One Step Can Change Your Life ONE STEP CAN CHANGE YOUR LIFE By: Melissa Afanador April 10/98 Dear diary, Everybody knows the truth. I had been hiding my secret for the last couple weeks, not letting anybody know, but today, Monica had to open her &#$% mouth! It all started when I was throwing up in the bathroom that she coincidentally had to enter. When she saw me in that loathsome shape she asked in a fraudulent concerned voice what was going on with me. I could not just tell her the truth, either I could ignore her, since she would have created this big fuzz about it. So I just told her that it must had been the eggs I had eaten for breakfast. �Don�t worry Monica, it must be just thoes scramble eggs I ate this morning, its no big deal, I�ll be fine.� But that stupid, superficial, rich girl did not content herself with what I told her. �Oh Lucy, you need to be careful with what you eat, why don�t we go to the doctor? Besides we can spent some time out of the class.� I definitely could not say no, �cause if I did she would have called me party pooper, or lame, or nerd, and I was none of those! So I responded sounding very calm and confident, �Sounds good.� I went on to the doctor with this girl, but while we went down the long path I could feel how hard my heart was pounding. What if the doctor noticed that how big my belly was and for somewhat reason decided to publicize that I was pregnant? I could not let my fears show, not in front of this �gossip queen�. I just kept on walking naturally down the wide sidewalk, always trying to hide my chubby belly. We entered the doctor�s office. He was sitting in a big, fat, white chair, just like himself. His thick moustache covered half the top of his upper lip, and his face filled with round freckles. We took some steps forward until we were just in front his desk. He lifted his face up and examined us from top to bottom, then he spoke with his slow heavy voice. �So...who�s the sick one?� Monica decided to speak for me, and told the doctor all about my incident at the bathroom. Usually I don�t let others speak for me, I commonly stand for my self, but today I was feeling fragile and I thought that if I spoke my voice would sound shaky. The doctor made me lay on the cold bed so he could see what was wrong with me. After touching my throat, my face and even my stomach he sat at his desk and looked at me with a concerned look. He moved his nose up and down like a hunting dog and then looked me straight in the eye. My legs were slightly trembling, my heart was up at my mouth, and down the palm of my hands ran cold sweat. I felt that I was going to faint, but my honor was before my feelings. I straightened my head and body, careful enough not to let my belly show. �Lucian, after all my examination I have come to the conclusion that you are......� Then he stop to take a breath. In his face I could notice that he wanted to tell me this in private, but my challenging look gave him no mercy and he decided to shoot the rest of it. Also there was Monica who looked at me as if she was very worried about what the doctor could say. I could not let her know how bad I felt, I had to remain strong. So I pushed back my black hair and straightened my chin. �Miss. Lucian, you are to expect a baby.� I tumbled a little bit, but I was able to get back in position. Today has been the worst day of my life; Monica, the cruelest girl in high school now knows, the rest is what you, Diary, are thinking. That grotesque @3%^& told my secret to every single soul in the high and middle school! After going to the school doctor today I skipped the rest of my classes and I spent the time up at the camping field, crying. My desperation was uncontrollable. I could not stand thinking that I was going to be a mother; soon I was going to turn fat and unable to do many sports. I was no longer going to be able to participate in cheerleading or in basketball, I would have to sit in the shade and read! But that was not the thing that most affected me, the worst was how people would start to treat me now; some were going to make fun of me, others would feel pity for me, and others would just call me a slut! It was the lowest day of my life, and the more I thought about it the worst the situation looked. When finally the last bell rang I ran up to the buses, there I occupied the last and lonely seat. I sat with my face against the window. I did not want to listen or to see anybody who could torment me with my situation. In my head rushed the memories of the past 16 years of my life. They were all so good, my life seemed so worthy. It looked like I had been following the correct path, but suddenly it had taken a drastic curve. I had made a mistake, which now would change my life forever. I had a great family, studied at a good school and was an average student. I had caring friends, and I had a jock for a boyfriend. Life was so perfect! I lived like in a little bubble, but that bubble was nearly to pop. It was about to leave me unprotected. The ride home seemed the longest I ever took, when I finally got home my mother was waiting for me at the door. She looked worried, and when I was going off the bus she got close to help me move down. I knew she knew, and in a way it sounded comforting. She was my mother, and soon or later she would have to know the truth. I felt kind of guilty for not having told her before, but I had not had the strength to face the pure reality. I knew my mom would understand what was happening. Now that I looked at what was happening to me, the fact that the news had spread, did me a favor in relation with my family and friends. Now I did not need to explain to my parents what had happened, they already knew. So this afternoon after I got of the bus I hugged my mother and as soon as my head rested on her shoulder I started to cry compulsively. She heed me hard and cried with me, she knew that she would have to support me in this tough situation. We went inside the house and into her room. There we talked about all the big issue and why I had not told her. She seemed very confused, no more than I, but she remained positive about my problem. She offered me her unconditional support and told me she was going to deal with my father. That released some tension. BYE April 11/98 Dear Diary, As I told you, yesterday was a very harsh day to face, but today was even worst, I woke up this morning and I knew what was waiting for me at school, but I have always been a strong person. I wore an old dress that my mom kept since she was pregnant. This dress was like a warning for everybody that automatically showed my pregnancy. But even though I was prepared everybody at school looked at me like a weird creature. When I went by the corridors they would gossip about me just behind my back, and would lament my situation. I tried my best to put up with what was happening until lunch, which was when Burg, my ex boyfriend, walked up to me. He was very upset, and I could see his red eyes burning with anger. He grabbed my by my right arm and pulled me into the boy�s bathroom. There he locked the door and started hitting the bathroom doors. Then he faced me and said, �#2@%^, who else did you have sex with? You have ruined my reputation.� My ears could not believe what they were hearing, and my eyes could not hold anymore the terrible storm. I was feeling like the most despise person on earth. The guy who supposedly was my boyfriend was now saying that I had betrayed him, in other words that my baby was not also his. �What are you saying Burg? I been loyal to you through all our relationship, please don�t say that you are hurting me!� I was now sobbing really loudly. I bet that the entire school noticed. He got his right hand and slapped my right cheek, and my mouth corner started bleeding. I was very confused about what was going on, through the four months for which I had been pregnant I had not told Burg because I feared his reaction. But I never thought he would hit me. I through my self to my knees were I begged him to stop being so violent, but instead he kept on slapping doors and calling me a dirty women. �You @3%^#, you #$!%&, you...� His eyes were now burning, and his face was red as fire. His hands were tightened, and his left fist was bleeding from hitting the walls. I could not take it anymore, so I stood up straight and responded to his offences. �How you dare to call me that when I have given you all in me? How do you dare to treat the mother of your child in that way? Its fine with me if you don�t accept it, but remember that it was not only my fault! You may deny this to everyone, but inside you, you will know the truth! Now get out of my way I want to clean my face and eat some lunch.� With that I organized my clothes and left him there in the bathroom throwing water to his face like crazy. I went out the bathroom door and there I found everyone close to the door. I looked at them over my shoulder and walked toward my locker. My feelings were ripped into pieces, but I have always been a woman of pride, and I was not going to show what I felt. When going down the path I saw Monica with her three model friends, they were looking at a fashion magazine and analyzing their makeup. I placed my self in front of Monica and said, � Did you like all the drama you caused? You caused me to get a black eye, and do you like everyone talking about me? What kind of person are you?� �Oh Lucy it was never my intention to get you into such trouble, but I thought that your boyfriend had the right to know.� �Couldn�t you wait until I told him? Or you wanted to do everything in your hands to stay with him over my pain? But know what, you did me a favor, you spread the news so now I don�t need to explain to everyone, and you made me finally understand that Burg is the most disgusting person on earth!� �I don�t need you to lecture me... I am not two years old ok? I do what I want and I don�t need to explain anything to anyone.� �Certainly... I expected a more intelligent argument from you, but what can we expect from a girl who has only one neuron and it is used to put on make up? Now move, I need to go the principals office.� I walked with my back straight, I could hear Monica and her friends cursing me while I walked. Talking with the principal did relive me, since he told me that the school was going to give me absolute support in my situation. I discussed everything with him and he gave me some special permission until it all was over. Well there was school for today, latter this afternoon I will write to you again after I talk with my parents, but now I need to do some math. BYE April 11/98 (Late at night) Dear Diary, Finally I talked with my Dad and he was very supportive and understood me. Both of my parents are willing to help and we three have decided to get me a psychologist so I can deal with this better. I think that it is the best for all, and that a good guide can really change what might happen in the future. I have decided that I will continue studying, and that when the baby is born I will work and study at the same time. My parents are going to adopt the baby so I can continue on with my life, but I am still going to work to help them with the money. I consider that what my parents are doing is a very noble thing, they are giving me a second chance, and I believe that all human beings should count with the second opportunity. Thank God I count on with parents like the ones I have, they are supportive and they do know how to understand people. They know I committed my biggest mistake, but they also know that I am willing to go on with all that life brings. I, Lucy Kramer, am going to face every situation from now since the beginning, I will no longer wait until others decide to do it for me. I will put up with the change of my life at school and I will put up with the people who want to harm me. Tomorrow when everyone will want to know details of what happened I will tell them the most important things face to face, not feeling any shame. I will talk to Burg and clarify any question he has, but for nothing on earth I will go back with him. And Monica, I know she would not bother to talk to me since she knows how upset and hysterical I get over critical things. The phone rang the whole afternoon, but I really did not want to speak to certain people, so I would let the phone ring until the answering machine would take the call. Then when the people started to leave their messages I would decide whether to pick up the phone or not. I talked with all my friends and gratefully they are all willing to support me, I am glad to count on a family and friends like the ones I have. BYE
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