Reaping What You Sow Daryl I walked into the job trying to figure out what drama I was going to be faced with on this day. Itseemed that lately there are more rumors than work related issues in my office. The one thing I could count on was my rumor network. There are a group of women who kept me informed of the latest drama. Most of the normal employees didn't know what was going on in the office for months. I knew what was going on months in advance. Why the women felt they could trust me remains a mystery, but I'm not going to ruin it. I guess that's a perk of being one of three men in an office of fifty. As long as I didn't reveal where I got my info I was straight. I wasn't at my desk 3 minutes before Beverly was in front of me with the latest. "You know that shit you pulled Friday was foul right?" At first I wanted to snap and tell her to get the hell away from me. I barely got to work on time, and you know a brotha don't like Mondays, but since I was the topic of the latest I had to bite my tongue. I said, "what did I do now?" I couldn't figure out what she was talking about. I spent most of my weekend with my girl, besides that I went to church with my Grannie, and surely that couldn't be what she was talking about. She snapped back, "why you keep telling people that you are going to marry that girl, when you know damn well that the only person you are marring is yourself?" I knew she had to be talking about Valerie. Valerie and I had been kickin' it for about three years off and on, and when we make love she could make me say anything. She is the "Brown Sugar" D'Angelo was singing about. When I look into those "pretty brown eyes" that Mink Condition croon over she knows that she has me, and when she puts on her thong show it's all over. She thinks that I will love her until the end, and at one point I would have, but that was a long time ago. Now I just had to have her sexually. She knew about my infidelities, and she dealt with it. If she wanted to tell people we were getting married, that was on her. I again explained to Beverly that there was only one love for me, but by the look on her face I knew she thought that I was full of it. Now I had to go and explain to Carmen that it was just another rumor. Why do I continue to date women at work? When I got back from the fourth floor where Carmen worked in the accounting department, I was shocked at what I saw. Someone had rifled through my desk. I don't know what they were looking for, but from the looks of things it wasn't anything that had to do with work. From what I could tell there was nothing missing, or added for that point. I didn't even sweat it. I guess I'm getting wiser, because the old Daryl would've gone Springer up in the place. I did notice that someone was trying to access my e-mail, but I just ignored that too. Whoever it was wasn't even close to my password. I'm glad my boy Anderson hipped me onto setting up a password, you never know who is trying to get into your world. Today was proving to be just another typical Monday. I made up in my mind that at 4:30 I was up out. Salary or no salary I wasn't putting in 10 hours today. That's what upper-management expected from Supervisors, key word being "expected". I have to get out of here today, Carmen and I are hooking up after work, and I want get home and get out of this monkey suite. I'm not required to wear a suite, but you only feel as good as you look, and with today being Monday, I had to fake it. I wanted to hurry up and get home, so I wouldn't have to deal with Valerie's barrage of questions. I can't wait until she finds a new place. We tried the roommate thing, but it got tired very fast. I explained everything to Carmen, but deep down I know she doesn't believe that we are just roommates. I would hate to have to ask Valerie to leave, but if it starts causing a problem with Carmen, Valerie would have to go. As it is she doesn't help with the bills, it seems like I'm living two lives. If I hadn't lost so much on bad stock decisions, I would move out and leave everything behind. All I would take is my microwave, my clothes and my music; everything else has bad memories written all over them anyway. Carmen I'm so sick of this place I don't know what to do. If I didn't have 5 years invested here I would give it up. People around here just can't mind their own business. Most of them don't even have a man, and they are trying to give me advice about mine. Daryl has been very understanding and I hope that he can weather this storm. As soon as these nosy ass women find some new business they will leave us alone. Regardless of what they say I know Daryl is a good man. My father likes him, and that means a lot, because men can see the good and bad in other men. I can't wait until Valerie moves out of Daryl 's place. That way I can give up my second job and move in with him. I'm so tired of dancing that I don't know what to do. I would make enough at Baxter's if it weren't for my student loans kicking my butt. It seems that I would be better off if I would have just gotten a job without going to school. There are people in my department that have been here 10 years, straight out of high school that are making more than me. What sense does it make to have a 35K a year job, and pay back 10k of it annually? I guess that's what I get for choosing Loyola University. I'm not mad, because I learned more in those four years than I expected, and plus that's where I met my girl Gina. We have been tight since we got to Baxter's. I'm glad she got me this job, but I'm just sick of the gossip. I guess it's the same everywhere, but it seems like they just take it to the extreme here. I guess I'm just worried that someone will find out that I dance at the Crystal Club out in Harvey. I know it's on the other side of town, but you never know. The only people that know is my girl Gina and Daryl, and I told them not to say a word to anyone, so far so good. Daryl had a problem with it at first, but after he came to the show about 5 times (twice without telling me), he was OK with it. I don't want to do this for long, I'm just trying to survive, and it's pretty good money. It's not the thousands that are talked about on talk shows, but for two hours work, I would say it is worth it. Some of the girls work all day, but the club isn't jumping until about 5:30. I only do it about 3 times a week, and I don't do lap dances, I have a little respect for myself. My girl Gina pops in sometimes, I don't know if she's there to watch me or just to hang out. There are a few women who come on a regular basis, but for the most part it's usually men. I know Gina used to be Bi-sexual, but I think she's over that now. She has a nice man, and seems to be happy. We double date sometimes, and Antonio really seems to be into her. She doesn't talk about him that much, but some people just keep their business to themselves, which is the way I am. I tell Gina a few things about Daryl and I, but for the most part I keep to myself. I know one thing; I have to get Valerie out of my man's house. I'm tired of having to talk to him all night just so I know he's not messing around with her. I trust him, but I know men can only take so much. He's always trying to reassure me that nothing is going on, but I just have a bad feeling about their set up. I always try not to overlook things when I'm at his place. The one thing I don't like is the fact that every time I show up over there Valerie leaves the house. I guess she feels just as uncomfortable as I do, but that still seems a little odd. She also has this smirk on her face everytime she sees me and I know that she is the originator of half the rumors that I hear about. I can deal with that though, because I know how trifling' some women can be. Just because she can't have him, she has to make his life miserable. One day I'm afraid I'm going to go off on that child in a bad way. I know that if I hurt her at work that I would lose my job instantly, but I think it might be worth it. I should've listened to my mother who told me to never date someone you work with. Now I know why, but just like every other thing I've learned, I had to learn the hard way. At least Daryl doesn't have any kids because, that's something that I try and stay away from. Unless the baby's mother is dead or out of the country, I don't have time for it. Some baby's mamas bring too much drama. I guess I would be hateful myself if I were to lay up and have a baby expecting to get married, just to be dumped. Some men are dogs. How can you even call yourself a man and leave your child just so you can start the sick cycle again? If I didn't have needs, I wouldn't even be bothered. I guess that's why I love Daryl so much. He is baggage free. Even if he is still sexing it up with Valerie, I might let it slide. Men will be men, and the good ones are too hard to find. As long as he doesn't throw it up in my face, I might just ignore it. He's good to me, and if he can balance his time correctly, then I guess I shouldn't complain. At least he doesn't sweat me over a threesome like some of my previous men have. Gina I can't believe she doesn't know that she is getting played. I have done everything in my power to let her know. I don't have any proof, that's why I was trying to get into his e-mail, and I don't want to go to her with accusations. All I want is for Carmen to be happy. She is the nicest person I have met in a long time. Her friendship means a lot to me. I have even learned to deal with stupid Daryl. Even though he gives good men a bad name, he's cool in his own way. He was there for me when my mother passed away, and that's something I won't forget, most people gave their condolences, but he actually sat me down and talked to me. He told me that momma was better off in the heavens, and that the only reason people cry and act a fool is because we are selfish. Why do we cry knowing that our loved ones are gone on to a better place? That really helped me, but that was almost two years ago, and now he is playing with my friend's heart. I wish I could give him a taste of his own medicine. I want to confront him, but I have to lay low, and Keep my enemy close. I know that he is still sleeping with Valerie, because once I called his house looking for Carmen, and I could hear soft moans in the background. He didn't even try to play it off, I think he knew that I was a little excited. He told me that it was the TV, but I'm not stupid. I would know Valerie's voice anywhere. I couldn't figure out why he answered the phone knowing that he was doing wrong, but then I figured that he had to have caller ID. It would've been perfect timing if Carmen was over my house, but she wasn't. I finally caught up with Carmen later that night, I was about to tell her what I heard, but that dog was now giving Carmen the same pleasure that he had given Valerie earlier. I couldn't believe what I was hearing. How could he do both of them in a matter of hours? Was he that hungry for sex, or was he just trying to prove a point. At any rate I was determined to get him away from my friend. She had been hurt so many times, I knew that this would crush her. Carmen has a way of attracting the biggest dogs that the streets had to offer, and everytime one hurt her she would cry on my shoulder. I wasn't having it this time; I had to come up with a way to get her out of this without her being too hurt. I grew up on the south side of Chicago, and I know a couple of people that would be more than happy to send Daryl a message. That would teach his dog ass a thing or two. I was so upset I wanted to teach Ms. Valerie a lesson too. The whole office knows that Daryl is a dog, and a couple of men and even a few women tried to warn Carmen, but she is head over heels in love with him. I don't understand what women see in him. Granted he is about 6'2" with features that reminds you a lot of Leon, but he is also as arrogant as the dark skinned actor is. What upsets me the most about Daryl is the fact that he has the nerve to pretend he loves Carmen, but the moment she isn't looking he's trying to conquer another woman. He has even started sleeping with white women. It doesn't bother me that he sleeps with those fake ass Barbies, but these are the same women who have the nerve to call themselves Carmen's friends. I know Carmen is going to find out sooner or later, but I wish it was sooner, I can't wait to see Daryl's face. I hope she brings him to his knees. How can he fix his mouth to say, "I love you", when everytime he opens it a bone falls out? Too many people don't understand the meaning of the word love, and that's what gets so many people in trouble. That saying, "you always hurt the one you love", is a lot of crap. If you love someone, you wouldn’t hurt him or her. After seeing what my girl has been through, I think I'm about done with men. It's a good thing I have my little pink book, I may need it very soon. Antonio and I are doing OK, but I don't know what he does when he's not with me, nor do I care. If I spent my time worrying about what some man was doing, I would never rest. Those dogs can do what they want when they want to. That phrase "thinking with your little head instead of you big one" applies to them all. If they can get away with getting some on the side, they are going to go for it. Most women on the other hand are genuinely faithful. I say most, because there is that small percentage of women that will sleep with your best friend, but that's usually because of what some man has done to them. Carmen is a good woman, and she deserved a hero. Two months later (Daryl) I can't believe what I have gotten myself into. I knew I should've stopped while I was ahead. Now I'm ashamed to show my face at work. I hope Valerie doesn't open her big mouth. Well here comes Beverly, So I will soon know. "Daryl, you are the biggest liar I know. I can't believe you got that girl pregnant. After all the shit about you loving Carmen and wanting to do the right thing this time, I can't believe you looked me in my face and lied". All I could do is play dumb. "What are you talking about? What girl? Why are you trippin'"? I knew I had it coming, but at least I tried. "You know exactly who and what I'm talking about, don't you think Valerie has told everyone who will listen by now? You didn't even have enough respect for Valerie, Carmen, yourself and whoever else you've been sleeping with to use a condom. That is just plan ole' nasty. Your stuff is gon' to fall off. I'm too through with you. I hope Valerie takes you for everything you are worth, which isn't much. What's your next step? I guess now you have to at least think about marring her. You're a joke." All I could do is slouch down in my chair. Beverly was right, and now I had to suffer the consequences. I didn't even bother to run up to the fourth floor this time, because I knew Carmen was done with me. From the looks that I got I sensed that everyone knew. Even my manager had a look of suspicion on her face. I just played it off, and went on with my daily routine. Carmen and I normally ate lunch together, but I decided that I would alter my schedule by an hour today. When I did finally make it to lunch I saw that Carmen was sitting with Gina and they looked at me with disgust. I pulled myself together and approached the two of them anyway. "Hey Gina, can I talk to Carmen for a minute?" Gina looked at Carmen for disapproval, but to both of our surprise Carmen agreed to talk to me. I opened my mouth, but nothing came out. I broke out in a cold sweat and had those stupid butterflies in my stomach. At that point it occurred to me that I really did love Carmen. Why is it that you have to be faced with losing something, before you realize how valuable it is? Carmen was as cool as could be. She looked at me, and for the first time I could see her love for me, and then that look changed. I didn't know it at the time, but that would be the last time I would see that look on her face. Here it comes; I tried to brace myself. "I'm not going to even try to explain how I feel right now". She started. "I do want you to know that I never lost faith in you. It took me a long time to open up to another man, and this is my reward. I loved you with all my heart, but now it's gone. I knew you were still sleeping with that girl, she told me herself. I was in denial for a long time, because you seemed to really love me. Normal people can't put on a front like that, so I guess that makes you abnormal. I don't really care what you have to say I just have this little hint for you, please take heed. Don’t call me, write me, talk to me, e-mail or think about me. Hell I don't even want your prayers. Take care of yourself, and your new baby. If you bother me, I will have me father hunt you down and shoot you. Take care of yourself."With that it was over. I never even had the chance to say I'm sorry, but I think she already knew how sorry I am. Daryl I became a father today, and from the looks of things that's all I would ever be. Valerie left me about four months ago, and now I'm just trying to figure out what happened to my life. I have slipped into a deep funk. I was forced to resign from Baxter's. From what I heard they told everyone that I left to, "pursue other job opportunities". What the hell does that mean anyway? Luckily a little bird warned me ahead of time, at least I had a chance to get my resume on the net at Baxter's expense. After Carmen left me it seemed that everyone in the office despised me. It's hard to go to work where you are hated. I guess I learned my lesson. Never date anyone that you work with. My new job is cool, I'm in sales for the first time in my career, and I get to spend a lot of time on the road. They even provided me with a company car, which is cool, because I don't have to pull my ride out of the garage until the weekend. Even though I found a new job I still think about all the people I hurt at my last gig. Everyone looked up to me, and I let them down. I tried to make amends, but people just grew tired of me. I also tried to work things out with Valerie, but after a few months she realized that a part of me was just not there. I mean I made it to every doctor's appointment with her, but I really loved Carmen. After Valerie left I was hurt, but not like that day in the cafeteria when Carmen dumped me. That was a pain that left a hole in my heart. I guess that's what I get for loving her from the bottom of my heart instead of the whole thing. I hurt over Valerie in a different way. She's going to be faced with raising a son without a father. I mean of course I'm going to be there as much as I can, but that still won't be enough. Beverly was right when she said "sick cycle". My mother raised me alone, and now Valerie faces the same challenge. I made a vow that I would do everything in my power not to put anyone through the pain that I had caused. The grass always looks greener on the other side that's why you have to take care of your own lawn. I ran into Carmen at the mall one day, and believe or not she acted like she was happy to see me. She was glowing. Something else I had never noticed about her. We talked like we were old friends. I didn't know what to make of that. I almost asked for her forgiveness, and then I noticed an engagement ring. Then I noticed that she was carrying a bag from David's Bridle. She saw my mood change and she decided to end my curiosity. "Oh, I see you noticed my ring." "Yes", I said. "Well I'm getting married in three weeks". Of course I had to ask, "so who's the luckiest man in the world?" Nothing could have prepared me for what I didn't want to hear. She happily responded, "Gina". All I could do is walk away. I never heard from Carmen again. She hurt me like I've never been hurt before. I felt like less than zero.
Copyright © 2000 J W Wilson Iii |