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Our Customer Charter
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TITLE (EDIT)
Our Customer Charter
DESCRIPTION
An alternative view on the current fashion for mission statements, service charters, and the like.
[394 words]
TITLE KEYWORD
Comedy
AUTHOR
Peter Perkins
ABOUT THE AUTHOR
Peter Perkins lives in Norwich in the UK and writes extensively on his own web site at.
http://www.comedygenius.fsnet.co.uk/index.html.
[June 2001]
AUTHOR'S E-MAIL ADDRESS
[email protected]
AUTHOR'S OTHER TITLES (3)
Half Marathon Man (Non-Fiction) True account of author Peter Perkins attempt to run a half marathon and the subsequent near death experience it became! [2,001 words] [Adventure]
Hans Boche My Story (Novels) Fictionalised account of the wartime exploits of Hans Boche a german soldier in the second world war and his family. [35,510 words] [Adventure]
The Monte Carlo Iridium Credit Card. (Essays) Essay on the current flood of credit offers everyone receives daily offering unlimited funds all secured on? [995 words] [Finance]
Our Customer Charter
Peter Perkins

Our Customer Charter.

We employ people to work and get the money for it. Thatís all.

We do not employ people to monitor performance and check breaches of a Charter with consequent compensation of £5 a day, provided access to the premises was allowed and Civil Disorder was not in progress.

We will probably come when we say, but do not dismount your bicycle, or eject the dummy from the pram, if we donít.

There will not be a customer satisfaction survey following the installation, if it doesnít work we will presume you have the sense to tell us.

We have certain legal obligations which we will abide by; we will not murder you or steal things, and we expect the same courtesies in return.

We answer the phone, if weíre not already using it, or we are not there. You will not get a compendium of other numbers to press. Nor will you receive Greensleeves on the Stylophone.

We do not seek to thrill and delight you, better leave that to the Funfair or your sex life.

Satisfaction is not guaranteed, you are not even guaranteed to live through the installation period.

We will not be emblazoned with names, it can only be of marginal interest to you that Chas was there.

We do not hope you have a nice day, you probably do not need to be told, and anyway may well be having a day wallowing in self pity. We donít care either way.

You are not the most important person in the world, we are, or more specifically, I am.

We do not have a customer service department. We have an office where it is all done, except accounts. Ask for accounts if you have to, but they are not a debating society with all them time in the world to hear about your dire financial situation, thatís what the Citizenís Advice Bureau is for.

You will not be called Sir Or Madam If thatís what you like, dine out at eight pounds for a bowl of mushroom soup with crusts on.

Keep out of the way of our staff. They are chosen for taciturnity and their their ability to work, not social graces. They definitely do not need advice. In return they will leave you alone to get on making the Lasagne, or doing the ironing.

This does not affect your statutory rights.

 

 

 

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COPYRIGHT NOTICE
© 1999 Peter Perkins
STORYMANIA PUBLICATION DATE
June 2001
NUMBER OF TIMES TITLE VIEWED
1604
 

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