Gnomes And Dolls
Winson Thai


BETHANY GINZBURG: 26 years old, tall with a large built, clubber, local store catalog model, loves an old garden gnome named Duncan that has been passed down her family since the 1930s.

LYNN RUAN: Bethís 19-year-old boyfriend, college student, petite, thinks and acts like a child, values an old doll named Krissy that his family got for his big sister and never wanted to discard.

This scene occurs inside Beth and Lynnís Upper West Side apartment. The large living room is at stage left with its coffee table, television set, and three sofas. The little dining room with its round table and five chairs is on downstage right. With its refrigerator, window, stove, counter, sink and several cabinets, the kitchen occupies the rest of stage right. Four identical doors from the rear of center stage to downstage left are spaced evenly on the wall. A bigger fifth door, front one of the apartment, is by the edge of downstage left. The stage is pitch-black, showing that is late at night.

Beth enters via the front door and silently closes it before taking off her coat and hanging it on an adjacent hook. She walks to the coffee table and puts down her purse before all lights turn on and reveal that she is wearing an elegant black dress. Standing by the middle door is an upset Lynn in silk pajamas with an old plastic doll in his arms.

BETHANY: (Beth turns to her 7:00 direction, sees Lynn, and acts surprised) Lynn, baby you are still awake?

LYNN: Please do not play dumb with me.

BETHANY: What are you talking about sweetie?

LYNN: Beth, this is the fifth time in the last two weeks that you have snuck out at night to go partying.

BETHANY: So? (She takes off her jewelry and puts them in her purse)

LYNN: So? (He goes up to Beth) You would rather spend your nights getting down and dirty with creepy random strangers than be in bed with me, somebody who needs you with more than anyone else?

BETHANY: Hey I have to give large smiles in front of cameras all day wearing uncomfortable and sometimes ugly outfits for store catalogs and worry about how good I will look to others. All you do is study at a lame community college then come home to eat and sleep. I need some time to enjoy myself.

LYNN: Look, I will get my associateís degree in about one month and hopefully a job while I pursue my bachelorís in filmmaking, but do you have to go out all the time? I mean this is the first time you came back from a party before dawn. I am sure there are other things you can do that are fun like tightly holding me to your lovely body every night when we sleep. Ooh that would feel amazing (looking at Beth at point-blank range) and from those bags under your eyes you really need more shuteye. I do not think it is very healthy to club and drink all night, then sleep the entire next day. Heck, I cannot go anywhere because I am scared something bad will happen to you or this place.

BETHANY: I usually do not come home prior to morning because the parties get so great, I lose track of time (while talking, Beth takes her purse, walks to the left-most door on stage, opens it, puts her purse inside, shuts it and goes back to Lynn). The clubs I go to are opened until very late, but seriously, why do you need me to be in bed with you to fall asleep? You are not an infant and already have Krissy, which you constantly take with you wherever you go. Why donít you just sleep with her?

LYNN: She is not real (he whispers ďI really wish you wereĒ to the doll before talking back to Beth) and made of plastic, so it is tough to get into a good position with her. Besides, I have always wanted to touch your smooth skin and kiss all over your body whenever I could after seeing you in those Bloomingdaleís swimsuit catalogs. I know you look gorgeous wearing nothing at all (he runs his left hand down Bethís right arm and hip before lifting her dress up, briefly exposing her panties).

BETHANY: (Bethany pulls her dress back down) Well, it is very nice of you to compliment me like that and I might just let you undress and kiss me soon, but just wondering, why are so attached to that doll?

LYNN: My family treasures it for some reason (he rocks the doll back and forth in his arms like a baby). They got it for my older sister when she was two and I was not even born yet. That was well over 20 years ago. She played with the doll every day until she was seven and put it in its original box in our basement, but I found it a few years later and thought it was adorable. I named it Krissy as it resembles my first playmate, who had that name. I met her when I was three and she was one. I have not seen her in 13 years and wonder where she is right now. Anyway, I played with the doll until I got bored and placed it back in its box, where it would be for the next ten years. Although furious after finding me playing with it, my parents told me to never give it away no matter what even though we tossed or donated most of my and my sisterís old toys over the years. When you and I moved in here, I chose to take the doll with me since I was afraid of what may happen to it.

BETHANY: Oh, that was such an enchanting history lesson (she talks sarcastically, then gets angry and up right at Lynnís face), but maybe if you stop worrying about Krissy and paid more attention to what is around you, this apartment would not be as deplorable as it is and I would not be overstressed!

LYNN: What the hell do you mean?!

BETHANY: What do I mean? Come with me (she grabs Lynn by the hand, takes him to the kitchen, and points at the sink). The sink has been clogged for a week, making me too afraid to wash our dishes here.

LYNN: I never knew that. but hardly have time to do something so strenuous like fixing a clog anyhow.

BETHANY: You do not have the time?! It is not that tough or long. All you do is use a wrench to unhook and take out the pipe, clean up any crap found in the drain, and screw the pipe back in. So easy! Jeez!

LYNN: Wait, if you know how to unclog the sink, why donít you just do it yourself and get it over with?

BETHANY: I can't fit inside that cabinet (she points below the sink) and contractors are expensive these days. Besides, you are a guy. You should have the strength and knowledge to do stuff like this. It is so humiliating for a woman to do man chores in her house while her boyfriend acts like a little girl.

LYNN: I am sorry my love.

BETHANY: (Beth points to the dark blue wall on downstage right) Also, the dining room wall needs a brand new paint job and (walking back to where the coffee table is) the cracks on the walls between the doors are getting bigger and bigger every day (pointing to the wall on upstage left). Painting and sealing cracks should be simple even for one person, but hey, I can never get you to help around.

ROY: Listen Beth, I know I have not been man of the year and me being your boyfriend is different for you due to my lack of maturity (while talking, Lynn opens the refrigerator door and shuts it after taking out a nicely decorated cupcake. Beth peers under the long sofa as he does that, pulls out a cardboard box, takes out an old ceramic garden gnome from inside, and puts it on the table after pushing the box back in), but based on what you have told me, I can assure you I am much better than most of the guys you have dated in the past and have a legit reason why I amÖ (Lynn walks towards the table and is about to take a bite out of the cupcake when he sees the gnome, screams and throws his snack high in the air and off the stage) Aaaahhhh!!!! What is that freaky thing?!?!

BETHANY: His name is Duncan and my family cherishes him just like how your family cherishes Krissy.

LYNN: Uh, why? (He goes next to Beth)

BETHANY: It is a long story. I have had this gnome stored beneath the couch since we moved in here.

LYNN: I am not that sleepy even though it is like 1:00 a.m., so letís hear what you have to say.

BETHANY: Fine, my great grandparents lived in the farms of Long Island and had a business making gnomes for nearby gardeners. They displayed several they made for themselves outside their house. They all looked beautiful and my great grandparents loved them, but then the Great Hurricane of 1938 surprisingly struck the tri-state area and they had time to retrieve just one gnome, this one, before the storm wrecked their house. They did not have the money to continue their business, so before dying, they gave the gnome, whom they named Duncan for some reason, to their children, telling them to protect it at all costs and give it to their children after they get old. Every few years or so, my family and I repaint and repair Duncan. That is why it has survived with us for over 70 years.

LYNN: And you had that thing in the apartment all this time and never told me becauseÖ

BETHANY: I was waiting until the moment was right. When you told me your dollís history and we began to argue about my partying and your laziness, I knew I had to use the gnome to settle our little feud.

LYNN: How in the world is it going to do that Beth?

BETHANY: I will show you. First, give me Krissy (she reaches for the doll, but Lynn backs off and whines). Come on honey, give her to me (she grabs the dollís leg, but Lynn will not let go of it. Beth puts her hands on her hips). Really you do not trust me? (Lynn reluctantly hands the doll to Beth, who puts it on the table right next to her gnome. She then points to the sofa behind Lynn) Please give me the blanket on the sofa (Lynn grabs the thin brown blanket from the top of the sofa and hands it to Beth). Thank you (Beth wraps the blanket around the gnome and doll from the necks down). There, what do you think Lynn? Donít Krissy and Duncan look cute together? Come on, tell me.

LYNN: What? No. In fact, they look weird (Beth looks at him with her arms folded). The size proportion and age difference are very off. Duncan is an old man, but smaller than Krissy, who is a toddler. This makes Duncan look like a midget pedophile. Now donít you find that very odd and creepy?

BETHANY: (Smiling) But if Krissy was human and actually aged, how old would she be today?

LYNN: Hmm (he puts his hand on his chin), 33 if I am not mistaken.

BETHANY: See, she would be older than you and me. (She points at the gnome and doll) Besides, if you feel those two look strange together, how do you think people would react if they saw us in intimacy?

LYNN: Oh I never thought of that (he pauses and looks down). They likely would think something is not right since you look at least 10 years older than me even though our real age difference is only 7.

BETHANY: Not to mention I am taller, bigger, and stronger than you. It is the other way around in traditional couples, as the man has to be tough and take care of his woman. In our case, I am your protector.

LYNN: But women like you are my type because I like being taken care of and holding onto a large body like yours (he tightly hugs Beth and starts to cry a bit). I feel extremely lucky to have found you.

BETHANY: Huh, and why is that (she takes hold of Lynnís shoulders and wipes his tears)?

LYNN: All women I previously dated turned me down after seeing my personality. They hate small boys like me and prefer big guys because like you said, men have to care for their women, but I do not want to do that. Babe, I love being different from other guys and am okay with just the way I am.

BETHANY: Well I guess gender roles are a little overrated and cuddling somebody of your size would be fun. Dating was tough for me also as you are the first guy I met who is not scared of big girls like me.

LYNN: Yes, exactly (he lets go of her). That is why I wished you would spend more time with me hun.

BETHANY: Then maybe we can start right now (Beth unzips the back zipper of her dress before pulling down both shoulder straps. The dress falls down her body to the floor and reveals a black strapless bra and panties. Lynn freezes in disbelief as she pulls him in front of her, wraps him in her arms, and makes him kiss both sides of her neck). I will snuggle you in bed while you kiss whatever area of my body whenever you want from tonight on, but you have to do something in return sweetheart.

LYNN: And what is that (he kneels in front of Beth and kisses her right thigh as she caresses his hair)?

BETHANY: When the semester ends, I want you to begin to work on the sink and walls. Everything you need is in that room (pointing to the door next to the front one). I will get a few of my friends to come over if you need help. You never met them, but they know a thing or two about house repairs and are very nice. I am sure you will get along with them and it is time you learn some responsibility. You may not like gender roles, but should still learn how to do things that everyone usually does.

LYNN: Sure, but will you promise me you will not be out so late anymore (playing with Bethís panties)?

BETHANY: Okay, I will try to be home at a certain time, but still want to have fun and make friends. You do not have to worry about me too much as I am strong and can handle anyone who tries to hurt me.

LYNN: I know and am fine with that, but just take some precautions okay? (He kisses Bethís lower torso and holding her hips as she nods. He then kisses his way up her torso, through her bra, and onto her upper chest while she moans lightly and places her arms tightly around him) Beth, you were correct, your gnome and my doll did solve our dilemma, but probably not in the way you wanted.

BETHANY: Yeah, that is true. You see, IÖ

LYNN: (He interrupts by grabbing Bethís buttocks) No, it is okay. I do not need to know what you were going to do. I am just glad we have taken care of that and can get what we want from each other.

BETHANY: All right cutie. (She and Lynn kiss before she kisses his forehead and puts his head on her breast. She rocks him for a little bit with soft background music until he pulls back looking at her oddly)

LYNN: Did someone pour grapefruit wine down our dress at the club (the music suddenly stops)?

BETHANY: Um, yes, you smell it (asking embarrassingly)?

LYNN: Uh-huh and I can feel and taste it too.

BETHANY: I should probably take a shower before we continue this in bed LYNN (smirking).

LYNN: That is a good call (he lets go of Bethany completely and chuckles).

BETHANY: I will be right back (she picks up her dress from the floor, walks to the second door from the left, opens it, goes inside and closes it. Lynn goes to the kitchen sink and turns the faucet on. Running water is heard as he cleans his hands and face. 20 seconds later, he turns off the faucet and dries himself with a towel hanging on the refrigerator door. Then he opens the door and peers inside).

LYNN: Aww man, we are out of strawberry cupcakes (he slams the refrigerator door shut and scuttles in frustration to the middle door on stage. He stops, looks and smiles at the gnome and doll one last time before flicking the nearby light switch. BLACKOUT as he goes inside the door and shuts it).



Copyright © 2011 Winson Thai
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