E-Love
Katrina was a nervous wreck, trying to make sure everything was perfect. The reports were perfect (check). Hair, face and nails were perfect (check). Check e-mail…2:30. Perfect (check). Gas in the car (check). Music for the drive (check). Cell phone and pager (check, check). Left note for fiancée, keys, lock door (triple check). “Well, here goes nothin’,” she said with a nervous sigh while pulling out of her driveway. What on earth do I think I am doing here? This was the question riding her mind as she paused in front of this small Portland coffee shop. Jesus, Kat, she thought to herself impatiently. All you really have to do is walk in, have a cappuccino, smile that plastic Barbie doll smile and…walk away. Yes, definitely JUST WALK AWAY! “Don’t start nothing’, won’t be nothin’.” Isn’t that how the saying goes? After much deliberation, she realized she was still outside as it began to rain. “Smooth Katrina,” she muttered as she walked into the café. She looked around the room timidly and decided to take a seat in a small corner booth. A glance at her watch told her it was 2:15. “Shit,” she muttered under her breath. OK, I have 15 minutes to back out…just walk away…why did I come? What am I trying to prove? “Can I get you something?” Katrina jumped, startled by the voice. “I’m sorry, ma’am. I didn’t mean to scare you.” The waiter had a young sincere face, framed by “surfer dude” blonde hair, much like those alternative-punk start Katrina’s fiancée admired so much. The boy almost looked like Kurt Cobain with an apron. “It’s OK. Ummm, actually, I’ll have a tall café mocha, please. An extra shot of espresso would be great in that.” Kurt offered a smile and a wink. “Comin’ right up.” 2:20. Oh, man. I’m gonna be sick. How did I get myself into this mess?! I have 10 minutes to…stay right here. I’m too chicken to go through with this, but I can’t back out. I don’t know why, I just CAN’T. “Here you go, ma’am,” Kurt said as he set the drink in front of Katrina. “Can I get you anything else right now?” “Ma’am?” “No, I believe I am just fine, thank you.” “Great. If you need anything, just yell for me. My name’s Kurt.” Hmmph. Imagine that… “Thanks.” He called me ma’am. God, I don’t look that old, do I? 2:25. Oh, God. Why didn’t he want to meet me somewhere that served tequila? “Damned internet,” she growled between sips of her café mocha. Katrina has always believed “everything happens for a reason.” However, what good reason could possibly exist behind meeting a man about whom she knows nothing besides whatever personal statistics he concocted on the computer and any miniscule clues revealed by three telephone conversations? Random thoughts began running through her mind…visions of her decapitated head adorning the wall of a mass murderer, along with the rest of his “trophies.” Maybe the authorities would find her remaining body parts scattered between Portland and Seattle. Yeah, and how would THAT be explained to my fiancée? “We’re sorry, sir, but your wife-to-be was chopped into little pieces by her online ‘lover’ during her ‘business trip.’” Oh, Kat. You are being completely neurotic. 2:30. Ohmygod, ohmygod, ohmygod…OK. Don’t spaz. He’s not here yet. Maybe he’s running late. Maybe he’s standing me up. Maybe he was in an accident. Maybe… Just as she was thinking the very worst possible explanation, she looked up to see a man looking at her, peach roses in hand. He was a relatively normal, yuppie-looking man. He had thick neck length brown hair, wire-rimmed glasses and a mustache. I hate facial hair! Nervously, Katrina stood up. She felt as though she were having an out of body experience. She thought for a moment that she was looking down at herself. “Collin…” “Kat,” he said while approaching her for a hug. “Wow…you are a vision.” “Well, you certainly look better than a keyboard.” Collin chuckled. “Well, I suppose I should be flattered. Oh, these are for you.” “Peach! My favorite. Are you sure they aren’t for your other online lover?” “Pretty sure,” Collin said seriously. “She stood me up, so you don’t have to share today.” “I need to ask you something…you’re not an ax murderer, are you?” “Not today, sorry. However, if you’re into that kind of thing, I’m sure we could arrange something.” “Oh, pretty please,” Katrina said sarcastically. “Let’s get outta here,” Collin said. “Sure,” Katrina said, leading Collin out of the café. “You don’t happen to have any tequila, do ya?” A seemingly uncomfortable silence filled the car as they drove out of town. I don’t know why I am so nervous…it’s not like we were exactly shy on the computer—or the phone for that matter. “Are you alright, Kat?” “Well, I guess I’m OK. As cheesy as it may sound, I guess I’m a little nervous.” Collin chuckled. “I understand. It’s OK, I’m a little nervous myself. I spent 20 minutes looking for keys that were in my pants. Just think about how long we have waited for the chance to finally meet. I love you, Katrina, and I think this is going to be a great thing.” Katrina offered as sincere of a smile as she could muster. I feel like such an ASS. I have told this man I love him for over a year now… I know I feel something…curiosity, perhaps. I don’t know how you could love someone you have only talked to online and on the phone. Is that possible? I love my fiancée…this isn’t fair. How did this happen. It’s not fair. I went too far…I knew better…I… “Kat. What are you thinking?” “I love you, too.” What the HELL are you doing?? Are you nuts?! They slowly pull into a small park by the lake, and Collin pops open the trunk. “I was hoping you didn’t mind having a small picnic.” “Sounds great.” Collin got out of the car to open the door for Katrina. As she got out of the car, he offered her a hug, followed by a very passionate kiss. Am I kissing back? Should I be doing this? Too late for this now, stupid. They walked to a secluded place to sit down for champagne and strawberries. “You know, Kat, I think that by giving our relationship a definition, we took a huge step. I meant what I said about you moving here. You would love it. You would be able to find a job in no time. I think we would be happy.” “But…I…,” Katrina stuttered. “I know,” Collin said persistently. “No, you don’t. I mean, you haven’t even given me a chance to see if I like it here, Collin.” “Or do you mean if you like it with me?” “Either way, should it matter? How do you know that we would get along? Can’t we just…oh, I don’t know…have some hot sex, drink brown liquor in mass quantities…smoke crack?” Kat offered a sheepish smile as Collin chuckled. “I do care about you, Collin.” Wow, I think I meant that. “Please, not yet,” Katrina pleaded. “OK, fair enough. So where is that crack you promised?” “Well, see, my dealer’s on vacation this month. I’ll make sure to get the recipe, though, before I decide to move here.” “Hey, damned good living.” “It’s called early retirement, baby.” I’m actually considering this? How do I think I am going to pull that one off? How do I plan on pulling off a wedding if I am living in freakin’ Portland? Oh, jeez. Don’t be stupid. You think you are actually going to HAVE a wedding if you are living here? PLEASE!!! “You know, I really do have a headache. Maybe you should take me back to my room, and I can get some sleep. It’s only 5:30, maybe you could come back and we can go out later, around 9:00? I just need to lay down with an ice pack for a couple of hours, and I need to freshen up anyway. How does that sound?” “Well, OK. I will see if anyone good is playing at the club. If you don’t mind, maybe I could stay with you tonight after. I wouldn’t want to wake up my roommate.” Yeah, like that’s the REAL reason…uh-huh. “Sure, no problem.” Katrina waved goodbye to Collin as he pulled out of the parking lot. She sat in the lobby and pulled some paper from her purse. Collin, I know you won’t understand this right now, and if you decide not to talk to me anymore, then I guess you will have made my decision for me. I think that I have a lot of sorting out to do, and I need to do this on my own. I need to do this now before I really do something I regret. I didn’t tell you this, and I should have. I was dishonest with you and for that I am truly sorry. I am engaged to another man. The think is, if I am so happy with him, then what am I looking for from you? This is what I need to sort out before we get out of hand. I don’t know if I am “in love” with you, but I do have strong feelings for you. What they are, I am not quite sure. I need to figure this out. I do care about you, and if I have hurt you, I am so very sorry. I would understand if you want nothing more to do with me. But please understand where I am coming from and why I never told you about my fiancée. It was never supposed to go this far. But it has. Take care of yourself. If I don’t hear from you, then I will understand. I hope it doesn’t come to that. Always, Katrina “Can you please give this to a Mr. Collin Green when he gets here? He should be coming around nine-ish. Oh, I also need a cab called. I need to get my car.” “Sure thing, ma’am.” God, I hate being called that!! “Thank you.”
Copyright © 2000 Rita A. Wheeler |