Storymania - The Accident On Lane 17 by Steven T

The Accident On Lane 17
Steven T

My room was dark this morning. Not a scary, haunting type of dark, the kind of darkness that helps a person think, the kind of darkness that helps one’s mind open up and think of things he never thought possible. However, this was also the kind of dark that could drive a person slowly insane if he stayed in the dark too long. It’s some pretty deep stuff, too deep for the human brain to comprehend. Especially with a storm raging outside my window. But despite the storm and how badly things were sounding outside, I still had two things going for me:
1. I still had a full 15 minutes before I had to get out of bed and get ready go to school
2. My Mom is always in a cheerful mood in the morning, rain or shine.
“Andy get up now! You’ll miss the bus!” My Mom barked from downstairs in the kitchen. Well good morning to you too, I thought as I forced my eyes to open and my legs to move. Even though I knew I still had 15 minutes of snooze time left, I didn’t argue with her. She’s very punctual. She never wants to be late for anything. She’ll probably go to the grave with her trusty watch still strapped around her left wrist. So if the big guy in the sky wants to know the time, he’ll know who to ask, my Mom.
“Andy hurry up and get down here, I made your favorite for breakfast, grits with a piece of toast, bacon and a glass of orange juice. It’s so nice knowing that she has my health in mind. I swear sometimes I think she’s trying to give me a heart attack. And before I go any further, let me clarify something: Nothing my Mom makes is my favorite. Some of her dishes are better than others, but she’s not exactly the greatest cook in the world. I don’t know where she got the idea that grits, toast, bacon and a glass of orange juice is my favorite meal. I mean, the best part of this breakfast is going to be the orange juice, no question about it.
When I got downstairs, I forced down my breakfast. “Mom, that was the greatest meal I’ve ever eaten in my life.” I said. “I’m not falling for that one again.” She said. Darn. That lie seems to be losing its effectiveness each time I pull it out of the hat. “I doubt you guys will be going on that field trip today. You’ll get soaked.” My Mom said.
The field trip! I had completely forgotten about it until she had mentioned it. Today was the day my science class was supposed to gather information for our report on butterflies. I wanted to do wolverines, but my teacher, Mr. Clemton, said we couldn’t do wolverines because, “They aren’t beautiful creatures.” And “They most certainly are not insects.” I tried the “beauty is in the eye of the beholder” argument, but Mr. C had already made up his mind and there was no way I was going to change it. So that’s why we still have to do a report on butterflies. I mean butterflies look nice, but what do they do? Nothing! They just fly around! Anyway, I grabbed a candy bar to eat on the bus and hurried out into the rain and started to walk toward the bus stop.
When I got to Mr. Clemton’s class first period, I took my seat next to my friend Tyrone Redding and gave Mr. Clemton a “Hello how are you today?” glare. He started class. “Well unfortunately class, you will not be able to gather information for your butterfly reports today due to the rain.” The class let out a mock groan. “More like a monsoon, Mr. C.” some kid joked. Mr. Clemton ignored the kid. “However, I have checked with the principal and I have arranged for us to go bowling at one of the local alleys. The class cheered. Except for me. “What’s bowling Tyrone?” I whispered to him. “I’m drawing a blank here.” “Your drawing a blank, huh?” he whispered back. “You’ve got to be kidding me, you forgot what bowling is?” “Yeah, lay off alright?” I said, starting to get angry. “Bowling is the game where you get 2 chances per frame to knock down ten pins with a bowling ball and there’s ten frames per game.” Tyrone answered. “I can’t believe you forgot what bowling is. It’s been around for over a million years.” “Well, excuse me, Mr. Know-it-all.” I retorted.
“Maybe it is true what they say about you Andy, that you’re a pin head.” Tyrone said under his breath. “Ha Ha, pin head, bowling. Very funny Tyrone, I just can’t stop laughing. Well at least I don’t go waltzing around the school like you do telling anybody who will listen that Romeo and Juliet by Shakespeare is the greatest play ever.” I challenged. Tyrone got up on his soapbox. “Hey I happen to like that play. Romeo is my favorite character. The way he talks in the play is beautiful.” Tyrone said. “Oh please. Romeo didn’t talk beautiful. He just talked flowery and sophisticated to impress the ladies.” “Romeo is a great character.” Tyrone shot back, looking as though he was about to cry. “Tell me this then, if he’s so great, then why doesn’t he have a job in the play? He spends the entire play off in la-la land daydreaming about Juliet. It’s totally fake” Tyrone was silent, trying desperately to think of a response.
“That’s true, he doesn’t have a job, and he does do an awful lot of daydreaming about Juliet, but I’m sure he could’ve gotten a job if he wanted one. In fact, I bet you he could’ve been a great professional bowler. And..” I cut him off. “Romeo couldn’t bowl even if he wanted to. He’d be too busy making out with the bowling ball thinking its Juliet. I snapped. I thought I had ended the argument, but Tyrone wasn’t finished. “Yeah, well since when do you know so much about making out, Andy? You don’t even have a girlfriend. What do you have to say to that?” Plenty. “Oh young Tyrone, I pity the day when you come to realize that you are not inexpugnable, that your large vocabulary will not harbor you from the cruelty of the modern world. That in reality you are a fragile, insecure cabbage head.”
Tyrone stared at me wide-eyed in amazement and then said “Oh my gosh, you actually have a vocabulary.” Mr. Clemton had been watching this whole argument. “Boys, as far as I’m concerned, you’re both cabbage heads. Now quit disrupting my class.” He warned. “Let’s all head out to the buses people, they can’t wait all day you know.” Tyrone and I trudged out to the buses with the rest of the class. Neither of us saying a word to each other. The beams cast from the buses headlights cut through the pouring rain. Tyrone and I snagged a seat in the middle of the bus. I stared blankly out the window, the meteorologist in me wondering how much rain we had gotten so far today. Tyrone snapped me out of my hypnotic state. “Earth to Andy, your friend Sharon just sat down with your arch-enemy, Todd Flowerburg. Ah yes, Todd Flowerburg. Todd and I have been enemies since before we knew we were destined to become enemies. Todd and I don’t get along because he wants Sharon all to himself. He want’s to eventually become Sharon’s boyfriend, tie the knot so to speak, move to Europe and have a bunch of kids. How do I know all this? He wrote about in the Valentine’s day edition of the school newspaper last year.
“Were are they sitting, Tyrone?” I asked him. “Right behind us, keep it down.” “You down have to tell me to keep it down, Tyrone.” I yelled. “I’m not afraid of Flowerburg. He’s afraid of me. In fact I bet the sheer sound of my voice has him shriveling up like a prune.” I boomed. “I’m sorry Sharon, I forgot, pea-brained intellectuals sit in this section.” Todd said, loud enough so that I and everybody else on the bus could hear him. “Ha! That sentence doesn’t even make sense, Todd!” I yelled back. To be honest, I wasn’t sure if Todd’s sentence made sense or not, but I had to come back with something.
“Keep it down back there guys or you’ll have to move to the front.” Mr. Clemton yelled. So I shut up and listened to Todd try to make conversation with Sharon. I didn’t catch most of their conversation, but I did catch Todd’s revelation: “I wish I was a crayon, Sharon. A blue crayon.” “That’s nice Todd.” Sharon answered. Tyrone and I chortled. “What color would you be?” Todd asked her. “Green” Sharon answered. “But I hate green, Sharon.” Todd said softly. “I know, why do you think I’d be green, you idiot.” Sharon snapped. Tyrone and I started to laugh hysterically. Sharon continued and we fell silent. “Plus it’s Andy’s favorite color.” “ Ouch. I don’t think he saw that one coming.” Remarked Tyrone.
“I don’t care about Aaannddy.” Said Todd. “I don’t care about you either.” Sharon said. “Looks like the breaking point.” I said to Tyrone. “Let’s talk about our favorite songs.” Todd suggested, suddenly upbeat. “My favorite song is “Wheels on the bus.” Come on Sharon, sing it with me. A one and a two and a one two three…” That does it. I hate “Wheels on the bus” and Todd knows it. I was just about to clobber him when Tyrone stepped between us. “Andy, are you angry?” Ty asked. “Gee, what was your first clue?” I huffed. Tyrone chose this opportunity to ask me a trivia question. “ What’s angry spelled backwards?” he asked. “I don’t know, I’ve never been great at word scrambles.” I said. “Yrgna.” He answered. “Now do you want to be angry or yrgna?” he asked. “Yrgna.” He said, answering his own question. “Yrgna.” I said softly. What an interesting concept. “Now come on pal, lets go bowl.” Said Tyrone. Tyrone had calmed me down a little, but I still wasn’t finished with Todd. “Hey Todd, I hope your hungry later because I’m going to give you a knuckle sandwich.” I threatened.
I walked off the bus with Tyrone still steaming. I got a bowling ball and some shoes and decided to pick a lane. I decided on lane 17. I began to type my name into one of the scoring computers. “Andy, I’m going to go bowl with some of my other friends. I hope you won’t be crushed by the sheer thought of this.” Tyrone informed me. “I won’t be. Go ahead.” I told him. After I programmed the computer, I picked up my ball and looked to see who was bowling to my right. You guessed it, Todd. Along with Sharon and her friend Maggie. Todd was showing off, as usual. “Let me show you guys my special pre-bowl warm-up technique.” He said quickly. “I call it the “Tension buster.” Are you ready? Sharon Maggie?” “Yes Todd.” They said in unison. This should be good, I thought. “OK, let’s all get in a line and hold hands. OK, lets step to the right, now let’s slide left together.” Todd commanded. I watched in amazement as they all slid to the left as one. Their act will be on Broadway in no time, I’m sure. “There you go, your doing it. Now were going to do it two more times and then clap.” Todd cooed. Then it hit me. Todd wasn’t teaching Maggie and Sharon a Broadway worthy warm-up technique! He was teaching them how to dance the Electric Slide What an idiot. They stopped dancing. “Oh Todd, I feel so refreshed, so limber, so alive!” Sharon yelled. “That’s great.” Todd said, wheezing. “Time to go back on the diet again Todd?” I asked. He didn’t hear me.
I rolled my ball down the lane to begin my game. The result: a 7-10 split. Tough to pick up. Mr. Clemton walked over to Todd’s lane to interrupt the party. “Todd, the Electric Slide is not allowed in the bowling alley. Plus the sight of you dancing makes my eyes hurt Why don’t you go join Tyrone’s team over on lane 40.” “But that wasn’t the Electric Slide Mr. C, that was the “Tension buster.” Todd protested. “Whatever. You can go get your groove on over on lane 40.” Said Mr. Clemton. Todd complied with Mr. Clemton’s order, but as he walked away, he gave me the finger. “That’s OK Todd, I already know I’m number 1!” I yelled. “We’ll team up with you Andy.” Said Sharon. “Fine with me.” I said. So we began to bowl and I no longer felt lonely and abandoned. (Yes even I guy like me feels lonely and abandoned sometimes.) .
I bowled gutter balls two straight frames, but I didn’t care because I was bowling with Sharon and Maggie and Todd was bowling horribly, swearing like a sailor over on lane 40 with Tyrone’s team. Maggie was lighting up those pins! She finished her first game with three straight strikes, a turkey. Since we had some time to kill, we decided to check out the vending machines. “What do you want?” Sharon asked me. “I don’t know what are you getting?” I asked. “I only have a dollar.” I stuck it in and, since I was born with bad luck, the machine spit it back out at me. So we went to go get some change.
“I want those.” I told Maggie when we were back in front of the vends. “Pretzels, OK.” Said Maggie. I noticed the pretzels were marked C5. There was also a bag of prune bits next to the pretzels, it was marked C7. Maggie put in 75 cents. “C7, OK” said Maggie. “No, the pretzels not the prune bits!” I yelled. Sharon laughed. She wouldn’t be laughing later though. I get very cranky if I don’t have my pretzels. “Hey Andy, why don’t I give these to Todd? I’ll tell him their chocolate chips.” Said Sharon. That actually was a pretty good idea. “Way to use that head, Sharon, go ahead.” I told her. While Sharon walked off to give Todd his laxatives, Maggie and I started our second game.
Sharon came back. “He actually thought they were chocolate chips. I didn’t say anything, I mean, he’ll find out later right?” Sharon said. We laughed. My next shot hit the pocket nicely for a strike. Maggie preferred the word slice. “Sharon, Sharon Andy just got a slice!” She beamed. Maggie rolled a strike her next time up also, and was excited, giving Sharon tips. They didn’t seem to help her, but Maggie continued her hot streak. She finished her second game with another turkey, three straight strikes. After the game ended thought I was going to be able to relax, but no. Maggie got a brilliant idea, a stupidly brilliant idea. Her idea: hit the rack that comes down to sweep away downed pins after every shot. Yes, Maggie came up with a crazy idea like that. If I had seen this coming, I would have tried to stop it, but it just came out of the clear blue.
There were three empty spaces on the scoring monitor for anyone who wanted to bowl a quick game. Maggie and Sharon wanted to play a quick game no doubt, but they also bent the rules a little. Maggie picked up her ball and hit the rack. Clang! Now somehow, she managed to hit the rack and knock down all the pins! “It’s a miracle!” I yelled. A white X flashed on the monitor, signaling a strike. Maggie should have hit the rack because that put ideas into Sharon’s head. “I’m going to see if I can hit that thing.” She announced. “Oh no Sharon, your not going to..” Clang! Sharon’s ball ricocheted off the rack. I have to take control of this situation, I thought. “Sharon, I think you guys should stop using the rack as a practice target.” I said. “Oh come on, Andy, they do it all the time on TV.” She countered. What TV show was she watching? Extreme bowling? “Just don’t say I didn’t warn you.” I said. Sharon ignored me and zinged a ball down the lane. Clang! “Guys don’t hit the rack, please!” I pleaded. But it was useless.
After Sharon’s shot, it was just whoever was fast enough to get up to the lane got a chance to make the rack beg for mercy. Mostly it was Maggie. “Maggie, I want to go.” Sharon whined. “I think you’ve put enough dents in it for one day Sharon.” I said. “Maggie come on, lay off. The racks taken enough abuse already.” I said. “No it hasn’t! I want to make the rack weep! I want it to bow down before me and remember that I am the supreme ruler of the world.” She yelled. She let out an evil laugh. “ Ah Maggie, remember what I said about too much sugar?” I asked. But she wasn’t listening. Neither was Sharon, who after her little pouting episode got back into the game. Clang! Clang! Clang! Their balls hammered the rack relentlessly. My ears were starting to ring and my head was starting to throb. I looked to see how Todd, a.k.a. Mr. Electric slide was bowling, but he wasn’t around. I reached into my pocket and found some change. I bought some headache medicine out of one of the vending machines and headed off to the nearest bathroom to take it. I walked into the bathroom, slammed the door shut, and checked it quickly to make sure that I was in the men’s room and let out a sigh of relief. I was safe here.
I walked up to the sink and stared at myself in the mirror, checking for any wrinkles or gray hairs. “Why do my friends always have to cause trouble?” I asked the mirror. It didn’t answer. “Don’t know the answer to that one, huh Mr. Mirror?” I said. “I never thought mirrors were very smart.” I said. I realized I was the dumb one. I mean, I was asking a mirror for advice. Pretty dumb. I took a deep breath, took the medicine and walked out of the bathroom. As soon as I walked out, Sharon and Maggie came running up to me tugging my shirt. “Can’t you guys leave me alone? I mean, I know I’m a good looking guy, but you’ll just have to try to restrain yourselves.” I said. “There’s a problem Andy, we need your help.” Said Sharon. “Oh really? Let me guess you guys broke the bowling rack?” I guessed “Yeah. How’d you know?” Asked Sharon. “Lets just say a bird told me while I was in the bathroom taking some medicine.” Maggie cut in. “Oh cool, there’s birds in the bathroom? What kind?” She asked, suddenly interested. “Pelicans” I said. “Who cares about the birds in the bathroom how are we going to fix the rack?” Sharon asked nervously. “I don’t know. Why don’t you buy a magic wand from one of the vending machines, wave it in front of the rack and see what happens.” I said, getting frustrated. “OK, how much do they cost? I’m almost out of change.” She said. “News flash!” I yelled. “There are no pelicans or birds of any kind in the men’s bathroom and you cannot buy a magic wand to magically fix the bowling rack.” I yelled. “I got it!” Sharon exclaimed. “We can ask the tooth fairy for money.” “ Oh Please, Your going to need more than the tooth fairy’s never-ending quarter supply to get out of this.” I said.
“Gee Andy, you sound mad. Any particular reason why?” Sharon asked. I let out a silent scream. “Forget it. Just go talk to that lady at the front desk. I said. “OK, but your coming with. What are we going to tell her when we walk over there?” Sharon asked. We started to walk toward the front desk. Sharon and Maggie’s knees were shaking. “This is just a shot in the dark here, but maybe you guys should tell her you broke the rack on lane 17.” I suggested. “Nah. Maybe she doesn’t know we broke it.” Sharon said. “You don’t think the clanging and banging tipped her off? I have news for you. Unless she’s both blind and deaf, which I doubt, I bet she knows you guys broke the rack.” I said. I had become the voice of reason amid all the chaos. “Whatever. You just support our side of the story, OK?” Sharon said We reached the front desk. A huge, masculine woman greeted us. I also noticed she had some hair growing on her upper lip. Her nametag read: Paula.
“May I help you?” She asked in a gruff voice. Sharon broke the ice. “Yes Paula, our rack/pin sweeper thing seems to have mysteriously broken.” “Mysteriously broken, huh?” Paula asked. She pondered on this for a minute. “Yeah, we were bowling and the rack just broke off all the sudden.” Maggie added. “Don’t play dumb with me, missy.” Paula growled. “ I saw you and your little friend here hit the rack numerous times with the ball. You destroyed my rack. You hurt its feelings. And now I might just have to hurt you for it.” Paula threatened. She cracked her knuckles. “He made us do it!” Sharon and Maggie said nervously pointing at me. Oh great, just when I thought I was going to be able to get out of this without saying a word. “It was you, huh pal?” she asked. “I don’t like you at all.” She said. “Yeah. I get that a lot from people.” I said. I didn’t know what to say. “Um… is that hair growing on your upper lip?” I asked. ‘Don’t be a smart aleck beanpole. I can take you any day of the week. She certainly had a thing for degrading nicknames that was for sure. “I’ll be sure to remember that, Paula, um, I see you have a tattoo of an apple on your bicep. You know what they say, an apple a day keeps the doctor away.” I said sheepishly. “You’re the one who’s going to need a doctor when I get trough with you.” She threatened. She grinned. Her teeth were severely rotten. I whiced. “ Oh man. Have you seen a dentist in the last twenty years lady?” I asked. “I haven’t seen a dentist in thirty years. You got a problem with that? You won’t have any teeth when I get through with you.” She said. “You sound like a broken record.” I said. “I prefer eight track.” She said. I fought back a laugh. I really didn’t mean to instigate a fight or anything. Big muscular, hairy lipped, nearly toothless women aren’t my type.” I said, trying to lighten the mood. It didn’t work. I’m losing my patience with you.” She warned. “Well OK then. I think I’ll go grab a seat on the bus guys. Have a nice time getting to know Paula. Maybe we can get together for tea sometime.” I said. “I hate tea. It gives me a rash.” Said Paula.
I ran outside and searched for the bus. I spotted it, a bright yellow beacon of hope. When I got on the bus, I noticed Mr. Clemton was already on.“What are you doing on here so early.” I asked him. “I had to take Todd home. He came down with diarrhea. He kept mumbling something about chocolate chips with attitude. He also pulled a muscle when he was doing that dance of his, The electric slide. When I got back here, I was so tired I decided to rest a little on the bus.” He explained. I decided that was exactly what I was going to do. I leaned my head back against my seat and fell asleep.
Later when I woke up, I leaned over and saw that Sharon and Maggie were sitting behind me. They just couldn’t leave me alone. Maggie began to rant. “Andy, that Paula lady pulled the rack off the lane and said we were the best she’s ever seen at causing mass destruction. I don’t know where that came from. She also said we are banned from the bowling alley for life and are never allowed to speak to her in public ever again.” Maggie finished. “Sometimes I wish you guys would never speak to me again.” I muttered. We’ll pretend we didn’t hear that, Andy.” Sharon said.

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