The Judgement The Judgement I was seated on a comfortable chair, across from a firm but kind faced Judge. I had never been so afraid. My just and humble Lawyer turned to look at me. The expression on His face told me that everything would be alright. For a few minutes, the entire room was silent. The kind Judge looked my way often, as if He was already coming to the decision of what His verdict would be. This was the moment that would determine my eternal destiny. I trembled with fear, and timidly looked in the Judge’s direction. He wore a look of love, combined with sadness and disappointment. Finally, after what seemed to be an eternity of silence, the Judge finally spoke. He turned towards the Lawyer, who also happened to be His son and said, “Tell me about her life.” The Lawyer nodded and began to tell the judge my story. “She began her life as a lost and hurting child, who was searching for a way to fill the vast void in her life. After years of searching, my child accepted me as her Lord and Savior at the age of eight. She always made a genuine effort to follow the straight and narrow path, but often wandered astray. When she was thirteen, someone threatened her with a gun. Instead of forgiving the guilty party right away, she held onto her anger and resentment towards this person. She made an effort to forgive this person, but the moment the pain and fear came to mind, she would close up and become bitter and angry.” I hung my head in shame. I knew long before then that it was a terrible thig to hold such anger inside, but letting go of it and forgiving that person had seemed to be impossible at the time. I timidly lifted my head and stared at the expression on the Judge’s face. I was shocked. He wore an expression of disappointment, and compassion. Tears were forming in His gentle eyes. The Judge beckoned to the Lawyer to continue. “She carried this sadness and anger during the rest of her teen years. When she was sixteen, my defendant became infatuated with a young man. For awhile, my defendant and her boyfriend had a nice, healthy relationship. But, there came a time in the relationship when the young man decided he wanted a sexual relationship with the defendant. He began demanding that the defendant give in to his sexual notions.” The kind Judge asked, “Did she give in to him?” The Lawyer said, “At one point, the defendant was considering giving in to him.” I hung my head again, and this time, I couldn’t hold back the tears. I was so ashamed. They let me cry for a few minutes. Then, my Lawyer surprised me by placing His hand gently on my shoulder. He lifted my head gently and continued. “However, my defendant chose to do the right thing. She chose to resist the temptation because of her faith, and her and her boyfriend ended the relationship before anything wrong happened between them.” The Judge smiled, a genuine smile of both love and pride. The Lawyer continued, a sad note in His voice. "But, like before, my defendant chose to hold on to her resentment. It, combined with the incident with the gun, became a dangerous web of pain, anger and hurt combined. But, not long after the relationship ended, a much older man in a position of authority tried to make sexual advances towards my defendant. He would try to touch her in indecent ways and seduce her with his words.” At this, the Judge wept, His sobs so strong, they shook His entire body. This really surprised me. The Judge was large in appearance, and didn’t seem to be the type who would cry easily. At his reaction, I too began weeping, the sound my sobs blending with those of the judge. The Lawyer let us weep awhile before He spoke again. “Like before, my defendant held onto her pain, and refused to tell anyone about what happened to her for several years. I tried to comfort her, and tried to talk her into going to Bible School after graduation. I wanted her to grow in her knowledge of us. But the child was so crippled by her past hurts that she refused to heed my voice.” This seemed to hurt the judge even more than what had happened to me in the past. I felt the need to reach out and apologize for the way I had hurt Him. He had never done an unkind thing to me, but, despite the way I treated Him, it was apparent that He loved me and wished that the past wounds had never occurred. I began to weep softly. “My little one stayed this way for quite awhile before she realized how terrible it was to hold onto her anger. “ The Judge looked as if He was torn between being angry at me, and hurt towards me for the way I had treated Him and his son. But He still seemed to understand why I had acted the way I did. I was still weeping because of my sins. I looked up at the sound of the Lawyer’s voice. I was shocked by the look on His face. He, even after remembering the way I treated Him, was smiling. But shortly, after little one tuned twenty, she again began to seek for our will for her life. She realized how wrong she was to hold onto the unforgiveness and repented. She forgave those who had wronged her, and went to Bible school to learn more about Us. She tried to find little ways of serving us, and decided to follow Our calling to become a missionary.” The lawyer then described the remainder of my life: moments of joy, moments of pain, moments of sadness, and moments of happiness. He described friends, acquaintances and enemies, and the way I chose to deal with the circumstances in my life. When the Lawyer had finished, the Judge turned to me and asked, “What have you learned from your time on earth?” I thought about the question for a couple of minutes, then timidly began to tell the Judge about what I had learned. “I’ve learned that it’s best not to hold on to anger, and how important it is to seek Your will in every part of my life. I’ve learned that as a follower of Christ, there will be many times when I don’t understand why bad things are happening in my life. In those moments of pain, I have learned to cling to Your words of love and salvation . And I have felt a peace in my heart like I had never imagined I could find. I’ve learned that I love You, and that without You, I never would’ve been able to bear my time on earth.” This was a very difficult question for me. Early in life, I had had a rough time telling others about the love of Christ. I timidly began. “ When I was young, I was very shy, and it was very difficult for me to tell others about anything, let alone my faith. As I got older, I found other ways, such as through actions and writing, to share Your love. I will never forget the times I chose to not talk about my faith. I will always feel the guilt for those times. Sometimes I worried that you might condemn me for not sharing my faith. But I would pray for courage, and there were a few times when I had enough courage to share the love of Christ.” There was another pause, and then the kind judge asked me the most important question of all. “Why should I let you spend an eternity with Me in heaven?” I was so ashamed that I hadn’t done enough for Jesus that I hung my head and wept for a long time. Eventually, the Lawyer wrapped His arms around me, His touch giving me the courage I needed. “There is nothing I could ever do to earn Your love and acceptance. I have sinned many times in my life, and made many wrong choices. If You chose to write down all my sins and hold them all against me, I would be lost forever. But, “ I paused and turned to the Lawyer and grasped His hand tightly. “Your word says that I have your grace and mercy if I ask for it, and that if I trust in Jesus, I will be saved. That’s all I could possibly say.” The Lawyer then left my side, and began whispering with the Judge. I didn’t hear what they were saying, but somehow, in my heart, I knew everything would be all right. When the Judge and Lawyer finished speaking with each other, the Lawyer came and stood beside me. He turned to the Judge and asked, “Have You reached a verdict, Father?” The Judge smiled and said, “Yes. I find the defendant …” He paused for a second, and then smiled so brightly, that His smile lit the whole room. “Forgiven.” I was so startled that I fell to my knees , and began weeping again. The Lawyer looked at the Judge, and He nodded. The Lawyer kneeled right in front of me and said, “Look at me, child.” I looked into His kind face, and what He did surprised me. He gently wiped the tears from my eyes, and held me for a long time. Then He said, “Come with me, Child. Let’s go home.” And the Lawyer and I walked hand in hand to the Judge’s house, where I would be His child forever.
Copyright © 2006 Sarah K Lewry |