable' anthology. [275 words] [Fable]
The Cave (Poetry) - [296 words]
The Door (Short Stories) Another addition to my 'Fable' collection. [287 words] [Fable]
The Down-Low Life (It's A Two Way Street) (Non-Fiction) This is an article on the double life that women (bisexual, lesbian, curious or the like) lead behind the backs of their partners. This topic is often discussed but it is often focused on the men who ... [2,218 words] [Relationships]
The Fight (Short Stories) A true story narrarated by me about a horrible marriage and the fight that led to the bitter end. [1,499 words] [Drama]
The Fire Is Almost Out (Poetry) - [100 words]
The Fruitstand At Lunchtime (Poetry) - [72 words]
The Habit Of Being Gay (Poetry) This poem is in response to those who think that being gay is a "phase" or "habit" only explored by those who are curious. [87 words] [Gay & Lesbian]
The Mother Of All Birthdays (Short Stories) - [1,850 words] [Fan Fiction]
The Painful Mistake Of Losing You (Poetry) - [106 words]
The Plight Of Man (Poetry) - [215 words]
The Story Of Dan (Non-Fiction) - [2,036 words] [Gay & Lesbian]
The Study Of Balls (Poetry) The title may be a bit misleading. [114 words]
The Vacation In Vain (Poetry) - [42 words]
They Call Me Mellow Yellow (Non-Fiction) Complexion [2,063 words]
Thirsty (Poetry) A hunger, a greed or a passion? [144 words]
Thoughtless (Poetry) I wrote this one just a moment ago when I woke up after a restless sleep. I woke up feeling empty and decided to write. This is what came out of me. [160 words]
To All The Forgotten (Poetry) - [124 words]
To Whom Beauty Holds (Short Stories) All about Vanity. [2,545 words] [Fable]
Trust In Dreams (Poetry) - [100 words] [Fable]
Unanswered Letters (Short Stories) - [354 words] [Fable]
Unclear Explanation (Poetry) A poem written about uncertainty. [62 words]
Videotape (Short Stories) This is a short story I wrote after reading a particularly interesting book and was far too full of anxiety to sleep. This is a disturbing story that deals with cannibalism and pedophilia. I wrote it ... [7,472 words] [Crime]
Vulnerable (Essays) The middle of the night thoughts. This is a little something based on a seris of unsettling dreams I had in the middle of the night on February, 8th 2003. It's meaning is unknown even to me. I guess t... [263 words] [Mind]
Watching Me Fade (Poetry) - [54 words]
We Stand (Poetry) - [282 words] [Gay & Lesbian]
When Straight Guys Go Gay (Non-Fiction) This is a real life account of a guy my friends and I met online who had questions about his sexuality. [2,810 words] [Gay & Lesbian]
When The Ginger Boy Sings (Poetry) - [226 words]
With You Next To Me (Poetry) - [123 words]
Within The Depths Of His Eyes (Poetry) Only when you're truly in love, can you feel this way. [55 words]
Worms In My Grandmother's Garden (Poetry) An old peom I found that I wrote when I was very young helping my grandmother in her prized tomato garden. Circa, 1991. [120 words]
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I Wont Tell
Skyler Drevan
�Youth is a disease from which we all recover.�
Dorothy Fulheim
I promised to keep your secrets until the day I die, and that is what I intend to do. All the terrible things that you have led me to believe were good, beautiful things will never leave my lips. I swear it, sir. My lord and my faith know that I can be held to my word, even though I was at the tender age of eleven years, I told you that I will not betray you. You have given me every reason to hate you, but you have also given me every reason to love you. That night when you first approached me when your little sister was babysitting me, I knew that you had something on your mind, but I just didn�t know exactly what that something was. She and I had been very good buds, she was only four years older than me. You however were eight years older than me. I never knew that someone so mature can have such an attraction to someone like me. I am not terribly good looking. I am not terribly smart and yet you chose me. You came to me as if you were my father, the father I never knew.
You treated me, at first, like I was the son you never had and I surly looked to you as if you were the father I never had. I never looked at you as sick nor have I ever looked to you as a molester. I just thought you were full with love. I never knew, however, that you wouldn�t know when to stop. You were hurting me very badly that night. I begged, pleaded with you to stop and let me rest but you didn�t. I wonder why. I need an answer to that question before long. I need to know that you understand me now. You say you always understood me but I don�t see that you have. I am left here wondering why you and I have drifted apart so. Is it because I have a natural attraction to girls? Is it because I am growing too old? That�s it, isn�t it? I am too old for you? I�m thirteen now, maturing and going through puberty. Is that all that I was meant to you? Just a young, tight skinned piece of meat that had an expiration date?
Now I feel like a piece of meat. I feel lower than the rent on a burning building, as my grandmother used to say. How can you treat me like this? Haven�t I always done what you asked of me? There were no limits. There wasn�t anything I wouldn�t do to you and nothing I wouldn�t let you do to me. I held this all inside now only to learn that I was nothing but something that you could play with until you got bored. Even today as I learn this, I am here by your side still clutching onto the memories that I have of you, me and us together. I hate to see you here in this bed battling pneumonia but I told you that if your drive in the dead of winter with the top down on your convertible, you would get sick. You didn�t listen to then and you don�t listen to me now, do you? Even now as the blood boils beneath my skin, I hold true to my word to you and I won�t tell. But, I need you to answer me something, of all the people in the entire world, why me?
�He� Speaks:
I�ve chosen you because there was something about you that attracted me to you. I know that I am an adult and you are a child. I know the repercussions of my relationship with you and I know that there are no excuses in life, there are only explanations and I wish I had a better one for you than what I had. But I do not. I wanted you because something inside of my head forces me to make love to people like you. Prepubescent and youthful good looks attract me. It�s sick, I know but what am I to do about it. If I sought therapy, I would surly be arrested. I cannot risk that. I was hoping that one day this feeling would go away. I thought that you would be my last partner, but you weren�t. There were many when I met you and there were many after you. There will always be men like me in the world and there will always be boys like you in the world. The key, dear boy is to find the solution. To kill or harm us is not the answer. To study and understand us is. I know that if this ever came out, I would never see the light of day again. I thank you for keeping my secret in the personal diary of your heart.
�Boy� Responds:
I won�t tell. I promise I won�t tell your secrets. Your secrets are safe with me. Trust me, I will not tell. As God as my witness, I will never ever tell.
�He� Speaks Again:
The world�s greatest gift from the world�s greatest boy, thank you.
�Boy� Speaks:
You�re very welcome. Good night, my Prince.
�He� Returns:
By the way, before I leave, I just wanted to let you know that I am not just the brother to your babysitter; I am your brother as well.
�Boy� Says:
Oh God, what do I do now? What�..do I do now?
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READER'S REVIEWS (7)
DISCLAIMER: STORYMANIA DOES NOT PROVIDE AND IS NOT RESPONSIBLE FOR REVIEWS. ALL REVIEWS ARE PROVIDED BY NON-ASSOCIATED VISITORS, REGARDLESS OF THE WAY THEY CALL THEMSELVES.
"I dont quite know what to say. I'm greatly saddened by this. I dont get the ending. But I'm not sure I want to. I hope this is VERY loosely based on your childhood." -- km.
"KM, some things in life are not meant to be understood by all. In writing this, I recalled a lot of things about my childhood that I did not understand and, to this day, still I remain confused. " -- Skyler, The Author.
"very disturbing piece that seemed so real. i'm a bit saddened about the keeping quiet though, it causes so much more grief for others." -- just a guy.
"It is a bit real. It happens, unfortunately, everyday. I thank you once again for the review." -- Skyler.
"my dear, only today, January 30th, 2005 I got to read this one. Now I understand you and your emails better. Know that you have always a friend in me." -- Dri.
"wow....." -- jerry.
"Oh goodness. I feel great sadness for you. No child should have to live with those memories and to know it was in truth your very brother that did those things with you. I was abused also but in a different manner. Talk about it with someone who can and will help. But, Skylar, since you are a minor, you can tell someone who has the capacity to help others and maybe some of the other boys will tell that person too. "He" has stated that you were not the first and by far not the last. This man should not be free to roam the streets to do this to other young people. Please, would you want this to happen to someone else's brother. You are perfect just as God has intended you and "he is not".Do not be afraid, you will be protected. Read Psalms 91:1 and also Psalms 41. Do the right thing and do not protect him, what has he ever done to protect you? You were a victim in his game and now his game is over and you are still the victim. Help to prevent others from being his lifelong victim also. I do hope you have a good God. If you do, please read John 11:35, John 3:16, Ephesians 1:7, John 8:11, Philippians 4:6-7, Isiah 41:10, Ephesians 4:17, Galatians 6:16, Philippians 4:9 and end with Matthew 22:37-40. Why would someone thank a young person for not telling something that would cause so much harm to themselves and others? Do not let him hide in the shadows of your mind and allow him to hold your heart. He is not a nice man or a good brother. Maybe he would be better off incarcerated with others like him and then, just maybe, he could get treatment for his illness. Yes, he is sick but he cannot be cured alone or with another boy. And, just to enlighten you a bit, there is treatment available that he would not go to jail for attending and there are psychologists that would help him that are bound by law not to disclose any information to any outside party. It is called "patient confidentiality" and the doctor himself would get to talk to the police for sharing "his" information that was talked about in session. He is hiding in your love and still preying on what he sees as your weakness. Be strong, and love yourself to love others so they will not have to meet him in the same manner you have and they will not have this burden on their hearts and minds. With love, compassion and empathy to you. Rest well, young one. Lynn " -- Lynn, Midwest City , OK, USA.
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COPYRIGHT NOTICE
© 2004 Skyler Drevan |
STORYMANIA PUBLICATION DATE
August 2004 |
NUMBER OF TIMES TITLE VIEWED
2770
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