Dake (1)
Jannah Akira

 


DAKE (/only)

 
2003
  Tears fall from her eyes when she feels so lonely. Everyone is turning their back on her. All that she can do now is cry. She couldn’t help but wonder why. Why did he walk away from her life? She just wants to stop thinking about it, not to get over it. She wants to stop crying about it, not to forget it. She had no one to trust now, so, she will go on her own. Just in a nick of time, a flash of thought returns to her mind. A thought that she has puts away for a while but still in her mind. A thought that remind her of him. How he had created a feelings in her soul. She never wants to forget how because she knew it will never fade away.

  
2002
  She was studying in her class. Her friends were talking excitedly. She had tried to hear them but she couldn’t, so she asked them. “All right guys, what are you talking about?”

“Hey! Did you know that form 5A is using biology’s lab as their class now?” said Suzanne.

“Why?” she asked. Then Sofia said,

“Hey! Natalie, why are you so left-behind?”

“Yeah, why huh?” Mieza agreed.

“Oh! Come on. Why did you guys care so much about what’s happening in form 5A class? What did they mean to you? Yeah, okay, they’re using Bio’s lab as their class now, so what?” she answered them back.

“You really don’t know anything, do you?” asked Lini.

Natalie said, “Well, at least, better than Leigh and Sheila, one just know how to sing and another one just love to read. At least, I knew some guys who fancy Meiza from that class.”

  Leigh, who was singing and Sheila who was reading turned to look at Natalie when their names were mentioned. “What did you say?” asked Leigh in an angry tone then continued, “Just know how to sing?” Sheila too asked her the same way, “Just love to read?”

“Well, I’m just making an example, okay?” Natalie tried to explain while slowly got up from her chair and took a few steps behind but both of her friend are now standing too, ready to strike at any time, “No! It’s not okay!” They yelled at her. By that time, she knew what to do. RUNAWAY!!!

                                  * * *

  The second period is Biology, so, they moved to Biology’s lab. Yes! They, seven of them, they called themselves F07, (F) pranksters of Seven which include Natalie, Leigh, Sofia, Suzanne, Meiza, Lini and Sheila. She, Natalie, just an ordinary girl, happy, crazy, love to fool around and always smile but she can be really cold too, depend on the situation. Leigh is a nice girl but people easily frighten by her strict face and of course, she loves to sing. Sofia is an easy-going, kind, great person and she’s the smartest among all of them. Suzanne is a hardworking and serious in studies but she’s crazy too sometimes, she is such a happy, caring and loving type of girl. Meiza is the famous among all, she’s beautiful, fun and charming at the same time, she can get attention from any guy at any time. She’s really good in doing it. Lini is sort of happy-go-lucky type; she’s enjoyable and really really nice. Sheila is an honest person and she never angry; she’s the most loveable person among them. But, for Natalie, the closest to her is Lini, Leigh and Sofia.

  Biology, they were all standing outside the lab now. Those stupid people were still in there. She, Natalie, call them stupid, just for fun. 5A loves to compete with 4A, whether in studies or anything at all. Maybe they find peace in doing so and relieve their stress. Ha! Ha! Let them be, she thought. Then, there walked, Stephen Allen, the guy who fancied Mieza, which they called Steve. And then, “Alec”, Sofia whispered to her ears. Alec is Steve’s best friend. After that, all of Steve’s friends walked by. Later than that, a Chinese guy walked by. Lini, who was behind her, whispered to her ears, “Jerry, this is Jerry, behind him is Winson.” She nodded, she recognized Winson, he always wait for his father to fetch him from school at the same place where she and Leigh wait for Leigh’s mother to fetch them. Leigh and Natalie are neighbors. But Jerry, she knew she ever saw him before but now she knew his name.

                         * * *

  In the lab, while she, Leigh and Sofia were sitting at the last table, she knew the real story from Sofia. The story why Mieza, Suzanne and Lini care about 5A so much? Why? Because now, Mieza also fancied Steve and both Suzanne and Lini had a crush on Jerry Lei Ming Hsu. “Oh!” she said. Leigh had a crush on Winson since ago, then she turned to look at Leigh who was singing, she led out a little sigh. Much of a co-incidence. She looked at the table and saw a writing on it which written [who are you to care?] She watched her reply before the person’s word, [why are you so emotional?] She wrote it beside an emotional word written by the person, [pretend to be tough, pretend to be strong, pretend to be a man, `cause once the heart fell into darkness.] Staring at the written [who are you to care?] she took her pen and wrote [whoever is all right… choose one] she smiled. She didn’t know who the person is and she couldn’t find any name to blame.

  Suddenly, she remembered, “oh oh! I left my book at class”.

“What?” Leigh asked.

“Go and take it” Sofia suggested.

So, she got up from her chair and walked to her class. When she almost reached her class, she stopped. She’s just halfway there but she stopped when she saw form 5A were in her class now. Oh God! She turned around to get back to lab. “Are you going to the class?” someone asked her. She’s from form 5A. “Yes, I wanna take my book” Natalie said.

“Then, come with me, the teacher’s not in yet”, she said and Natalie smiled.

Natalie followed her to the class. In the class, Jerry was sitting at her table. She felt like turning back around but her feet walked toward him. “Excuse me” she said. He looked at her with his big, round eyes. He pushed the chair backward and Winson who was sitting beside him was watching her too. But she, she searched for her book pretending that they never existed. When she found the book, she accidentally putted it too hard on the table and a loud ‘bang’ was made when the book fell on Jerry’s pencil box. She looked at him; she was actually shocked by the sound and Jerry’s eyes still on her. She, as fast as possible grabbed the picture of her favorite soccer player out of where she putted it on the table (it was a place that she made where she can easily take it out and put it back on). Then, she walked out of the classroom but Steve had asked her “which class are you from?” before she went out. She didn’t answered him indeed ignored him.

                               * * *

  When Biology subject was over, she and her friends waited outside their classroom, they wanted to put their book back in their tables. She saw Jerry walked out of the class, he saw her too but quickly turned away. She got in the class and when she came to her table, she saw something. Something that Jerry had left for her. It was a piece of paper that he drew a comic character and wrote some Japanese word in romaji. Did he know that I speak Japanese? She wondered. She was holding the paper in her hand.

“What’s that?” Sofia asked.

“Jerry left it for me” she answered.

Then, Suzanne looked at her in amazement. “What? Let me see.”

She handed the paper to Suzanne. Suzanne watched it for a while then gave it back to Natalie. Natalie stared hard at it searching for clues but no explanation found and instead felt her heart melting away but what’s going on? She didn’t know. She didn’t know at all that she had fallen in love with Jerry, that the paper had sent a simple love song to her soul. She didn’t know.

 
2003
  Now, she already knew it. Suddenly, Lini calls her from behind, “hey!”

“What took you so long?”

“Oh! Come on, you wouldn’t get angry for that”

Natalie smile, then Lini continues, “are we going to meet him?”

Natalie looks at Lini for a little while then asks, “for what?”

“He had laughed us out and shamed us, we should be angry, aren’t we?”

Natalie nods, she didn’t know what to think, everything is seem so right and wrong at the same time. She knew it, she really do know that her heart is falling apart. She always wonder why, why did he need to hurt her so bad? Did he really mean what he does or he didn’t even know what did he do to hurt her? She rides the motorcycle, to see him. But, for what? She wonders. She starts, “Are you sure about doing this?”

“I don’t know” Lini answers

“I suggests, we better not”

“Well, if you say so”

So, they turn around, erasing their angriness. At a corner, she can sense something’s wrong, she lost her balance and they both fall off the motorcycle.

                             * * *

  Lini and Natalie didn’t go to school that day because of the accident. They’re having a phone conversation that day. Lini begins, “we couldn’t see him”

“Hurting ourselves instead” Natalie adds

“Ha! Ha! Thank God, we’re still alive”

“Too bad that he didn’t know anything about it”

“Yeah, everything seem useless”

“Guess… we’re just unlucky to know him, I wish he had never call me that day or maybe I shouldn’t have gone to our classroom to get the textbook and he should never leave the paper there”

“Um…”

“Hey! Bye”

“Bye”

  After the phone conversation, Natalie sits on her chair; she didn’t know what to do. She wanted to pay him a visit at the place where he works when she’s healed.

                                 * * *
2002
  “Jerry is the one who sits here?” she asked Suzanne. Suzanne nodded. Natalie looked at the handwriting, “yes, these handwritings are the same”

“Same?” Sofia asked.

“With the piece of paper”

“Oh!”

“Damn cat!”

All of her friends laughed by the time the word ‘cat’ were spoken. It’s true, they call Jerry with the name cat, they called Steve camel, Alec was lizard, Sheng was dugong, Jie was goat and Winson was eagle. Sheng and Jie were twins and befriend to Winson and Jerry. The idea of ‘cat’ came from Mieza, ‘camel’ from Suzanne, ‘lizard’ from Natalie, ‘eagle’ from both Natalie and Leigh, and ‘dugong’ and ‘goat’ from Lini.

  Mieza spoke to Natalie, Lini and Leigh that day. “We had done a terrible trick, you know” Sofia nodded then added; “we had told Suzanne and Sheila but couldn’t find time to tell you yet” Lini curiously asked, “what?” Sofia and Mieza looked at each other and said, “We had lied Steve and his gang”

“What???” the three of them yelled.

“About what?” Natalie asked.

“We had created a second identity for Sofia called Nadia” Mieza explained.

“Why did you do that?” Leigh asked.

“Hey! Think about this, what if they know that I’m in this school and who I am, I would of course feel ashamed if they knew I’m the one who speaks to them on the phone” Sofia said then there was a silence pause until Natalie said, “see,… you do have some point there… but I still don’t think it’s a good measure, know there’s just a bad feelings about it”

“Don’t worry, everything will be just fine” said Meiza

“Hope so” Lini said then suddenly yelled, “hey! It’s cat”

  Jerry walked by. As he passed them by, all of them shouted, “Meow! Meow!” then laughed as hard as they can.

 
2003
  In Biology lab that day, she sits beside Sofia. She sees the writing on the table; last year writings. She smiles and read it again, [whoever is all right…choose one]; her handwritings then the person’s reply, [your shit!]

[my shit is mine, why should you care?]

[of course you shit is yours, nobody care about it]

[if you don’t care about my shit, why did you write about it?]

It ended there. By the time she wrote her final words, she already knows that ‘the person’ is Jerry.

                                             * * *

  She’s already healed now; she had gone to where he works yesterday. But she had seen something she never wants to see.

She saw him speaking to another girl; a beautiful girl. She can’t deny it, when it’s true the fact that she’s jealous but it was no use, he was not attached to her or something. The question that runs on her mind now is the way that he looks at her yesterday; it’s just the same way that he used to look at her before. The way that really sinks her deeper into the ocean of hopes and now she’s floating there; to choose between to keep on drowning or to wait for him to rescue her. She had never given up her faith on him. She believes that everything that he does must have a reasonable reason. Like when he hung up the phone after hearing Leigh’s voice. She was the one who asked Leigh to call him but he hung up and Leigh got really pissed off but he has a reason; which is Lini had called him before but she didn’t speak and hung up the phone when hearing his voice and he didn’t know who’s the first person that called him and thought it was Leigh, that’s why he hung up.

  She sits thinking for a moment then take out a piece of paper and write to him a letter entitled ’11 Things I’m Sorry for’. She writes about everything so that he will have the clear vision of all the misunderstanding that had happened. She believes that everything has been written down on that paper. All that she has to do now is sends the letter. She hopes he’ll understand and puts the letter into the red box. She had send the letter, she didn’t know when will he received the letter but what’s important is she had send it. She starts thinking of the past again.

                                     * * *

 
2002
  It had been two months since Mieza and Sofia lie Steve and the gang and it had been more than two months that Natalie had loved Jerry. But now Sofia had also fallen in love with Alec. Things just got worst than ever when the secret finally revealed; when the gang knew that Nadia never existed. When Sofia admitted that she is Nadia, nobody wants to believe. They called her liar and the rest of FO7 too. There ever been writing on physics lab which is Alec’s handwriting; I love Nadia, Subang Jaya.

  It had become so tragic. Mieza and Steve fell apart. Alec was angry to Sofia and everything had ruined. Winson and Leigh still stucked somehow and love never existed in reality like they used to.

It only left in the heart of those who knows and dreamed for it.

                                                     * * *

  Natalie was walking with Sofia at the library. They both were holding some very heavy books while passing table by table. As they walked pass Jerry, he called, “hey!”. Sofia turned around but Natalie, who didn’t hear he called, didn’t turn around. Sofia looked at Natalie, so Natalie turned to look at Jerry. “Come here” he said. Natalie was half shocked and curious so she turned to Sofia for assurance. “Is it me?” she asked. “He called you” Sofia pointed her finger at Natalie. “A moment, please” he insisted. She walked towards him and the heavy books onto the table. “Yes?” she asked. “Is it you who wrote on Biology’s lab table?” he asked but she didn’t know what to answer; to admit it or to deny it. “Well…” she began. “Yes… but it wasn’t my idea. Mieza asked me to” she explained. He nodded then she started asking, “Is it Winson who wrote some fucked words on the table?” “Well…” he said. “Is it him?” she stressed. “Yes but…” she cuts the line when hearing the word ‘yes’. “I’ve already guessed it”. Then, she walked away. What am I going to do? It was me who wrote it. If only I could explain how complicated it is.

  A few days after that, he asked Mieza about the writings on the table. He cares about it because the lab assistant was angry about the writings on the table. Mieza got angry to Natalie so Natalie explains everything to Jerry by saying, “Jerry, actually, it was me who wrote on biology’s lab table. I wrote everything except the fucked word, its Leigh and the ‘cat’ thing; it’s honestly Mieza’s idea.” His face showed disappointment. She was scared to see Jerry’s face this way. “Did you forgive me? I’m so sorry if I hurt you” he looked at Natalie, nodded a little bit and walks away from there. She wasn’t sure if he forgave her or no.

 
2003
  She smiles because of the memories while walking down the stairs of her tuition centre. It’s raining that day. She waves Suzanne goodbye. Oh! It’s really cold here. She turns to her left and sees someone who’s looking at her, looking deeply into her eyes. In the same cold stare, staring at her with hope. She’s surprise to see Jerry there. She takes a few steps forward and he still stands there. She takes a few more steps toward him until she is right in front of him. He looks at her then begins, “here…” he hands her a letter. She slowly moves her hand to get the letter. When she almost reaches it, Jerry pulls her hand and holds her real close. “I love you” he says. She can feel his tears on the shoulder of her navy-blue shirt. “How could you say ‘I’m sorry’?” he continues. He let go his arms around Natalie a little bit and looks straight into her tearing eyes. He wipes her tears and she smiles meaningfully. “I had never forgot you or lost my faith in you. I had always trusted you and never ever regret being in love with you. I love you more than you could ever imagine.” She says. “Like how much?” he asks. “To the point where I don’t even wanna try to get over you no matter how much it hurts me” she says. “I want to admit one thing to you, since the first time we spoke, the words that you always say is ‘sorry’ and me, I don’t even say whether I forgave you or not. Indeed, I maybe never say the word sorry when actually I’m the one who supposed to say so for maybe thousand times. I’m sorry…” he says. “I forgive you… now, may I open this letter?” she asks and he nods. She opens it up and it’s a blank paper. She looks at him. “Everything written in my heart is on that blank paper” he says then continues, “could be anything you want it to be” She smiles. He moves his face closer to hers and kisses her lips their first ever kiss.

 
2002
  It was late evening when she sat on the table waiting for her mom to pick her up outside the public library. It was so clear on her face that she was disappointed. Jerry likes Mieza, she thought.

I had never existed in his life and I’m going to let go now. She looked at Leigh who’s walking around. Natalie really had that cold look that day. It was all because her disappointment on Jerry. She looked at the floor but raised her head when hearing someone’s footsteps. Will it be him? She wondered and yes, it was him, the one she has been waiting for, Jerry but she refused to look at him, she rather watches the floor. She saw his feet, but no way, he can’t be walking towards me she quickly looked up then he said, “What’s wrong?”, she looked at him shocked, “are you okay?” he asked again then she answered, “yeah, I’m fine”, he nodded and about to walk away when she suddenly laughed a little bit. He turned back around and asked once again, “are you sure you’re okay? You look gloom today”,

“Yes, I’m fine, I’m really really fine”

“Okay”

He walked away and she smiled to herself, Leigh smiled too.

 

  At school, after that day, they always looked at each other. When she was sitting at other class which besides biology lab, she saw Jerry looking straight at her. She smiled at him and he smiled back. Another time was when she was sitting for her exam; she looked outside the window towards the block besides her class’ block which has three floors. She looked at the third floor when she thinks she saw someone, so looked over there once again and it was Jerry who was watching her. She smiled at him and he smiled back then turned away.

                        * * *

  She called him on the phone one day and they talked about Sheng, Jerry’s friend. She starts,

“Hey! Tell Sheng that I wanna be his girlfriend”

“I don’t really speaks to him”

“Oh come on! Just tell him”

“I don’t speak to him!”

“Why?”

“Um… because, if he starts talking, he’ll never stop, just like you”

“Oh! That’s okay, I’m just kidding”

“What? You really want me to tell him?”

“No, I’m just kidding”

“Well, okay, I’ll tell him then”

“Hey! Don’t!”

“Don’t worry, everything’s gonna be all right. Don’t be shy, okay? I’ll tell him tomorrow”

“Jerry, I mean it, I say no”

“It’s okay, it’s really okay”

“What’s wrong with you?”

 Then, Jerry started laughing.

“Oh! You’re teasing me” Natalie said.

Jerry laughed harder.

 

    There was a school party that other day. Natalie and her friends had asked Jerry and his friends to join them. She sat alone at her class then Leigh came in with Sheng and Sheng’s twin, Jie. Jerry came in and gave Natalie some pudding, “eat, they say you like it”

“I’ll eat it later”

Jerry nodded then walked out of the class. “Hey! Why didn’t you eat it? Look, you broke his heart” Sheng said. Natalie looked at him and said “What?” but maybe Sheng was right so for some unknown reason, she stared at the floor for such a long time.

  Everyone got in the class now. Line seems to getting closer with Sheng. Soon, maybe he’ll forget Jerry. Suzanne and Sheila didn’t join the party because they didn’t come to school that day. It was the day that she finally learned that Sheng is such a crazy person; he sits on a balloon, chased Lini and done other crazy stuffs. Natalie thought, thank God, I’m not his girlfriend. She turned around when suddenly Mieza putted a cake’s cream on her face. She wiped off the cream and ran after Mieza then putted the cream on her face. Jerry laughed watching them. Mieza putted a cream on Jie’s face too.

  Natalie eat together with Jerry, they eat pizza and cake.

  Then Lini said to Natalie, “let’s put some cream on Jerry’s face” and Natalie said “didn’t got any problems with that”

  Then, Lini moved closer to jerry and putted the cream on his face. He was in total shock then turned around to look at Lini, Lini smiled and run away. Jerry then looked deeply into Natalie’s eyes. Natalie looked at him and smiled a little; she’s jealous but hides it. She wasn’t sure if Jerry will take a revenge on Lini or not but he didn’t do anything. He wiped the cream off his face.

   She wanted to move. She walked towards him and putted a cream on his face. He looked at Natalie and smile then putted a cream on her face too. They kept playing with creams that day.

 

   They last day in school term that year also marked a wonderful history on her life. Natalie, Lini, Leigh, Sofia and Mieza were at the gate. They took a picture together. Then, Steve’s friend walked by, Warrick. Warrick is cute but a he’s a little bit overweight. He has a round face and he looks chubby. Warrick loves to wear spectales like Chester Bennington of Linkin Park used to wear. Maybe he thinks he is Chester but no one would mind to think so. Mieza shouted at him, “Hey Warrick, How’s the exam”

“Um… kinda fine”

  Natalie just nodded at him and also too the rest of her friends.

A few minutes later, the motorcycle gang arrived. Steve came first, then Alec, and finally the one Natalie’s been waiting for, Jerry. Jerry looked at her. He smiled at her and she smiled back at him. She rolled her eyes down. And he, he kept looking at her, and she still looking down until she suddenly heard a terrible sound, she looked at her friends and they were all laughing, she turn around and saw that Jerry had crushed a motorcycle infront of him. Then, Sofia said, ”that’s what happen to someone who kept looking at his princess”, they all laughed but Natalie held her sense of humor. She didn’t want to hurt Jerry’s feeling when she actually touched by his act. And he, he quickly moved away from there, without turning back and that’s when Natalie started laughing.

 

 

 

                                                  * * *
2003
  Natalie and Jerry sit on a chair, under a tree that day,

“I miss you” Natalie begins

“Miss me? I’m right here, hello?”

“No, I just miss you in that school uniform”

“Really?”

“Yes. I wish we could take picture together with you in that school uniform”

“Well, let’s do it. I’ll pick you up at school tomorrow”

“Really? After that, where will we go?”

“Don’t worry, I know the place”

“…Hey! Do you still remember when I asked you what I should when everyone in school think we we’re in love?”

“Yes. I tell you to ask them back, ‘why? You’re jealous?’”

Natalie laughs then ask again “why did you ask me to do so?”

“… Because… I love you”

                                     * * *

  “Nothing will ever change. Tough he had forgiven me, he will never love me” Sofia says about Alec.

“Yeah! Winson too he had never loved me all this time. I have wasted so much time on him” Leigh says.

“Sheng has lost contact with me now” says Lini.

“And I too couldn’t find a way to reach Steve. I still loved him so much but looks like this is the end of the story” says Meiza.

“When you finally found someone you really love and not just to play around, you can’t be with him” Sofia agrees.

Natalie looks at all of them, feeling sorry for them.

“What about you?” Lini asks.

  Then, at the same time, Jerry arrives with his motorcycle waves at Natalie. Natalie says “sorry guys, I have to go now”

Her friends smile and Sofia says, “it’s you luck. We’re just being unlucky” Then Natalie moves away, towards her shining star, towards her beautiful days.

                                 * * *

  They are walking together around the town that other day. Natalie walks half meter away from Jerry’s side. She slowly sing a song.

      Anata wa doko ni iru no

      Mitsukeru anata dake

     Doushitano anata wa ima mo

     Itsu demo no mama de

     Aenai kedo, kokoro no naka ------

“What are you singing?” Jerry asks

“Dake. I made that song.”

Jerry smiles then hold her hand. ”Wanna go for a vacation while waiting for exam’s result”

“I don’t even sit for exam yet”

“This is the question after exam”

“Vacation is cool”

“Good, then we’ll go just the two of us, don’t worry, different room, of course”

“Of course”

   They stopped walking, Jerry hold both of Natalie’s hand. He looks straight into Natalie’s eyes and say

 

 

Go to part:2 

 

 

Copyright © 2003 Jannah Akira
Published on the World Wide Web by "www.storymania.com"