T-H-E N-U-T-Hare B-A-R-T-E-R-I-N-G R-A-B-B-I-T K-I-D
T-H-E N-U-T-HARE B-A-R-T-E-R-I-N-G R-A-B-B-I-T K-I-D Episode 1: ....."ergoGibbon" said RabbitKid. yes, he was perplexted - but not beaten. Oh no the wrath of Billy the Banjo Snatcher had not put him to the ground yet. He was ready to fight with all his girth, and that was no mistake. He jumped to his feet and said " one bag of nuts $20 , three bags $25 and i'll throw in a hare." "Fuck your hare you cheeky bastard" blurted Billy the Banjo Snatcher. "Fuck your hare and fuck your fuckin nuts and get the fuck off my fuckin carrots or i'll fuck your fuckin fridge". Or will he? Find out Next Week On...... T-H-E N-U-T-HARE B-A-R-T-E-R-I-N-G R-A-B-B-I-T K-I-D Episode 2: ........"ill take my banjo off your heed if there is anymore of that shite!!!"NEver had rabbitkid been threatened with the laws of gimpunity.He shat himself and sticked his little paw up his ass to stop the flow of grogrengrogrith."Anal chickenz are normally emmited from deep within the girth of the rabbitkid but this kind of talk called for a serious amount of felching.Rabbitkid wanted to sell his nuts you see but �25 for three bags was too much on his bawbag!!!With one mighty blow,billy exploded upwards and filled kids ass with a bag of dried fruits and plugged the mighty flow of girth."ergoGibbon"cried rabbitkid as his grith was finally destroyed and his dignity left in tatterz. what will he do???does he have the strength to give a meaty retort?????? find out next week on........... T-H-E N-U-T-HARE B-A-R-T-E-R-I-N-G R-A-B-B-I-T K-I-D Episode 3: ............Retort!?. Retortion was not an option for RabbitKid. He did not care anymore. He did not care about the fact that he didn't care anymore and if he cared about it - who cared? . No-one would care anyway. "Come here RabbitKid" said Billy. "I want my fuckin banjo back, and if i don't get it --" "-You'll what ??" interuppted RabbitKid. "I'll throw your banjo off your nutbag if you dont buy my nuts !" "$20 for 1 , $25 for three and a free hare, thats all i ask from you and in return you want a fuckin banjo!". Billy was furious. When he was a young snatcher, getting banjo's was easy. But this tough cookie was gonna be a hard nut to crack.He was faced with 2 choices , but which would he choose ? Buy the nuts, 1 bag $20 - 3 bags $25 with free hare .. not a bad option, or Attempt a risky banjo retrieval tactic. The choice was taxing. "bioBabboon" he cried, "bioBabboon". "Where For Art Thou 'bioBabboon' !!. Thy Babboon Be Done, In kingdom Come". ........ there was a rumble, bioBabboon appeared in front of Billy and RabbitKid. "eeeeeeerrraaaaaaaaaaaaaaagggggiiiiiinnooooo0 !! " shouted RabbitKid. He hated bioBabboon. bioBabboon was a rival nutseller, and a highly trained one at that. How could RabbitKid possibly face such a beast? Some nutsellers have remarked that bioBabboon may be selling 5 bags for $30 , thus undercutting RabbitKids prices, others however believe that bioBabboon was turned into a Dremel Multi-Tool at a young age. "ergoGibbon" blurted rabbit kid. He jumped to his feet and said " one bag of nuts $20 , three bags $25 and i'll throw in a hare." "Fuck your hare you cheeky bastard" blurted Billy the Banjo Snatcher. "Fuck your hare and fuck your fuckin nuts and get the fuck off my fuckin carrots or i'll fuck your fuckin fridge". As the sun faded, cries like "ergoGibbon" and "bioBabboon" could be heard for miles. Who will win this war, will the rabbit defeat bioBabbon once and for all, and become a nutselling legend ? or will bioBabboon use his Girth-o-Meter rating to good advantage? Find out Next Week On...... T-H-E N-U-T-HARE B-A-R-T-E-R-I-N-G R-A-B-B-I-T K-I-D Episode 4: ........... Before we continue the tale,I think we should highlight a couple of points considering Girth-o-Meter ratings.6 pigeons and a mongoose would give an average rating of 20% gerbilisation with 3 pigeons to spare On the other hand, a 40% gerbilisation rating would require the addition of a partially shaved squirrel.These ratings are not empirical, but will improve nut sales dramatically. The next day, the sun was high in the sky and a cool breeze moved its way gently over the hills and glens, shadowing the image of death and bartering left by the Rabbitkid and biobaboon. "eeeeeeeeeeeeeerrrrrrrrrrraaaaaaaaaaaggggggggiiiiiiinnnnoooooooo!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" screamed Rabbitkid as his foot connected with Biobaboons chin.Biobaboon had only just hid the deck when he screamed "ok ok!!!" "ill consider 4 bags for $35 and ill throw in a mongoose."fuck yer fuckin mongoose"shouted Rabbit kid ,"all we have left is a B&Q flat pack and thats worth at least 2 mongii . "ergogibbon"screamed Rabbit kid as banjo snatcher appeared from nowhere on his 6'clock. He aimed up a fully charged nut (one with great size and girth ) and unleashed. banjo ducked ... jumped.... sidestepped then backflipped into a forward flip.bioBabboon slowly crept from the shadows behind RabbitKid. He was cornered. No way out. "fuck" said RabbitKid. .will RabbitKid survive this encounter and continue his seedy lifestyle of bartering and blasphemy ? or shall he meet his maker and die end up a "crack-whore" like his mother ? Find out Next Week On...... T-H-E N-U-T-HARE B-A-R-T-E-R-I-N-G R-A-B-B-I-T K-I-D Episode 5: RabbitKid was trapped. He had bandits on his 12' and 6' and he was fucked. "ergoGibbon !" he cried. He lept to his feet and said "ok heres the fuckin crack - 4 bags $30 , 8 for $40 and i'll throw in a hare" "Fuck your hare you cheeky bastard" blurted Billy the Banjo Snatcher. "Fuck your hare and fuck your fuckin nuts and get the fuck off my fuckin carrots or i'll fuck your fuckin fridge" Rabbitkid felt an aggressive tone in Banjo's voice. He felt a bead of sweat creep down his brow. Should he use it ? . He couldn't decide. Should he really summone his forces and call on his god?.He had to ... there was no other way out..... ..... "NANO-PIGEON" "HARK THEE NANO-PIGEON!!" "I Beckon Thee NANO-PIGEON to Be Thys BarterBeast. "Hallowed Be Thy Barterer, and Begat thy Barteree Whom Whence Came , and Whence cameforth to Yee !" There was a great flash, NANO-PIGEON flapped into sight quicker than the naked eye can see. Banjo and BioBabbon jumped back. " What the fuck is that !" said Banjo. " Its a NANO-PIGEON model Xb 60. its got an eighth grade 9 piece module kit, with a range of over 16 BioBits. That combined with its 24 pitch sensitive back plate and a 3 rod trim kit, gives it around 300 / beoBaga's an inch to throw about !! " blurted RabbitKid. "Who gives a FUCK" said banjo as he leapt from his feet and stabbed NANO-PIGEON in the eye, killing him instantly. "Fuck your fucking pigeon you little fucker." "ergoGibbon !!!...... ergoGibbon !!!.....ergoGibbon !!!" "you just killed my NANO-PIGEON you piece of-" -..Rabbit kid was interrupted with a sharp boot to the teeth, followed by an uppercut and a hook from the left, right - and centre. He then received cranial damage from the iron bar, wielded by bioBaboon. He forgot about bioBaboon, he had been focusing on his NANO-PIGEON and Billy the Banjo Snatcher. He has 3 options now: Defeat BioBaboon with his nut supplying, and retailing techniques ? Convince them to start a "nutSaver" account with him and receive 10 bags for $50 ? 2 free hares ? or He could attempt a dangerous (but possible) Overclocking of his Girth-o-Meter rating and exeed his average Barter/ a sec rate?? Who knows? Find out Next Week On...... T-H-E N-U-T-HARE B-A-R-T-E-R-I-N-G R-A-B-B-I-T K-I-D The moon fell and the light from the sun started to glare through RabbitKid�s window. He woke with a startled look on his face. �What an extraordinary dream that all was� sighed RabbitKid. �I cant believe I was dreaming about fucking NANOpigeons and fucking Billy The wanking Banjo fucking snatchers, I must be going insane or something . Nut selling, oh yes - that�s my bag, not fucking defeating some micro fucking bird that I can�t even see.!� Rabbitkid was glad that dream was over. He could now return to the mundane pleasure of bartering and trading nuts. As he said, nut selling is his bag, that�s his game. That�s what gives him a high in life - that feeling of clinching the deal, will he buy 2 bags for $40 or 3 for $50 or won�t he, will he walk away and reject the opportunity to barter, is he a rival nutseller. All of these are problems only RabbitKid can solve - and he was going to waste no time getting straight to it. �Ok lets go sell some fuckin nuts� said RabbitKid to himself as he walked towards the door, then suddenly ,there was an amazing crash and RabbitKid jerked his head round and put his hands on his nutbag. �NANOpigeon!!!! I thought I fucking killed you???� �Ahh but you were dreaming weren�t you� said NANOpigeon in a monotone voice �Ok I thought I fucking killed you in my fucking dream, I mean c�mon you cunt I stabbed you in the fucking eye and you died right in front of me !!!� �Ahh but you are forgetting something, young nut barterer� said NANOpigeon �This is the real world. I Actually exist. The fact that you dreamed about killing me makes no difference because I am real. Its quite obscure that you actually dreamed about my coming. Maybe Thee wouldst be more suiteth�d to be�eth a Phrophet?� �For fucks sake.� Said RabbitKid. �I can�t believe your fucking real , that�s fucking raj.� �Yeah its tough fuckin luck for you isn�t it !� said NANOpigeon as he took a flap closer to RabbitKid. �I�m gonna show you something you never foreseen in your dream!!�. NANOpigeon flapped obtrusively closer to RabbitKid. He opened his feathery wings and produced some sort of robotic beast and said- -�This�, my fluffy tailed foe, is a grade 5 Remodelled titanium casted quaddroplex Rapping Muppet . Its pre-installed with version 1.0 of wingeddoves* and can rap faster than the ear can hear. Its got a Dual Synchro Module pack with a re-enforced alloy base and re-cut trimmings. Its casing is actually not only titanium based its�� -�OK hows about shutting the fuck up?!� interrupted RabbitKid. �I don�t give a shit about what its made of , what the fuck is it going to do!!? - I�ll kick that fuckin things cunt in !� �Ahh but it doesn�t have a cunt to kick�.� Said NANOpigeon as he flapped over and flicked a switch on Rapping Muppets back. Rapping Muppet jolted to life, it turned to RabbitKid and said- -�I�m a rapping fuckin muppet what do you think I can do? I�ll come over there and fuckin piss in your shoe You think you�re a fuckin nut selling king But I�m gonna shove your fuckin nuts up your ring! Look at you standing, over there You goofy assed fucking excuse for a hare I�m a big ass tree, and your standing up it I�m a fuckin mean ass Grade 5 Rapping Muppet I�m a bit of a cunt - to be blunt. They say I�m too blunt - and that�s a bit of a cunt I�m the kind of guy who likes to rough it, Holding my cock and sitting on a tuffet, Waiting for little little Miss Muffet to bend over so I can open her ass and ram my robotic cock up it, Yeah that�s right, bitch. I�m a Rapping Muppet -with a Grade 5 titanium Dual Synchro Pack installed up it, And an alloy base with a module case to reinforce my plates which I�ve re-encased to toughen it up, init? So Bak Da Fuck Up - and hand me Dem nuts, Before I come over and digest your guts, You punk ass anal fuckin cock suckin floppy eared britney speared pussy whipped hairy assed furry eared Richard geared hoop loving creamy doughringed butt fuckin nob suckin ass punk bi-� -�What the fuck are you talking about !!? , your like some sort of freak - a sideshow clown. A Little Rapping Fucking Muppet With An Attitude � �That�s exactly what it is� said NANOpigeon �its actually abbreviated to ALRFMWAA, pronounced al-erf-mi-waaaashnecker� �ok� said RabbitKid -�ok? OK!!? I�ll give you ok!!, I�ll rip off your ass and shit on yer goaty. That�s right bitch - Da Muppet Iz Bak, With a grade 5 titanium base cased with reinforced plates Dual Synchro pack I- will- be-kickin, so get your hairy hare ass the fuck off my patch coz dem bitches and hoe�s here are fuckin well raj- and they�ll kick your ass home to your burrow for you to furrow and burrow you cunt you fuck you whore-� �Rapping Muppet!� bellowed NANOpigeon. �Forgive thee if thee is incorrect, but , isn�t thou supposed to be dealing death to the beast in which bartering seems to be thy�s trade of choice?� �What - the fuck - are you talking about?!� �Da Muppet thinks you has just swallowed a trout� �a pigeon on the wall - look mommy!�BANG!! its dead� �I piss on your face and stamp on your head!� �I Am da bit-� -�EEEEEERRRRRaaaaaaagggggiiiiiiiiinooooooooooooo� cried RabbitKid as he leapt forward towards Rapping Muppet. He deftly dodged a dangerous dagger attack, then , daringly dived into a divebombing dynamic duck. All this had made RabbitKid tired, so he stopped for a bit of lunch and a nap. When he awoke NANOpigeon was hovering above him, defacating in his face. �You skanky fucking CUNT !!� cried RabbitKid in dismay. NANOpigeon flaps closer to RabbitKids now encrusted face and whispers �Ah well, thee would�st picketh�d oneself a better time, to fall asleepeth. One could�st say that thee was�th enclinethed to be as you mere rabbit�th would sayeth �a bit of a cunteth� �Its actually a �Bit of a CUNT !!� not cunteth- Whats fucking with you pigeon are you a gay or something? You talk like someones just rajjed you up the hoop!� He sat up . �And where�s that fucking muppet? Have you switched it off?� �Agh no, I did not switch it off, I ate it� said NANOpigeon -�You ate it??� �Yes Its almost digested�. -�Why the fuck did you do that ??! I thought it was supposed to �rap me to death� or something?� �Agh well you see, the Rapping Muppet (Grade 5) is actually edible. Everything on my planet is edible� said NANOpigeon in a reassuring voice. Quite a few things were running through RabbitKids mind at the moment. Should he: Give some sort of retort, an old banterer�s trick maybe?.. or deftly dodge a dangerous dagger attack, then , daringly dive into a divebombing dynamic duck and then fall asleep, hoping that when he wakes up NANOpigeon will be gone, ..or should he Open his Golden Nut and show NANOpigeon that a Rapping Muppet is no new invention. Oh no, in fact the RabbitKid �s of hundreds of generations hold the knowledge within their nuts to create many a beast. Many a barter beast. Even, A Rapping Barter Bot. But maybe he won�t do that. Maybe he won�t do anything. Find out what happens in: T-H-E N-U-T-HARE B-A-R-T-E-R-I-N-G R-A-B-B-I-T K-I-D THE END ( OR IS IT? ) NO.
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