Max Leroy In Space I peered in the rearview mirror, past the stacks of clothes, and saw no headlights behind me. I looked down the road and saw no headlights coming towards me. I continued driving at 70 mph. I laid my head back and rested it on a stack of sweaters. It felt nice. My eyes settled to fully enjoy the soft, comfortableness. The clothes that filled my car were Mommas Boy clothes. This was a design and fashion style that I created, which had the same sense as Hipsters fashion. It was an ironic fashion that was to not be taking too seriously but still to be taken serious enough for people to consistently dress in such a way. The clothes were intended to mimic the type of clothes that a person would wear if their mother dressed them, such as long tube socks with sandals and shorts, tightie whities, and large billowy sweaters. The best part of this fashion style is that it can incorporate other fashion trends that exist but put a motherly twist on them. Hipsters can dress Hipster Mommas Boy. Preps can dress Prep Mommas Boy. It can be done with every fashion style. The fashion was based on what I wore as a child and into my high school years. I was raised to be unconcerned with my appearance and thoroughly taught to not judge a book by its cover. I was also taught to not care what others thought of me and with these ideas I had no problem going to school in whatever clothes my mother bought for me. This was taught to me by my mother not out of moral reasons but cheap reasons. From this experience I had no fashion sense of my own for most of my life. Later as an adult, reflecting on this, I realized that Mommas Boy was a style of dressing just like any other style. It was more than circumstances. One could strive to have this look. That is how I came up with this fashion style in which I can sell an ugly 20 dollar sweater for 40 dollars by calling it part of a fashion line. I first introduced it in Los Angeles by wearing the clothing and advertising it on the street corners in the fashion district. I simply bought clothes from thrift stores that appeared as if a mother would dress their child in it. I then took off the tag of the original maker and put my own tag on the clothes and claimed them as my own. The style got a pretty strong following in the L.A area. It was enough that I could make a living off of it and not work another job. When it was big enough there and I was confident enough, I tried to spread it to other areas. So after securing a few deals where my clothes were sold in stores and I would receive a percentage of every sale directly deposited to my bank account, I hopped in my car and set on the road to seek out new places to introduce Mommas Boy fashion design. I was a man who didn�t plan too far ahead and that was why, at two in the morning, I was running out of gas driving down an endless road with farmland on either side. I passed a motel around midnight but I had enough energy in me, so I thought that I would just drive a little bit longer and stop at the next motel. There would be no more motels after that one. There would be no more gas stations either. I continued on with the logic that there had to be one soon. It was my logic-less logic. When I came to a sputtering stop I realized that I was out of gas. She was empty. I sat in my car silent for a while and contemplated my options. I could stay in the car and try to sleep until morning, although it might be hard to sleep, realizing that I got such a mess to deal with when I wake up. I don�t sleep well when I know I have something annoying to do in the morning. It is kind of like when you are in high school and you got an important exam the next day. The worrying keeps you up. My other option was that I could deal with the problem right then and there although I would be tired and therefore I would be frustrated and short tempered while trying to solve the problem. I never was a procrastinator so I decided to do something about the situation right then and there. I stepped out of the car to stretch my legs while I called for a taxi. I walked down the road a bit and as I began to dial the number, a sticky pair of warm arms swooped around me and wrapped themselves tightly around my chest and arms. Another pair of sticky arms grabbed my legs and yanked them up off of the ground. The owners of these arms lifted me up and carried me away from my car like a piece of lumber. I screamed for help but there was no point. No one was around for miles except for these kidnappers. I wriggled like a worm trying to escape a hungry boys fingers but their grip was too strong. The kidnappers held me with my face away from them so I wasn�t able to see who they were. We were out in the middle of nowhere and they were on me as soon as I got out of the car� as if they had been following me. But I was sure that there were no other cars around me for close to an hour. Maybe they were kidnappers who hid in that spot and hoped that they were lucky enough that someone would coincidently break down right there. It doesn�t seem like it would be the most effective method but it worked this one time so maybe they were on to something. They carried me into the tall grass of the field next to the road. I realized now that they had such a good grip on me because of their stickiness. But what happened next was not what I expected at all. As they carried me I saw the grassy field disappear behind metallic walls. I was taken down a hall and thrown headfirst into a cage. After righting myself I turned to see the faces of my assailants for the first time. This was not a kidnapping. This was an alien abduction. I was shocked more by the fact that they were the stereotypical lil green men, with large black eyes, a small mouth and two nostrils, than the fact that they were aliens. One of the green men approached the cage with a note pad and wrote some information down. I said to him �Why did you take me?� He didn�t respond. I said �What are you going to do to me?� He looked at me frustrated and walked away. Until this point I didn�t notice the details of the ship that I was in. I was too shocked by everything that was happening to notice the cages around me. To my left was a pit bull and in the cage to my right was a dairy cow. They oddly sat calmly in their cage and seemed to not care that they were here. I stretched my hand out to the dog to pet it and comfort myself, and realized that I was still gripping my cell phone. This was my lucky day! I could update my Facebook and let everyone know I was on a spaceship! An alien returned and saw me on my phone. I became terrified. I hoped that he wouldn�t kill me in self defense thinking that it was a weapon. He ran away but before I could hide the phone in my pocket, he returned with a metal prod. It was the anal probing! If the aliens fit the stereotype depiction from movies than surely the anal probing was true as well. I shrieked as he thrust the metal stick toward me but it didn�t go in the hole I thought it would. Instead he jammed the metal prod in my ear. Then in English he said, �Relax. That is an antenna so you can communicate with me without our language being an issue. What are you doing on that device?� I explained to him that I was updating information to a social networking site. He let out a terrified gasp and said to me �We used to have social net working sites on our planet, but they were banned after most of the users became addicted. We had no life outside of it and when the site went down for a day because of a glitch, a lot of users went into withdrawal and died. I can�t risk you bringing this plague back to our planet.� He reached into the cage and grabbed the phone from my hand. He held it for a second and observed it but then smashed it on the ground. He then left the room again. He came back and left me a tray of food and a cup of water. The food was what appeared to be applesauce. It tasted like it, looked like it and smelled like it. The only difference between it and applesauce was that I never passed out and woke up in the back of a moving vehicle after eating applesauce. The first thing I noticed in the dark compartment of the vehicle was a light coming from a window. When I was able to overcome the grogginess and steady myself enough, I peered in the window and saw that it connected to the driver. At first I was not going to bother asking him where we were going because I would find out when we got there. There was no need to bother this worker with a question that will eventually be answered so I thought about asking how he was doing. But then I figured I might as well prepare myself mentally before I get to my destination so I asked him where we were going. He said that I was being transported to a zoo. I was surprised at first but then after mulling it over, it did seem logical that that�s where I would be going. I asked him if I was the first human they ever had and he said I wasn�t. I asked why I was chosen to go to the zoo and he said it was because I was the best specimen out of the five they collected the night before. This made me beam with proud and honor. It also made me excited because when I got back to Earth, the story of me in my Mommas Boys clothes being chosen by aliens to be in a zoo over four other humans would put Mommas Boys fashion design at the top of the fashion world. I took to the zoo well and made a natural transition to living there. It was, after all, the role I was born to play: A human. They had me in a recreated human habitat that would be found on Earth: A couch covered in cheetos, in front of a TV and a lap top on a coffee table. I took my position at the zoo seriously and lived exactly as if I was in my own home on Earth, to give these aliens a chance to learn about the human culture. I spent my days on the couch watching TV or screwing around on the computer. Occasionally, when I wanted to feel productive, I would throw out a piece of trash or straighten put the couch cushions. One morning I woke up and had some morning wood, so, like I would every time on Earth, I took care of the morning wood. Well, it turns out that these Aliens lied when they said I should live exactly as I would on Earth because they got pretty upset when I took care of my morning wood while sitting on the couch. That now makes it twice that I got in trouble for doing that at a zoo. I am probably the first person to get in trouble for doing that on two different planets. While inhabiting the zoo, I realized that we have human zoos on Earth. They are called prisons. There isn�t too much that is different between a zoo and a prison. They are both places where animals are placed in a small, poor recreation of their environment. The animals don�t want to be in this environment but are forced to stay there against their will. A difference between a prison and a zoo however, is that the animals in a zoo are innocent. Another difference is that the prison doesn�t offer tours for people to observe the exhibits. Sometimes they drag children through for some sort of scared straight program but that is it. A family cannot just go to a prison, buy tickets, go get some popcorn and then wander around viewing the exhibits. It�s unfortunate because that seems like a thing a lot of people would want to do. That is why I am still lobbying to a few prisons to let me operate a touring company that takes people through prisons to observe the humans. If that ever goes through, I will create a system where visitors can wander a prison without a guide as well. I would include information signs that tell people what crime the prisoners are in for and for how long they will be in prison. I only lasted about 3 months at the Wettam Zoo. I was kicked out for my behavior, of all things! And I wasn�t kicked out for taking care of my morning wood either. At the request of the zoo managers I started doing that in the bushes, just like I usually did on Earth. I was kicked out for a different reason I would have never predicted. It happened when a new human, by the name of Chet, was added to the same exhibit as me. Chet was a middle aged man who was picked up by the aliens early in the morning while he was out fishing. He was a nice fellow and we got along well. A second bed was added to our habitat but no new computer or TV was added. Thinking back, I feel that the aliens added someone to my exhibit in the hopes of creating excitement in seeing us fight over what we watched on TV or who could use the computer. Unfortunately, just the opposite happened. One evening, as Chet carried his food from the serving area, he tripped and fell to the ground. His food flew everywhere and became ruined. He also injured his ankle during this fall so I leaned him on me and helped him to the couch. I did everything I could to make him comfortable, such as propping a pillow behind his head and moving the couch so he could see the TV. Since his food was ruined and inedible from falling in the morning wood bush, I gave him half of my food portion. And it was all of this that got me kicked out. While he lay on the couch eating the half of the food I gave him, and as I sat in the table eating my half, some aliens came in and grabbed me. They took me to a zoo manager who said that my behavior wasn�t human enough, because I showed sympathy towards the other human, without any perceivable advantage to myself. The aliens wanted someone more, stereotypically human to exhibit i.e someone more selfish. It is in the same way that we want to see ferocious lions at our zoo and not lions that are playing grab ass with rabbits. Getting fired from a zoo, where all I had to do, was be human, is the most depressing thing that has ever happened to me. People on Earth feel depressed when they are not accepted by other humans for their behavior but that is nothing compared to being told that you are not even an acceptable basic example of humans. These aliens only know humans based on what they see at a zoo or on TV and I am not good enough for them. As rare as humans were, I was not good enough. Luckily I got rid of dignity and pride a long time ago because I realized that they only held me back, so I was unfazed by this turn of events. Since I was not zoo material, my owner sold me off at an auction. I was just a piece of property. I now knew why black people were still bitching about slavery some hundred something years later. It is a humiliating, and atrocious thing. I was bought by a green alien with many tentacles and eyes. He was a Curren, one of the three dominant species of that planet, which I found out from him, is called Xenol. The Currens, he told me, are discriminated against and get no respect. They make up the poor class and cannot advance because they never get a chance from the Fouries and Fitties. The Fouries are the green men that abducted me. Then there are the Fitties who are the dominant, of the three dominant species. The Fitties look exactly like humans and wear shiny, metallic clothes. When I was in the company of my new owner, whose name was Chad, I used it as a chance to learn about Xenol. Society runs much the same on Xenol, as on Earth. There are rich and there are poor. But there are no homeless on Xenol. This is because family and friendship is strong there. No one is without a place to stay or eat because they all have at least one friend or family member to take them in. Xenol is similar to Earth geographically. It has large bodies of water like our oceans that are filled with life and five large land masses like our continents that have large cities and dwindling forests. Their cities are a bit ahead of ours though. The sky scrapers have windmills and solar panels on top of them for constant renewable energy. Unfortunately, a similarity between Xenol and Earth is that the dominant species recognizes and exercises its power over lesser species. Except, on Earth humans pick up the dogs shit. On Xenol, the creatures similar to dogs, which are called Roras, pick up the dominant species shit. I asked Chad about spirituality and religion on Xenol and apparently, God formed their planet, right after he left Earth around 50 AD. He said God totally shit talked Earth to their people. In their bible, God told the first creatures that they were his favorite creations. God once even said that they were the only creations that he made in his image, totally disregarding the existence of humans. He left the people of Xenol too, just like us humans, but he still stops by their planet on weekends when he�s not busy with his current planet. God checks up on Xenol once in awhile. He doesn�t even phone us humans to check up though, doesn�t even send a quick text. When Chad finished giving me a quick lesson about Planet Xenol, I finally asked him why he bought me and what his intentions for me were. He told me not to worry because I would still be in the performance and entertainment business like at the zoo. I was excited and thought perhaps I would be a performer in some sort of animal show like how on Earth we have performing dogs. Or maybe I would be an animal in a circus. Either way, I was having more success here on Xenol, at achieving an audience and fame, than I did on Earth. Part of me never wanted to go back to Earth where my talents were unappreciated. Xenol knew I was an artist that had to be cherished. It turned out the entertainment I would be involved in would be beastiality. I would be the beast in these shows. I wish this was the part in the story where I tell you how I made my exciting escape and achieved freedom. Losing no time at all, I did my first beastiality show later that day. It was a live show at a private party for some rich perverted guy. It went pretty well I think. The alien creature I did the show with reproduced asexually so that stalled me for a second. How was one to perform a sex show with something that has sex with itself? It was a blue ball of flesh, about the size of a basketball, with a long thin tail and an antenna on top. Other than those it had no other features. No eyes, nose, mouth or ears or asshole. It reproduced asexually so it didn�t even have genitals. I didn�t know how to go about having sex with something that was incapable of having sex. Realizing that sex was the process of reproducing, I figured that doing an action on the creature that was his form of reproduction would be his form of sex then. So dug my fingers into the creature and ripped off a hunk of flesh. I dropped it on the floor and hoped I made the right decision. The flesh could sprout and antenna and tale and become a new creature or it could lay there and rot and I would look like a crazy monster. Luckily it grew an antenna and tail and the crowd went nuts with excitement. So I just started ripping off more hunks of flesh and creating more of these blue ball creatures. I was just making blue balls non- stop. The crowd loved it! My owner was very impressed with my performance. He thought I was a natural and decided I was ready for bigger things. When in the beastiality business, it is never good to hear that you are ready for bigger things. Bigger is not better. The �bigger� that was mentioned turned out to be in reference to amount of creatures involved luckily. And that will be the only time I will find that more creatures involved in a beast orgy is a better option. The next creature I was to perform with was called a wolvu and sexually reproduced with five other members. So for the beasitality show it was me and two other humans and two Fouries going at the creature. This was another live performance. We were doing it at a business meeting/lunch. I was nervous before I went out on stage because this was a situation I couldn�t comprehend. It went against everything natural in my brain that five people would be going at a single creature at once. I didn�t get to see the creature I would be performing on until I was onstage in front of the audience. The wolvu was like a stick creature. It had long slender arms and legs and a flexible torso that seemed like it was made out of rubber. It head was a mess of blonde fur. I was so excited, confused and overwhelmed by this prospect that my nerves and brain sent impulses into my balls to cause them to explode. The explosion from my balls was enough force to rip off my penis. Surprisingly I felt no pain in all of this. I stared at the space my genitals used to occupy. It was like losing a best friend. I stared at them mindless of my surroundings until I heard excited cheering. I looked up and saw the crowd staring at me hooting and hollering. My balls blowing up didn�t bother the crowd. It excited them. So for the rest of the show as the other did their business on the wolvu I just strutted around the stage dancing and cheering on the others. After the show Chad didn�t put me in a cage like he did before. He was setting me free. Without genitals I was useless to him. I thought this sounded too good to be true. Then I thought about that phrase, "Too good to be true." It is pretty depressing. When you see something good, you tell yourself that it can�t be true. Nothing in life is good. That is too good for me, something worst must happen. It�s a shame that we have the mindset that we are not entitled to good things. Anyways, the alien owner set me free (luckily he didnt put me down like other humans who are of no use). I was on my own on this planet now. My fate was back in my own hands as I wandered a planet I did not belong on. KICKING AROUND Luckily Xenol was not too different from Earth so I had no problem assimilating into society. I became a homeless person for awhile and roughed it on the streets trying to find a job so I could survive and make money. I planned to save all the money I made to bribe my way on to an expedition ship to Earth. I first went to a school and tried to get a job as a professor on human culture. Unfortunately I just scraped by when I was on Earth and knew less about my culture then the aliens so they had no need for me. I tried to see if anyone wanted to invest in Mommas Boy fashion design: Xenol style, but nobody would go for it. There was one skill I had that could be put to use on this planet. I found a job as a dishwasher. Two different planets and between them the only job I could manage getting was dishwashing. I reluctantly accepted the job as I had no other choice. The restaurant I worked at had no tables but just a large circular counter that could seat 100 people. On this planet, eating was not a social event. One did not go out to eat with friends. Eating was something you did and got over with. Families would go out to eat but they wouldn�t talk to it which is why the counter was an acceptable place to eat for many people. The kitchen and back room area, where the food was stored and where the cooks made the food and where I washed the dishes was in the middle of the restaurant surrounded by the counter. The only food that is cooked here is the food that is tough and chewy. Everything else, like vegetables, is served raw. I now had a job but I still needed a place to live. I did not know a thing about the process of getting an apartment here so I tried finding someone who needed a roommate. I wanted a human looking alien, like a fittie preferably or even a fourie. It wasn�t racism or anything but I just didn�t want to live with the currens, those tentacle pieces of shits. They are all just so slimy and stupid. I would never be off bad enough to live with them. Or black people. Wouldn�t want to live with them either. I asked around at work and one of the cooks, who was a fourie, had an extra room at its apartment so I moved in with it. Its name was Welster and was a real nice person. I call it �it� because I cannot tell the gender of these things. No wonder I like them. They remind me of myself. But he's a good thing. Very honest. It said it could only be a temporary roommate because in about a month (3 earth months) it is going to commit suicide. When I asked it why, it said because it doesn�t like to procrastinate so it�s going to get death over with. It was the same night I moved in with it that daylight savings time occurred on Xenol. On Xenol they don�t set the clocks back. They just adjust the planet�s rotation. GOING HOME While sitting around our house one day, I told Welster my plans. I told it how I wanted to save money and return to Earth. It asked me why I wanted to go back to Earth. Was it my family? Did I never feel like I belonged here? But the first reason that popped into my head was �You guys can travel to other planets but you can�t make a half way decent Reuben. I need to get back to Earth. I can�t take these cold monstrosities you call Reuben�s anymore.� It then explained their space travel wasn�t really traveling to other planets in ships. It said it is actually teleportation. They accomplish this by breaking matter down to protons, neutrons and electrons and sending them through wires much like electricity and then reassemble the neutrons, protons and electrons back into their correct configuration to form the transported object. They have stations throughout the galaxy so they can jump around. I asked Welster how it knew this. It said these things were just common knowledge for everyone. Just like the cure for cancer was common knowledge. It even shared the cure for cancer with me. I was shocked because it was a simple cure we could do on Earth! I should have written it down though because I have since forgotten the cure. It�s probably because I did some alien drugs that messed up my mind pretty bad. More on that later. I told Welster that if it came back to Earth with me, it could make a fortune if it knew anything at all about this technology. It said it wasn�t concerned with money. It was just concerned with finding love. I suggested that it get itself a hooker to hold it over for awhile. It did not know what a hooker was so I explained. �A hooker is a person that pleases you sexually in favor of money. You then never talk to this person again.� It was still puzzled and said that no one like this exists on Xenol. This shocked me. I said it must not know about it. After all, I was in beastiality shows. I was having sex with strangers. Surely whores must exist in some dark alley. But it said it was sure that whores did not exist anywhere because the idea seemed very strange to it and it couldn�t comprehend it. It said that it was a thought that humans must only be able to come up with. And that was when I decided that I would never leave this planet. I was about to become the richest being on the planet by being the only whore! I would have a monopoly on the whore business! And I did have that monopoly for a couple weeks. I had many customers. So many. I was able to handle all of this the same way that hookers on earth handle it. Through drugs. Alien drugs at that. Alien drugs that made me forget the cure for cancer. But these drugs were unlike the ones on earth. I did a drug that was a liquid dripped onto your eye. But my enormous success did not last long. It is not because my service was poorly received. I got great reviews and some better tips. No, but things turned out like the end of the War of the Worlds story. The aliens in that story died from human germs on Earth. Well, I brought my human germs, sexually transmitted diseases, to Xenol and as a whore I spread it to multiple people and they in turn spread it. They have no sexual diseases here so they knew nothing about protection. They just had sex without worrying about diseases because it was unheard of. The disease spread quickly and powerfully. Almost every creature on the planet was dead in a couple of weeks. There were a handful of Fitties who miraculously survived and were going to Earth to live. They were going to slip into the human population unnoticed. I caught a ride with them in their ship. They did not know I was responsible for their planets death or they probably would not have let me join. We made it back to Earth safely and undetected. When they got back to Earth they needed clothes to fit in. They were still wearing their shiny clothes that were only acceptable on Xenol. So I took them to my car and put some of my Mommas Boy fashion design clothes on them. I told them to spread across the country and let people know that they were wearing Mommas Boy fashion design.
Copyright © 2012 Matthew Lenox |