Goodbye
It
was their favorite place to relax in Luna City. A secluded spot in the garden
where they could lay in each others arms and stare up at the universe through
the clear dome. They enjoyed each other's warmth this way. If it wasn't for the
sound of the environmental systems, and the obvious dome with its support
beams, one could almost imagine being on earth, lying in a field on a summer
night. Anthony was surprised that
others didn't take advantage of the beauty the garden offered. He was sure they were one of very few other
couples in the huge dome; of course, he wasn't about to complain, he enjoyed
the peaceful atmosphere. "My
parents have joined the Alpha Centauri colony," Valerye said as she turned
in his arms to face him. Anthony
turned slightly to face her. Looking amused he asked, "You mean they
actually volunteered to spend the next fifteen years cooped up in a rock
blasting toward Alpha Centauri?" "Yeah,
that's the only Centauri colony I'm aware of," Valerye answered seriously.
"My brothers and sisters have also volunteered." "Oh,
no," he whispered as he realized what was to come. "They
asked me to come with them, they need medical doctors badly," she said
sadly. "What
did you say," Anthony asked softly. He already knew the answer. Her family
was close, they had all moved to the moon together after all. He felt his heart
sting as she looked away from him. He dreaded the decisions he knew he was
about to face, and worse, he dreaded the pain the decisions would bring, no
matter what they were. A
year after his divorce from Ciarra, Anthony had met Valerye on a blind date. A
family friend had known Valerye's mother and had set them up. That had been six
months ago and in that time, he had grown very attached to her. He knew that if
he went to Alpha Centauri with Valerye, he would never see his son Blake again.
He loved his son too much to ever consider abandoning him, but perhaps there
might be another way. "Do you
love me," Valerye asked with a small sniffle. Anthony blinked away the
tears that clouded his vision, her blurry face sharpened and he saw her own
beautiful green eyes fill with tears. He had seen her cry before, and each time
it tore at his heart, he hated to see her in any pain. "Of
course," he said attempting a smile. "Then come
with me," she blurted. Anthony opened his mouth to speak but she quickly
cut him off. "No, that's not fair, you have Blake to consider." Anthony let out
a sigh and pulled Valerye against his chest. He ran his fingers through her
long light brown hair; even with his mind in a whirl, he took pleasure in the
silky feel of her hair between his fingers. Indeed, he was in love with her. He
couldn't stand the thought of loosing her, or the thought of her being in any
kind of pain. But was that love greater than his love for his son, he continued
to hold her contemplating it. "Let me see
what I can do Valerye," Anthony said after a long moment. "OK,"
She mumbled and sat up facing away from him. "They'll take anybody you
know, volunteers aren't exactly coming out of the air locks." "I know,"
he said and agreed. There was plenty of publicity attempting to recruit
volunteers. Years before, probes with
artificial intelligence had been sent to Alpha Centauri. The images and data
they sent back had astounded and inspired many. There was an earth like planet
across that vast distance; astonishingly enough it contained plant and animal
life. There had been no signs of intelligent life, not even primitive animals
such as monkeys, no one could be sure until man went there in person and
explored the planet for himself. There was plenty of talk of manned expeditions
and colonization, but talk was all it was until someone came up with the idea
to send an asteroid full of people to the distant star. The idea was to burrow
out the living areas inside the asteroid, and then set the asteroid spinning in
such a way that centrifugal force would serve as gravity. Living deep inside
the asteroid would also protect the human passengers from the dangers of space
travel, such as radiation. Nothing of the asteroid would go to waste,
everything they dug out of or scraped off the surface would be used to sustain
life or to fuel and build the propulsion systems. During the long fifteen years
of space travel, the colonist could continue to mine the asteroid and build equipment
that would be needed to establish their colony. Fifteen years would nearly have been an unacceptable amount of
time for space travelers a few years earlier, however with NanoMeds virtually
ending disease and aging, it had suddenly became completely acceptable. The
human life span was extended tremendously. He didn't even want to think about
the political and ethical arguments this technological breakthrough had brought
upon the world, needless to say, there was now a definite need for the human race
to colonize other worlds. But he knew
if he went with the colonist, he would miss out on his son's childhood, he
imagined he would find it difficult to live with himself if he did that. "It'd be an
adventure of a life time," Valerye said as she stood up and held out her
hand to help him up. His imagination had come alive when he had first heard of
the colony, he had even imagined himself exploring the new world and playing an
important role in its establishment. He took her hand and climbed to his feet. "They
would definitely be interested in an Engineer with your qualifications." "I figure
they would," he said with a smile. It made him feel good that she thought
so highly of his skills. Her career and achievements as a doctor on the other
hand were extraordinary compared to his in his own field. They silently
strolled arm in arm out of the garden. In the wide underground tunnel, they
hugged, kissed and bid each other fair well as they parted. They both knew without saying what he had to
do next. *** "Are you crazy,"
Ciarra asked incredulously. Anthony leaned back on her couch and sighed. He
hadn't told her everything, just casually mentioned to her he was interested in
joining the colony and asked if she'd be interested in joining as well. She
gazed at him thoughtfully for a moment and then added, "Does this mean you
would like to join as a couple? I could be interested if that was the
case." "No, not as
a couple," Anthony said calmly. Then he mumbled. "How could I ever
trust you again?" Their marriage had
failed due to her repeated infidelities. The first time he felt he was partly
to blame, mostly because of all the overtime he had put in at the job. He had
cut back his hours in an attempt to make things better, however when he had
caught her the second time he was devastated, he felt cheated and alone. He filed for divorce, knowing he could never
trust her again. Thinking there were no other women available his own age, he
feared he would be lonely the rest of his life, never to find love again. He
had blamed this loneliness on his ex-wife, believing she had stolen his
happiness. She had remorse and wished for reconciliation, he kept his distance
though and only maintained a friendly relationship with her. Then he met
Valerye and knew he could love again after all. All chances of reconciliation
at that point were definitely out of the question. He had thought
that since Ciarra had no real family to speak of, her parents were dead and she
didn't have any siblings, there could have been the possibility of talking her
into joining the colony. Yes, he had been desperate, but he had to at least
try. "You could
let me take Blake," he spouted before thinking. He sighed as he leaned
forward, planting his elbows on his knees and resting his head in his hands. He
knew what her answer would be, but she didn't respond. A kidnapping plan
started to formulate in his mind, he could take Blake during his visitation and
get on the Asteroid just before it blasted its way out of the solar system. He stopped in mid thought and realized that
committing such an act would do nothing but harm his own son; he came to his
senses and forced the thoughts into oblivion. "No, forget I asked that, it
wouldn't be good for Blake, I can't deny that you've been a good mother to him
and he needs you in his life. I know he loves you very much." "Anthony,"
She whispered softly as she placed her hand on his shoulder. "What is the
real reason for this? Did you even consider how doing something like that could
affect your son? I'm sure it's very dangerous for adults; let a lone a small
Three-year-old boy. I'd have to know a lot more about this before I could make
a decision, and unless we go as a family I'd have to refuse outright." She was right
and he knew it, under normal circumstances, he would need to learn a lot more
about the colony project before he would consider becoming part of it,
let alone his son. "You're right, I shouldn't have come here and bothered
you with this." Anthony got to his feet. "Why don't
you sit back down and we'll talk about it some more." Ciarra patted the
couch where he had been sitting. "Not unless
I can talk you into going without getting back together." She shook her
head and gave him a sad smile. "Joining that colony would mean I would
have to give up everything and everybody I have ever known. I also know the
trip is long and on top of it there is the time dilatation. Even if there ever
was a trip back to sol, decades would have past and we would be returning to a
world alien to us. The only way I would do this is if we went together as
husband and wife, I feel horrible for what I've done to you, and I would like
to spend the rest of my life making it up." She leaned back, folded her
arms under her breasts, and looked up at him seriously. "But, I hope you
don't do anything foolish and join this colony without us, I think it would
destroy your son, not to mention you would be missing out on his entire life,
by the time you reached Alpha Centauri he would be older than you are
now." "I can't
marry you again Ciarra," he murmured. He wanted to tell her it wasn't that
he couldn't trust her any more, but rather he had fallen in love with someone
else. Then with stunned realization he discovered he had forgiven her, and
believed she sincerely wished to make things right. If Valerye disappeared from
his life, he felt he could probably patch things up with Ciarra. The appealing
thing to this would be having the time to spend with his son, not just waiting
for his visitations. But as he stood there lost in thought, Ciarra figured it
out. "You
don't actually want to go with the colony, its that girlfriend of yours
Valerye," Ciarra said sourly. She looked up at him briefly with hurt eyes
and then looked away, "How could she put you in such a position, how could
she if she really loved you or even cared for you?" Anthony felt as
though somebody had slid a knife into his heart. "I don't know,"
Anthony responded quietly and then regretted the words, he hated that he had
just confirmed her suspicions. He turned away from his ex-wife and saw himself
out of the apartment. Once in the tunnel he headed straight for Valerye's
apartment. What Ciarra had said hit home. What she had said had brought a fear
that was barely formed to the surface. He didn't believe he could suffer any
more pain of this nature. Ciarra could be right, that was what scared him the
most. *** Valerye opened
the door to the Apartment looking as though she had spent the time since he
last saw her either sleeping or crying.
She stepped aside and he walked in without a word. He headed for the
couch and flopped down. "Do you
love me," Anthony asked and winced at how harsh his own words had sounded.
But he needed to ask, she had never actually told him that she loved him, he
had always believed she did and really didn't need her to say it before now. Valerye stopped
in the center of the room and stared. She watched him thoughtfully for a long
moment. He noticed she had changed into tattered jogging pants and a tank top.
He admired her attractive body and then wondered if he was in love or was it
simply lust. He searched himself and determined it was indeed love he felt for
her, then with her next statement she crushed him. "How could I be in love with you, we
haven't known each other for very long," She looked away before he could
catch the expression on her face. There
wasn't a stabbing pain in Anthony's heart this time; instead, it felt as though
somebody had ripped it from his chest. He opened his mouth to say something,
but his lips wouldn't move, his mind was frozen. She went on before he could
vocalize anything. "My Sister Jess told me that an old family friend of
ours has also joined the colony, we had a lot of fun growing up. I had always
thought he was cute, perhaps I could..." She trailed off and turned away
from him. "Just go away Anthony, I don't love you," She said it
sternly. "Go before I call the
police to have you removed." Anthony sat in
shock, familiar feelings of betrayal and great loss crept though his being.
Without thinking about it, he stood and staggered for the door. He knew what
she said could not be true, so he stood contemplating her words as he stared at
the door release. He pushed down tears that were determined to break forth as
he lifted his hand shakily to take the door release. Behind him, he heard a
sob. He turned slowly to see Valerye collapse to her knees onto the carpeted
floor. She sat with her legs bent under her and her hands over her face. She
then, quivered, cried out in tearful pain and fell forward, sobbing violently.
This was a new emotional state for her; he had never witnessed anything like it
before. His own legs nearly gave out from under him as he realized what it
meant. He managed to make it to her
side, falling on his own knees and resting his hand lightly on her back. She straightened
and put her arms around him tightly and her sobbing ended. Anthony was about to
say something soothing when she spoke. "I'm sorry,
I do love you! I thought it would be easier on you if... but I couldn't
do it, I do love you." She held him tightly and cried into his shoulder. "We can
figure something out." He rubbed her back lightly. "Kidnap
both of them." Her voice was muffled. Anthony's mind became a whirl as he
held her even tighter, cherishing every moment of it. He buried his nose in her
hair and took in the fragrance of it. He feared the unbearable loneliness that
would overcome him when she was gone. It was hard for him to describe his
feelings for her, but in short, it felt as though they completed each other. If
she left, he knew he would be broken, his son being the only thing in his life
to live for. "How,"
he whispered. A tear rolled down his cheek and into her hair. He never wanted
to let her go. "I don't
know, I would have to check into it, she would definitely have to be put out
for the duration." Valerye pulled away and wiped tears from her eyes.
Anthony thought frantically, what would be the repercussions, the consequences.
Would there be jails on the asteroids, would the Captain of the expeditions
decide their fate? They couldn't very well throw them out the air lock, not a
doctor and an engineer. He chuckled aloud and allowed himself the briefest
smile. Well, perhaps the engineer could be expendable anyways. Valerye looked
at him quizzically as she climbed to the more comfortable couch. Her eyes red
rimmed and puffy never left his. He
joined her putting his arm around her shoulders and pulling her close. The
captain might not throw them out an air lock, but the crime, and Anthony knew
it was a crime, would not go unpunished. The punishment would undoubtedly be
his separation from Valerye and Blake, the very thing he was trying to
avoid in the first place. It was ludicrous, he could no more kidnap is ex-wife
than he could his son. "Why don't
we just hypnotize her and convince her she wants to go," Anthony said with
a bit of sarcasm. "Sounds
about as stupid as kidnapping her," Valerye mumbled as she curled up close
to him. He cherished her warmth that seeped into him. He rested his head atop
hers and lavished in the smell of her hair. He desired this woman and wanted to
be with her. He was even considering giving up his son to join her. He could
after all make more children. This wasn't really how he felt though; he was
just having a hard time making a decision, something he had been avoiding.
However, there were plenty of divorced men that had children and ex-wives on
earth. At least they were still able to support them by sending child support
and visitation was at possible as well. "You could
ask your family to remain here," Anthony said roughly "I
did," Valerye said softly. "I told my parents that I was in love and
I didn't want to leave. They told me that they were very adamant in going; it
was something they both had dreamed of their entire life." Valerye curled
in tighter against him. "They said if I decided to stay on the moon that
it would be OK with them." She managed to get the words out between sobs.
Something about this troubled him, as he struggled with the thought of
abandoning his son it was apparently easy for Valerye's parents to give up a
daughter. No, that wasn't fair, Valerye
was a grown woman, and Blake was still a child. If Blake were a grown man then
it would have been a completely different decision, one that could partly be
his. "You could
stay here with me, let your parents have their adventure," "If it were
just my parents I could do that, reluctantly, and definitely not without pain,
but..." She trailed off and sobbed silently for a moment and then she
gained the strength to add. "My brother and sisters are going as well, our
family has always been very close." "I
understand," Anthony said soothingly. Did he? He tried to imagine himself
in her position, as if it was him that was about to give up his entire family.
Then he realized he couldn't abandon his son anymore than she could give up her
parents and siblings. "I can't
give them up forever, not even for somebody I love as much as you." "I
understand," Anthony said once again, even though the statement stabbed
painfully at his heart. He did truly understand how she felt. "Lets make
the best of the time we have left." "I'd like
that," Valerye said softly. "I'd really like that." They
both sat there quietly and eventually fell asleep. *** "Blake, do
you see that bright light in the sky," Anthony asked as he pointed up
through the dome towering over the garden.
They watched from a bench along the main path. Even though the asteroid
was thousands of miles away, its massive chemical rockets lit up the heavens. It nearly numbed his mind to think of the
enormous power man had harnessed with those engines. Eventually though, the
rockets would die out and Bussard Ramjets would begin scooping energy from the
surrounding space, giving the asteroid colony all the thrust they would need
for their trip to Alpha Centauri. "Valerye is
up there," Blake asked looking fascinated. "Yes,
honey, she is going on a long trip, we won't see her for a long long
time," Anthony said sadly. He had spent a lot of time with Valerye in the
weeks leading to her departure. He had helped her pack and sell what she
couldn't take with her. It had been an emotional moment for both of them as
they said their goodbyes three weeks earlier. She had put off going to the
asteroid until the last shuttle was announced. She had made the decision to go,
but had been reluctant to join her family until the last moment. Anthony was
not complaining however, she had been living with him until the day she left.
He didn't think that had been good for them, it made it more difficult to let
go, at least for him. He had relished every moment of it though and wouldn't
have changed it for anything. At one
point, he had thoughts of preventing her from boarding the last shuttle, but
couldn't bring himself to hurt her that way. He had spent the past weeks hoping
and praying Valerye would change her mind and come back to him, but she never
showed, and with the asteroid now underway it was impossible for her to return
even if she wanted to. "I liked
Valerye, why did she have to go," Blake asked. "Because
her parents, brother and sisters were going," he said as he stood up. "Oh,"
he said remembering that it had been explained before. "I would like to
have a brother." Anthony chuckled
intrigued by his son's sudden change in subject. "Well, that might not
happen for a while, but right now its time to get you back to your mother, its
almost your bed time big boy." Anthony took his son's hand and led him out
of the garden. *** "There's my
boy," Ciarra exclaimed, she sounded relived more than anything. She looked
up at Anthony and added, "I was almost worried that the two of you had
become interstellar astronauts." "Nope,"
Blake added happily. "Not today." "Good,"
Ciarra stepped aside and ushered her son into the apartment, "Go get ready
for bed." Anthony watched
as his son made his way though the apartment and disappeared into his bedroom. "You want
to come in," Ciarra asked. "No, I
don't think so," "Suit
yourself. For what its worth, I'm really sorry she left like that, I knew you
really liked her a lot." "Thank
you," Anthony replied, half surprised by the sincerity in his ex-wife's
voice. "I'm here
for you Anthony, if you need somebody to talk to, or if you get lonely." There had been
plenty of similar offers since Valerye had left, he considered this one
seriously, there was an empty spot in his heart and he could actually imagine
it. He gave her a warm smile, leaned forward and kissed her on the cheek.
"I'll think about it Ciarra, but for tonight I want to be alone." "I
understand," she smiled back pleased as though she had accomplished a
difficult task. Anthony lifted his hand in a half wave, turned and walked away.
*** As he sat on the
garden bench, he stared up through the dome. The asteroid was a tiny dot in the
heavens. His heart was crushed, he had found what he thought was his soul mate
only to have her taken away from him. He wanted to repress the memory just as
if it was a traumatic experience. But he knew it wouldn't happen, years later
he would still be wondering if there wasn't something that could have been done
differently. He thought back, deeply considering all the possibilities. So deep
was he in his thoughts, he didn't register the person sitting next to him on
the bench. A finger stroked the back of his neck. Startled he turned with
lightning speed. "Thinking
about me?" "How..."
Anthony stammered to the woman beside him. "I changed
my mind soon after I got on the Asteroid." Valerye said as they embraced.
She was a beautiful sight; and how good she felt in his arms. "But the
captain wasn't very receptive, he didn't want anybody leaving. Finally, he gave
in and just today I was allowed to transfer to a shuttle that was in the area
to record the countdown and blast off." "You just
don't know happy I am to see you," he whispered as he squeezed her
tightly. "Oh, if you
only knew you might not be squeezing me so tight," she managed to choke.
Anthony released his hold and pushed her back so he could see her beautiful
face. "I found out I was pregnant once I was on the Asteroid, that changed
everything for me Anthony. There was no way I was going to leave my child's
father behind, not after the sacrifice he had just given for his other
child." "Oh my,
this is too much good news," Anthony cheered and kissed her passionately.
He felt so high he thought he might burst through the dome, he felt elated. He
pulled back to look at her face again, her eyes gleamed with pleasure as she
smiled back at him. "I'll love you forever, marry me, marry me now!" She answered,
"That was absolutely what I had in mind."
Copyright © 2001 Shane Cupp |