The Diary Of Mystery THE DIARY OF MYSTERY (Part 1) 1.30pm, in front of the library “Ring! Ring! Ring! Ring! Can I speak to “P” please?” “Wait a second, I’ll get her for you, and she’ll be on the line.” Waiting for “P” in the hot day is so unpleasant and I’m suffering under the hot and shiny day, waiting to get the class notes from her, a beautiful and lovely student in my class, perhaps the cleverest. Everybody claim that she’s the one with guts, she’s the one with high spirits, she’s the one with beauty, and she’s the one with the sight of love. “Hi there, “P” here, is that you Hazli?” I’m so sorry. I forgot that I have to meet you in front of the library. I think that I can’t make it right now; I’m going out with my roommate, “N” right now. Can I meet you at the same place tonight, perhaps 10 o’ clock?” Dammmnnn!!!!! I’ve missed my noon class just because of this matter, but she just left with a simple reason? I have two more classes after this, at 2 and 4 pm. Interesting classes but, it’s better for me to go back to my room and reduce my tension and stress. I think that my head will blow up if I attend those two classes. With my eyes of destruction, I’m thinking of “eating”, slashing” and “chopping” everyone in front of me. With my devilish look, I think that I might fear everyone and with my hands of fatal, I’m thinking of bringing them to hell!! 2.15pm, Bilal D 1.1. My tension increase as I see my room. Forgot to wash my soccer boots as well as the socks. I’m really mad with my locker, who broke my locker? I’ve lost my books, everything was torn and thrown like a bunch of #$^&! Luckily I still have my wallet and my hand phone with me. I sit with anger and start to write: When the light goes out, Evil will shout, Fire will be out, Nothing to talk about, I'll be the one, Destroying the sun, Neither it will burn, Nor sharpen the blunt, Rise the damn, Demon will stand, The world is closing in, I'll be the king. 3.30 pm, Bilal D 1.1. Praying to God and sleep with bad dreams 5.00 pm, Bilal D 1.1 I wake up in a different world, I’m in breathe out of nowhere. Out of nowhere? C’mon man! You’re alive! Yeah, I’m alive; I have a soccer match today. I went to the bathroom, washing my body, brushing my teeth and taking Wudhuk. Sit and bow with humble, praying for safety to everyone that I know, praying for everything. I’m facing my Creator, my Master, asking for help from him to be free from the dark forces. I put on my boots, ready for action at the field in College 5. 6.00 pm, College 5. Struggling to win the match. Amazing day for me, scoring a goal. Good team work to beat them, a soccer team from the school nearby. 10.00 pm, in front of the library I return the notes to “P” after I photocopied it in a rush. Went back to my room and sleep, before ending up my day on the bed, I get my pen and papers and jot down: Eyes of fire; Words of the hot sun; words of the undone, Hands of violence; hands that burn, Feet that run to hell; feet that will dwell, Rise up from the dark, Bring out all your guts, Be the eyes of truth, Speak the words of faith, You’re the hands of god, Walking to destroy the dark lord. My Dream, Bilal D 1.1. In my dream, I hear a voice saying to me that: Fly ahead when the fire is there, Walk alone when there's light, Challenging the sun only you would dare, To fight the dark you have no might, Waking at night wiping the sweat from the brows, Dreaming in the sun I’ll be burned to ash, Beyond the sky I’ll bow, Virtue is in a great mess, I'm no more a devil nothing a cuckold, Runs with the fire, fight with the haze, But I’m leaving nothing to hold, Nothing to give neither my last breathe. I’m in my own dream, in a state of confusion. I found myself in a group of huge, ugly creatures with wings and three thorns on their heads, bowing to me, saying that: “Master, we greet you, we welcome you to the kingdom of dark, be our master, be our leader, for we know that you have no brothers”. I was brought to their kingdom; I was crowned and declared to be their king. I sat on the throne and I’m starting to be one of them. Suddenly, everything around turn to be dark, I’m on my bed again in my room! THE DIARY OF MYSTERY (Part 2) The World of the Unseen, (unknown time). Mission accomplished. Hazli was brought into the world of darkness. His mind was twisted and no one would ever know what have happened to him. A troop of dark army was sent to prevent him from escaping his mind to the real world, where he will discover the ultimate truth on how to destroy us all. He played with his mind and conflicting himself in a bunch of crap. He’ll be in the dark forever till the end of day. Proceed to the next mission. Main subject, Hazli Ghazali. The World of the Unseen (Unknown time). Here, all of the nations are gathered to cast a spell on Hazli. Objective, burdening his mind with lots of unknown problems and conflicts, bringing him to despair, turning him into a split-mind personality. “P” from the real world will be included together with “N” as well as all his other fellow friends. IIUM, Bilal D1.1 (8.30 a.m). I really had a bad nightmare last night. I was brought into the world of darkness, where a troop of thousands unknown creatures forced me to be their master, their king to the throne of the demon? I don’t know whether it is true or not. But the truth is, I saw something that nobody ever sees before in their whole life. Is it true that there’s a world and a community where we’re not allowed to know about? Is it fair for me when I’m not allowed to know the truth? One day, I’ll know the truth and I’ll change the world. ITD Male Lab (10 a.m). Sitting on my favorite seat, doing all my work; assignments, emails as well as writing short stories and poems. Hmm. Talking about poems, I wrote my next poem: Flowers burning bright, darkened the daylight, guidance of the night, destruction of the greatest sight, Thorns that hurt, beginning of the new world, far away darkness fly like a bird, brightest day; nothing is better, Voice of sorrow, the sign of funeral march, be good and righteous before you go, for the will of the devil is strong and large, Hear the cry hear the pray, obey the lord fill up your day, neither be evil nor the prey, or deep in the hell you will lay. I sat quietly and think; what is my destiny? Am I following the right way? Do I love my all my friends? My friends always telling me that my love to all my friends is not equal and that is absolutely right. Some of my friends always insulting me by saying that I may be good in some part, but in relationship, especially with females, I’m a failure. Honestly, I’m not good being a friend to a female. That’s nothing to me but today, I’m going to reveal everything about myself in this “diary of mystery”. I’m letting everything in my mind free forever, fly like the blowing wind. Burn like the hot fire. Bilal D 4.2 (12 p.m). No one in my friend’s room. I sat in front of the PC and I turned it on. All my anger was released to “Grain Trismo 2”, a PC game, where all car racers is gathered in one “CD” in “PC” mode, letting all the PC users to learn their skills in driving. I let the car moved by itself and start to think again. The first day I step into the Matriculation Center, I saw a female called “N”. The moment I saw her face for the first time, I could feel something inside me, especially my heart. It was beating so fast. I know that something will happen between me and her. Then I lost her. At the end of the first semester, I saw her again. I do think at that time that she’s my destiny and that was the first time for me to write a poem in my mind. It’s a love poem that I made especially for her but, it seems to be that she hates me. I tried to forget her by starting to approach other females and actually, I have no experiences about this. I realized that I’ve done the biggest mistake in my life. But all that was done came from my love to “N”. It’s so unlucky for me. She didn’t read the poem at all maybe or maybe she didn’t understand the poem that was addressed specially for her: A kiss from you is like a song, or the melody that fills the day, till all my wishes steal away, to a paradise for two, it's only me and only you, where no one can find us, as we share the wonder of, dreams come-true-today, tomorrow; a lifetime true. THE DIARY OF MYSTERY (Part 3) Bilal College, Cafeteria (1.00 p.m) Frustrated and sadness is together with me, voice of sorrow is filling my head, strength of anger is spinning in my mind. This is the day, the day of grief for me. This is the time, the time of misery for me. All my dreams will never come true. All my spirits will vanish forever and ever. I’m going to lose my pride, humility is overpowering me. Damn! I’m I turning to be crazy and mad? Cool down Hazli, you still have your pride, you still have your spirits, don’t worry, everything will be fine. Strange! I heard a voice telling me something! I wonder whose voice is that. Better be patient. Angah’s Room (3.30 p.m). All of my friends are here. They are my best friends, together with me in any condition, sharing all my happiness and sadness. Some of them are playing with Lee’s computer, where the rest of them is talking and teasing each other in joy. I sat on the, talking with him. I have to admit that he’s the best friend of mine, since we’re in the same class since the time when we were in the Matriculation Centre. I can discuss and talk with him almost about anything. I always try my best to help him; I always do my best to him as I could. College 5 (6.00 p.m). I have no interest to play soccer, just sitting beside the field watching my entire friend kicking the ball. I was asked to join, but not today, I’ve lost my entire mood, have no interest in dreaming to be like my idol, Roberto Carlos on the field. All the time was used to think and think and think. I’m not sure what am I thinking all about. I just can’t find the answer; I’ve no point, no goals of what is going on in my head. Am I going to die? Am I going to jump into the hell and live there forever? Who knows right? But the only thing coming to my mind now is “N”. Most of my time in these four years was spent by thinking about her. Of course she’s one of my goal, she’s one my target and the importance is, she’s the one that I LOVE!! But, that wouldn’t happen, I’m damn sure about that. I don’t know why, but it’s my fault not to confess in front of her that she’s the one that I desire in my life, she’s the goddess of mine, she has the essence of natural beauty, attractive smile, great personality, amazing communication skills and I don’t know, she’s perfect!! I really like and admire as well as loving her so much! Nothing in this world could change my mind and my feeling toward “N”. She is so special to me. Greenwood (9.30 p.m). I’m waiting for the bus, as I’m going back to Kota Bharu tonight. It’s so sad to leave all my friends behind and for sure, I can’t be there if my friends need my help but right now, my family need me more, they need my help more than my friend now. Of course, talking about my family, all I can say is that, my family is everything to me, they’re all that I need other than “N”. Although I love “N” very much, but I still have my family. Although my feelings towards “N” is so strong and pure, but I’m not ready to die for her yet because I’m in battle to protect my family from something, something indescribable and cannot be explained by words. it’s too complex to understand about that. I have to go back as I’m the root of this matter, the door to everything. Otherwise, I’ll destroy not only my family, but all my friends especially “N” and anyone that knows me. Forget about that for a while, the bus is here and I have to continue my journey. THE DIARY OF MYSTERY (Part 4a) In Dream (on the Bus). Running free like never before, Burning thee bright spirit dear brother, For thy sword of truth will always stand, More by word soft and smooth seals thy hand, One from the nation there will be, Son born to bless sanctify to see, Wisdom is at the end for him to find, There the road begins where another one will bend, Hear the four winds blow, See the fire burn with sorrow, Neither the reality nor the truth will forsake, Either the truth or lie will be laid, For the world of dream forever will stand, A world of fantasy with no end. Once again I heard such an annoying and those bothersome voices out of nowhere. Sound like the voice is reminding me of something that will happen, more like a clue to be solved, a problem to be unraveled. A voice came from the darkness of dream, the worst part of my dream. Suddenly, something worse than dreaming happens, the bus stop… Merapuh (12.30 am). There is nothing strange with a “non-move bus”. Nothing bad with it. In fact, it stopped me from dreaming bad all the night. I step down from the Express Mutiara Bus. It is not my choice to have my late dinner in Nurul Syazwana’s restaurant. I went out, crossing the road to fill my stomach with that delicious and mouth-watering food. For me, every time I reach here, I will have a chance to gain and achieve peace and harmony but sometimes, there ‘re also those supernatural and mystical elements flying and playing around and I can sense it but I can’t see it nor feel it. Every time I am alone, wondering in a dark place, they will follow me, staying beside me, doing everything, trying to decrease my stand and iman as well as aqidah, but I’m sure that I can manage to overcome them. I will continue later, the bus is moving now and I’m starting to feel something strange and very large and huge coming to me from a far away unknown land where everything is impossible to be accepted my sense of rational thinking and surely I know what they are. Nothing can stop me, Everything won’t bother me, You won’t die in heaven, Nor to reach the dreamland, You’ll burn in my hand, Ablaze till you learn, That I’m your master, Master of flame and smolder. THE DIARY OF MYSTERY (Part 4b) Pengkalan Chepa (5.30 am). Home at last. On the loose in my homeland, far away from those brutish and bestial crowds of blood sucking, full of slanders, insults and lies. The only thing that obsessed, possessing me all the times was left behind for a while, for I am on my way and journey, on my drive and ride to a destiny and providence, the divine intervention, determining my whole life, time and living. Those white-bearded old folks, four of them are walking, on their feet to a blessed, holy and consecrated journey, gambling and betting with their own lives for the better one, the rewarded future, where everyone will get everything desired and wanted. For sure in minutes, more of them will come out for the same purpose and intention, including my 79 years old grandfather. The time is coming, I assume and believe that I have to join them, as this holy deed is not only for the old folks but also obliged to all regardless and apart from their sex, age whether they are young or old. Those heavy stuff and belongings of mine have to be carried together. Luckily, I have my “kain pelikat” with me, if not I will miss it and I will not have any chance to get lots of divine and godly reward. As I’m starting to be in motion, I could feel and sense that they are here, lots of them, thousands perhaps millions of them for the unsettled and unfinished revenge for something that I’ve never started and done. Still have 15 minutes before the holy and divine call. I will be in a great and vast trouble if I do not think of any solutions and resolutions. Pengkalan Chepa (5.40 am). Suddenly, everything around turned to be very dark, no more white-bearded old folks, I cannot locate and trace everything; I am senseless, helpless and sightless. From far away, I can see a very large and huge crowd in a red shining and haunting and devilish light coming to me; flying, running, crawling with a very scary and frightening look. I can sight them but I cannot see what they are. I’m losing my body control, I’m trembling, shaking all over my body, feel like I’m losing my ability to stand, I’m in a mode of speechless and for the first time in my life, I have to admit that I’m very afraid. Psychologically, they are trying to decrease my sense of rational thinking, demanding to overcome my mind, attempting to control my body. They are filling up my ears with voices that I have never heard before, sounds like lightning and thunder. It is hard for me to breathe; I think that I’m going to die in this so called despairing condition. They are very close to me now. I’m facing and seeing the most disastrous and destructive kind of look, something that I’ve never seen before. Suddenly as they are trying to do something worse, everything disappeared mysteriously in a slight. I was saved; I was blessed by the holy and divine!!! Thank to God, The Most Gracious and Compassionate. Quickly I cross the road, on my journey to the mosque, performing the Morning Prayer congregationally. After this I have to be in a rest mode, I have to rest and sleep. I cannot free my mind from thinking of those three-horn creatures!!! The Diary of Mystery (Part 5) Scratching my head, unstable heartbeats and I can hardly breathe. Some of the conditions come together with the loss and failure for me to stand and see, losing my sight as well. That’s what I’m feeling right now when I found myself suddenly out of nowhere in an all-white surrounding, an endless neighboring and contiguous, mysterious bordering; so wide, so empty. Completely and endless world of something that I’ll never know and explore. As the tense and anxious increase, those freak and mysterious world change together with the change of my emotion. I found myself standing alone in front of and old, haunting and evocative mansion aged thousands years old surrounded by thousands of old cemeteries! I was bordered and bounded by something uncertain, filled with something totally has something to do with darkness and evil! Shockingly, I see that something start to wake up from the graves, stirring my feelings and emotions, bringing it to the peak of fright! For sure, I know all of them! My grandparents, my parents, my friends, “N’s” and “P” and the entire one that I know, thousands of them! They are grieving and crying for something really sad and miserable, asking and seeking for my help. I cry then a soundless and noiseless scream, the loudest one, I weep and shed my tears but I cannot even hear my own cry! Suddenly, I can feel and sense that I’m starting to breathe slower, my heartbeats are stopping, and I’m breathing like a slaughtered cow, over and over again. I’m holding my own throat. I’m feeling like my life is being pulled out from my body that starting to be very cold and suddenly I fell down. I open my eyes. I’m still lying on my bed in my room, waking up from my sleeping my house. I hear the holy sound. I know that lots of peoples are reciting the Holy Divine Book. Quickly in a flash I wake up and go out to see who they are. I see lots of peoples; males and females sitting and surrounding something covered by white cloth but so strange that I cannot understand what they are reciting. I see my mother is crying together with my two sisters at the corner of the house. It’s weird that nobody notices me out there if front of everyone with my night attire. I’m so curious to know what is being covered there, what the thing that was covered under the white cloth. As I’m getting nearer, the white cloth slowly turn to be red, like it was shed with blood but no one even notice that and the most shocking thing is that, I’m experiencing the same thing as well; I’m damn bleeding all over my body! I could sense that I’m related to the thing covered there and I open it, it is me! I was dead already! I’m out from my body, I’m a damn soul! When I start to realize the truth, all the peoples on the house stand up and stare at me with red eyes and their clothes turn to be black and they’re wearing a black robes right now. Holding damn sickles each of them! Each of them takes out the chain of fire and starting to tie me up with it. I scream as loud as I could and everything around turn to be dark. I don’t realize when the time for me to open my eyes again is but now I found myself sitting on a chair beside a bed covered with white bed sheet and lying on the bed is my grandfather, already dead! The door opens and my parents, my brothers, Roslan and Adha as well as a women aged 45 approximately wearing white clothes come in. Shit! Now I’m in a damn hospital, in the CCU ward! Suddenly another one comes in, that’s me! All of them including “me” are helping to prepare for everything to bring the dead body home. Roslan asks “me” to go home first to tell everyone about the death of my beloved grandfather and before going back, I call Pajai, asking him to tell all my friends about that. I get up from the seat and start to think. Am I seeing the future? What is happening to me? I see my grandfather dies?
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