Intimacy Lost *Reborn That night my heart crumbled And the pieces fell into the between the seats in my car They burned their way through the floor And ended up scattered on the pavement below In fact they’re probably still there I wonder if you took the time to avoid stepping on them As you left me sobbing in the driver’s seat I planned on going back to look for my heart To gather up the remnants Maybe I could rebuild it into something That slightly resembled what had beat for you so earnestly Just days before Instead, the Lord held me back Turns out that heart wasn’t the one I needed anyways As I lay curled up on my bedroom floor With a whole in my chest the shape of you God began to reconstruct Piece by piece, He started to build A monument to His grace As He did, I came to realize The vision of a life with you Might not be what He has in mind With my new heart I tried to reach out to yours Tried to let you know that I cared The rift between us tore me apart But you didn’t seem to care And so the strength of this new heart was tested As it literally stopped working Whenever I got a glimpse of you But whether you ignored me Or snapped at me My heart couldn’t stop caring for you I finally went back to the place Where you shattered my first heart Picked up the shards, not knowing what to do But I took them home Put them on these pieces of paper In the form of words And now I present them to you *Thank You To the that broke my heart I can’t thank you enough I mean no sarcasm, no malicious intent Just pure gratitude when I say Thank you Thank you for the time you gave me For the way you made me feel For pulling the lid off of the part of my heart That hid my desire for lifetime devotion Thank you for unleashing in me a passion I had only caught glimpses of before For the gentle words that melted my insides And the encouragement that strengthened My resolve You made me believe that I was a lion Staking claim to your heart Your love became my jungle of which I was king Thank you for your beauty For giving me a to show off to everyone we saw For giving me a reason to puff out my chest As we walked hand in hand Thank you for spirited compassion And the intimacy that unleashed in me Desires that I’d always repressed Thank you Thank you for breaking my heart Thank you for taking all of that away Thank you Thank you for removing my footholds as I tried To scale the mountain to your heart Thank you for the love that you will not give That you no longer offer my way Thank you for the night you made me cry Thank you for bringing me low Thank you Thank you for finally getting me To a place where God could work in me For humbling me when I could not humble myself Your dismissal of my affection Left me screaming Alone in my room Crying tears that left scalding hot Trails down my cheeks Thank you For it is here that Christ calls me to be It is here where I have no choice But to offer to Him the crumbling remains Of what I thought was so strong Without Him I am nothing And without you I would be too far away From realizing that Thank you Thank you Thank you *Mystery Without you I am so weak Without you I am so strong You are the mystery I cannot solve *Today The dream is over, the day’s begun The moon has given way to the sun Am I over you today? Or will I cry out for you to return? I no longer know what to expect from me What kind of day will today be? *The Words Your Ears Will Never Hear These are the words your ears will never hear From a man your eyes once looked at so dear Loving words reserved for that special To whom I will open up my whole world These are the words your ears will never hear From the man your embrace once held so near Tender words designed to make a heart melt But I’ll hold them back until they’re heart-felt These beautiful words will not be wasted Coming from the lips that you once tasted Words that speak of a lasting connection Lovers united in pure affection They speak of the day when I’ll say “I do” And dedicate my life to love so true Building a future with my precious wife A life of compassion and sacrifice Words about that glorious wedding night When I give the gift that I’ve held so tight Two hungry bodies become one at last Eyes locked on each other with fingers clasped And Lord-willing, I hope to raise a son To see his eyes filled with wonder and fun And to grow old with my beautiful wife To live out with her the rest of my life We’ll share a love completely Christ-centered A pure romance is what we’ll have entered Guided by the Lord, we’ll love while we can This perfect woman making me a man I cannot wait to find this special Take her by my side and show her the world To tell her all of my hopes and my fears But those are the words that you’ll never hear *What A Love My love can change the world You’d be amazed at what it can do It’s just such a shame That I can’t give this love to you *How Can It Be? How can it be That a simple word Can break my heart? Am I really that tender? Or is it just that I’ve given you Access to the most vulnerable part of me? *Like A Swan You have a grace that looks so pristine But just what is it that goes unseen? As a swan glides across the lake We rarely see what’s in its wake What I saw was a gorgeous bird So perfect I could not say a word You glided into my heart so effortlessly And left me wondering, “Who is she?” For a while all that I could see Was the grace you’d shown to me While I was enraptured by your face I didn’t see what was under the surface Though a swan may look untroubled and free The water it travels through is troubled as can be We see the perfect body in motion so sweet But what we miss is the turmoil caused by its feet They churn the water into an ugly mess An unseen torrent of muddiness The swan’s grace is really just the result Of a process filled with chaos and tumult You are the swan that captured my eye Whose slender beauty lifted me so high But it was the churning that I missed When your perfect lips I kissed I had no idea what was beneath your water All I saw was a for whom I burned hotter But now I see what lay beneath The smile that I mistook for peace You hid from me trouble so deep But my heart is what you would not keep Choosing instead the sensation of pain And leaving my heart’s sun clouded by rain I wanted to help you swim through it all To keep you afloat and not let you fall But you insisted that alone you’d press on And that is why, no matter what, you’ll always be my swan *100 Syllables One hundred wishes One hundred dreams One hundred hours spent thinking of you One hundred words One hundred prayers One hundred tears spilt over memories of us One hundred One hundred ideas One hundred visions of life spent in your arms One hundred sweet kisses One hundred thoughtful gazes One hundred tries to fit how I feel about what happened to us into just One hundred syllables *Every Morning With You It was my dream to wake up every morning And have your sleeping face be all that I could see My biggest concern would be whether To wake you up and see your eyes come alive Or let you sleep And secretly lose myself in your beauty My guess is that most mornings I’d just spend my time thanking God For bringing you by my side Maybe I’d wake you with a gentle nudge Or a back massage Maybe I’d wake you with a kiss I could spend an hour contemplating The best way to start your day But then my dream ended And only my pillow lay Where your face had been moments before *Now Now that you know how it is Would you have still made that decision To turn me away With dreams of loving him? Do you ever wish for the way it was Now that he has turned you away? Do you miss the way I kissed you Now that you can’t have him back? Do you long to make me smile Now that you no longer see his face? Do you hope for one more chance To ask me what I’m thinking about As I gaze at you with a tenderness that almost makes me cry? Would you still have chosen him over me Knowing that now neither of us are there when you fall asleep? Do you ever dream of being tucked into bed By these hands? Of watching these lips move as I read you to sleep? Now that I’m gone and so is he Would you have still made the same choices? *Imposter Two s, two stories One ’s passion cannot be hidden As it radiates through the brilliantly uplifting smile That awoke restless desires within my heart The other is sullen and sad Her heavy heart visible to all who see her She looks like a beautiful vase that has been pushed off the table And now lies in pieces on the floor One loses herself in her joy And isn’t afraid to let me know exactly how she feels Living to make me smile And beautifully heartbroken when she has done me wrong The other pushes me away Her tongue is sharp And her words cut me deeper than any blade ever could One ’s presence is like constantly receiving Good news of great joy While the other leaves me hanging uncomfortably From edges I didn’t even know existed I do my best to reach out to the filled with compassion And avoid the one filled with anger The problem is That they both look exactly like you
Copyright © 2004 Jacson A Bevens |