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My Dog Opposes Communism
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My Dog Opposes Communism
Actually submitted to a high school teacher. I guess I was feeling like a rebel at the time. I still like it, I suppose. It's interesting.
[862 words]
[October 2000]
[email protected]
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My Dog Opposes Communism

I can’t recall what kind of day it was when this essay was assigned. There’s a part of me who wants to say it was a dreary day, because those are the best kinds of days to reflect back on and make profound sweeping statements. However, I simply can’t remember whether the day was a vile, dreary one or a light-hearted day of sunshine and lollipops. Regardless, it was the day when this project was assigned, I can be sure of that. Essays are something I secretly possess a love for, something appeals to me about spouting out a random stream of consciousness, and then putting it into a format that has never really been defined.

There was the small matter of the topic, though. It was assigned to be a personal comparative essay, which is certainly a broad field open to a huge variety of topics and a massive assortment of opinions. I considered this a great change from the simplistic “State your opinion on Hitler. Hint: He was bad” essays of past years. It was with this great excitement in mind that I set out to not begin writing the essay until the very last minute.

It wasn’t totally a case of procrastination. I was certainly thinking about the assignment; I had a wide variety of topics in mind, but I simply couldn’t choose. When the deadline finally came, I realized I still had no idea on what topic I was going to employ. It was down to the wire and I had to make a choice quickly. I had whittled down my wide array of choices into simply two. They are, of course, “Today’s Music versus Good Music”, and “The decline of communism in the consumer market vs. the rise of immorality in the capitalistic society.” You can obviously see the bind I’m in.

I believe the first topic to be a good one. There is a certain charm to writing about something as trivial as music. Add that to the fact that I have a great deal of passion for the subject and you may be thinking that I have no reason not to do this topic. The reason I am still unsure as to why this would be a good topic for me to write about is that it seems to be very cliched. Being a grade 12 English student, I feel like it is my duty to write about the hard-hitting issues that face society, not why Britney Spears should go away forever. This issue could be overcome, though, as I have very little time to be worrying about my literary worth as a writer – this essay is due tomorrow.

The major factor in my resistance to this topic is that I may have too much passion for it. Due to this, I may make broad sweeping generalizations that are out of place in a high school essay. I do not think a wonderful teacher like yourself would be pleased with an essay titled “Ricky Martin should be dragged out to the street and shot”. While this above statement is undeniably true, it is simply not appropriate.
The second topic is an interesting one. If I did write an essay on “The decline of communism in the consumer market vs. the rise of immorality in the capitalistic society”, I have no doubt in my mind that it would impress several teachers. It may even lead to me being presented an award from a high-ranking literary magazine, such as the Toronto Sun.

The downside, of course, is the incredible amount of research that would be required to write on such a subject. Research isn’t something you just dive into, like mountain climbing or a pit of plastic balls, it requires a person who is organized, responsible and has a good work ethic. I have none of these things. I am lazy, a procrastinator and more disorganized than the Ontario school system. There is simply no way I had the time to do the kind of research required for a hefty topic like this.

As you have undoubtedly noticed, I tend to ramble in my writings. Without research my rambling increases roughly a million times. On many history essays, with subjects such as the Black Death or the Depression, I have written paragraphs about my pet Dog. Now, my Dog has very little to do with the Black Death or the Depression, but without proper research I almost always end up writing about him. This would definitely be a pothole with an essay of this intellectual magnitude.

So, having carefully weighed both topics in my mind for roughly 6 hours – most of which was spent playing videogames – I am still without a topic. Although both of my potential topics have great positives, each one has a nasty negative that prevents me from using it. So I am left without a topic and without an essay. This was supposed to be a personal comparative essay, but I have no topic and I have nothing to personally compare. With both topics out, there has to be a compromise. Now I just have to figure out what that is.



"heh. It was pretty clever, though it lacked a little direction. I guess you weren't really aiming for anything anyway. It is a pretty bold piece of writing, that pretty much casually admits what most of us highschool students really wouldn't like teachers to know. I wonder what your teacher gave you for a grade." -- Michael Hunter.
"I like it a lot, and it was certainly a great topic for a school essay, especially since there was no topic. I bet your teacher has never seen anything like that before! I wonder as well; what was the grade?" -- Crazy Clown.
"I found this essay to be quite confusing and without structure. As he said he seemed to ramble about things that made absolutely not sense. This essay was a lack of motivation and a easy way out." -- Marty Nelson, normal, Il, USA.
"I'm one confused critic...I don't understand the aim of you're writing. Butstill it sounded good whatever it was. But what was the grade anyway?" -- Nikki, Ft. Worth, TX, United States.
"kinda funny, but terribly erratic and rambling all over the place...the title was the only funny thing in this piece and the thing which drew me here. i grade this C-" -- sunny, DC, usa.
"Ehmm..m. Sehr gut Seite! Ich sage innig..!:) bmw" -- BMW, ..., ..., ....


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October 2000

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