Luca And The Boy With The Thorn In His Side He watched her across the viewfinder, like a moth surrounded by a ball of light. She wore a short, and her sun-dyed hair tied back pristinely, though he preferred it when she wore it down as it beautified her, even more so, and filled him with an unnamed passion, his heart drumming wildly, and his mind racing with anarchic thoughts. His nights were spent replaying shakey images of her as she sat alone, closely examining her flawless beauty, her hair jumping slightly as she walked proudly past his home, schoolbag slung over her taut shoulders. She gazed up toward the 6 foot figure with an ardent admiration akin to a child watching the dizzying movements of a roller coaster. Craig had noticed she was more in awe of him then he was of her, and he understood why this was so. He had just recently pulled up in his car, and with a steady eye Craig followed his movements out of his Ford and into the arms of his girlfriend. Being this close to her created chaos inside of him that was close to insanity. The film of his vision clouded with possible sentences, conversational pieces, actions, intentions. The suggestions bursting into his mind in one quick motion. As he took her hand and listened to them talk, he lowered his head and used a scruffy shoe to toy with a small rock. "Forget the bus, I'll give you a lift." He motioned to his car and pulled her toward it. "Okay, fine, but I am not going back to your house today. I have homework to do." She moved to kiss him, causing him to jerk his head away quickly. He smiled, and climbed into his car. "I'm playing a game against Northlands this weekend." The music from the car drowned out anything else that was said before his tyres screeched and the couple sped away at an insane speed. When the bus finally arrived, Craig was redefining his jealousy as an ever-growing hatred. A hatred which had begun life as a deflated balloon, limp and lifeless, but which was growing with every slight puff of air. Apathy became dislike, which soon became a burly balloon of hate. He kicked the stone he had been toying with, and boarded a bus, one filled with sweaty school-kids and tired-looking pensioners. The tapes were all marked 'Zoe', with a different number accompanying it, and they lined the cabinets of his bedroom. He picked one of them as he kicked off his shoes, throwing himself onto the bed and eyeing the TV set. Her image flickered across the screen, the soundtrack of noisy cars and squawking birds accompanying her graceful pose. As he watched her body move within his unflinching frame, he talked to her. Random compliments falling out of his mouth, involuntarily, his lips curled almost in a smile. He soon buried his head in his hands and whimpered softly. He used grubby hands to brush back dirty blonde hair in one strong swoop, and eyed a childhood scar on his knee, protruding from a skinny leg. He was catapulted back in time, to years past, where laughter was heard accompanying happy voices, as he swung stupidly from a tall tree. And when a girl passed by with tan skin and blonde hair, all he did was continue to swing, his uncontrollable laughter piercing the surrounding quietness, feeling the smooth bark of the tree against his dirt-laden skin. On the third floor of an apartment complex in an area of the city which was left for those with a less than average income. She lived with her mother, a small eccentric woman who had divorced her husband little over one year past, and was determined to succeed with little, against all the odds. The husband and father's visits were sporadic and badly-timed, seeming to almost always lead to confrontations with the new boyfriend. Egos and alcohol had lead to many a situation, Luca watching on with dull eyes which sat in a pale face almost clouded with died-black hair, hanging wildly. "You only come here to fight with her"" Her voice gruff, she held back her tears. "Luca, stay out of this. This is private!" "How can it be private when you're both making enough noise to wake up the neighbours?!" "Luca … to your room, please." "We hardly see you, and when we do it always leads to a fight. You're only supposed to be here to see me." A tear slid down her face, tickling it, before she brought up a hand and wiped it away. "You make me so sad. You never stop hurting me." She said these words walking toward her room, slamming the door. A framed picture popped out of its holding and fell to the ground, shattering loudly. "This is my moment, this is my moment, this is my moment." Hushed words he spoke as he eyed her carefully. He thought endlessly about how to initiate conversation, and initially they all sounded acceptable, but the more times he recited them in his over-critical mind, the less acceptable they sounded, and the more insipid he thought they became. He watched with bated breath as the boyfriend arrived, and as he clasped her hand, then swinging them childishly. Next Monday, he thought. He would see her again next Monday. There would always be another opportunity. He had seen him kissing her on a chilly September morning, adjacent from a bustling shopping complex., their bodies appearing then disappearing, the traffic abominably, but typically treacherous, and this obstructed Craig's view. The kisser was Antonio, but the one being kissed was definitely not Luca, but a taller brunette, with a glaringly green school uniform, and a shorter skirt that was a long way away from reaching her knees. Antonio moved away from her, but their hands remained locked. She pulled him back for one more kiss, and then he left her side. Craig's darting eyes focused on the two, each in turn, for several minute before they were both out of sight. The day Antonio had stopped appearing Luca called his home, her heart pounding, her cheeks flushed, expecting the worst, preparing herself for a confrontation she knew she was too weak to handle successfully. Her sweaty hands clutched the phone, biting her lower lip and taking deep breaths in the vein hope that they would calm her down. "No, I mean, no. What's this all about?" His voice was calm. Almost smug. Undeservedly smug, as always. "You didn't show today. Why not? Where were you?" "I can't be your personal fucking taxi service all the time, Luca. Give me a bit of a break." No longer calm, his voice was agitated. She could picture him making ferocious movements with his hands as he talked to her. "If you didn't like picking me up after school all you had to do was say. I don't mind catching the bus." "I have to go." Was his response. Silence for an eternity. "Antonio, what's wrong with you?" Why are you treating me this way? You've been treating me like this for way too long now. I want to know what I've done wrong. Whatever I have done to upset you, I am sorry. Forgive me, please." "Let's just forget this." "Forget what? Us?" "Yes." "Antonio we can work out whatever it if that's wrong with me. I can change. I will change. I give you my word." "Zoe, we, uhm, we are no longer. I am sorry. You understand?" Silence before he shooted upright in his seat, clutching the phone so tight his hand had turned an insane shade of red. "Luca! I mean Luca! Shit!" "I knew it." She could hear his slow breathing, as her eyes swelled up. "Oh, Luca, so what? We're young. I can't be tied down to one fucking person." "I've lost my flavour now you're spitting me out." "Luca, " he sighed, and a few seconds passed before he spoke again, as if contemplating whether or not to say it. "I wish you'd had a flavour to begin with." He hung up and she listened to the dull buzz of the phone line for what seemed to be an eternity. She thought about this conversation, thought about it for the first time in a series of recollections. She knew this conversation would haunt her mind during sleepless nights and meals she wasn't hungry enough to eat. She looked around her bleak room where posters of obscure rock bands graced the walls. Walking toward the window she opened the blinds, and grimaced at the protruding sun. She shut them just as quickly and made her way to the bathroom, where she opened a cabinet and examined its contents. In the quietness of the bathroom she could just about make out her mother's voice. "I heard her opening the cabinet." "Watch her. Keep an eye on her." This gruff voice could only have belonged to her mother's boyfriend. "We do not want a situation like last month." She made her way to her bedroom. Lying on her bed and staring at the ceiling, she lost herself in a sea of thoughts as she listened to the consistent buzzing of the light overhead. Angry dogs barked endlessly behind high electronic gates. The echoes of their noises bounced around the neighbourhood, welcoming those dressed for what was to be a sickeningly hot night, with a cloudless sky and and lack of even so much as a hint of a breeze. As Luca adorned herself with cheap make-up, Craig was picking out a shirt from the hamper. He eyed a small stain suspiciously, before putting it on and hunting for a pair of jeans. They both eyed themselves in the mirror, staring motionlessly. Luca fingered acne, cursing its persistence. Their minds were host to much craziness as their unflinching reflection stared back at them in the cold, darkened space of their respective bedrooms. "You're going out tonight? Where?" "With friends." Telling parents too much was akin to shooting yourself in the foot. Craig made his way to the front door, moving quickly. "Tell us where you are going." This again from the father. "The movies, Dad. The movies." He slammed the door behind him and raced down the steps to the garden pathway. Luca was out the door at almost the same time, descending the flight of stairs which lead to the gates of her apartment. The keys she toyed with jangled noisily as she let herself out, walking down the path to the exit, meeting someone on the way and choosing to stare at her moving feet as she passed the middle-aged woman, clutching a cane and a small bag. Her heart beat noisily, the sound it made almost blocking out the noises the world made around her. Their hair was wet from sweat, shirts unbuttoned and underarms drenched. Their laughter and screamed words created a sound of anarchy, juxtaposed against the heavy petting which the better-looking kids engaged in, next to the pool, under the snooker table, and an in the semi-private quarters, of which there were few. The party had only commenced and already the sight was anarchic. Music vibrated the room, sounds from randomly-placed speakers eliminated most audible conversation. Antonio walked in and greeted the room, high-fiving a sixteen year old with short blonde hair, who spat beer when he talked, bursting his words out as if there were a time limit. "I miss anything?" "Samantha's giving blow-jobs in the back room in about fifteen minutes. Couple of bucks a time, I hear." "Good thing I got to her before she started charging." Antonio nudged his friend, and they both laughed. Zoe turned back to her boyfriend and smiled her sweet innocent smile, baring perfect teeth. "What are you two talking about?" He smiled, ignoring her question, bending down to talk directly in her ear. "Want a beer?" She nodded after short deliberation, and he left her side, squeezing through the crowd, greeting people as he went. Craig paced aimlessly outside, head hanging low, as if searching for something on the pavement. He looked up occasionally, daring himself to go in. He checked his reflection in the window of a car, smiling weakly, and patting his hair down. He turned his camera in the direction of the noise. Zooming in and out, his fingers toying with the many buttons on his camcorder. He looked inside the viewfinder, and found a strange comfort staring at the black and white images of his surroundings. Clutching the camera tightly, his hands soon turned sticky with sweat. A plump girl with a bad complexion passed through the frames as he breathed in deeply and made his first steps toward the driveway, in the direction of the event. They avoided making eye contact with each other, walking slightly apart, almost unaware of the other person's presence, both pre-occupied with the trivial pursuit of seeming relaxed and self-assured. He caught another glimpse of himself in one of the windows of the house, and cringed before turning away quickly. Craig sat down in a corner of the room and watched two people play fight over the alleged rules of the game of pool. Below the table two teens were slaves to their hormones, their bodies meshed together in a frenzied fit of passion. From across the room someone called a boy's name, to which a response came from the girl under the table. "He's busy!" They both relaxed for a few seconds and smiled, before unleashing a crazy spate of laughter which reduced them to insane wrecks. A noisy rock band threw out a poem about love as Craig watched Zoe walk into the room and sit down next to her boyfriend, admiring her awesome sight and overwhelming elegance. He unflinchingly watched them kiss, their eyes closed and hands wandering, trying to contain his repulsion as he listened to his heart pump blood threw his veins. It was as if the world was moving at the incorrect speed, creating his own surreal universe where sound was muffled and vision selective. He was living behind a kaleidoscope, transfixed by the swirling imagery, almost nauseous as he watched the two and only people, in the centre of his crazy vision. Luca had joined the people in the pool house, a well-lit and spacious part of the house which contained a bar and another stereo system atop a table. Nervously watching the crowd, she fingered a bottle of beer, keeping her head still, merely moving her eyes, clouded in black mascara. Thoughts of Antonio made her weak, tightening the knot in the pit of her stomach. "Luca!" A voice from outside the pool house. She battled to see who it was until they had entered the room, swaying from side to side and spilling beer they held in their hand. "Oh, Caroline." The hand which wasn't carrying the drink was joined to the hand of a spikey-haired mature-looking boy with tan, and clear blue eyes which darted to and fro. "Girl, what are you doing here tonight?" "Aren't I allowed to be here, or something?" "Of course not, I was meaning, you know, Antonio. He's here, too, did you know that? With some new bimbo." "He is? Well, hope he has a good time. Hope he has fun." She glanced at a group of people laughing in one of the corners of the room. She faked interest. The boy looked at Luca, almost glaring before throwing his head back and laughing. "Oh my gosh, are you the girl he dumped?" Luca looked at him, and nodded. "And two days later he's going out with some other girl? That is just too harsh, just crazy." Luca got up off her seat and walked off. "Luca, maybe we'll bump into each other later on tonight." Caroline shouted before poking her boyfriend in the ribs, for punishment. Luca continued walking, ignoring her friend's words, passing the pool and into a small room, eyeing it suspiciously before finding a place to sit. Craig lay still in the same position, in a darkened corner, like a hungry lio watching its prey, and as the night grew older, his anger ballooned in size, the sweat on his forehead gathering, then rolling down and stinging his eyes. Taking occasional gulps from a bitter beer, he watched his peers as they danced around the room, laughing and talking excitedly. As Craig watched them kiss again, his heart pounded and his sweat poured. His face oddly blank throughout all of this; as he rose from his seat and made his way past the pool table. It was all happening so fast for Antonio that his reactions were slowed. Craig glided toward him, pushing a drunken teen from his path, grabbing Antonio by the collar of his leather jacket, forcing him to stand up, before proceeding to push him down to the ground again with a grunt. Dazed, he blinked his eyes and looked around the room, and saw Craig standing above him, teeth bared and eyes crazy. "You could take the place of ten men in Hell. You treat this girl the way you treat every woman we all see you with, like you can get away with anything. I'm here to tell you you're not getting away with it all anymore." Silence except for the music which continued to play. "Did you hear me? Did you hear what I said? You are worthless! I called you athetic!" Antonio's flushed, expressionless face stared back at him, an empty shape, taking in long gasps of stale air, the chest steadily rising, then falling. "What is this?" He asks. "You're not getting away with it anymore." Craig repeated, fists clenched, and teeth gritted. Antonio motions to some of his friends, gathered around Craig in an ominous circle. Wiping a thin line of blood which ran from his lips to his chin, as he spoke to his entourage. "Take him outta here and beat the shit out of him." "Forget them. You do it. Punch me. Hit me. Come on!" Craig felt no ache when Antonio punched him, rising sharply and hitting him hard in the gut. He still felt nothing when he landed hard on the ground. Antonio reached forward and pulled the dangling camcorder off of Craig's neck. Throwing it onto the ground and kicking it into a corner of the room. Craig was numb to any feeling, physical or emotional, other than his immense indignation. Glancing at his camera, then looking back at Antonio. He smiled at the person who had just destroyed one of the few things he had to live for. "He's right." A loud voice from behind. "He's right about everything." From the crowds of people who had gathered, Luca appeared and made her way over to the situation, as if gliding, gently pushing past people to gaze into the eyes of her past boyfriend. Staring at each other unflinchingly. "This is the night you pay for how you treat people." Antonio laughed, throwing his head back. "I'm getting out of here. This is so fucking stupid." He looked at Zoe, whose eyes darted back and forth, her mind quickly trying to make sense of the situation. "You are a poor girl, Zoe. A poor, duped girl." Spoke Luca. Zoe held back her tears with strong conviction, not wanting to lose control of her emotions, which were insane amidst the glaring eyes and intermediate murmers. "Antonio, what's going on?" Zoe squeezed the words out through a dry mouth. "Who is this girl?" Her words initiated silence for the longest time, before Antonio spoke again. "Zoe, did you know he was still fucking me while he was fucking you? Did you know this?" "Grow up, Luca. Fucking ugly bitch. Go and get a life." He glanced at Zoe, who stood silent amidst the insanity. "This is a farce. I'm outta here." And when he left, she followed, throwing her hand out to reach his. The rest of the night he nursed a stinging wound above his right eyebrow while talking to his companion. He sat opposite her under dim lights in a quiet suburban road. "He killed it." He spoke quietly, and without looking at her, instead focusing his attention on the large clumps of camcorder which lay cluttered in his hands before releasing them, letting them fall to the ground. "And you know what?" He looked up at her face, staring intentively at his. "I don't care." Luca touched his hand and smiled. "It was impressive tonight … what you did." She watched him closely, finally making eye contact, and it was held. "I couldn't believe what was happening when I saw it. Your courage was … admirable." "I'm really not that courageous." Looking away from each other, and watching a bird swoop through the cloudless sky. Silence apart from the noise it made as its wings moved through the air. "I could be a good friend." He waited for a reaction from her. She looked at him, face expressionless. "I'm a nice guy." He continued, breathing in deeply, looking away from her. "If only people would give me the chance." Tears blurred his vision. He wiped his eyes before continuing. "If only people would give me the chance of showing it." She listened to him with total attention, her sad eyes fixed on his. "I noticed that tonight, well … " "What?" "You renewed a belief." He looked at here for the longest time, then spoke again. "A belief in what?" "That possibly not all men are the way I see them." "You know what they say about nice guys." "What do they say?" "They finish last." He whispered. And she looked at him sternly as she whispered; "Perhaps the race isn't worth winning in the first place." She answered. And he copied her when she smiled, clutching her hand in his. In a lengthy quiet moment they shared a small triumph. The birds darted and sang as the night ended. They day was only beginning.
Copyright © 2000 Christopher Ward |