Did Ya?
Turning Fifty by Danny I. Spitler The author takes a reflective look at reaching the half century mark. [999 words]
The Morning Shower by Danny I. Spitler Does anyone else suffer these issues associated with the morning shower? [940 words]
Stranger To Myself by Omar Longoria “Look in the mirror. The face that pins you with its double gaze reveals a chastening secre... [1,225 words]
A Thanksgiving Monday by Danny I. Spitler The author has a reflective and enlightening evening following Thanksgiving. [809 words]
The Vaporeal Defecation Of A Mental Diarrheatic by Crazy Clown I just had so much fun writing the other two displays of inanit... [951 words]
The Unfortunate Homophobe by Crazy Clown An interspective on a homophobe who wishes he wasn't, and some ideas and opinions on ... [1,131 words]
The Demented Monologue Of A Downright Imbecile by Crazy Clown Another display of foolishness and inanity, from the one who can... [1,246 words]
The Bed by Danny I. Spitler The author gains appreciation for the consistency brought to his life by an inanimate object [791 words]
She's Just Relaxing by Danny I. Spitler She's just relaxing on the sofa; however..... [626 words]
Fathers And Sons And Baseball by Danny I. Spitler Three generations share an uniquely American experience. Opening Day. [1,078 words]
Well, Shit by Crazy Clown A rather... interesting essay on the worlds worst waste. Requires a unique state of mind to enjoy pr... [1,020 words]
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It's Wednesday by Danny I. Spitler The author reflects on his lover. [143 words]
Bruce Willis: One Of The Sexiest Men Alive by L Chapman - [176 words]
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Food Stamp Day by L Chapman - [247 words]
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Coffee With a Side of Greatness
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Oh Canada
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TITLE (EDIT)
Did Ya? |
DESCRIPTION
I wonder if anyone ever thought of any of the stuff I propose?
[597 words] |
TITLE KEYWORD
Humor |
AUTHOR
Matt Tracy |
ABOUT
THE AUTHOR
-
[January 2003] |
AUTHOR'S E-MAIL ADDRESS
hive17@yahoo.com |
AUTHOR'S OTHER TITLES (5)
Evolution Vs. The Second Law Of Thermodynamics (Essays) While studying the second law of thermodynamics, I realized something about the theory of evolution. This isn't as brainy a piece as you would think, but there are some pretty involved concepts. [1,529 words] [Scientific]
God Moth (Short Stories) A look at the perspectives we take on things; and God. The question of who God is is a major focus of the narrator. The narrator's unique perspective is what is the most interesting. [1,390 words] [Spiritual]
On The Singularity Cusp (Short Stories) Learn the lengths to which humans will go to reach immortality. They reach for the stars in the incomprehensible future by latching on to dead stars-black holes. Influenced by the work of Steven Hawki... [2,287 words] [Science Fiction]
The Church (Short Stories) One man has an experience. One like he has never had before, and for good reason [3,463 words] [Mystical]
The One That Got Away (Short Stories) Mark has a weird experience after a night of memories and heavy drinking. [1,427 words] [Suspense]
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Did Ya?
Matt Tracy
Did ya ever want to do something that you knew was wrong but just didn't care because it wasn't really that wrong to begin with? Here's an example; did you ever want to just cut the cheese big-time in first class on an airplane? Think about it. You are being herded back to the cattle-car they call coach while the first class passengers sit there, already seated, with their extra leg room, just looking all smug. Wouldn't it be nice to know that by farting in first class section they will seal it in with that segregationist curtain. They may not have to see you for the rest of the flight, by they sure have to smell you for awhile. How do you go about doing it? Do you let an S.B.D. do the covert work; (Silent But Deadly, for the uninitiated)? Or do you stop, draw attention to yourself, and bear down so that it makes a serious roar; letting everyone know what you think about their uppity first class? Maybe you aren't the martyr type, but what could they do? Do you think farting in first class is grounds for being denied air passage? If anyone tries it, let me know.
Maybe you aren't the crude and obnoxious type. In that case, while we're in the airport, did ya ever want to play on the baggage claim belt? I know you have because it is the hope of every human that someday we will all get a ride on the most entrancing of service devices. Maybe that is what heaven is. I don't think anyone would complain if heaven were getting to ride around on a luggage conveyor belt for eternity. Why are we so fascinated with it? Stop trying to think that you aren't, because everyone knows we would trade a ride on the super roller coasters of the world just to come down that suitcase chute. What I propose you do is get a hockey bag; those big duffels that look like they could hold two people. It's a good thing they look that way, because I propose that you get in one, brave the flight, luggage handlers, and their strikes, and ride that chute. Not only will you be living out humanity's dream, but you'll get to scare the hell out of whoever sees you get out of the bag.
Finally; did ya ever want to buy the weirdest combinations of groceries just to screw with the person checking you out. What sort of weird combo am I talking about? Glad you asked. First of all, I am not talking about embarrassing stuff like condoms, tampons, and hemorrhoid cream; people actually have to buy all that stuff at the same time every day. What I am talking about are combinations like bullion cubes, black licorice, diapers, and shaving cream. What would you do with all that? That is exactly what the person checking you out is going to ask. What really makes it weird is that not only are you buying those things, but you are buying only those things. Combos that are good to try are a bucket of deli fried chicken, moth balls, boric acid, tin foil, one radish, and a rental copy of The English Patient. This not only works at grocery stores, but at departments stores as well. Who wouldn't think it strange if a customer came to check out with a werewolf mask, five yards of silk, a potted plant, and the first Genesis compact disc?
Why do I propose that we do strange and off color things? Why not?
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READER'S REVIEWS (4)
DISCLAIMER: STORYMANIA DOES NOT PROVIDE AND IS NOT RESPONSIBLE FOR REVIEWS. ALL REVIEWS ARE PROVIDED BY NON-ASSOCIATED VISITORS, REGARDLESS OF THE WAY THEY CALL THEMSELVES.
"This was hilarious--anyone who likes to think they're above all that mischeief is lying to themselves. Thank you!" -- Nitro.
"Hahhahahahah-that was QUITE funny. " -- Maggie.
"'Hahaha,' wailed humanity. 'Flatulence is funny!' Two thumbs down....WAY down." -- Bennett.
"CHAT ROOM JUNK THREE THUMBS DOWN WRITE SOMETHING GOOD I'D LIKE TO READ IT .. JOHN" -- JOHN SPILBOR.
TO DELETE UNWANTED REVIEWS CLICK HERE! (SELECT "MANAGE TITLE REVIEWS" ACTION) |
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COPYRIGHT NOTICE
© 2000 Matt Tracy |
STORYMANIA PUBLICATION DATE
November 2000 |
NUMBER OF TIMES TITLE VIEWED
2601
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