Storymania - Self Defense by Naya Renee

Self Defense
Naya Renee

© Self Defense

[Chapter One]

A’ Janae shoved a razor into the back pocket of her Levis Jeans. Then she checked all butter knives and steak knives to make sure they were still sharp. She had no intentions of killing Slim, just making him suffer the way she had for so long. She sat down at the kitchen table, crossed her thick caramel thighs, and rested her chin in the palm of her hand. She wanted so badly to pack her shit and leave, never look back while her tires traveled stretched road to another place she had never seen. It was possible, she had the intent in her but leaving the man of her two children would be something extremely hard to do. She could taste the dried up blood on her lip, feel his grip around her neck, and the shrill cries of her children ringing in her ears for him to stop. She pulled her long, dark brown braids into a ponytail with a dark blue scrunchie. She had been meaning to get her hair but money was scarce when you had three mouths to feed including her own. She took a sip from the styrofoam cup of Bacardi while inhaling scents of the vanilla candle burning in the middle of the table.

She loved him, honestly she did. But he was a jealous man, if that’s what you would call him.

He inherited the name Slim from high school, being that tall slinky brother that stood out from the rest. His real name was Aaron Sullivan, the name he had introduced himself to her as and the name that would remain in her life always. He was only two shades darker than she, a flavor her mother often referred to as “coffee”. When he smiled, his chiseled cheeks would sit high on his face like peaked moutaintops. Regardless of his nickname, Aaron was strong and overbearing like the football player type that he was.

She downed the last of the Bacardi in her cup before pouring herself another. She wasn’t a heavy drinker, in fact she could barely stand the stench of liquor but lately she had been driven to the unlikely deed. She thought of her children the more she sipped, Faizah and Eternity Sullivan.

Eternity was the oldest of the two, she had her mother’s looks. At just the tender age of five, she was as smart as a whip and as quick as a pistol. She had her father’s color with those same chiseled cheeks that couldn’t help but define her beauty. If anyone suffered more in this household, it was her. She understood the fights between her mommy and daddy and often had to take it upon herself to break them up. She was strong but too strong for her own good, one day she would get tangled up in the wrong fight and lose.

Faizah had just celebrated her birthday last week, she turned a stunning three years old. She was her father in a nutshell, she had his looks and his personality in which A’ Janae despised. She was quiet unlike her sister. She often cried those silent tears and hurt from the inside, she was too afraid to ever admit that she was affected. She suffered from confusion most times, she wasn’t sure if this was how life was supposed to be or if she could change it. She loved her father but she loved her mother more. She hated to see the bruised upon her mother’s face but she was too scared to ask questions.

Keys jingled in the lock of the front door, the family was home. She chugged the remainder of the alcohol and discarded the evidence into the bottom of the trash can. She could feel the cool breeze against her ankles as the front door swung open and the pitter patter of feet echoed toward the kitchen.

“Mommy!”

She put on her well rehearsed smile as her two little girls gathered into her arms. They still hurt from the brutal fight she and Aaron had had last night.

“My girls. Mommy missed you.”

She caught sight of his size thirteen dress shoes before she looked up to greet him.

“Been drinking again?” His voice boomed with arrogance.

No, she didn’t want to kill ol’ Slim but it was only a matter of time before she would.

[Chapter Two]

“No Faizah, that’s not how you do it.” Eternity grabbed the purple crayon from her grip and applying it to the inside of the drawn kitten being carefully not to touch outside the lines. “See. Just like that.”

“Be nice to your sister girl, you know she younger than you.” A’ Janae stirred the red paste around in the pot. This would be the second night this week that the family would have to put up with spaghetti and meat sauce. The budget was tight and money was running extremely low, A’ Janae hadn’t seen a decent check in months.

“Yes ma’am.” She tossed the crayon back across the table at her sister when she knew mommy wasn’t looking but daddy was.

“Hey girl! I saw that, don’t throw stuff around in this house. Now hand it to her!”

“Relax Aaron, the girls were just playing.”

She could sense the fire in his eyes without even looking at him. The way he stared at her, burning a hole in her back made her cringe. She couldn’t just sit back and watch a man that loved to abuse her, abuse their children too. She had to be the stronger one for all of them even if that meant taking his angry blows.

“Go to your room girls,” he demanded with force.

“But mommy said...”

“Just go Eternity,” A’ Janae jumped in quickly. “Please ya’ll. Just go to your room like your father said.”

They didn’t dare to say another word, they knew once they had left that their mother was going to get yelled at. He watched his children shuffle out of the kitchen and waited for the reassuring sound of their bedroom door closing behind them.

“Why can’t you just shut the hell up, A’ Janae! You just got to have a response for every damn thing I say, them my kids too and I got the right to discpline them as well.”

“Aaron don’t think I don’t know that but them kids was only playing. She aint mean to hurt nobody, honestly I swear to you.”

He crept behind her. He wasn’t in the mood to hit her or fight right now, he wanted other things. He pressed the crotch of his khakis into her backside, his nicotine breath humming against her ear. She hated the smell of his bad habit, hated when she could taste it on her lips or smell it in her hair and clothes. He loved it, it was probably the only thing that kept him sane enough or from flying off the handle too quickly infront of the kids.

“Baby it’s been so long,” he dropped his voice to a whisper. His hands tugging at her battered t-shirt.

“Slim, naw we can’t do this now. The girls are awake and it’s their dinnertime, later okay.”

“Naw baby, I want you now.”

She cut the flame underneath the pot off and turned to face his pleading eyes.

“I told you the girls are awake, please don’t make me do this now.”

He was an impatient man, what he wanted then he wanted now.

Eternity cracked the bedroom door open an inch, she hadn’t heard her mommy or her daddy since they had been sent to their rooms. Faizah clung to her sister expecting the worse, a glass shattering or screaming voices but instead there was silence. They held their breaths trying to strain their ears to hear even the slightest sounds. It was the constant panting and moaning coming from the kitchen that drowned out their worse fears.

“What are they doing?” Faizah asked tugging at her sister’s arm.

“Nothing, Zah. Just talking.”

Eternity closed the door back the remainder of the way. She settled on reading Faizah a story until their parents were finished.

Tonight would be a late dinner for the family.

[Chapter Three]

Eternity and Faizah were cuddled beside their mother in the raggedy king size bed she slept in every night. Thier stomaches sang with hunger as they watched their early morning Saturday cartoons, they didn’t want to wake their mother from her peaceful sleeping.

A’ Janae could barely remember the events of last night let alone her first name, she had diagnosed her tears and embarrassment with two sleeping pills after dinner the night before. Her eyelids were still heavy with sleep, her body ached from her husband’s pleasure, and her head pounded like the drums they play during Sunday service at First Baptist. She could hear Bugs Bunny and his companions acting of fools on the broken down color television in her room as her eyes forced themselves open.

“Morning momma,” Faizah chirped softly in her mother’s ear. She placed a soft kiss on her cheek as she snuggled closer wanting no room to be left between them.

“Good morning honey and to you too Nity.”

Eternity stayed quiet as she climbed out of bed and wandered back into her bedroom, the door closed softly behind her.

“What is the matter with your sister?”

Faizah just simply shrugged.

A’ Janae fixed a large bowl of Frosted Flakes for one of her hungry daughters while she tended to the other.

“Nity honey,” A’ Janae replied opening the door separating her from her daughter. “What’s wrong, sweetheart?”

Eternity cradled her schoolbook in her lap as she pretended to read, she wanted to understand the words but other things clouded her thoughts.

“Momma, why does daddy do the things he does to you?”

“Hush girl, you don’t know what you talking ‘bout.”

“Nuh uh momma, I heard him last night...I heard ya’ll in the kitchen before dinner.”

It didn’t surpise her that she had heard them, it wasn’t the first time either.

“Listen you hotheaded child, you need to mind your business and stop easedropping and snooping on your father and I. Your father and I have some problems we need to sort out, it’s going to take some time. I have to do things that I don’t always want to do to keep this roof over our heads and to keep this family together. I love you and I’m finding us a way to get from up outta here and move on in life, I’m tired of suffering. Your daddy does love you, you know that right?”

Eternity shook her head in response even though she was confused about her daddy’s love.

“Does daddy love you momma?”

“I would hope he does, sweety.”

“We won’t be bad no more momma, I promise. We won’t get you in trouble...”

“Shhh girl! You can’t get me in trouble the way I can find trouble for myself. Don’t blame yourself for any of this madness going on under this roof, it aint never gonna be your fault.”

“Yes ma’am.”

“Be obedient baby. Go head on and eat your cereal and no more talk about this. ‘Member, we gon get out of here...one way or another.”

Eternity left her bedroom that morning with hope in her heart but doubt in her mind. Her momma always said they would get out of here but for some reason they could never get their feet out the door.

[Chapter Four]

Surprisingly the family survived the cold winters, chilly falls, warm springs, and hot summers of the next three years. No, A’ Janae hadn’t divorced Slim even though their marriage was in shambles. She called into work on several occasions faking illnesses so she wouldn’t have to parade around her black eye for all her coworkers to see. She had left more than enough scratches and bruises to his skin to last a lifetime but of course, she obtained the worst of the wounds. The girls had grown up to be immuned to the fighting and breaking of things in their home, they often lied to teachers and friends to keep their family together.

Eternity could recall too well the worst of all the fights her parents had had. It was a Friday evening, usually ones they spent with their granny in an adjacent town. From the second daddy walked in the door, he had nothing but complaints rearing from his mouth. The dishes weren’t washed yet, the laundry was piling up, the house looked like shit even though mommy got off of work early and was always home.

“I’m trying my best to turn this fucking place into a home,” A’ Janae shouted that night. “I’m always cooking and cleaning around this damn house, why don’t you fix something around here?”

Slim never didn’t take back talk from any woman and his wife would be no different.

“I suggest you shut your mouth girl and do what you’re supposed to!”

A’ Janae had been fed up beyond belief, she was ready to put her foot down.

“No. I’m tired, I worked today too you know and I’m going to bed.”

He tore across the kitchen perimeter to get to A’ Janae, a handful of her short brown hair in his grip.

“Get in the room, smart ass. You like to be so smart all the damn time so we just gon see how smart you are right now!”

Eternity could hear the ruckus of her mother and father’s footstep thundering down the hallway. Her daddy’s voice was like a clap of thunder against the bare walls and wooden floors, she so badly wished she hadn’t woken up. Faizah was still in her bed, she hadn’t yet been awakened by the noise her parents were making. The door to her parent’s room slammed shut shaking every space in the house like an earthquake.

“Strip bitch! Take off your fucking clothes!” she heard her father demand.

“Aaron I’m sorry, don’t hit me please!” Her mother’s voice was shaken with tears, Eternity found herself crying too.

“The more you fight me, the worse it’s gonna be girl!”

There was no way out of this, she had gotten herself into this mess and now she had to get out. She slowly removed the tattered sweatshirt from her body avoiding all eye contact with her husband. She slid her jeans down over her thighs and clenched them in her hands trying to shield herself from him.

“Whatchu gonna do, Slim?”

His eyes burned with fiery as he unbuckled his thick leather belt and freed it from his work pants. A’ Janae watched him as he did this, scared that he might rape her to teach her a lesson. He wrapped his fist around one end of the belt allowing the buckle to dangle free.

“Stand up.”

She was frozen in the corner of the room unable to move a bone in her body due to fear. Her arm went limp as he pulled her to her feet, the impact of the buckle against her bare legs made her scream out in pain...a pain heard all through the house.

Eternity clenched her eyes shut hearing the deafening screams and cries of her mother being brutal whipped by her father. She fled from her bed and into the kitchen groping for the telephone high on the wall, finally the old dining chair completed her destination. Over the past three years her mother had instilled one particular number into her head, 911.

“911, what’s your emergency?”

“Help my mommy! He’s gonna kill her...”

[Chapter Five]

“You do realize Mrs. Sullivan, that your husband can be let out on bail at anytime?”

A’ Janae was well aware of the criminal run-a-rounds, her dad had been apart of the police force for most of her life before his death two years ago.

“What about my little girls?” A’ Janae questioned. “How do I keep them safe?”

Officer Miller paused to take a sip from her cup of cold coffee, she frowned against the bitter taste.

“I suggest you find some family in a state or two from here and go there for awhile. This whole case is going to be long drawn out simply because no case goes straight to trial. Unless you get a restraining order against your husband, he has the right to come and go to your home as he chooses.”

“Restraining orders aren’t shit, that’s like putting a collar on a stray dog.”

A’ Janae fiddled her thumbs with nervousness while the officer jotted down a few quick notations in her writing pad.

“You could pay to have someone monitor your house at all times if you would like.”

“No disrespect ma’am but I can barely afford to pay utility bills and mortgage let alone pay some bullshit cops to monitor my house. You’re help is only needed for one thing and that’s putting my husband in jail for the damage he has done to me and my family.”

“Listen if there is anything more I can help you with, here’s my card. Feel free to call me anytime to check up on the status of your case aside from other things.”

A’ Janae snatched the yellowish white business card from her chalky white fingers with a forced smile.

“Thank you.”

“Oh and before you go, Mrs. Sullivan. No man has the right to put his hands on you in anyway that you feel is offense or dangerous, there is a thing as self-defense you know. I’m not supposed to advertise it but a woman in your position is far too beautiful to be getting pounded on. Just remember what I said, he has no right.”

“I won’t. Thank you.”

A male officer drove A’ Janae and her children back home that night from the precinct, the last place any of them wanted to go.

“Is daddy coming home tonight?” Faizah asked stepping into the dead silence of their house.

“No stupid!” Eternity snapped. “Daddy’s in jail, he’s not coming home tonight or any other time soon."

“Both of you shut up!” A’ Janae had been fed up with the nonsense. “You don’t know what you’re talking about....just...just go pack yourselves some clothes.”

Puzzled, Eternity asked, “Mommy where are we going?”

“Away child, far away from here.”

[Chapter Six]

“Two years! That’s like putting him in jail for a fucking parking ticket.”

“Lower your voice, Mrs. Sullivan. I am doing all I can to put this man behind bars but there is only so much I can do against the judge. It’s his decision in the end, not mine.”

A’ Janae lowered herself into the cream leather office chair positioned directly infront of her lawyer’s desk. She and her children had gone through almost a month of constant running back and forth to sign papers here and give testimonies there only for Aaron to do two years in jail.

“I can’t believe this shit. So what am I supposed to do about my family? This is my life we’re talking about here, two years is not enough time for any bastard who puts his hands on a female.”

“You need to leave Tennessee then, A’ Janae. The sentence has been set for the trial in two weeks, I’m trying but there’s really nothing more I can do.”

“Leave Tennessee! I’m busting my ass as it is to keep up the house we got, feed two mouths, put clothes on all our backs, and pay your ass. How the hell am I supposed to leave to go anywhere? My momma aint gonna pay my expenses much longer, I’m lucky she’s done all she has so far.”

“I’ll talk to the district attorneys and the judge again this afternoon but I’m giving you the heads up on this. Aaron is not going to be doing hard time, you need to be prepared for that.”

“This whole legal system is corrupt!”

A’ Janae rushed from the office to her beat up Toyota Camary, she was already five minutes late for work. She couldn’t afford another deduction from her paycheck, she had too many bills that needed to be paid.

***
“Can I buy you a drink pretty girl?”

A’ Janae stiffled a laughed as a mocha brown brother slid into the seat beside her, she had anticipated drinking alone tonight.

“I’m a woman and I don’t need you to buy me a drink, thanks anyway.”

He glowed showing a full case of sparkling white teeth trapped inside a picture perfect smile.

“Well if you won’t let me buy a drink then can I at least join you?”

“You’ve been sitting there for a good two minutes now, you’ve joined me and struck up conversation.”

“It’s not something I always do with a married woman.”

A’ Janae glanced down at her left hand, the gold engagement ring looked old and raggedy but still held strong meaning.

“You’ve got a good eye too but bad judgement.”

She slapped a crumbled up ten dollar bill on the bar as she slid the black leather coat over her arms.

“So you’re not married?” He egged on.

“No I am but not for long. Have a good night.”

His soft masculine touch gripped her arm gently restraining her from leaving.

“Take my number at least, just as a friend.”

He slid a peice of paper in her palm as he released her arm.

“Look..Greg. I just go out of an abusive relationship, the last thing I need right now is a male anything. By the time I’m ready for another relationship, you’ll probably be married with children. Lets just save you all the work and say goodnight now, no calls later.”

He gave A’ Janae another one of his million dollar smiles as she handed the paper back to him.

“You’re a beautiful woman, I hope everything works out for you.”

“So stranger, how bout you walk this beautiful woman to her car. You know what they say...”

“No what?” he asked.

“Never drink and walk alone.”

In nearly the seven years that A’ Janae had been married, it was that moment she recalled to be her happiest.

[Chapter Seven]

A’ Janae nervously smoothed the wringles out of her skirt as she entered the double doors of the courtroom.

“You ready?” A’ Janae’s lawyer huffed in her ear as she followed close behind.

Her breath reeked of the early morning mixed with an ancient smelling perfume she loved to wear.

“Yeah. The faster we do this, the faster I can get the hell up outta here.”

A pale white man dressed in a black smock wobbled out of the back with a stack of papers tucked underneath his arm. Two police officers led Slim into the courtroom, he looked scruffy and distressed as he sulked across the room.

“Alright. I’m going to make this quick and easy for everybody, we’re dealing with a pretty clear cut case here. Mr. Sullivan, you are being tried today for assault and batter of your wife Mrs. A’ Janae Sullivan. I have recieved word that you have pleaded guilty which makes everything even more easier. It is by law that you are sentenced to two years in jail, whereas no good behavior can shorten your sentence. Mrs. Sullivan I do believe you are also asking for a divorce in this case?”

A’ Janea nodded in agreement. She could feel Slim’s eyes burning into her flesh, she swallowed back a lump of her own fear as the judge continued on.

“We will have your divorce papers drawn up within the next week. We shall have them signed by your husband within this time so that the procedure may be carried out immediately. Had I been the lawmaker of this state I would put you behind bars for a longer period of time, Mr. Sullivan. Only a boy would put his hands on a woman the way you did, no man. If there are no further comments, this case is dismissed.”

A ‘Janae glanced over at Slim for a quick moment. He was such a handsome man and had blessed her with two great children. But why was it that he had to be the way he was? They could have been so happy and she was sure of it. He turned to acknowledge her, his eyes cold with hatred and scorn. He smiled boldly, smiled the whole time the officers carried him away to his cell.

***
A’ Janae slid the 1 karat diamond ring through the slot of the battered glass. An old dusty chocolate skinned man examined it carefully through his magnifying glass.

“I’ll give you nine hundred for it,” he spoke.

A’ Janae’s eyes shuffled around the room at the items he had stored away. She knew her ring had to be worth more than that, she could barely pay her rent and a bill with the money he was offering her.

“I want that right there,” she replied.

They both set their eyes on the small gun being displayed in a dusty glass case.

“You sure a lady like you wants something like that, wouldn’t you just prefer the money?”

She shook her head no, she had always been very stubborn.

“I give you what you want and you do the same for me. That’s what I want, sir.”

He asked no further questions as he dug through a pile of other valuables before retrieving the gun.

“Be careful.”

She thanked him with a shakened smile as she slid the gun down to the bottom of her purse.

She didn’t want to kill Slim but she had to be prepared just in case.

[Chapter Eight]

The air was dense and tart, smelled exactly like what it contained...criminals. The guard patted A’ Janae down from head to toe, felt all between her legs and copped a field to her backside every few seconds. She felt out of place, she was still battling within her mind exactly why she was there. She took a step forward, yelped out in pain.

“Ma’am, you alright?” the overbearing guard questioned with a menacing look.

She regained her composure with a crooked smile.

“Mmhmm, stepped the wrong way is all.”

As quick as he had acknowledged her was just as quick as his attention went from her to the next person in line. She readjusted the object in her shoe to a more comfortable spot before following the next officer to her final destination. Through gated halls, tattered rooms, and bullfaced inmates, A’Janae was lead to the visitors room. Wives clung to their husbands like band-aids weeping and hollering for dear life, some were dragged out like yesterdays garbage and others reprimanded for their upkeeping of noise. A’Janae slid into a seat at an empty table in the far corner, she had the perfect view of the outside that some of them would never see.

“I thought they were lying when they said you were here, guess I was wrong.”

It had been a year. A year since she had heard that overbearing voice, a year since they had seen eachother face-to-face. A’Janae was no longer afraid, now she was in control.

“You’re getting out in a couple of months, I figured we discuss what’s going to happen when you get out.”

“There shouldn’t be anything to discuss,” he replied taking the extra seat provided.

“You’re wrong. We’re divorced, remember?”

“I bought that fucking house. Divorced or not, that’s my home too.”

“The court decided...”

“But I didn’t.”

He hadn’t changed a bit, his personality and stubbornness were the same as they had always been.

“You have money Slim. You can buy yourself an apartment and move on with your life, I’ve suffered enough dealing with you. All I want is to be left alone and a decent life for my kids.”

His laugh seemed to rumble through the whole entire room.

“You think you can just take my children away from me and move in with some other man, believe me I know it’s true?”

“I’ve moved on.”

“I haven’t. My home is still 32 Walsh Drive, like it or not.”

“Please Slim.”

He reclined in his chair with an awkward look. Deep down inside it actually hurt to know that his “once was” was now begging for him to disappear from her life completely.

“Fine. I want to see my children though.”

“That can be arranged. Thank You.”

A’ Janae shuffled with her leather jacket to get her purse over her shoulder, the faster she got out of there the better.

“Wait a minute. Where’d you get that?”

Their gazes settled on the sparkling white gold ring on her finger, it seemed to glisten like water wtih the sun hitting it.

“A ring.”

“You couldn’t afford a ring like that.”

“You don’t know that, don’t assume my finances.”

“Well since you can afford such a snazzy ring then I guess you can afford another house and get the fuck out of mine.”

“Slim!”

“You heard me, every single word I said. I’m coming home when I get out of this hellhole, one way or a....”

Before the last few syllables of his words could escape his lips, the sound of an explosion peirced the air. Inmates and their visitors ducked but A’Janae stood clear as day with her pistol pointed where the bullet had escaped. The flesh between Slim’s eyes shattered as the iron object cut their his skin and internal head organs. His dark brown eyes rolled back slowly as his dominating body pertruded backwards in his seat. The sickening thud of his dead corpse hitting the floor brought on the regretful tears from A’Janae’s eyes. The thought of her children without her in their lives from now on replayed in her mind as several guards dragged her away.

No, A’ Janae never wanted to kill Slim but eventually she would.

[Chapter Nine]

Its been years, long devasting years that have changed the course of my life. I remember grandmomma coming to our house and packing all of our clothes like we were going away on a vacation. She refused to tell us the truth, for months we believed momma was away on business dealing with the case and all. It wasn’t until our house was sold and cops started bombarding grandmomma with a million questions a day that we learned the truth. Momma had shot daddy right there in county jail, right in cold blood. For months the town looked down on us like were dirt walking tall, we had to drop out of school within weeks. If granddaddy could have been a glassmaker then maybe momma could have gotten away with it. Still twelve years later momma is serving her life sentence in the county jail and here we stand alone yet again. After grandmomma passed three years ago I took charge as being mother. I’m twenty-years-old now, an age where I can finally piece together all of the nonsense that has happened to us. My younger sister Fiazah is eighteen years of age, bad as the day she was born. I try to hold down a job and look after her but she’s set on being independent, I can’t tell her sun from sky without hearing her lip. Momma is sick, they say she’s gonna pass soon. I’m just anticipating the call from the sheriff delivering the news, I’ll cry but I’ll hold my head all at the same. I love my mother with all that I’m made, she’s the strongest human being I’ve ever encountered in my life. I want to be strong just like her, to be able to endure the hottest lick from the fire. She pleaded self defense at trial, guess the joke was on her. In the state of Tennessee, twelve years ago, self defense was just another word for first degree murder.

Eternity slid the finished pages of her book into the bulky folder. Like every person that has gone through something heart wrenching, the best ways to tell the story is through the words that you write.