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The Present
A girl adventure in buying her mom present.
[678 words]
Nur Syafiqah A Jaaffar
Well, I'm a 12 yr old but I really love writing. Pls comment my writing as I'm learning.
[May 2004]
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The Present
Nur Syafiqah A Jaaffar

I rushed into the store and headed for the last shelf. It was still there. Gently, I cradled the glass ornament in my hand. It took me six months to save enough in order to buy this.

"Mum will definitely love this," I said to no one in particular. "I can't wait to see the look on her face when she see this!"

I went over to the cashier, but before I could reach there, a young man not much older than me slammed into me. I could only watch with abject horror as the fragile gift I had selected was smashed into smithereens. All the money I had saved on that gift was wasted.

Infuriated, I turned around to face the stranger. His face showed no slight intention to apologise. All he did was shrugged and walked away. I stood there and gave him dagger-looks. As expected, the cashier came and following the rule "once broken, considered sold" , I had no choice but to hand over my precious two hundred dollars to her.

Irate, I stormed out of the shop. Now what exactly was I supposed to buy for my mother? I could not wait for another six months; her birthday would be over by then.

Frustrated, I peered into my wallet to check how much money I had left. A meagre five dollars was all I had. I walked around the shopping mall,aggravated at the thought of that man causing me to break the ornament. Entering one shop after another, I could not find a perfect present for my mother under five dollars.

I was pondering over this when somebody tapped my shoulders lightly. I spun around and was surprised to see my best friend, Virginia. I was sure Virginia had just gotten out from the cinema. Her ticket stub confirmed it.

"What's up?" she asked casually, sitting down beside me.

"Do you know any store that sells something unique and special under five dollars?" I asked half-heartedly, knowing that there would not be such stores.

Virginia stood, a playful smile caressing her features. She gestured me to get up and follow her. I trusted my shopaholic best friend. We took the escalators to the first floor and she led me to a store with loud music blaring from its built-in stereo.

"Look around the store!" Virginia yelled in order to be heard over the cacophony. "See what you can find!"

As I walked around the store, I felt that my head would detonate. With this type of music, people who were generally not deaf could become deaf,and vice-versa.

I peered through casings after casings of costume jewelleries, taking in the exquisite cut and designs of the bracelets. Then I saw it, studded with the most real-looking cubic zirconia, with a serpentene cut.

"Virginia, I think I've found it!" I called out to her.

Virginia walked over and her eyes widened at the sight of the bracelet. I could tell she was really awestruck. It really was a sight to behold.

"Wow," she started saying breathlessly. "This is certainly -"

"What my mother would love," I interjected.

I spun on my heels and I could feel my heart resonating with bliss. I
went over to the cashier and was about to make my payment when that same man knocked into me again. Luckily, the bracelet was already with the cashier.

A frisson of ire swept through me as I saw the man. He seemed to be taken aback when I told him to repay me the two hundred dollars.
Stroppily, he handed me four fifty-dollars notes and walked off, shaken.

After paying the cashier, I walked out of the store, beaming. Virginia
was speechless to see how I easily got back my two hundred dollars.

At home, the revels had started. Proudly, I gave my mother my present. Her eyebrows shot up when she saw the bracelet, then she turned to look at me.

"You bought it at that store downtown, didn't you?" my mother inquired.

I could only smile sheepishly at her remark. I guessed it was true when they said that you could not hide anything from your mother. Typical of mothers to always know the truth.



"I love your story, keep up the goodwork. Your know your mother and you know her truthful ways. Iff you keep up the good work you can become our future writer. It took me over 30 years to get my work published and i feel and get great joy in knowing that my work is being read by other people. To tell you the truth l did enjoy writing in class, even though i used to hate reading and writing, but if one puts their minds to it, you can acheive alot from it. And that is satisfaction." -- Amy, Hayes, Middlesex, England.
"i love sam hes lovly and i want to marry him and have his kids" -- sami warmer, norwich, norfolk, england.
"I find that ur stories are very interesting. I love ur colourful words and phrases. Maybe you will succeed best as an author. Good luck and all the best." -- Siti Humaira, Woodlands, Singapore.
"hey kid,u're hot stuff.at 12,the sky is ur beginning!" -- kennedy, delta state, nigeria.
"I am impressed with your writing... Fluently written with a personal touch...You have a way of turning an ordinary event into something extraordinary! Keep up the fabulous effort. May your creative juices flow fast and furious!!! :)" -- nonpareil3_2000.
"Hello! I am Yana, and I am 14 years old. I like writing, and I want to be an author." -- Yana, Rancho Cordova, CA, USA.
"The whole picture and frame of the story was perfect. Keep up the good work!=]" -- Cherie, Singapore.
"I liked the story a lot.One reason is that is a real story of a small girl with very warm feeling to wars her mother,the other is that I've found this story as the most positive and kindest story among those she suggested.You do have a talant of writing.I wish you keep doing it and be seriously published one day.Good luck! " -- Elena Kravtsova, Nikolaev, Ukraine.


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© 2004 Nur Syafiqah A Jaaffar
May 2004

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