The Rain TheRain The weather was dry, windy and warm and the sun felt like fire on my blotchy skin, turning it red, like the tomatoes dad used to grow a few years back. The sunflowers in the field were crippled and short. They were dead. They had fought for their lives, thirsty, stretching their roots far enough to hopefully swallow a drop of water. I remembered how dad used to sit down at the breakfast table, ecstatically discussing with mum and I the continuous profits we were making from the crops. When the rain finally appeared after a couple weeks, we would all run outside and celebrate. I’d always wanted to scream loudly enough so the neighbours, 6 km away, would hear me, but now I just stood there looking at our empty dry paddock and I knew that all they could hear now were my angry screams. The drought affected my family so much, that we didn’t have enough money to buy enough bread or sugar. I was scared and felt alone. Mum and dad were fighting non-stop and I would sit by the window at night, wishing that all the unhappiness we held would somehow float away. I was a helpless twelve year old who didn’t know a single thing about the city and yet, I was packing my bags, loading them onto dad’s old ute and was slowly being driven away from the home I’d been living in all my life. I was begging dad to turn back, because I didn’t want to leave. I was afraid of the place I was being taken to and hated my mum for being so determined to get there. We moved into a tiny apartment, in the industrial suburbs of the city, where everything was so packed together and cars sent out fumes high up into the air as they drove past. The walls of the apartment were blue, faded blue wallpaper with large white roses that I once tried to colour in yellow, so they could look similar to sunflowers. Dad got so mad, he knocked the lamp off the table and threw my books across the room. He always had a bad temper just like I did. I never let that bother me because I loved him and wanted to be just like him. I was sent to a school where tall iron gates locked up teenagers from nine o’clock in the morning to sunset. The teachers wore long flowery dresses that shook slightly when they wrote on the blackboard. The friends I managed to make were Rita and Rosa Robstelein. They were twins, but didn’t look at all alike. Their faces were small and their hair was stringy, blonde and totally out of control. At lunchtime, they’d talk about their family and what they were going to see or do on the weekend. I didn’t say anything, because I didn’t want them to know what a harsh life I was destined to have. I would sit in the schoolyard, listening to them ramble on about things I was only partly interested in. That was before mum got sick, and before my whole world fell completely apart. Mum slept all day and saw every doctor from every part of the city. “I’m sorry, there is nothing we can do for her now, there’s only about a 20% chance of recovery�. Nobody could help her. It felt surreal standing there, listening to her groan. She was always an active woman. I heard every bit of advice from every doctor and saw every piece of equipment they carried in their black leather bags. It fascinated me and I wanted to do it too, just to see what it felt like to have people listen to you and respect you. I wanted to help mum, if not physically, mentally. I made her a red card with a white love heart in the middle and when you opened it, you would find a picture I drew of mum, dad and I. It really made her cry. When I was 16, I dreamt of being a doctor so maybe I could help sick people like my mum. I wanted it so much, that when I thought about it my heart throbbed and always beat slightly faster than before. I thought about it everyday. It was a dream that was unreachable and yet so close. Everyone I knew discouraged me. “Why would you aim so high, darling, you’re only wasting your time, eh?�, were some comments from the women at the local grocery store. School wasn’t a fun place to be in, mainly because the kids didn’t want to learn and I sat there trying to hear what the teachers were saying. Teachers didn’t try hard enough to calm students down, but one day someone new came, and the class was never the same again. Ever. I wondered what she was doing there, teaching in a hopeless school like mine. Maybe she was lost, like me. Her name was Kim. Just K-I-M and she yelled and she screamed and she made sure we studied, hard. Everybody hated her, but I adored her. She was the first person to give me a chance to achieve my dream. My only goal. Mum condition was getting worse. She still couldn’t breathe well and I would sit there trying to help some of her breaths come out. She still slept almost all day, probably trying to forget about her pain. The doctors told me that she’ll be alright and that she would be perfect again. I wondered why they weren’t telling me the truth. and vowed that I would never lie to anybody when I became a doctor. I wanted to tell mum about school and I wanted to tell her what the world was like, beyond her bed, beyond that small room. I considered myself a strong person. As strong as the iron fence we had around our school. As strong as the stones that our building was made of. Of course there was dad, too. He was optimistic and sometimes he would even sing songs when cooking or paint a picture once in a while. He loved art and painted everything from his fearful heart. I would sit and watch him draw. Colour was like magic and he shared it with me. I spent most of my days studying. The words and numbers soaked into my mind, like a sponge. I wanted to absorb more information and did everything in my power to get it. I’d also walk around the city. It was noisy and polluted. Definitely not the place I would have wanted to live in forever. People pushed and shoved. I felt invisible. Rita and Rosa had boyfriends. They wore leather jackets with metal chains on their necks, pants, arms, and on every other part of the body. Rita and Rosa loved them, but I just thought they were rude and dirty. “Why don’t you find a boyfriend, you’re a good lookin� girl, you’ll have no trouble?�, Rita added one afternoon, but I thought I’d pass. “Don’t need a bloody boyfriend�, I argued back, “They make you fall in love with em� and then they break your heart�. Mum died in March. I remember standing there at the funeral crying as the cold wind blew against my cheeks. I didn’t know why it had to happen to me, but then I realized I had a future, and life suddenly got better after that. School’s final exams were coming soon and it was time to apply for university. I put down “B Medicine, course 9� on the blue application form. Dad signed it hoping for the best. I wasn’t sure how smart I was, compared to the other applicants, but I knew I wanted to get in. The exams went reasonably well and on July the 28th, 10 days after my 18th birthday, a large white envelope came, addressed to me. It was a perfect rectangular envelope, quite thick, with my name on the front in black writing. I knew where it was from. My hands were shaking so much that the envelope fell out of my hands. Dad heard it drop loudly. I opened it quickly and read what was inside. “I am pleased to inform that the above student has received a place at Miller University in Sydney, in the course of Bachelor of Medicine�. It was all for me, I’d got in! I ran up the street as fast as I could, because I needed to tell Kim, who was working at the school. She was so happy and I was so proud. Dad packed my bags for me and I jumped into the ute. We drove up the long, narrow road that was packed with cars and I was finally happy because I was being driven to a place I wanted to go, a place where I would finally do what I want. After many years in medical school, I finished my degree and drove to the countryside where I left my home. I couldn’t believe my eyes. There in my old house, lived a couple and their daughter. She was about 11 years old. I watched them looking at their crops from the veranda. It was amazing. They re-grew our sunflowers and tomatoes. I wished that family luck on that farm and smiling to myself, I walked back to my car, while a drop of rain fell on my forehead. As I jumped into my car I put the windscreen wipers on and slowly, and excitedly, I drove away.
Copyright © 1994 Julia Sky |