Closet Space (Revised) Julie opened her eyes, but it was as if she hadn't. She blinked repeatedly but she was still unable to see anything but a swirling mass of colored dots. She pulled herself into a sitting position and groaned as waves of pain and dizziness swam through her head; her dizziness was intensified by the thick dark in which she was encased. The acute smell of moth balls and cat urine hung around her like a shroud, choking her. Julie slid backward until she collided with an unseen wall and with her back propped against it, stretched her legs out. They struck the wall opposite her before they were fully extended. She reached to her left and to her right and found that the distance was just as short. The damn closet, she thought and pounded a fist against the floor. I'm in the damn closet again. Her location had been determined, but the reason was less apparent. She knew that she's manage to upset the beehive again but the details were unclear, with only bits and pieces surfacing in her mind; it didn't take much these days anyway. I was probably chewing with the left side of my mouth instead of my right, she thought distractedly. Or maybe I was breathing too much oxygen. The thought made her realize how thick the air was around her. She decided to forget about it until she got some fresh air in her lungs. Julie ran a hand through her hair and grimaced as her fingers grazed a large knot on the back of her head. She couldn't see it, but she could feel the wetness of blood on her fingertips. She wiped it absently on her jeans. She sighed and made herself comfortable. It wasn't as hard as it used to be, she'd had a lot of time to find the right position. She yanked one of the dangling coats off its hanger and propped herself up on it. The seconds crawled on their bellies into minutes, the minutes melted into hours. Claustrophobia began to gnaw at her again. Julie imagined the walls she couldn't see getting closer to her, eating away at what little space she had. She pulled her knees into her chest and closed her eyes. And thought about her first trip to the closet. Four years ago Julie's mother and younger sister were killed in a car accident. Brake failure, the police had said. Happens all the time. A month later Julie and her father were trying to pull their lives back together, trying to cover the gaping hole left in their family. They returned from the store, David carrying an armload of groceries. He waddled to the kitchen to put them away and Julie sat herself in a chair in the hallway. She stared across from her at the dozens of meticulously placed photographs on the hall table; friends, family, all gazing eternally into space. Two pictures particularly transfixed her. It hurt to look at them, but she couldn't pull herself away. It was as if she'd forget their faces if she lost sight of them for even one second. The photo of her mother, taken only weeks before her death, looked out on her with warm blue eyes, her flaming red hair pulled taught into a bun. Julie could see streaks of gray running through it in places, the only testament to her age. Mama always said we gave her those. They were our gift to her, Julie thought and her lip trembled. Next to the picture of Julie's mother was a picture of Maggie, Julie�s younger sister by two years. Her sweet smile had always cheered up Julie, but now it haunted her, seemed to mock her. Julie noticed that one of Maggie�s baby teeth were missing and thought morbidly, it'll never grow back, just before bursting into tears. Julie was still sobbing when David came into the hallway. She had grabbed both pictures and was clutching them tightly against her chest. �You're crying again,� replied her father softly. She looked up at him, the tears flowing freely down her face, and said: �I miss them, daddy.� �I know you do," he grunted. "You only mention it thirty times a day. I miss them too, but you don't see me crying about it.� He snatched the picture of Julie�s mother from her hands. "And what did I tell you about these pictures? You always start bawling whenever you look at them, you know that." �I kn-know, Daddy, but I like looking at them,� Julie said, her breath hitching. "They m-make me feel better." �I don't care, I'm sick of it!� he yelled, flinging his dead wife�s photo down the hall. It struck the bathroom door, the glass shattering. �No!� screamed Julie. She tried to run down the hall after the picture, but David firmly grasped her forearm. �I've had enough of this,� he mumbled, "Always bitching about how bad your life is. Little ingrate." He drug her down the hall with one hand, and with the other pulled open a closet door. He flung her inside indifferently. She hit the ground with a muffled yell. �Now,� David said calmly, �You sit here until you got some sense.� Julie�s eyes widened as she realized her father was actually going to lock her in a closet. She sat back against the wall, pulled her knees to her chest, and rested her head on them. David slammed the door and Julie heard him slide the key into the lock. It made a soft click as the bolt sealed her in. She listened intensely to her father�s footsteps as they faded away from her. She began to cry again. She was exhausted, and soon she cried herself to sleep. When she awoke the closet door was standing open. She climbed to her feet, ignored her aching body, and went into the living room. She could hear her father banging around in the kitchen and quickly ascended the stairs to her room to avoid her father's attention. She sunk into her bed and let it cradle her sore back. David had gone into her room later that night when he thought she was asleep and stood over her, arms crossed. Julie lay as still as possible, not wanting him to know that she was aware of his presence. Finally, he turned to leave, mumbling "Little ingrate" as he went. She felt the same dull aching now, except it seemed as if someone was driving a nail through her skull. Julie waited for another dizzy spell to pass then felt for the box she kept in the corner opposite her. She found it and popped the lid open. She rummaged through the box until she found a large flashlight and clicked it on. She squinted as the small room was filled with a bright blue light. Coats hung above her like victims from nooses. Dust falling from the coats could be seen in the flash light's beam. Julie shuddered. She had considered reading one of the old magazines carted away in the box she heard footsteps coming down the hall. She quickly turned off the flashlight and stuffed it back into the box. The doorknob rattled and the bolt slid out of its former position. David opened the door and stared blankly down at her for a moment, then turned and went back into the living room. Julie rose to her feet and fought off a wave of nausea. She hobbled into the living room where David was sitting on the couch reading a newspaper. He looked up at her. �Hello, kitten,� he said, almost cheerfully. She stood in the doorway silently, hating him more and more with each breath. What infuriated her the most was that he had the nerve to act like everything was peachy when he finally let her out and she staggered into the room. It almost seemed like he felt guilty, but Julie doubted it. She stared at him over his magazine for a moment, wondering about the man's motives behind his actions. She went across the living room to the stairs. �I�m going to bed,� she said hoarsely. David only nodded, his eyes not leaving the magazine. Julie went up to her room and quietly closed her door behind her, lest she break her father�s concentration with a loud slam and send him into another rage. On the fated day four years ago Julie's mother, Linda, answered the phone. It was Julie�s aunt Catherine. It was Aunt Katie�s birthday and she�d love to see her sister and her adorable little nieces. �Come on down. Greg's got the barbecue going and he's making burgers and hot dogs and stuff,� Catherine said over the phone. A song (no doubt one of Aunt Katie's love songs) could be heard in the background. Julie�s mom was standing in the hallway and using the phone that rested on the table on which her and Maggie�s picture sat. �I wouldn't want to go without Julie, she's sick today,� said Linda, switching to phone from her right shoulder to her left one. �She stayed home from school and everything.� The daughter in question poked her head up from the couch at the mention of her name. �What are you talking about Mom?� she said. Linda cupped her hand over the receiver. �Your Aunt Katie wants us to come see her but I told her we couldn�t because you�re sick.� �So? You can go without me.� Linda shook her head. �I don't think so.� Julie turned and faced her mother, her hands resting on the back of the couch. �Just go without me. I don�t like Aunt Katie that much anyway, she always gives me these big lipsticky kisses,� Julie said and wiped her cheek, as if to rid it of a phantom lipstick print. Linda rolled her eyes. She began talking with Catherine again and Julie lost interest. She lay back down and returned to her cartoons. A moment later Linda tapped her on the shoulder. �We're going. Your dad�s going to stay here if you need anything,� she said, �He�s upstairs taking a nap right now.� Julie waved her away. �I�m not gonna to need anything.� Linda leaned down and planted a kiss on Julie�s fevered forehead. �Bye.� �Bye, Mom.� About an hour later David awoke from his nap. He came downstairs and asked Julie where her mother and sister were. �Uh, Aunt Katie�s, I think,� Julie said. She remained plugged into the television. David frowned. �What car did they take?� �Hers, I guess. Why?� David ignored her question and went into the garage. Julie heard cursing echoing inside it. He came back out a minute later. �Why didn�t you go with them?� He demanded. ��Cause I�m sick,� she said, �If you don�t want me here I can---� David backhanded her across the face. Julie was too stunned to cry at first, then slowly the tears came. �Go to your room,� David said sharply. "And stay there." Julie did, and was utterly confused as she sat alone in her and Maggie�s bedroom. She cried silently and brushed her doll�s hair sullenly in the corner. The next time Julie talked to David, he told her Linda and Maggie were dead. It happens all the time, the police had said after the inspection of the ruined vehicle. Julie thought this a rather tactless thing to say to a twelve-year-old girl. Oh, sure, she'd thought. My mother and baby sister die in a car crash all the time. I should be used to it. David had never wanted a family. He was simultaneously overjoyed and devastated when Linda gave him the news of her pregnancy. But despite all, he worked hard to provide for his wife and daughters. Until he could find a way out, that is. The insurance policy was actually Linda's idea. She'd brought it up one day with David and he'd agreed wholeheartedly. Oh, yes, he'd said. You never know when something bad will happen to someone you love. The police were slow in pointing a finger at him. The insurance company declared that David had little to do with them; it was Mrs. Stacek alone who handled everything. The fact that his older daughter's death would have benefited him, too helped his case. Why kill only two of them? Thus, the accident was deemed just that, an accident. A phrase her father had once said circled her mind as Julie lay awake. David had been making breakfast the day after the accident when Julie overheard him talking to himself. She'd only caught a few sentences, and she hadn't understood them at the time. She thought she knew what they really meant now, though. "Why didn't she go?" he'd said. "She wasn't even sick. Why didn't she go with them? All that money, gone." Julie had known that Linda had replaced the brakes not a week before but she thought not about this. She'd also known that there would be a hefty sum delivered to David if everyone in his family mysteriously died ("You never know," he'd said). These facts, accompanied with what David had said that morning, stewed in her mind as she struggled for sleep and it finally came to her that David had known all along. David sat in his green Laz-E-Boy; the paper lay in his lap, forgotten. He was staring at the foot of the stairs where Julie now stood. She looked tired and bleary eyed, but full of determination. �What did you just say?� He asked, his fists already clenching. He'd always had bad luck with this one. He was ready to put this stupid girl in her place once and for all if he had to. �You killed my family,� She repeated. Her voice remained calm and steady. David stood and approached her and waited for her to shrink away as she had always done. Julie remained planted on the bottom step. �I think you better think about what you're saying, Julie. Maybe you'd like to go back to the---� He failed to see the hand Julie had been keeping behind her back leap out and with a blunt object strike him in the forehead. He staggered backward and blinked stinging blood out of his eyes. The world swam before him, then faded out all together. When he came to, David realized three things: He was tied up and unable to move, his mouth was covered with a piece of duct tape, and that he was lying on the closet floor looking up at Julie. �Oh, you're awake. Here, you can have this back,� She said softly, dropping a wrench beside him. �Well, I'll let you get on with what you were doing. Don't want to be a bother, do I?� Julie chuckled as she closed and locked the door, shutting out the last light David ever saw.
Copyright © 2002 J Shartzer |