Storymania - Anger Of The Heart by Valerie Gawron

Anger Of The Heart
Valerie Gawron

Laura Masterson smiled at the woman behind the registration desk. The woman did not smile back but Laura didn't care. She was smiling at her own private joke. She was 32, had a great full-time job, five graduate degrees, and was just now registering for another degree program. Her parents had promised her that they wouldn't mention marriage and grandchildren (and in that order) until she was out of school. Well, she wasn't finished with school, yet.

The woman at the desk stamped the last sheet of paper and handed it to Laura. Laura thanked her and started up the stairs leading to the bright Colorado sunshine. She saw the shadow of someone coming down the stairs. With the sun directly behind him, he seemed like an ancient god. When she met him halfway up - she was sure of it. She smiled, "Has anyone ever told you that you look like Tom Selleck?" He smiled back, "For the first time in my life, I'm glad that I do." He extended his hand, "My name is Lance Jefferson Reynolds. Lance because my mom read too many romance novels."

Laura smiled and put her hand in his, "Laura Masterson. Laura after my grandmother." Reluctantly Lance let go of her hand, "May I take you out to lunch?" Laura hesitated as headlines of murdered women flashed through her head. Then she looked at him, his smile, and his sparkling eyes and was ready to trust him. He must have sensed her inner turmoil, "We can take separate cars." Laura shook her head, "Not necessary. I'd be honored to go to lunch with you. Think your mom would mind if I called you Jeff?"

He smiled, "My mom's been dead for 25 years but (shaking his head) I don't think she'd mind. I rather think she regretted naming me after some romantic hero. How about Salad Days?" It was a great restaurant, bright, cheery with a spectacular view of the mountains. Laura nodded, "Sounds wonderful." Jeff turned to start up the stairs, "My car's parked in lot". The car ended up being a Porshe 911, red, of course.

The restaurant was busy but Laura and Jeff didn't notice. They were enjoying the conversation too much. Jeff was laughing when their waitress arrived and started pouring ice water into his glass. His laughter caught her attention and she looked at him. That was her first mistake, shouting "Tom Selleck!" was her second mistake. Pouring the remaining water from the pitcher into Jeff's lap, her third. He stood quickly as the cold water soaked through to his skin. The waitress, appalled by what she had done, grabbed a dish rag and starting dabbing at his pants to absorb some of the water. Jeff brushed her hands away, "It's okay. It's only water." He looked at Laura's horrified face, "I hope you don't mind a leisurely lunch. I think I'm going to be here for a while (looking at his sodden pants). At least until I dry out a bit."

Laura shook her head and stifled a laugh as Jeff sat down only to rise again to push some ice cubes off the chair. Jeff looked around the now silent room. "Well, I hope you don't mind be the center of attention." There was a note of irritation in his voice. Laura smiled, "Not as long as I'm with you." Jeff jerked up taking Laura's comment as an affront but looking at her face, he realized she was serious. He looked directly into her eyes, "I would have suggested a picnic in the mountains but I thought you wouldn't be comfortable being with a strange man in a deserted area." Laura thought for a moment and a puzzled look covered her face. When she spoke it was as if her words surprised even herself, "I trust you. I don't know why. (Looking down at her menu). As long as we're here and the food is wonderful, how about ordering?" Jeff smiled and softly asked, "You sure that you don't want to leave?" Laura shook her head, "I can't think of one place I'd rather be."

That Saturday Laura and Jeff drove up to Estes Park and rented a tandem bicycle. Carefully balancing a picnic basket between them, they started down the road to the Rocky Mountain National Park. They were just getting the hang of riding on level ground when they came to a hill. They stopped at the crest and looked at the road ahead. Laura was the first to voice any doubt, "Well, at least there's grass on either side of the road." Jeff, looking back, nodded, "No cliffs." Laura added, "No traffic." Jeff laughed, "No snakes, rhinos, or mad elephants." Laura lifted her eye brows and smiled. Jeff shrugged, "I take it you want to try this death defying act." Laura nodded. Jeff laughed boyishly, "Me, too. Here goes."

They never made it to the bottom of the hill. They ran off the road near the top of the hill and landed in soft grass. Both sat up quickly and looked at the other. Seeing no evidence of blood or protruding bones, they broke out in laughter. The sound echoed through the mountains. Jeff reached for the picnic basket, "I think this is a great place for a picnic." Laura grinned, "Having problems getting up, eh?" Jeff rose stiffly, "Ah, yeah."

They laughed, ate the delicacies they had packed, and enjoyed the incredible view. After they had eaten, the afternoon sun and their full stomachs lulled them into a sleepy state. Laura closed her eyes and concentrated on the sounds of nature around her - the bird calls, running water, and the wind through the pines. Jeff's thoughts, however, were on Laura. He laid back, braced himself on his elbows, and watched the sleeping woman. He felt a tightness around his heart that he hadn't felt since his parents' death over twenty years ago. But he also felt a tightness in his loins, a desire so strong he wanted to pull her into his arms here and now. He started to reach for her when he remembered her words at the restaurant, "I trust you." He leaned back. He could wait.

Some time later Laura woke to find Jeff sleeping, a boyish smile lighting up his face. She couldn't help but smile, too. Not wanting to interrupt his dream, she rose quietly and went in search of the mountain creek she heard. She was already on the other side of the creek when Jeff joined her. She shouted to him trying to be heard above the rumbling of the creek, "There are some rocks you can use to cross." Jeff eyed the rocks between him and Laura suspiciously. Laura shouted encouragement, "You can do it!" Jeff sighed and stepped onto the first rock. After spending a moment balancing himself, he stepped onto the second rock. This time he was unable to catch his balance and landed with a loud splash in the cold mountain water. Laura scrambled over the rocks and knelt on the very rock that had been Jeff's downfall. She reached out, "Are you okay?" She extended her hand to help him up. Her hand was too tempting to Jeff, however, and he pulled her into the creek with him. He never let go of her as she sank through the water and then rose facing him. Laura pushed the sodden hair from her eyes, "You! And I was worried?" Jeff held her close, then swung her into his arms, stood, and carried her out of the water. He slowly put her down and smiled. She only shook her head, stifled a laugh, and started back towards the bike.

They picked up their picnic things without a word until Jeff, bent over to pick up the blanket, felt something nibbling at his back pocket. He looked at Laura and whispered, "Is it a bear?" Laura, thinking of the unwanted swim, wondered how long she should let him worry. After a full minute, she shook her head, "No, a deer. It must want that cookie you were saving for the ride back." Slowly Jeff stood, reached in his pocket, and pulled out a sodden lump. He smiled and offered the lump to the deer. After a moment the deer accepted his offering then scampered off into the forest.

Jeff looked at Laura, "I'm sorry for getting you all wet. I just couldn't resist." Laura walked over to him, looked up, and placed a small hand on his chest, "You're going to regret that one of these days, Jeff." With that she stepped back, picked up the basket, and headed for the bike.

On the ride back into town, they stopped at an Indian Trading Post. Jeff was trying on with the leather moccasins while Laura browsed through the blankets. She spotted one on the very bottom of the stack on the top shelf that would be perfect for her living room. She stood on tip toe and started pulling the blanket out. Just as the blanket pulled free from the stack, the shelf started pulling away from the wall. Laura wedged her shoulder under the shelf to support it and shouted, "Jeff, help!"
Jeff rose from the chair where he had been trying on a pairs of moccasins and quickly rushed to Laura's side. Seeing she was in no immediate danger, he raised his eyebrows. "I wonder if you're ticklish?" Laura grimaced, "Jeff, you wouldn't." Jeff smiled fiendishly, "Why not? I do seem to have you at my mercy." Laura winced, "You wouldn't take advantage of me." Her words brought back memories of her lying on the picnic blanket. He shook his head then eased the shelf off her shoulders and onto its support while Laura wondered at what had brought the change in attitude.

The next few weeks were filled with visits to museums, galleries, and theaters. It was on the way back from one of these theaters that Jeff broached the subject of an impending trip. Laura was surprised, "You're still coming to my housewarming tomorrow though, right?" Jeff nodded and walked her to her door. Once there, he put his arms on her shoulders and drew her to him. His kiss was warm and gentle. He was halfway to his car before Laura recovered enough to step inside.

The next morning barely an hour before her guests were due to arrive, a rose was delivered from a local florist. The card only read, "In hopes that absence does indeed make the heart grow fonder." Laura smiled at the delicate rose and then sat looking out the window feeling very lonely.

Two days later, Jeff's brother called to tell her that Jeff had died in an automobile accident.

Months had passed but the numbness hadn't. Although family and friends had repeatedly tried to get her to join in their activities, she preferred staying at home and working on needlepoint landscapes. She was doing just that when the florist delivered a Christmas amaryllis. The card, in the same handwriting, simply said, �Merry Christmas, sweetheart.� Once she stopped shaking, Laura called the florist. The order had been placed in July on the day of her housewarming party. Even from the grave Jeff was touching her life.

On Valentine's Day, a third delivery arrived. This time, a spring bouquet. The card said, "Know that I love you." Laura shivered as she noted that the words were in present not the past tense.

A year passed and Laura was at O'Hare airport fighting the crowd to make her way to the hotel shuttle vans. She was almost there when the man behind her shoved her into the path of a tall oncoming passenger. Automatically she looked up into the passenger's face ready to apologize when she recognized him, "Jeff." It was barely a whisper. He looked at her annoyed by being bumped. Then he recognized her. His face distorted with anger. Frightened by his look and hurt by his lie, she fled to the first open van. The van was already weaving through traffic before she looked back to see Jeff standing at the curb.

That night Laura sat at the table in her hotel room and looked out over Lake Michigan. The dark winter waters seemed a perfect match for her mood. The pain hadn't set in, yet, only the cold, bitter emptiness of betrayal. She pushed the papers she had been reviewing away and stared at the gray blue waters below.

She was still staring at the water when there was a knock on the door. Laura rose by force of habit rather than by conscious thought. She looked through the peephole and saw Jeff. The same angry Jeff she had bumped into at the airport. She opened the door. He walked in and closed the door firmly behind him. His angry presence filled the small room. Frightened, Laura moved toward the window. But Jeff stepped in front of her, blocking her escape. He said but one word, "Why?" Laura slowly moved away, "Why what? Abandon you? Lie to you? Tell you I was dead?"

Jeff's eyes narrowed as he failed to understand what she meant. He pulled a folded sheet of stationary from his suit pocket, "Why did you write this horrible letter?" Now it was Laura's turn to be confused, "What letter?" Jeff shook his head, "Having a convenient lapse of memory. (Waving the stationary in the air). This letter. This letter telling me how you hated intimacy, hated the deepening of our relationship. What were you afraid of? Rape? I had a hundred chances to "deepen our relationship" but like a fool I waited for you to be ready."

Laura, angry at last, glared at him, "I never wrote that letter and you know it. Why did you come here? To cause me more pain? Get out! You didn't want me before. You won�t have me now." Jeff grabbed her, tipping over the table with her papers, "The hell I won't." He pushed her back onto the bed and pinned her down with his weight. She struggled for a moment, then gave up and lay there limp. Jeff startled by her change in behavior stopped and looked at her face. Tears were rolling down her cheeks.

If she wanted to be alone, he'd accommodate her. He rose, grabbed the letter from the floor, and then stopped. He noticed the papers strewn on the floor, balanced on a knee he held a handful of papers towards her, "Are these yours? (Getting no response, he spoke louder) Did you write these?" Laura sat up, looked at the papers, and then nodded. She also saw the anger on Jeff's face. She crawled slowly backwards off the bed and then huddled in the corner of the room watching. Jeff glanced from his letter to her papers. He finally looked up. "You didn't write me this letter, did you?" Laura slowly shook her head. Jeff walked towards her. She sank to the floor. He stopped, "I'm not going to hurt you. There's been enough pain here already. (Handing her the letter). I received this about an hour before your housewarming party."

As Laura read the letter her expression changed from fear to confusion and finally to revulsion. "I never wrote this letter." She handed it back to Jeff. He took it, "Now you know why I haven't contacted you. But why didn't you call me?" Laura's breathing slowed. She looked directly at Jeff, "Your brother told me that you were dead." Jeff turned white and sat on the edge of the bed. "Bruce committed suicide last Easter. (Taking a deep breath). He left a note asking me to forgive him. I thought for ending his life.... I didn't know, Laura. (Turning to her). You must believe me." Then he looked back down at the floor. "Please, believe me. I never wanted to hurt you. I love you." After a moment, Laura sat next to him and put her arms around his neck. No words were necessary. Not then. Not ever.