Driving Batsy Bats GOTHAM CITY Bruce Wayne awoke in bed, sweat dripping off his forehead. He had “the dream” again last night. It was horrible. He was always thankful to wake up in the morning knowing that it truly was just that- a dream. He looked at his watch. It was only five in the morning. He slowly rolled out of bed, and groggily put on his socks. Now was as good a time as any to go for a run. At the exact time, Joker woke up from his recurring dream. Only Joker liked his dream. He sat upright, and grabbed hold of the picture of Batman that he kept on his nightstand. He studied it. Then put it back down. He clapped his hands twice, and the lights came on. Glancing at the clock, he noticed it was five am. The reruns of Little Rascals were starting, so he decided to watch them. He groggily put on his flippers, clapped off the lights, and headed for the TV room. Minutes later, Bruce was dashing alongside the private drive leading up to his estate. The drive was long, about 2 miles. So if he ran to the gate and back, he would have put in a four mile run without encountering another soul. He picked up the pace, exhaling loudly as he increased speed. At this moment, Joker was munching on caramel corn, a bottle of root beer in his hands, watching Little Rascals. Spanky threw a banana peel on the ground, and an unsuspecting Alfalfa walked on it, and slipped and fell. Joker let out a loud cackle reminiscent to that of a hyena. “What a way to start a day!” He clapped and continued to watch in amusement. Moments later, Buckwheat threw a rock at a bees nest. The angry bees swarmed the terrified delinquents, much to the delight of Joker. “Ah- caramel corn, root beer, and human suffering- the true breakfast of champions”. A satisfied Joker turned off the TV set and slowly formed an evil smile. He held that pose, staring deep into space, in a sadistic mode of meditation. Bruce was running near full speed. His feet made a loud thud sound as he hit the pavement with each step. Bruce had a look of icy determination on his face. The increasing level of pain that he felt in his calf muscle did not phase him. He wouldn’t let it. With each flash of pain, he exerted that much more effort. A small cloud of smoke exited his mouth- a sign of the frigid cold of the early morning- as he uttered one solitary word “Joker”. He took off full sprint. Joker had been staring into space for quite some time. As if coming out of his trance, he lowered his head, then slowly turned to a mirror he was now holding. He looked directly into the mirror, and arched his brow. He became serious as he mouthed a single solitary word. “Batman”. He regained his smile, then threw the mirror down, smashing it into many pieces. THREE HOURS LATER Alfred Pennyworth was busy at work, picking up scattered laundry items, dusting off the end tables, and performing other mundane tasks that butlers do. Alfred was so busy that he didn’t hear the door open. When he finally did hear the footsteps behind him, he called out “Bruce?” “Oh how I wish I were”. the voice behind him said, chuckling softly. “That way, I’d have the courtesy to laugh when a certain white faced friend of mine tells a… jokes”. The chuckling had slowly and steadily gone from soft to almost uncontrollable laughter. Alfred turned around. “Just who do you think you are?” The stranger lifted up the end of the hat that was concealing his face. “Who am I?” He asked. “Here’s my ID card. See for yourself”. Alfred examined the card. “Mr. K A Boom? K A Boom…. Kaboom”. Joker pressed a tiny button on the detonator concealed in his coat. “Exactly. Nice to meet you”/ Alfred didn’t even have time to react. 1 HOUR LATER Bruce returned home from a meeting with Barbara Gordon. He was surprised to see the door wide open. He walked inside and called for his trusted friend. “Alfred?”. No answer, “Alfred?” Still no answer. Heading deeper inside the house, he spotted a shoe on the ground. A few feet further was a second shoe. Turning a corner, he almost fainted, There was the body- what remained of Alfred Pennyworth, the man who raised him/ He looked on his end table, and saw the unmistakable Joker’s card. He picked up the card, crumpled it, and threw it down. “It’s war”, he said through clenched teeth. Joker exited the tall, windowless building carrying a large brown bag. He stood and looked inside. Satisfied that he had everything he needed, he looked high into the sky and pumped his fist. “You’re move next”. He mouthed, then walked quickly away. Bruce had changed into the Batman outfit. He had no sooner exited the bat cave, when a man dressed as a mime walked in, frantically waving his arms. Batman stood and yelled “Stay where you are!”. The man did not listen. And continued waving his arms- advancing at the same time. Batman had no choice but to defend himself. He took out a small bomb from his belt, and tossed it at the man. The bomb went off, instantly killing the henchman. Batman watched as two more ran for their lives. He let them go. He had bigger fish to fry. LATER THAT NIGHT Joker and Harley Quinn sat on the green and purple couch. “Are you sure this is going to work, Mister J?” She asked innocently. “As sure as I am of anything”. Was his reply. LATER ON Harley had been ordered to deliver the package in the envelope. She was near the drop off point, when Batman dropped down in front of her. Staring her down, he reached out his hand. “Give me that”. He said in very stoic fashion. “OK. Just don’t hurt me”. She stammered, handing over the tape. Batman grabbed it and addressed her again. “Get lost”. He told her, and she scampered off, smiling all the while. Batman ascended up the building and into the night. Moments later, he would hand this package to Commissioner Gordon to use as evidence against Harley and The Joker. Harley returned to Joker, and he greeted her. “Did he take the package from you?” Harley threw her arms around him. “He sure did, Mister J”. Joker nodded, rubbing his hands together. “It’s all falling into place. Come on. Let’s go”. Batman left the police station and was no more than three blocks away when he heard the voice behind him. The Joker stood behind him, but he looked different. Same green hair. Same red lips and white face. But he now had on a black silk suit and black tie, with his purple shirt. “Greetings, Batsy. How’s it hangin… Or should I say, how are YOU hangin’?” He slapped his knee and stared at Batman. “Get it? You’re a bat! Why can’t I make you laugh?” Batman tilted his head when he replied. “Because you are not funny”. Joker’s expression went from a happy smile into an angry scowl. “THAT ISN’T TRUE! TAKE IT BACK!” Batman didn’t even budge, “No”. “Then prepare to give me the last laugh”. Joker advanced towards Batman, and Batman advanced towards him. Joker put one hand behind his back. Batman charged him, and went for the uppercut, To his surprise, Jokers tie inflated, creating a thick barrier in front of his face. Batman’s fist bounced off. Joker shook his head as the tie deflated. “Tisk, Tisk, Bats. After all this time fighting me, you still go for the uppercut?” Batman looked angry, and unleashed a powerful punch to the center of Joker’s face. The madman went flying back. Batman went over to Joker and picked him up. A sharp knee to the stomach was followed by a second face punch. Dazed but not down, Joker returned to his feet, wound up, and gave Batman a punch of his own. Batman rocked slightly, but was largely unfazed. Joker looked at Batman and heard the police sirens coming. He reached into his coat and pulled out what resembled a rubber clown nose. “You can take a punch”, he said, as the cars came closer. “But can you take a punch line?” Joker threw the ball down. A high cloud of smoke concealed him/ When it disappeared, so had he. The police were coming near. “Freeze!” yelled one of them as they surrounded the area. Batman addressed them. “He escaped”. He said solemnly. “He’s not the one we’re looking for” Commissioner Gordon spoke as he approached Batman. “Batman” He said, holding a piece of paper in his hand. “We have a warrant for your arrest. You have the right to remain silent”. Naturally, Batman did not know what to make of this, “You are under arrest for the murders of Alfred Pennyworth, Joseph Kerr and Barbara Gordon. Put your hands behind your back”. Gordon was fighting back tears. “You were seen leaving her house just before my daughter was married. The second man, Mr. Alfred Pennyworth, you were seen leaving right before and returning shortly after the blast went off that killed him. And as for Mr. Kerr, a video tape was brought to me showing you actually murdering him/ You included a signed confession for all three killings”. Gordon put on the handcuffs as they led Batman away. “This is a dark day for Gotham. It’s greatest hero has joined the ranks of it’s worst villains” They led Batman away. LATER ON Harley gave Joker a peck on the cheek. “They picked up the Bat and sent him to the clink. Nice job, Mister J, but why didn’t ya kill him?” Joker patted her on the head, smiling. “Kill Batman? Then all the fun in my life would die with him. No, this will be much better. Especially when he figures out just what I did” ARKHAM ASYLUM Batman stared into the wall. He thought hard about what happened. Then he felt nauseous as it hit him. Joseph Kerr. Joe Kerr. Joker, He had been framed by his greatest foe. He heard footsteps behind him and turned to see Bane, Killer Croc, Two Face, and Condiment king standing before him. “Welcome to our club, Batman”. Said Bane. “Now it is time for your initiation”. They slammed the door behind them and moved towards him. Batman screamed. THE END
Copyright © 2007 Gino Russo |