Loss Of Sanity - The Franie D. Story
Based upon a character by Tony Savage
Look at all you lucky people, Look at all the things you do Look at all your smiling faces, Wish I could be like you - Chris Isaak (Go Walking Down There)
I Ordinary girls, supermarket clothes who think it’s very clever to be cruel to you -Morrissey (The Ordinary Boys) Franklin Dershowitz sat in the park, enveloped in a book. It was a pleasant Saturdayafternoon, a clear sky and toasty heat welcomed by all in the city. There were many menand women sunbathing on the grass and a few dogs yapped and sniffed each other as theyraced about. The bells of the Grace Cathedral had just notified them that it was 1:00 p.m.on this glorious weekend. Franklin finished the chapter he was on and sat up, squinting inhis realization that it was daytime and that he was in a populated area. He reached intothe shoulder bag beside him and removed a pair of Foster Grants. He put them on and hisworld took on an amber tint. He yawned and pulled out a pack of KameläReds from his shoulder bag. He lit a cigarette with a flourish of his skull-emblazonedlighter and inhaled the rich smoke which came from the burning tobacco. As he smoked his cigarette, he watched two girls sitting side-by-side opposite hisposition, nearly blocked by the fountain which spouted its fluid in the center of thepark. They were smiling and talking, one girl petting the head of the other. Franklinfound this to be rather captivating and could not stop watching them until a drop ofsaliva fell from his lip and extinguished his cigarette. He grumbled and wiped his mouthwith the sleeve of his shirt. He removed his lighter and fought to ignite the dampened endof his smoke, oblivious to the laughter of the girls, who watched him with amusement. Whenhe looked up, he saw they were running their hands over each other’s essential parts.He moaned in dismay that he could not interact, and his soldier awoke. They flickedtongues together and when they stood up and left, his wand was preparing to wave itsmagic. Franklin, in despair over the matter, crushed his cigarette into the pavement andwept.
Franklin stayed in the park until the sun began to set. It was the middle of June andas he looked at his watch- a scarred, beaten watch- he discovered it was half passed seveno’clock. A deviant concept emerged in his mind and he gathered his belongings in ahurry. He headed up the hill to where he could see all around the city and paused to takein the view. But he had no time for such luxuries. He rushed down the street and with aswift movement, entered his apartment complex. He raced up the stairs and opened the doorto his apartment. Inside it was dead silent due to the fact that Franklin lived alone.This aspect of his life was a refreshing one. He dropped his bag in the hall, entered hisroom and pulled the binder filled with naked women out from under his bed. He fell to hisknees and began the ceremony. Gesticulating wildly, he thrust his head back and moaned.The reliable women before him were immediately forgotten, replaced in his mind by thegirls from the park. His memory played back the incident like an MP3 audio clip playedfrom the Internet. His imagination warped the events, turning them into a bloody,torturous act. At long last, he arched his back and forced a jet of divine fluid into the air. Itstruck his women with a slap and he groaned forlornly. He opened his eyes and looked atthe white stain soaking into the cleavage of Miss December ’89. He jumped up andstruck the binder, sending it flying into the wall, loose pages fluttering down and outthe window. "God damn son of a bitch!" he exclaimed. He ran to the window and looked out.It was then he discovered the next door neighbors staring at him in horror through theirkitchen window. "What the are fuck you starin’ at?!" He bellowed, and stalked from theroom. He went to the kitchen, feeling a strong craving for caffeine. He fetched the jar of Taster’s Choiceä from a cabinetand the teakettle, which was filled with tap water. He turned on the range and placed itupon the burner which clicked rapidly. Franklin turned it down a bit and the clickingstopped. He poured a couple of tablespoons of the flavor crystals into a mug and went intothe living room, switching on the TV. It was a relic from the ‘60’s: a globewith a screen sitting on top of a clock which no longer worked. Color was not cheap backthen, so he watched a rerun of Growing Pains in black and white. A minute later theteakettle began to whistle. Sighing in relief, Franklin went back to the kitchen andpoured the boiling water into the mug, watching the flavor crystals dissolve almostinstantaneously. At age 26, Franklin was at the height of his life. He had left home three years beforeafter he had started working for Super Crownä as an informantfor the customer service. The next day, he awoke, freshened, and began to change intoclean clothes. He thought about how his life had changed completely from the sniveling,hopelessly dependent methods he had used to the confident, self-reliance he nowmaintained. Those times were only seven years in the past, but to him they felt like analternate reality he had dreamed.
Oh, those long gone years….
II New hope travelers in a storm finding love is warm. New day the world has just begun our eyes have seen the sun. - Justin Hayward; John Lodge (Blue Guitar) Franklin had been born to Mary Worthington and Josef Dershowitz in 1972 on a cruiseship traveling to the Bahamas. Mary and Josef had been married for 20 years and haddecided to celebrate their anniversary by returning to the place they had attended fortheir honeymoon. Mary was seven months pregnant at the time and although this wouldrestrict their activities, two months would keep them from having to deal with theirchild’s birth. And two weeks on an island seemed like plenty of time for a nicevacation. As the Bahaman Islands came into view, Mary went into labor, suffering frompainful contractions. The cruise ship continued onto its destination, and as it came intoport, little Franklin, weighing 5lbs, 4oz, and two months short of a natural birth, slidout through his mother’s uterus and onto the pillow below her. This surprising eventshould have brought happiness and joy to his parents’ lives, but instead it sent theminto a depression which would very well last the rest of their lives. As time passed, Josef became an incurable drunk who made his home in the downstairsparlor which contained the bar. Mary spent her time cooking meals no one would eat andsitting silently before a blank television set. Home was a quiet, morbid place in which tolive. Franklin became attached to his friends so much that he believed them to be hisadoptive family. Indeed, the others seemed to feel the same way. The oldest girl and boy,who were boyfriend and girlfriend, were the pseudo parents and the seven others, includingFranklin, were their "sons" and "daughters." Yet, as the theory goes,an odd-numbered group will always have a member left unto itself. Franklin was thatoutcast. Although his friends called him Frankie and accepted him, he was often left outwhen something occurred to another member of the group, leaving him to find out from theimmature, always-liked Miguel, who acted as the messenger, so to speak.
A star at eighteen and then- suddenly gone down to a few lines in the back page of a teenage annual - Morrissey (Little Man, What Now?) A few years passed and when Treasure Island was shut down during Franklin’s junioryear, many members who had parents in the Navy were whisked to other parts of the country.Miguel, Antonio (another member of the group) and Franklin were left to discover that thefoundation of the group had disintegrated. They all became angered or distraught over theeducational system and soon dropped out. Miguel went off on his own, but Franklin and Antonio stayed in touch. A year later,Franklin was employed as a stockboy-in-training for the Super Crownäbookstore on Van Ness, and when his income reached a stable level, he announced hisdeparture to his parents. At this, they seemed to reach out of their depressive statesenough to congratulate him. Franklin gathered his 200-book collection, his ‘60’scomics and various albums, and moved into a studio apartment on Nob Hill. Unknown to him, his absence released a great weight from his parents. They becamesociable, successful and for the most part, they were happy once more and took thatlong-forgotten trip back to Utopia.
*** Franklin had been working for Super Crownä for seven yearsnow at the customer service department. He would direct people to various parts of thestore and act as a consultant to those who had trouble on which book to purchase. Thisposition had brought him great financial security and he could’ve bought anything hewanted, but he was so economical, often buying appliances from the thrift shops. Theybroke down quite frequently and when they did, he would have them repaired. If this couldnot be done, he would discard them. It was unfortunate, for the money he spent on usedappliances, he could’ve bought new ones which would last a lifetime. He hopedto buy a house someday, but it was a pipe dream in his frugal world.
That day, he dressed smartly in khaki slacks and a white button-down shirt. He feltquite awkward when he entered the bookstore and found the other employees dressed in jeansand white T-shirts. He went into the back room, grabbed his vest with his name stitchedover the left breast, and greeted the manager. "Good morning, Mr. Stagniccio," Franklin said. "Mr. Dershowitz," Mr. Stagniccio responded grimly. The man had never had asense of humor and optimism was evidently absent from his vocabulary. He went over theday’s rituals with Franklin, and when he was done, Franklin smiled, thanked him, andreturned to the outside store. It was 10:00 a.m. and already there were handfuls ofcustomers perusing the wide selection of literature and non-fiction. Franklin strode overto his post by the front door. He served as both informant and security for Super Crown
I’m in love for the first time and I don’t feel bad. -Morrissey (Break Up the Family) The door of the store opened and Franklin felt a warmth of panic wash over him as hesaw the young woman who walked in. She was 24 years old and seven years before, Franklinhad held a relationship with her. He watched her walk towards the horror section, smilingat everyone she saw. Franklin had a sense of revulsion towards her. She was short, obeseand probably the most unattractive person he had ever met. But he had not always felt thatway. In fact, he had once loved her. Just the reminder of the fact disgusted him. Hegrumbled under his breath and stared into space, memories flooding his mind.
Franklin was still living at home though he had quit school only three weeks before. Hehad entered the bookstore, all intentions on applying for work. He had been pestered byhis drunken father to get off his ass and work for a living, and when his funds from hisparents began to ran out, he realized that was just what he had to do if he was to getanywhere. He opened the door, took a deep breath and headed towards the cashier. He requested anapplication, filled it out, and handed it in. Although he had hopes to get the job, theback of his mind constantly nagged him of failure. As he was leaving, he nearly ran intoher. At that time, he was still a virgin and any interaction with the opposite sex madehim nervous. "Uh…. H-hello," he stammered. "Hi," she said cheerily. She looked at him, all smiles, and for a briefinstant he was going to apologize, turn and leave. But one look into those gray-green eyesand he was mesmerized. "Are you okay?" he asked, quite concerned. "Fine. Nothing to worry about." They struck up a conversation as they enteredthe bookstore and two hours later, as they came out with a copy of "Nightmares andDreamscapes," by Stephen King, the imminence of their relationship had arrived. Itturned out later that she had not paid for the book, and Franklin, in his cloud ofinfatuation, had not noticed. It lasted two months. The first month was a utopian experience of kissing, talking andhanging out. Were that she was not a minor, or if he had been two years younger, they mostdefinitely would have committed that sacred sexual act. As it was, their circumstanceskept them at bay. She had a family of friends who were gypsies. She would baby-sit thechildren, all five of them, and Franklin often found himself drawn into their burdensomegrasps. It was at this time that his love for her began to dwindle. When she was aroundthem, she was selfish, immature, and never seemed to comprehend why Franklin dislikedthese traits. Their relationship had reached a mile-high cliff and was teetering over theedge with no hope of salvation, only falling straight down. Franklin began to abhor her existence. He could no longer bring himself to be in herpresence and be happy about it. Finally, he ceased to hang out with her and she, tired oftrying to coax what no longer existed, parted and went on her merry way. Franklin was alittle sorry to see her go, despite how he felt, but in time, he was able to deal with it,and moved on.
***
Why do you come here when you know it makes things hard for me? - Morrissey (Suedehead) Now, after nearly two years, Franklin witnessed her and was bitter about the fact thatshe had not changed. Oh, she had attempted to make herself beautiful by pulling her hairback in a ponytail and piling on makeup, but she was failing miserably and didn’teven know it. She came out of the aisle, a book in hand, and spotted him. Franklin grunted and puthis face in his hands. "Hieee!" she called, exceedingly happy. "Hi," he muttered. This was the last person he wanted to see. Yet strangely,for all the disgust, he felt a deep, budding yearning for her. "How ya doin?" she asked in a Swedish way. "Fine." (can I go now) "Me too! Isn’t that great?" "Yep, sure is." At that moment, the smile faded from her face and she looked at him with those eyes- ohthose eyes- and he felt a nervous warmth flood his body. He was enslaved by hereyes. God damn it! She took his head in her hands, closed her eyes, and kissed him passionately. (No please not here not now this can’t be happening) But it was. He was filled with a sense of wretchedness, and one fueled by hormones.Then, before it had even begun, she pulled away and smiled sweetly. "This is a bad time," he said quietly. "When?" she asked softly. "In two hours. My lunch break." "Okay," and with that she was gone. It was several minutes before he realizedshe had shoplifted the book. Damn it! She’d done it again! She was such a conniving,influencing bitch. But now, he had bigger things to worry about.
III Hide on the promenade scratch a postcard "How I dearly wish I was not here." - Morrissey (Everyday is Like Sunday) It was noon when Mr. Stagniccio walked over. "Take your lunch break. You have one hour." Franklin nodded and walked out. He had been dreading this moment for the passed twohours. Fortunately, she had not returned. He sighed with relief and headed down the streettowards the Food Circus where he usually went for his afternoon meal. He entered the store and headed for the soda freezer. Much to his dismay, he ran intoher. "Hi!" she greeted him. "What are you doing here?" he hissed. "I’ve been watching you. This is where you come on your lunch break." Franklin shook his head in despair and looked away. Evidently this moment was bound tohappen whether he wanted it to or not. He shook his head at last and stepped back. "Okay, then, let’s go," he heard himself say. They walked around the corner to the 1 California bus stop on Clay and Van Ness andwaited. Franklin was frantically attempting to calculate how long it would take to get tohis place. It was 12:30 now, ten minutes to the top of the hill, and fifteen back here-twenty-five minutes so far- so that left thirty-five minutes to copulate. Franklin was alittle paranoid and had not eaten at all today. He wanted to be back A.S.A.P., so maybe hecould talk her into a quickie…. It was a few minutes later when a bus pulled up. They got on, flashed their passes, andwaded through the other passengers to the back which was more or less empty. They foundempty seats and sat down. The bus started with a jerk and Franklin landed awkwardly in hisseat. She took his hand in hers and he realized just how delusional she was. She thoughtthey were together again! This was no more than a one-night stand (a one-day stand,rather). Franklin looked out the window and sighed, feeling her cold palm warm up in hisgrasp. Was it really just sex? Was that all there was to it? Or was he sinking into somethinghe would surely regret? He didn’t have condoms and the one time he had hadexperienced sexual intercourse, he had not gotten any diseases. But he could not be sosure about the woman who sat next to him. After all, part of the reason he had lostinterest was that his best friend, Antonio, had been telling him rumors that she wassleeping around. He looked over at her and saw she was eyeing an older Mexican fellow withgiant masses of fur on his cheeks. Franklin let out an inaudible groan and sat back in hisseat. Before long, the bus approached their destination. They stood up and she retracted herhand. They exited and stood on the corner looking about. Franklin glanced at his watch andsaw it was a ¼ to one o’clock. "We have to hurry," he heard himself say. They walked briskly across thestreet to his apartment complex and were soon up the stairs to his humble abode. Franklinfumbled with the key, feeling the sweat trickle down his back. He was always a klutz whenhe was in a rush. As soon as they were inside, they were pulling at each other’sclothes. They worked their way to his bedroom and flung their naked bodies upon it. Shegripped his limp member firmly and he was shocked at how it stood to attention in hergrasp.
Someday you will find me Caught beneath the landslide In a champagne supernova in the sky. -Oasis (Champagne Supernova) An hour passed and before long they were laying in bed, exhausted and relieved at thesame time. Thoughts ran through Franklin’s mind like machine-gun fire during WorldWar II. What was he doing here? What was she doing here? What had they done? Whathad he done? Oh, dear God, WHY!!? She rolled over to face him as she exhaled a drag from her cigarette. She smiled andleaned forward to deliver a kiss to his quivering lips. He closed his eyes to await doomas her cold, tasteless tongue and the wet, bland insides of her cheeks came near. Franklinpulled away at the last second and looked at his clock.
2:10 p.m.!! "Oh shit," Franklin stated, his dismay Grade-A, purebred, 100%. "What? Oh! Now that we’re done it’s time to leave!" she saidsarcastically. "Oh, sure, I get it." "I was supposed to be at work 40 minutes ago!" Franklin complained as he slidinto his slacks. He looked at his shirt which had a large cum-stain on the chest. Shecontinued to bicker, but her words were lost as he stared at the spot. Finally, he grabbeda clean button-down shirt that looked identical, from the closet and pulled it on.Franklin looked at the young woman lying on his bed. (What did I ever see in you?) "Come on, let’s go! Hurry!!" "I’m not leaving," she stated defiantly, just like a 12-year old. "Fine! I am," Franklin said angrily, bitterly. "Bye." Franklin whisked his employee vest from the floor and stormed down the hall, slammingthe front door behind him.
Franklin kicked himself all the way back to work. He should have kicked her out. It washis house, damn it! He decided that when he got off work, he would throw her out ofthe apartment and order her never to see him again. Yes, that was it. That was what hewould do. Yet, as he entered the bookstore, he realized that that cunt of a woman was the leastof his problems. Mr. Stagniccio came rushing up to him and gripped his shoulder, almostpainfully. "Where the hell have you been?" he asked, quiet but stern. "It’snearly 2:30 p.m.; why weren’t you back at 1:30?" "I’m sorry, sir," Franklin said, looking to his feet and feeling everybit as guilty as he should have been. "I had some personal business to take care of.It won’t happen again." "You’re damn straight it won’t," Mr. Stagniccio saidmatter-of-factly, and Franklin felt dread ooze down his skin. Mr. Stagniccio looked atFranklin for a moment, letting his statement sink in. "And if it does," he said slowly, "oh, if it does- you…are…fired!!" Relief wafted over Franklin and he could feel the film of sweat on his forehead cool asthe entrance to the store opened and a customer exited with a bag. "Yes, sir," Franklin emitted meekly. This encounter with the boss sent him ona guilt trip. He never should have got mixed up with that bitch. Why was he such a softy,such a nitwit? How could he have put his job in jeopardy over a fling with a woman who wasso dissatisfying? God damn it! Never again! Never again!!
***
Cat’s foot iron claw Neurosurgeons scream for more At paranoia’s poison door -King Crimson (21st Century Schizoid Man) As the day passed, Franklin helped several customers find the books they were searchingfor. Within hours, his dilemma had passed and he soon forgot entirely of the woman in hishome. All seemed to go quite well- right through six o’clock when thebookstore’s doors locked for the evening. Franklin sighed with relief as Mr. Stagniccio removed the key from the lock. He pulledoff his vest and hung it up in the back room. He checked in one last time with Mr.Stagniccio to see that all was well. "You performed well today," Mr. Stagniccio surmised. This was a strangeresponse. "However…. Mis-ter Dershowitz…. You must learn toprioritize your time. If you are late for any reason without at least- at least- 12hours’ notice before hand…well, I am just going to have to relieve you of yourposition here with Super Crown™ Books,Incorporated." "Yes, sir, Mr. Stagniccio!" Franklin responded assertively. He soundedover-confident, which was just as well since he was. "I won’t let you down,sir." "Promises, promises," Mr. Stagniccio proclaimed, trailing off. Then, after amoment’s pause, "Off with you, Franklin. Don’t let me see you again untiltomorrow." Franklin nodded and rushed out of the room. He went out the back door and out onto thestreet. He found his way once more to the bus stop, this one a block down on Polk. It washere that the memory of his lunch break returned. He groaned with displeasure at thethought that he would have to confront her. He didn’t want to. Was there some way outof this, some clause which could keep him from running into her? He dreaded every second which brought him closer to reaching home. From the moment thebus came into view to the second he departed on his way up the hill, he sweat and groundhis teeth in anguish over the matter. There had to be a way- some way- to avoidthis issue. Franklin reached into his pocket with a trembling hand, and put the key in thelock. He ascended the stairs to his apartment and stood before the door. He wiped away thesweat which collected on his brow and took a deep breath. In a single, fluid motion heunlocked the door and stepped inside. At once he discovered something was wrong. "Hello?" he called tentatively down the hall. His voice echoed hollow throughthe apartment. Dread broke out in a sweat all across his body and he walked slowly downthe hall. He entered his bedroom and froze. Everything was gone. The bed was gone. The paintings on the walls were on the walls nolonger. The flowers in the vases had been taken, which was just as well for there were novases to put them in. The bookcase where his comics had been neatly stacked was gone,comics and all. Franklin walked through the empty apartment. Couches, books, compact discs and theirplayer, appliances, food soap; all this was gone. All that remained were the sinks, toiletand bathtub, stove and refrigerator, all which had been there when he moved in. What awretched mess this had turned out to be. Franklin walked into the bathroom and sat on thetoilet, putting his head in his hands. He looked at his feet and at that moment,discovered the note: "Dear Frankie, By now you have noticed that all your belongings are gone. I have taken them. I do notbelieve we can be lovers. But I hope that we can still be friends." Franklin glared at the note and bared his teeth. God damn it! After all this shestill thought he loved her?!! What a wretched, filthy, ugly cunt piece of shit!Franklin gripped the note in both hands and ripped it to shreds. This was it. This wasthe last straw. Franklin paced about, cigarette in a shaky hand, wondering what to do. He had nowhereto go. He could not stay here, but he couldn’t return…. Fucking hell!That was all he could do. If he didn’t go back to his parents’ he wouldnever be able to continue living. So what else could he do? Nothing. Absolutely nothing.
Confusion will be my epitaph. As I crawl a cracked and broken path If we can all sit back and laugh. But I fear tomorrow I’ll be crying, Yes I fear tomorrow I’ll be crying. -King Crimson (Epitaph)
Copyright © 2000 Christopher Mccoy |