Devil's Child
Prepense

 

"I remember an answer which when quite young I was prompted to make to a valued adviser who was wont to importune me with the dear old doctrines of the church. On my saying, "What have I to do with the sacredness of traditions, if I live wholly from within?" my friend suggested,--"But these impulses may be from below, not from above." I replied, "They do not seem to me to be such; but if I am the Devil's child, I will live then from the Devil."
Ralph Waldo Emerson, Self-Reliance


     I died.

     I'm sure there was a little more to it than that, but my memory evades me. I think I was driving to work. Maybe I was driving home. I don't really remember. I'm pretty sure my death was caused by a car accident, but all I know for certain is that I'm dead.

      At first, I thought it was just a dream. It was much like many dreams I used to have. You know, the white light beckoning, the pleasant harmony therein, pulling you toward it. It was straight out of some trashy, new age, self-help book. I felt drawn toward the light. It would have taken all of my willpower to overcome this attraction to that pleasant light. I'm notorious for lacking willpower, so naturally I approached the light.

     My whole world was filled with this white, pleasant light. At first, I felt overwhelmed, but soon I adjusted to it as I continued approaching it. My first suspicion that it wasn't just a dream came to me when I realized that I actually felt this. I felt it in all of my being. It was a feeling I rarely experienced in my waking, living state. When I did feel it, it was fleeting.

     The only way I can explain it is that it feels like the planets have aligned along my path. I felt like I was walking the true path, where futility and purpose, love and hate, beauty and profanity, all collided into a single, unified whole. All problems seemed to solve themselves, all questions seemed to answer themselves. This was how I felt only a few, fleeting times in my life, and I feel it again now as I approach the light.

      I guess this means I'm going to Heaven. Quite frankly, this surprises me a little. I'm not saying I was particularly naughty while I was alive. I mean, I didn't kill anyone, I tried to be honest, and I tried to help people as much as I could. However, I was no saint, and I always thought that I'd end up in Hell. Come on, everyone does, don't they? In our society of sin, one is led to wonder if Heaven is in fact a very lonely place. In our society of confusion, and a plethora of religious contradiction, one must choose their church carefully, lest he end up in the wrong Heaven, or worse yet, Hell. The only thing one can do is live from within, and follow their heart. I was no saint, but I did live from within.

     There will always be some religion which tells you that your chosen behavior will lead you to Hell, and there will always be some religion which tells you that your chosen behavior will lead you to Heaven. Most all religions will say that some of your behavior will lead you to Heaven, but some will disqualify you and force you into Hell, or default you into Purgatory. If you decide to reliquish your choice to some religious authority, you still must decide which authority to relinquish to. Somewhere along the way, you must look within and decide which path to take. You must trust this intuition at some point. Being born into a certain religion doesn't exempt you from this choice; it only deceives you into thinking you haven't made a choice.

      So I'm in Heaven. It's so exactly like how I pictured it that I would almost call it clich�. Maybe this is a dream after all. I mean, this is straight out of cartoons. There are no clouds, a perfect blue sky, angels with beautiful, enormous wings, strumming harps and singing. Everyone is happy. I started laughing when I saw the halos over our heads. I burst into a huge laughter when, sure enough, I walked up to the Gates of Heaven and was greeted by Saint Peter.

     Saint Peter seemed pre-occupied. He said, "Welcome to Heaven. I trust that you have received your halo and wings without too much hassle. Please be on your way now. God is awaiting you for your Judgement."

Uh oh, Judgement. Maybe this isn't my final destination after all.

     I walked through the Gates, and soon enough, I approached an enormous chair. Sitting in the chair was a fatherly looking man, very big and obviously powerful. He had a long, flowing beard, and when he spoke, there was a booming sensation. I wanted to laugh at how pathetically clich� this "God" is, but I thought to myself that laughing at God would not exactly be the wisest choice of behavior at my Judgement. With just a slight tinge of amusement, I said, "so you must be God." He replied, "actually, no. I am not God."
      What does he mean, he's not God? Is he some imposter? Is he one of God's angels? He has the whole look down and everything. Who else could he be? Swallowing my shock, I asked, "then who are you?" He replied, "I am Lucifer."

     I was floored. I wasn't sure if he was joking, but I reasoned that God probably wouldn't joke about something like that, at a time like this. Noticing my obvious state of confusion, God, or Lucifer, or whoever this guy was, said, "I see that Peter didn't give you the low down. He's easily distracted. I am not God. I am Lucifer, Satan, the Devil, Beelzebub, whichever name suits your fancy. I see this shocks you, and rightfully so. That was by design."

     "You mean, you intended to shock me?" I asked. Quite honestly, the irony in all of this was too much for me to handle.

     "Yes, I intended to shock you. I see I've done my job well."

     My head filled with so many questions that I didn't know where to start.

     "Where's God?" I asked.

      Lucifer replied, "He's in the underworld, ruling Hell."

     This must be some kind of a joke. "Why is God in Hell? Isn't God supposed to be ruling Heaven, and Lucifer ruling Hell?" I asked.

     "Hence the shock," said Lucifer smugly.

     "Okay, what the Hell is going on here? Pardon the pun."

     Lucifer chuckled. "I see that the shock value is starting to wear off," he said, "but it's always fun while it lasts. I am Lucifer, and I rule Heaven. God rules Hell. I am the Creator, the Giver of Life. I am the merciful and great. I am the truth every man seeks. I am the Bringer of Light. That is why my name is Lucifer, which means Bringer of Light."

     "Every religion says that you're the pinnacle of evil, the seed of destruction, the temptation in Man."

     Satan said: "Yes, I'm that too. Your religions try to be consistent, and therein lies their failure. To understand me, you must understand my creation. If you understand my creation, you understand that the basis of my creation is irony, paradox, the delicate balance of dualities. You'll find this everywhere in my creation, but very few religions pay much attention to my creation. Knowing this, I planted the ultimate irony. I switched places with God. I told them that I am God and he is Lucifer."

      "Why would you do such a thing?" I asked.

     "Well, let's start at the beginning. Many have wondered what is Man's purpose. They always assumed that their purpose was to conquer and rule the world. It is not Man's purpose to rule the world; this is My purpose. Something happened to Man that caused him to pursue the wrong purpose. This is where the myth of Adam and Eve came from. The Tree of Knowledge of Good and Evil was what pre-historic man, who was pursuing his true purpose, used to explain what happened to his neighbors, whom he noticed began pursuing the wrong purpose."

     "Then what is Man's true purpose?" I asked.

     "What do you think his purpose could be? I blessed him with the largest brain of any species on the planet. I gave him consciousness, a sense of self, and an uncanny ability to reason. Most people from your era know that only a miniscule percentage of that wonderful tool was being harnessed. Your brain is a vast, undiscovered territory to most of you. Because you're so pre-occupied with the wrong purpose, most of you leave this tool unexercised, which I tend to think is a terrible waste."

     "So why don't you do something about that?" I asked.

      "I did. To answer your earlier question, that's why I did such a thing as switch places with God. I only wanted to share my kingdom with those who pursued their true purpose. The only way I could know that is by giving them free will, and letting them choose for themselves which purpose to follow. I have tried very hard to make this easy for you. I planted lies in all of your religions and institutions. I am, after all, the Father of Lies. I am a master of deception. In fact, my entire creation is based on deception. The easy part is that these lies are obvious, or so I thought."

     "You didn't know who would follow their true purpose and who wouldn't? So you're not all-knowing?" I asked.

     "In a sense, I am all-knowing. But this sense you cannot understand yet. In the sense that you presently understand, I am not all-knowing. You will understand the other sense soon enough," Satan replied.

     "So you lied to us. That would explain why I felt lied to all my life."

     "You weren't lied to by me. You were lied to by the prophets and other leaders. I lied to the prophets. The prophets were so selfish and righteous, so obsessed with the wrong purpose, that I channeled all of my deceit into them. To the rest of my creation, I spoke only the truth," said the Devil.

      "I don't remember you ever speaking to me."

     "That's because I'm using the word 'speak' in a different sense than you are. Probably a better word would be, 'communicate.' I communicate with you on a constant basis. I speak to you through your intuition. Some choose to listen to me, some ignore me. I don't like being ignored, so when I speak to the prophets, I lie to them in the attempt to shake them from their preconceived ideas about their purpose. I fill their minds with contradiction.

     "They never think to question this because it's literally the Word of God. When their followers question it, they call them blasphemers. They never wonder if I may have purposely contradicted myself for a reason. To not question me is to disrespect me. They never questioned me. That was how I knew they were following the wrong purpose, for if they followed their true purpose, their minds would be filled with questions.

     "Of all the lies I told, there was one I told that was a dead giveaway. I thought this would certainly do it. I told them that I was a loving and merciful God, but if they disobey me even slightly, then I'll throw them in Hell and punish them for all of eternity. I was sure this would trigger the skepticism in them, and for many it did, but the majority of Man continued to take my word without question."

      I was confused. "You said that God rules Hell. So you threw them in Hell for not questioning you? It sounds like it's not such a contradiction after all," I said.

     "Well, Hell isn't really as clich� as Heaven is. In fact, Hell is almost identical to Heaven. No fire and brimstone. In fact, they still think their religion was right. God doesn't look like a devil either. In fact, he's one of my best angels. He's almost as good as I am at deception, and that is why he's so good at playing the role of creator, of the clich� God that everyone expects him to be.

     "People in Hell think they're in Heaven, and they get to do all the boring stuff they expected to do in Heaven, like playing harps and swimming in lakes of milk and honey. On Earth, they were happy to not think for themselves. Hell is a place where they don't have to think. To me, and those in my kingdom, an eternity of not thinking is indeed an eternity of torment, but this is where they wanted to go, and those who don't like to think actually are happy there, so that's where they belong. I am indeed merciful. I only want my children to go where they would be happy. Those in Hell would not be happy here, and those in Heaven would not be happy there. You, my child, are a thinker, a skeptic. That is why you are in Heaven."

     Now I was absolutely impressed with Satan's exquisite work of irony. I asked, "so if we don't strum harps and swim in lakes of milk and honey, then what do we do?"

      "I have built this intricate universe," he explained. "I have put my all into every single detail. No single part is a duplicate of another part. Yet there are patterns and cycles. My universe replenishes itself and is thus self-perpetuating. This is the greatest toy you could ever imagine, and I made it for you. For all of us. We don't spend our time playing harps and swimming in lakes of milk and honey. We spend our time playing with, studying, and experiencing this amazing toy that I call the universe. It is my gift to you. There is no greater Heaven than this. The universe is infinite, and thus an infinite source of exploration, creation, and awe. You can spend an eternity playing with it and never even begin your exploration of it. If you think exploring the far reaches of your own mind was fun, wait until you get a load of the entire universe."

     Whoa. That does sound like fun. Lucifer was right: this definitely beats playing harps and swimming in lakes of milk and honey. I'll take this over that any day. It makes sense too. Not all souls could enjoy this sort of thing. Some actually wanted the milk and honey, they dedicate their lives to it, and there's nothing you can do with them but to let them have it. But something still felt wrong here. "What was up with all those harps when I came in," I asked, "all those angels with halos and wings?"

      "Ah, see, I was right about you. You question everything. Do you remember when I said earlier that my entire creation is based on deception? I am the Father of Lies. All of the world, all of my kingdom, all of the species in the universe, are deceived. It is this very deception which makes Heaven what it is. Deception is the tool that I used to build this intricate universe. For if you knew it all, if you had all the answers, how could you possibly explore anything? You'd know it all already. Therefore, I build deception into everything. The second you find an answer to a question, it also raises yet another question. In this way, you will never know everything. You will always be exploring a new deception.

     "My kingdom was built with the intention of shocking you. I created a Heaven customized to your expectations. That is why you'll see no Buddhists or Wiccans or Bahai's here. I wanted you to think that you were walking into your preconceived idea of Heaven. Then I wanted to see your reaction when I changed places with God. That was your judgement."

     I laughed out loud.

      "You were borne into the Great Deception," Satan continued, "and you are still under its spell as we speak. This isn't really what Heaven looks like. Without the Great Deception, 'looks' are meaningless. You are still under the spell of the Great Deception, and you still see what you want to see. You think this is what Heaven looks like, and that's what you see. This was the ideal setting in which to shock you. I had to make you think you were entering your idea of Heaven. That was the only way I could judge you accurately. I needed to see your reaction to that ultimate deception. If you didn't question it, or if you rejected it and refused to hear me out, then I would know that you are not the type who enjoys thinking, and I would know that you didn't belong here. Do you see how things would have been different had you entered some other religion's idea of Heaven?"

     "Yes, I see that now," I replied.

     "Do you remember that feeling you had when you came into Heaven, that you've only had a few times when you were on Earth? That feeling comes from seeing past the Great Deception. On Earth, if you try hard enough, you can do it, but it never lasts. Some spiritual gurus know how to do it, and they are better at making it last longer. They spend their lives trying to learn how to control the Great Deception, to see past it whenever they choose. In Heaven, you can turn this deception on and off like a light switch. The Great Deception must exist and you must experience it in order to objectively study the universe I've created for you, but you are no longer bound to it."

      "What exactly is the Great Deception?" I asked.

     "I can't describe it properly in words. When spiritual gurus experienced it, they always said that they were unable to capture it in words, and must be experienced to be understood. This is the very nature of the Great Deception. You will experience it soon enough."

     "Could you at least try to explain it in words? I'm kind of curious."

     Lucifer smiled and replied, "I know you're curious. That's why you're in Heaven. The Great Deception makes you not only think, but believe with every ounce of your being, that you are separate and distinct from the rest of creation, from the other souls, from me. There is in fact no separate souls, no creation, no universe. There is only one soul. Even I am a figment of the Great Deception. None of this exists as separate and distinct entities, including myself. All of this, including this entire conversation, is a figment of the Great Deception.

     "This is the greatest lie I ever told. It is what makes possible the joy and awe of life and the universe. It is the basis for this toy that we in Heaven spend an eternity playing with. You cannot study it objectively if you aren't under the spell of the Great Deception. All of the experiences you get on Earth, pain and joy, suffering and happiness, love and hate, all are formed from the Great Deception. To be alive is to be deceived."

      "Yes, I see that now. Even this is all part of the Great Deception."

     At that moment, I started becoming overwhelmed by an even greater sense of that feeling I described earlier, the feeling that Lucifer described as seeing past the Great Deception. This feeling increased to the point that I felt like I was one with all around me. I felt like I was part of Satan, I felt the joy and the grief of all of those still alive. I transcended death itself.

     I am one.
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