Shades Of Grey
W L Dz

 

God, he hated him. He hated Ilhtar with every fibre of his being. Technically, he hated himself. After all, Ilhtar was Rathli and Rathli was Ilhtar. They were the same person, yet entirely different beings.

Rathli suffered from Split-Personality Disorder. Said disorder, was the result of years (I.E His entire childhood) of strict parenting. He did everything they told him too, followed all their rules and etc, etc, but like any other person, he had urges. Urges, ever-so tempting, to break those rules his parents set and he abided so faithfully. So, he tried to suppress them. For the most part, he succeeded. But ignoring our problems never makes them go away.

The urges reached a point, where they had to come out. But Rathli was utterly determined to abide the rules. He was also, incredibly lonely as his parents forbid him from socializing with other boys, whom they believed would be a bad influence. They might have been, but at least it would�ve averted the birth of Ilhtar.

Ilhtar was everything Rathli wasn�t; rude, mocking, rebellious, vindictive and cruel just to name a few. At first, Rathli was ecstatic to have a (new) friend.

But Ilhtar was manipulative. Through his careful ministrations, Rathli was utterly, and hopelessly dependent on him. When the time was right, Ilhtar dove for control. Both were intelligent and strong-willed (They were the same person), but Rathli was na�ve and unsuspecting. Ilhtar, through a surprise attack, was victorious after their short battle.

But Rathli was determined as Ilhtar, and Ilhtar was unused to controlling the human body. The two constantly vied for control, battling each other.

The time came, when Ilhtar devised a plan. He realised that he would need to crush Rathli�s will in order to win rather than defeat him outright.

So, he manipulated Rathli�s dreams, turning the once pleasant fantasies into dark, horrific nightmares. Once Rathli was sufficiently weakened he seized control. He knew that his other half would fight back, and it would be hard to control the body at that point. So he needed to crush the boy, and fast.

He settled for killing the only things the boy truly loved; He snuck into their rooms, a gleaming knife in one-hand. And to think, Rathli said the cooking and anatomy classes they took were pointless.

Ilhtar had a ball. Not only did he get a hands-on test run for his skills, which were pretty good if he said so himself, but he got a show as well, as Rathli was utterly shattered by his other half�s actions. So he vowed for revenge. That was something Ilhtar hadn�t predicted.

Instead of assuming full control, Rathli was strengthened. Oops.

This is were they found themselves, in a mental ward, Ilhtar haunting and chipping away at his resolve at every chance he got; Rathli stubbornly holding his ground, refusing to succumb. He would�ve committed suicide in order to take Ilhtar to the grave with him but Ilhtar would always intervene, snatching control of the offending body parts and refusing to let them die. As Ilhtar put it, Rathli dying would be quite the inconvenience, as it took him to the grave as well.

Rathli would spend most of his time, staring at his reflection.

The doctors thought he was absolutely crazy. Rathli didn�t blame them. Ilhtar� Ilhtar didn�t care. All he wanted to do was to rend them, limb from limb.

The doctors treated him normally, but Rathli could see it in their eyes; he was nothing but a nutcase to them. Ilhtar would always rub that into his face. Telling him he had nothing left; no reason to exist. But Rathli, Rathli would always counter his words, �You�re wrong. I do have a reason to exist. My existence is all that holds you back.� That would cause Ilhtar to snarl, and attempt to seize control. It was pretty much routine to them.

One doctor, Dr.Hadifel, developed a theory. According to his theory, there was a sub-category in the SPD branch, something he called �Yin Yang Disorder�. If Rathli was Yin, then Ilhtar was Yang; Light and Dark, Good and Evil, Black and White.

It was Rathli/Ilhtar in a nutshell. Dr.Hadifel also realized that �Ilhtar� was the complete opposite of �Rathli�, furthering his belief that Ilhtar was his �opposite�. He further theorized that if a ruthless criminal suppressed his conscious in the same manner, it would give birth to an �opposite�. Only this time, it was the opposite of Rathli/Ilhtar�s case, and that the new personality would become the �Yin� whereas the original would be the �Yang�.

Ilhtar praised his intelligence, something that shocked Rathli greatly. Ilhtar never praised; he always found a flaw with something. But Ilhtar claimed that Dr.Hadifel was completely right.

He also, quite delightedly informed his counterpart that he was quite excitedly waiting for a chance to open Hadifel�s skull open, and see if his brain had anything other people didn�t. That of course, reassured Rathli, that Ilhtar was still Ilhtar.

Ilhtar, on the other hand, was celebrating. Rathli didn�t know it, but with every passing day, he became darker, and darker. Thus was the power of vengeance. It was dark, hateful and generally unbecoming of a Yin. And unbecoming it was. Soon� soon there would only be darkness.

Ilhtar loved the darkness. After all, ignorance was bliss.

In the darkness, you didn�t have to care about appearances; about how one looked. Unless you had Night-Vision, which Ilhtar believed took all the beauty out of darkness. Rathli wouldn�t, no, he couldn�t understand. Darkness was all about mystery. Rathli could never understand the beauty of mystery. Rathli was a human, through and through. What he could not understand, he would hate.

And Rathli called Ilhtar evil.

Rathli, himself, tried to understand everything in his world. If he could not understand it, it did not exist. He did not understand Ilhtar, yet still, still he existed. That was something Rathli could not stand. It defied all of his logic; his reality. Therefore, Ilhtar must cease to exist. And ceasing to exist was something Rathli was all too willing to help with.

The duo could not exist without each other, yet neither wanted to.

This left only one option. Something Hadifel foresaw. Neither could truly defeat each other. With the death of one, the other would die, giving rise to a new being. This was all theoretical, but Hadifel was pretty certain. He also assumed, Ilhtar knew. Ilhtar seemed to be pretty knowledgeable about the disorder, despite being an actual symptom of it.

He knew he was Rathli and that Rathli was him; something most people that suffered from SPD didn�t. Furthermore, Ilhtar knew that he couldn�t defeat Rathli, and neither could Rathli do the same. It was impossible. They were the same being. But to crush the other�s resolve, was something Ilhtar knew was the key to victory. Hadifel knew this as well. But did Rathli�? He was not so sure. He refrained from telling Rathli this, as he would be unsure if he was telling Ilhtar. And telling Ilhtar would only attract unneeded attention to himself.

If Ilhtar found out he knew such information, he may just find out if Hadifel had something else others didn�t in his cranium. That of course, was something that Hadifel did not intend to experience, even if Ilhtar became a licensed Neuro-surgeon. License or not, Ilhtar could not be trusted with anything sharp and/or pointy. The dark-loving man was just too skilled in the art of cuisine and knowledgeable about human anatomy for Hadifel�s liking.

Hadifel realized something. Something that Ilhtar may have realized as well; if he did, may god have mercy on them all. As Rathli was Ilhtar and Ilhtar was Rathli� Rathli wanted to kill his parents. Ilhtar was the manifestation of his forbidden urges. There would�ve been times that Rathli wanted to kill them. If Rathli found that out, it would crush him. It would crush him to know that killing people, that the blood of others was something he desired. He may have desired a tiny bit, but he may have desired it many times. Whatever he desired, but forbade himself from being tempted, became Ilhtar.


For example, theoretically, if Rathli was forbidden from consuming sugar, then Ilhtar would have a sweet tooth. Ilhtar desired the blood of others as Rathli was forbidden to kill, being a strict Christian. By contrast, Ilhtar was, for lack of better word, Atheist, believing in nothing.

This made Ilhtar a complex individual, as due to Rathli�s strict upbringing, he was forbidden from doing many things. Ilhtar would be a people-person, as Rathli was forbidden from making friends. A crazed psychopath with charisma� A dangerous combination, indeed�

What else was Rathli forbidden�? Hadifel was not sure. The more he learnt about Rathli, the more he knew about Ilhtar. And Hadifel was sure Ilhtar would agree with him. He would certainly agree that knowledge was power.

And knowledge was something Ilhtar had in spades, if not trucks. Technically being his only obstacle to freedom allowed him to know his obstacles weak points. The weak point may have been hidden, may have been vague. But Ilhtar, he had knowledge. And with that knowledge, came the insight to find Rathli�s weakness.

Hopefully, Rathli was the same. Hopefully, he too, knew his counterpart�s weakness.
Unnervingly, Rathli showed no signs. Maybe Ilhtar had won, and was just pulling Hadifel along�? Jerking his strings like a skilled Puppeteer�? Ilhtar seemed like the kind that was pretty good at that.

Only time, that storyteller of olde, would tell.

�I believe we have drawn this out for far too long.� Ilhtar�s voice was surprisingly silky, drawn out in a long drawling tone. �Oh�? And just what are you implying?� Rathli�s, by contrast, was raspy.

�I suggest we finish this. Once and for all��
�As an unlikely as it is, I find myself agreeing with you.�

The mindscape of Rathli/Ilhtar was divided, as was their personality. On Ilhtar�s side, the land was� Normal. Many would assume it would be a scene out of a corny horror tale. But it was normal. If you counted dangerous beasts and traps lurking around every corner, as normal, which, unsurprisingly, not many did.

Rathli�s side was� barren. Empty. Merely a huge wall at the edge, obviously to keep Ilhtar out, but over time, like in reality, the wall would deteriorate. And Rathli would have to steel his resolve; repair it.

�You might as well surrender� This is my mind.� Ilhtar laughed.
�Correct. It is, in fact your mind. But it�s also mine.�

Words were no longer spoken; no longer needed. They say that in your mind, anything is possible. It was time to put that theory to the test.

***************************************

Drip, drip, drip was the lone noise resounding through the halls, as a little rainwater dripped onto the floor. A single pair of blue eyes rested on the mirror in front of their owner, a small, truly contented smile, graced his face, only one word leaving his mouth.

�Freedom��

Fin

 

 

Copyright © 2008 W L Dz
Published on the World Wide Web by "www.storymania.com"