Four Friends FADE IN: OUST SIDE IN A BUS A DEA AGENT WILL BE KNOWN AS DEA. A PIZZA ARTISIT WILL BE NAMED PIZZA. A RODEO CLOWN WILL BE NKNOWN AS CLOWN. A CYBORG WILL BE NAMED CY. WE SEE A BUS DRIVING DOWN THE ROAD AND THERE ARE 4 PEOPLE IN THERE WE SEE THEM PEERING OUT THE WINDOW AS IF TRYING TO LOOK FOR SOMETHING CLOWN Hey guys I am hungry! PIZZA Yah, dude I am to. But I do not want PIZZA GOD DAMMIT! CLOWN Ok ok ok we won’t get pizza how bout we go get some Chinese food or some Japanese food that would be good. PIZZA Yah dude Asian food would be freakin awesome dude! Yah baby Asian food rules! CLOWN AND PIZZA TOGETHER Yah Asian food rules!!! DEA (speaking calmly) Umm guys PIZZA AND CLOWN YAH DEA Um we are like out of money and with that we can get any kind of food what so ever. CLOWN So how do you solve the debacle? PIZZA Yah dude how are we going to get some cash when we are far way from were we live. We also have nothing to do to make money or earn it. CLOWN Yah we have nothing to sell either because we have nothing of value. PIZZA Yah what are we going to do sell our bodys? Well? DEA Now we cant sell our bodies because that’s illegal and that would be prostitution and we can go around supporting prostitution ok so no prostitution ok come on guy no prostitution no prostitution no prostitution for the love of god no prostitution!!!!! CLOWN Whoa shit settle down dude. PIZZA Yah dude we are not going to sell our bodys. (SAYING SILENTLY TO CLOWN) If nothing works out were selling our bodys. CLOWN OK DEA Ok what? CLOWN Oh nothing. I was just sayin to my self ok well what should we do to make money. THE THREE GO INTO A DEEP CONCENTRATION TRYING TO THINK OF AN IDEA SO THEY CAN MAKE MONEY ALL OF SUDDEN CLOWN JUMPS UP AND YELLS CLOWN HOLY JEBUS CRAP MONKEY!!! We can sell our body fluids like our blood and with Pizza’s hair he can sell his hair and with my ability to well you know we can make tons of money. With DEA’s good blood he can sell that to. PIZZA So we can go to the one we find first. Ok everybody be on the look out for either a Blood Bank or Hair Bank or a Sperm Bank CLOWN Yah dude that would be awesome oh yah. DEA Whatever guys will figure something out eventually ok guys lets just look out for a place. THE BUS DRIVE AROUND FOR A WHILE DEA Well I don’t see anything out her in where ever the hell we are. Where are we any why? CY LOOKS UP FROM DRIVING AND LOOKS BACK AT DEA AND STARTS TO TALK TO HIM. CY What the hell are you talking about everybody knows where we are Jebus Christ were in umm well err ah crap I don’t know shit. Ahhh where are we guys hey clown do you know where we are? CLOWN NO! CY How bout you Pizza do you know where we are? PIZZA NO! CY Well where in God’s green earth are we. AHHHHHHHHHHH. What the hell are we going to do were are we going to go? Ahhhhhhh. Oh my god I am hyperventilating oh god oh god oh god oh god. DEA What the hell how can you be hyperventilating you’re a friken Cyborg. SHIT! Shut up and quit messing your panties we will find our way around ok. Cy OK PIZZA So where are we? CLOWN Don’t know DEA Beats the crap out of me CY What are we doing again? DEA PIZZA AND CLOWN Were looking for either a sperm bank or blood bank or hair bank!!! CY Oh ok THEY ARE DRIVIN DOWN A ROAD WHILE PASSING A BUILDING CLOWN JUMPS UP AND STARTS YELLING AND SCREAMING CLOWN Holy crap monkey it’s a it’s a it’s a sperm bank a sperm bank. It’s the Fingrove County Sprem bank! PIZZA Hey Cy stop there. CY Ok CLOWN YEA!! PIZZA YEA!! THE BUS PULLS INTO THE PARKING LOT OF THE SPERM BANK AND PARKS IN A SPACE ALL OF THE FOUR WALK OUT AND PERCIDE TO THE DOOR AND ENTER THE BANK DEA Oh my god are we actually going to do this. CLOWN AND PIZZA YES! DEA OK…OK. Well lets do this and get it over with. NURSE Hello and welcome to the Fingrove County Sperm Bank. What can I do for you today? CLOWN Well umm the four of us would like to donate some sperm if possible. NURSE That would be great you get paid $80 dollars for one cup of sperm. Ok we have to weed out the unworthy so I will be asking you four a couple of questions and if you don’t answer truthfully your sperm donation will be contaminated and you will not get your money ok. CLOWN OK PIZZA OK DEA OK CY Alrighty NURSE Ook good! First of all have any of you taken any kinds of drugs including weed, heroin, crack, or PCP in the last week? DEA LOOKS UP AND SLOWLY WALKS AWAY. NURSE Ok now have any of you had sex or masturbated in the last 24 hours? CY LOOKS UP. CY Oh well its looks like I am out so yah I am going to go sit down over there (points to a chair), because I had sex last ngiht and it was good really good because it was with a… toaster. OH YAH BABY OH YAH. She was good and all warm and toasty inside. When we were done I had some good toast. CY TURNS AROUND AND WALKS AWAY TO GO SIT NEXT TO DEA NURSE Ok way to much info there buddy didn’t need to know that yah freak. Ok now that’s all the questions I have for you and are you two ready to go donate some sperm. PIZZA Sure why not. CLOWN OK cool. THEY FOLLOW THE NURSE INTO A HALLWAY SHE POINTS TO A COUPLE OF DOORS NURSE Ok you two can go into those rooms and here are some reading materials for you two and here are our cups to do your business in. PIZZA Um do you have any other kind of reading materials with girls feet in it. NURSE Um no sorry our selection is kind of limited we are not a MR. Peeps but I am truly sorry about this but your going to have to deal with what we have. So here you go. PIZZA Thanks CLOWN Um excuse me Miss but is there any other thing I can do to help me Umm get off? Like a device or a special help from a certain nurse? NURSE No sir we don’t and can you please just get into your room and leave me alone and just go do your business. CLOWN Ok sure thing Miss. CLOWN AND PIZZA WALK IN THERE ROOMS AND THE NURSE KEEPS WALKIN DOWN THE HALLWAY AND DISSIPEARS AROUND THE CONER. FADE OUT FADE IN SCENE OPENS UP WITH DEA AND CY SITTING IN CHAIRS WAITING FOR CLOWN AND PIZZA TO GET DONE WITH THERE BUSINESS THEY Are CURRENTLY TALKING TO EACH OTHER. DEA Wow that’s was an interesting story about you and that toaster (to him self) freak. CY Yah, oh well though. So when the hell are they getting out of those rooms Jebus Christ I am so bored. God, and that Nurse keeps looking at me weird. DEA Well made its because she doesn’t know you’re a Cyborg. Mabe yah know. CY Oh ok mabe. Oh well. DEA So how have you been lately? CY I am good, and you? DEA I am also good. CY That’s good. So what do you want to talk about? DEA I don’t know. CY Either do I. DEA So yep. CY Yah so yep. DEA Yep. CY Yep. DEA The weather is nice today. CY Yah it is. DEA Good for driving. Cy Yah it is. AKWARD SILENCE THEN SECENE CHANGES TO The HALLWAY WHERE THE ROOMS WHERE THAT PIZZA AND CLOWN WHERE IN AND THEY WALK OUT OF EACH OF THERE ROOMS AT THE SAME TIME. HOLDING THEIR CUPS OF SEMEN AND START WALKING TOWARDS THE CAMERA AND WALK IN TO THE WAITING ROOM WHERE DEA AND CY ARE. CY Hey guys you done? PIZZA AND CLOWN Yep-o PIZZA AND CLOWN WALK OVER TO THE NURSES DESK AND GIVE HER THEIR CUPS AND COLLECT THERE MONEY AND THEY WALK AWAY INTO THE WAITING ROOM OR THE BANK. PIZZA So you guys ready to go or do you two want to finish your guises conversation or do you want to go take this $150 I mean $160 and go get us some good food and maybe a hotel room for the night. CLOWN All that masturbation made me hungry and I want some food so let do what Pizza said and go get something to eat. DEA Yah that sounds really good I am also very hungry so lets go. Also I want to get out of this place because when I think what goes on under this roof it really creeps me out like none other all those males masturbating and ewwwwwwwwww. CY yah food sound good right now and I want to go somewhere else because I want to get the image of Pizza masturbating because that is totally sick. SO THE TWO STAND UP AND MEET UP WITH PIZZA AND CLOWN AND THEY ALL WLAK OUT OF THE BANK TO THERE BUS AND PRECIDE TO GET IN WHEN ALL OF SUDDEN CLOWN STARTS TALKING CLOWN Ah crap I left my watch in the room I can’t leave now because my mom gave it to me and it means a lot to me. CLOWN RUNS OUT OF THE BUS AND BACK INTO THE BANK DEA Well I guess this puts us off for a little bit. PIZZA So where do yall want to go eat. I don’t really care as long as we can sit down and eat because I need to rest a little bityah know because I was strain my self. DEA I don’t really care either. CY I don’t care. PIZZA Me either how bout you pick DEA. DEA No you pick I don’t want to you pick CY CY No you pick Pizza PIZZA No how bout we let CLOWN pick when he get back out of here DEA Ok CY OK with me JUST THEN CLOWN COMES RUNNING OUT OF THE BANK AND WHEN HE GET TO THE BUS HE ASKS CLOWN So where we eaten… FADE OUT
Copyright © 2002 Nathaniel Perhay |