My Sweetheart (1)
Her green eyes were wet with tears. "I'm pregnant," she said softly as they sat in his car. Outside, it was raining. The drops belted down on the car, falling like her tears did. He stared at her in disbelief, her words cutting through him like a knife. "Are you sure?" She nodded and then broke down completely. He took her hand in his, wanting to give her comfort. He could leave her. He could run from her and leave her alone to do what she wanted like many 17 year old boys did. But he couldn't do that. He loved her. "I'm 16," she cried to him. "My father is going to kill me." "How did it happen?" he asked her because he didn't know what else to say. It was a redundant question since he was the one who had gotten her pregnant. She looked at him through her tears. "You were there, Justin. Remember?" He nodded. "I know. I'm sorry. That was a stupid question. I didn't know what else to say." "What are we going to do?" She was panicking now. "I won't get an abortion. I just won't do that." "That never even crossed my mind," he said to her truthfully. She tried to smile at him. "Thank you. You don't know what it means for me to hear you say that. Most boys would insist on it or run out on their girlfriends." He squeezed her hand. "I love you, Jackie. I got you pregnant and I'm going to take care of you. I promise." He took her hand and pressed his lips against it. She shook her head. "Your parents are going to freak too. You know they will. They want you to go to college next year and this is going to ruin everything. You know it will. They'll probably disown you." "No, they won't. They know how I feel about you. We made one mistake, honey." "And look what happened." He opened the glove compartment of his car and took out some napkins for her. He gave them to her. "Here. Dry your tears. Everything is going to be all right. I promise." She sniffled as she dabbed at her eyes with the napkins. They smelled faintly of hamburgers. So many times, Justin would take her to the drive-thru and they would sit in the car down by the beach and eat their food. They would talk about their future together as they ate. Now, what kind of future did they have together? She was pregnant. They had been so careful the first time. The second time they had just gone on pure emotion and had tried to be as careful as they could be. She cried harder again. "Come on, Jackie," he said softly. "We've been together for three years. Our folks know how we feel about each other. Nothing is going to happen. I promise. We can get through this. I know we can." "I won't get an abortion," she repeated, more firmly this time. "I won't do it. He can't make me. I won't let him." Justin knew that she was talking about her father. He was very strict with her and extremely protective. He had raised Jackie by himself ever since her mother had died when Jackie was a little girl. "It's okay." He tried to sound reassuring but he knew how her dad could be. Justin knew that Mr. O'Connor liked him but sometimes, he also got the impression that her dad thought nobody was good enough for her, including him. He'd been her boyfriend for a long time and he really loved Jackie. He wasn't going to let anyone hurt her ever. "Jackie." He put his arms around her and held her close to him. "I love you. Stop worrying, okay? Nothing is going to happen. I don't care what anyone has to say about it. I love you. I'm always going to take care of you and our baby, always. I promise." -------------------- I promise... Jackie O'Connor stared out the window of her bedroom as the rain beat against the panes. It was a dark and dreary day, matching her mood perfectly. Sometimes, she would look back on that day. It had been the worst of her life. She swiped at the tears that fell down her cheeks. Things had gone so bad for her. She had lost her father, Justin, everything that had been so dear to her. Almost everything...not quite. "Mama." Jackie turned around and saw Jessica standing in the doorway of the bedroom. She was wearing her Tweety Bird nightgown and her long dark brown hair was mussed with sleep. She was wiping her green eyes. Justin's eyes. Her daddy's eyes. Jackie smiled at her daughter. "You're up, pumpkin!" "Hi, Mama!" Jessica ran to her and threw her arms around her. "Hey, sweetie." Jackie cuddled her daughter close to her. "Did you have a good night's sleep?" Jessica nodded as she clung to her. "It's raining, Mama." "I know, sweetie. I don't think we can go to the park today but maybe we'll bake cookies later. Would you like that?" Jessica nodded as she grinned at her. "Chocolate chip?" "Whatever you like. Are you hungry, pumpkin? Mommy will make some breakfast for you now." Jessica nodded and took her hand. "Can I have a sunny egg, Mama?" "Sure you can. Let's go inside." They went into the kitchen together. The apartment was small but it was theirs. Jackie had left Maryland, coming to New Jersey to start a new life. She had found a job in a supermarket and in the beginning, had collected Welfare to help her get along. She wasn't ashamed. She was a child still herself and determined to raise her child to the best of her ability. Now, she was able to work at home. She had always loved to do arts and crafts and now she and Jessica were able to live off on the things she made. She had a nice little clientele and even did flea markets from time to time. They still struggled at times but they had each other and that was all Jackie cared about. She didn't have to put the baby in day care or have someone else raise her child for her. She knew what it was like to grow up without a mother. She took the carton of eggs out of the refrigerator. She smiled as she watched Jessica bend down under the sink to take out the skillet. "You're such a good girl." Jackie smiled as she took the skillet from her. Jessica beamed proudly. "I love to help you, Mommy." "I know you do, angel." She loved her five year old daughter so much. Not a day went by when she didn't count her blessings. She was so lucky to be blessed with such an angel in her life. It was just a shame that Justin wasn't here with them. ----------------------------------------- They had met in secret after her father had banned her from seeing him. "Jackie, I don't know what to do." They were behind the bleachers at the ball field at school and Justin was crying. "What is it?" she asked him as he held onto her. "My folks are so upset about this whole thing that they've decided to move to Florida. I'm moving down there, Jackie. I don't want to go but I have no choice." She felt the bottom drop out from her. "But you can't move, Justin! You just can't!" "I don't have a choice, honey. They're so upset about what happened. They know you won't get an abortion and they don't want me to be with you anymore. I have to go, Jackie. I don't want to leave you but I have no choice." She clung to him. "But what about us? What about our baby?" He looked down in shame. "I'm sorry, Jackie. I'm so sorry." She broke down then. "How could you do this to me, Justin? Why don't you stand up for yourself, for us?" He looked at her through his tears. "If I stay with you my parents won't pay for college. You know I have to go to college, honey. They already told me that if I stay I can forget about them helping me." She felt like she'd been struck by him. "How could you? What about me? I'm the one who's pregnant. Justin, I thought you loved me." He grabbed her hands. "I do, honey, more than anything. I'm sorry....so very sorry." ---------------------------------- I'm sorry...so very sorry Jackie heard his words in her mind again and took a deep breath. Justin had left her. Even after all of his promises, he had left her high and dry. His parents had run like cowards because they had wanted a better life for their one and only precious son. Instead of sticking up for them, instead of fighting for what he wanted, he had given in to his parents. She knew it couldn't have been an easy decision. His parents had always made things easy for him. They were sending him to one of the best schools in the country and they did have the money. Justin had always dreamed of going to Florida State. They had talked about getting married after they had both graduated from college. Now, everything had changed. Justin had left her behind to pursue the dreams of his parents. She wanted to hate him but she couldn't. Her heart felt heavy in her chest as she cracked the egg open. Then she heard giggling. She turned around and saw Jessica sitting on the floor playing with their new kitten Snowy. She had adopted the kitten for her as a playmate. There weren't very many kids around that were her daughter's age. Jessica looked up at her. "I love Snowy so much, Mommy." Jackie smiled as she went to take the orange juice out of the refrigerator. "But not as much as I love you, Mommy." Jackie felt her eyes well up with tears again and she sucked in her breath. Outside the kitchen window, the rain fell harder. ---------------------------------------- Justin McKenzie looked out the window of his office and sighed. The rain was still coming down. The east coast had been hit with an unusual amount of rain lately. It was April and spring was coming but still, the temperatures remained raw and ugly, even in Florida. He took a pencil out of the cup that he kept them in on his desk. You're so special!!, the cup read. There was a picture of two puppies on it cuddling with each other. Jackie had given him the cup for his birthday once, with tickets to an Orioles game in it. Justin broke the pencil in half and threw it across his office. It hit the wall across from him and fell to the floor. "Justin?" He looked up and saw Louise standing in the doorway of his office. "Are you okay, honey?" she asked him. He nodded as he scrubbed his face with his hands. "I'm fine," he assured her in a soft voice. "Well, you don't look fine." She bent down to pick up the broken pencil. She walked over to his desk and threw it down into the wastebasket there. It clanged against the side of it. She put her hands on her matronly hips and glared at him over her glasses. "What is it? You've been miserable for the past week. I want to know what the problem is or I'm leaving." Justin had to smile. Louise Richards was a great secretary and he knew of her value. She was old enough to be his grandmother and often acted as such. She was plump and good natured with a heart of gold. He'd never met a kinder, more gentler woman but she was feisty and always stuck up for the people she cared about. "I'm depressed," he admitted and cringed as he waited for her reaction. According to Louise, life was too short for such menial things. She surprised him by sitting on the edge of his desk, her chubby knees exposed as her blue skirt rode up a bit. "What are you depressed about? You're 23 years old and you run a very successful business. You have a beautiful girlfriend who adores you. You're smart, good looking and rich. What could you possibly be depressed about?" Justin ran his finger along the rim of the cup that Jackie had given him. "It doesn't matter," he said softly. "I don't think you'd understand." "Try me. I'm older than you and wiser. Maybe I can." He shook his head again. "I'm not ready to talk about it. Not yet. When I am, you'll be the first to know." Something in his voice kept her from making a sharp retort. She jumped down onto the floor again and put her hand on his shoulder. "You know where to find me when you are ready to talk." Justin watched as she turned and left his office, leaving him alone to his thoughts. His eyes turned to the window again and he watched the falling rain. Her words came back to haunt him. I hate you! I never want to see you again, Justin McKenzie! ------------------------------- "Jackie, please." She was walking away from him, tears spilling down her cheeks. "Leave me alone, Justin! You promised me that you would always love me and now you're doing this! We have a baby to think about and you're running out on me. Well, I don't need you! I don't need anybody! I can take care of this baby without you or anyone else!" He followed her. "Come on, sweetheart. Please don't do this. I never meant for this to happen. You've got to understand my situation." She glared at him. "Your situation? What about mine? I'm the one who's pregnant. My father won't even talk to me unless I get an abortion. He despises me, his own daughter. Well, I won't do it. Nobody can make me! I'll leave and start a new life for myself! I don't need your help, Justin! Run to Florida! Go ahead! I don't care anymore!" "Jackie!" He grabbed her shoulders. "I love you! Please don't do this. Please understand!" "No." She shook her head and shrugged him off of her. "I can't understand you, Justin. I just can't." The way she looked at him broke his heart. Tears poured down her face like a torrent. "I hate you!" she told him. "I never want to see you again, Justin McKenzie!" ---------------------------- Jackie was making Jessica's breakfast and staring out the window at the pouring rain. She was so lost in thought that she hadn't heard the doorbell ring. "Mama." Jessica was tugging at her blouse. "Somebody rang the bell, Mama." Jackie blinked. "I didn't hear it." She walked through the living room to answer the ringing of the bell. She opened it and was greeted by a very wet and good looking blond man. He grinned at her. "Good morning. Am I too late for breakfast?" She returned his smile. "What's the password to enter?" "Please?" She laughed and allowed him inside. "John!" Jessica came running into the living room. "Hey, pumpkin!" He held his arms out to her and Jessica ran into them. He scooped her up and gave her a kiss on the cheek. "How's my favorite girl?" She giggled. "I thought Mommy was your favorite girl." "She is. She's my favorite big girl. You're my favorite little girl." He put her back down on the floor and then turned to Jackie. "How're you doing?" he asked her softly and very gently touched her face. "Okay. I'm making breakfast. Come into the kitchen." They all went inside. "Coffee?" Jackie asked him as he sat at the table. "Sure. Thanks. Hey, Snowy." He bent down to pet the little white kitten. "Snowy," Jessica called and sat down to pick the animal up in her arms. "Not in the kitchen, honey." Jackie told her. "Go in the bathroom and wash your hands. Your breakfast is almost ready." "Okay, Mommy." Jessica stood up and obediantly did as she was told. While she was gone, John Bender smiled at Jackie again. "It's lousy outside. I wonder if it's ever going to stop raining." "I'm sure it will." She popped some bread into the toaster. "Are you off today?" He nodded. "I don't have to go back on duty for another two more days." He was a firefighter at the local firehouse. "Good." She brought a mug and a spoon to the table for him. "Jackie." He gently grabbed her wrist. "What is it?" She looked at him. "Sit down a minute." "I've got the eggs on." He shook his head. "Don't care. Sit, just for a minute." He pulled her down onto his lap. He put his arms around her. "What is it?" she asked again. "Nothing." He kissed her on the lips. "I just want to hold you for a minute." "John..." "Come on, Jackie, you know how I feel about you." "I know, but..." He kissed her again. "I love the both of you. When are we going to be more than just friends?" She sighed deeply. "The eggs are burning." She stood up and pushed her dark brown hair out of her eyes. She went to the stove to check the eggs. The toast popped and she put two more slices in. "What are we going to do, Jackie?" John was persistent. She had known him for two years, ever since he had moved to their apartment complex. He was a very brave and courageous man, strong and muscular. He had short blond hair and big blue eyes. He was very good looking and sweet and kind. At 30, he was a bit older than she but he never looked down on her. He was always respectful of her and he adored Jessica. "John..." He shook his head. "I promised you that I wouldn't rush you but it has been two years already. I can't wait for you forever, you know." She smiled as she put the milk and butter on the table. "I don't expect you to." "You want to tell me why you won't see me?" She smiled again. "You're such an old man. I'm only 22 and you're already 30. That's a big age difference. It would be robbing the cradle for you." "Very funny." "I can't, John. You know that. I like being just friends. It's comfortable. You're a great guy." "But you don't want to be involved."
Copyright © 2002 Debbie Bailey |