Two's A Crowd. (1)
Terry Collett

 

TWO’S A CROWD.

                  
                              A PLAY

                                  BY

                         T.J. COLLETT.














                  CHARACTERS:
                   Harrison: Father.
                   Isa: A personality of Kate.
                   Jefferson: Son.
                   Kate: Daughter.
                   Lisa: Mother.

                        Time: Present.
                     Location: Hotel rooms in Italy.
Isa and Kate are two different personalities in one body. The others see only Kate. Only Kate can hear and see Isa. Both are dressed differently. Kate is dressed smartly in clothes chosen by her mother. Isa wears a bright red knee-length dress, white socks and black shoes.
                                            
                                     Act One. Scene One.
Early morning in a hotel room. Upper stage centre, a door to passageway. Upper stage left, a door leading to Kate’s bedroom. Lower stage centre, table and four chairs. Upper stage right, a door leading to parent’s bedroom. Lower stage right, door leading to Jefferson’s bedroom. Lower stage left, bright blue sofa. Edge of lower stage is huge window over looking beach and sea. The window can be opened wide. Kate is standing lower stage looking at the sea. To her left Isa is standing gazing at her.
Isa: You love the sea don’t you? You just love that old sea and its wetness. Love all those waves licking over your feet. Licking those feet of yours. You’re quite a sensualist at heart. That heart of yours that goes thump, thump, thump. And if it’s not your heart going thump, thump, thump, it’s Harrison. (Pause.)Harrison doesn’t understand you. He never has. But less so now. If one can get less than never. Can you? (Moves close to Kate and stands at her elbow.)Can you get less than never? Never going to know are you. You beautiful creature of the night. (Kate looks at Isa, but says nothing. She turns back to looking at the sea.) Night and day, you are the one. (Puts her arm about Kate’s shoulder and gives her a squeeze. Kate relaxes.)One green bottle sitting on the wall. (Kisses Kate’s cheek.)Kiss me Kate. Kate, does my kiss, please? (Releases Kate and wanders along the edge of the stage.)Harrison crept into our room last night while you slept. He went up to your bed and stood over you. He never saw me staring at him. I glared at him. He stared hard at your sleeping form. Didn’t you sense him?
Kate: No.

Isa: She speaks. My lady, speaks.

Kate: What did he want?

Isa: Who?

Kate: Daddy.

Isa: Daddy? Dad-deeee! Oh my! What a laugh. (Moves close to Kate again.)Harrison didn’t say what he wanted. He just stared at your sleeping body. He looked you up and down as if he hadn’t seen you before.

Kate: Why didn’t you wake me?

Isa: What would you have done? Nothing. If he looked dangerous, I would have woken you. Had he tried to touch you, I would have killed him. (Pause.)Well you know what I mean. You understand these things as well as I do. (Pause.)You do understand don’t you?

Kate: I think so.

Isa :( Mockingly.) I think so.

Kate: Well, yes, then. I do understand. Happy now?

Isa: We have got out of the bed the wrong side, haven’t we. Moody little cat. (Pause. Isa moves along edge of stage to extreme right.)I haven’t been happy for years. I can’t remember the last time I was happy. Can you remember the last time you were happy? I bet you can’t. It’s that long ago. It’s so long ago that it's disappeared into that dark tunnel called the past. History in fact. Our history. Yours and mine. (Pause.)You snore. You kept me awake with your snoring.

Kate: I don’t snore. I never have.

Isa: How would you know if you were asleep?

Kate: I just know I don’t snore.
Isa: You snore, believe me. Snore, snore, snore.

Kate: I don’t snore. Daddy snores.

Isa: Dad-deeeee, snooooores?

Kate: Yes, he does. I’ve heard him.

Isa: Harrison snores like an elephant passing wind. (Smiles.)Harrison. What kind of name is that? Who’d call their son Harrison?

Kate: Grandmother said it suited him.

Isa: Whoresbreath suits him better.

Kate: You’re just being rude and unpleasant.

Isa: At least you’re talking now. Got you out of that silence didn’t I. Got those lovely lips of yours moving didn’t I. (Moves slowly along the edge towards Kate. Stops and touches Kate’s right hand and holds it.)Anything you can do I can do better, anything you can do…Plus he’s a bore. Harrison’s a bore. (Kisses Kate’s hand and then releases it.)He never wanted you.

Kate: How do you know that?

Isa: I’ve heard them speaking. When you’ve been out of the room and they’ve talked.

Kate: You never leave my side.

Isa: I do if you’re asleep. I wander about like a lost soul wanting you to wake up and keep me company.

Kate: Two’s a crowd at times. I need to be alone.

Isa: (In a mocking voice.)And I thought you loved me. I thought we were inseparable. I was wrong. (Pretends she's crying.)You don’t care for me at all. You are one selfish little catikin.

Kate: Why did Daddy come into my room?

Isa: Your room? My room? Our room. We share remember? (Pause.)How do I know why Harrison came in. He never told me. He never said:” Hey, Isa, I’m here to watch Kate sleep. Here to watch her breast go up and down as she sleeps. Here to look at her beautiful features and dribble over them.”

Kate: Shut up. (Isa backs away pretending she’s frightened. She stops and pulls a funny face.)Don’t do that. You’ll stay like that Mummy says.

Isa: Mummy? Mum-meeee? That damned Lisa couldn’t see abuse if it came up to her, bit her nose, and spat it out again.

Kate: I won’t listen. (Kate puts her hands over her ears.)I won’t listen to such things.

Isa: Listen, do you promise not to tell, boohoo, beedum. Don’t listen, then, you spoilt cat. Pretend all is well. Pretend all is pure fun. (Pause. Moves slowly towards Kate again. Kate turns her back to Isa and folds her arms. Silence.)
                   
                                         End of Scene One.
                  
                         Act One Scene Two.
A little later. Lisa sits at the table on the left opposite Harrison. Kate sits next to Lisa facing the auditorium and Jefferson sits next to Kate. Harrison is a stern looking man in his mid forties. Jefferson is a lean fair-haired young man of twenty, he rarely smilesLisa is dark-haired and nervous looking. Isa stands behind Kate's chair, her hands resting on the chair back. The table has bowls, glasses, a jug of fruit juice and fruit in a bowl. A breakfast trolley is parked stage right.
Harrison: Eat up, Kate, I didn't order room service for nothing. You're not eating enough. I insist you eat. (Kate sits looking at her bowl of cereal. She does not attempt to eat.) Do you hear me? (Kate looks up and stares at Harrison.)And those lost puppy eyes don't mean a thing to me. I want you to eat. (Kate lifts her spoon and dips it into her bowl with little interest.)I've seen more interest in food from the dead.

Isa: Did you hear that, Kate? Harrison's been talking to the dead again. That man does so surprise me. Put your spoon in the bowl and flick it at him. (Isa takes hold of Kate's hand and tries to lift the spoon.)

Kate: No. (Kate resists Isa’s attempt to lift the spoon and drops it in the bowl.)

Harrison: What? What did you say?

Kate: I said no, to a thought...That entered my head. (Lifts spoon warily and puts it towards her mouth, but stops.)

Harrison: What thought's that? You and your damned thoughts. Eat, I said.

Isa: Harrison has spoken like the first morning, praise to the Lord. (Leans over Kate's shoulder and sticks her tongue out at Harrison. Kate tries hard not to laugh, but fails and splutters over her spoon.)

Harrison: What the hell game are you playing at, girl? Now eat that breakfast properly. Go on eat it.( Kate attempts to put the spoon in her mouth, but Isa's tongue is still out and pointed at Harrison, so Kate can't focus enough to eat and lowers the spoon into her bowl.)What are you doing, child?

Lisa: Leave her, Harrison; you'll make her nerves bad again.

Harrison: Who asked you to open your mouth? (Stares at Lisa. Lisa looks out the window.)If I say she eats, she eats. I've her interests at heart.

Isa: He's all heart. The man's all heart. It's the rest of him that spoils it.

Kate: Not hungry. Not a bit hungry.

Harrison: I didn't ask you if you were hungry, I just want you to eat. Now do so. (Harrison slams his hand on the table.)You're not leaving the table until you eat.

Jefferson: You'll waste away, Sis, if you don't. Blow away in the wind.

Harrison: Your brother's right, you'll blow away in the damned wind, if you don't eat. Plus, I'll tan your hide if you don't eat soon. (Kate lifts the spoon and starts eating slowly.)That's better. You know what's good for you. That's a good point to remember. (Pause.)Lisa, you've got to take this girl in hand. You let her get away with too much. Before you know it, you'll have a delinquent on your hands.



Isa: Did you hear that, Kate? You'll be a delinquent. The man needs his bumps read. Harrison's losing the plot. He's the only delinquent around here. (Kate spoons the cereals in quickly. Isa moves to the side of Harrison. She leans close to his right ear.)You're the most disagreeable man I've ever had to listen to. You talk utter bilge. Your lips forever moving like copulating seals. (Kate snorts over her bowl.)

Harrison: Are you trying to choke on that breakfast. Eat like a lady, not like some damned pig.

Isa: Hey, mister, that's my better half you're talking to. Have some kind of respect. (Isa moves back from Harrison's ear and pretends to slap his head.)You've no respect that's your trouble. Always letting your mouth off like a mad dog off the leash.

Harrison: Jefferson and I are going down the beach later to hire a boat. While we're away, Lisa, you try to talk some sense into that child of yours.

Lisa: She's your child too.

Harrison: Not when she behaves like she does. She talks to herself, I've heard her. (Stares at Kate.)Still hear voices, Kate? Still hear that voice?

Kate: No. (Looks over at Harrison and sees Isa pulling a face at her and tries not to laugh, but again fails and snorts into her bowl.)

Harrison: What's so damned funny? You need to watch yourself, my girl. You're becoming a real pain in the backside. (Looks at Lisa.)See what I mean? See what happens? The child needs watching and a good talking to. You talk to her because I'm at the end of my tether.

Lisa: What about me? Don't I get a break? Don't I get to go out?

Harrison: Take, Kate out. Kill two birds with the one stone. Take her to see the paintings she'll like that. Keep her mind occupied.

Isa: At least she has a mind to occupy. At least she has a brain. (Isa moves around the table, goes to the edge of the stage, and peers out.)

Kate: What's the weather like out there?

Isa: Fine. Looks good. Get into your swimsuit baby, we're going to bathe. (During this and following conversation, Isa peers out the window.)Unless you want to bathe in the nude. I've no objections to that. Might be cool. Might be refreshing.

Kate: I'm not sure that's a good idea. (Kate holds her spoon half way. She looks across at Isa. Then she remembers where she is.)

Harrison: What's not a good idea?

Kate: Going out...Swimming in the nude.

Harrison: Are you being funny? Lisa, keep her under some kind of control. She's wearing me out with her stupid talk. Like some idiot, she is.
 
Lisa: Kate, be quiet. Eat up and then get ready to go to the art gallery.

Isa: What a load of fun that'll be. I'd rather watch a corpse being eaten by maggots.

Kate: Don't say things like that; it puts me off my food.

Lisa: Kate, just eat. (Looks at Harrison.)She needs to see a specialist. I don't know what to say to her. She's getting beyond me.

Harrison: She's a child of fifteen for Christ's sake, not a loon. Get onto it,
Lisa. Don't make excuses. (Looks at Kate.)Eat up. Get ready so your mother can take you out. And don't cause her any trouble or you'll have me to deal with. Get it, Kate?

Kate :( Looking at Isa's back. At the short red dress and white socks. Smiles.)You look a sight. If I wore that...

Harrison: Did you hear me, Kate? No trouble.

Kate: I'd get my legs slapped.


Lisa: See what I mean? I'm left to cope with her, while you and Jeff are off sailing. Isn't fair. Isn't fair at all.

Harrison: Listen. Behave or else.

Isa: The man's given you an option. Choices, choices, choices. Nothing but choices. (Turns around and pulls a funny face at Kate. Kate shakes her head and looks at her bowl. She puts down the spoon.)

Harrison: Or else. (Squeezes Kate's wrist.)

Kate: You're hurting me. You're hurting my wrist.

Harrison: Then listen. Behave for your mother. (Release Kate's wrist.) No being an idiot. Act your age.

Lisa: When do I get to go somewhere with you, Harrison? I'm here on holiday, too. I just want to have time with you.

Jefferson: There's a party tonight at the hotel. We can all be there together.

Harrison: Yes, Jefferson's right. Tonight we'll all be together. A family thing.

Lisa: I want to be alone with you sometime, Harrison. Want it to be just you and me. Like it used to be. After all, they're not babies anymore.

Harrison: We'll get time alone, Lisa, we'll get that time.

Isa :( Moves towards the table and stands by Lisa's side.)You didn't do too bad last night. It was quite fun wasn't it, for you. The noises you made. I couldn't sleep for the sound. (Looks at Kate and smiles.)What with her and you, Kate, it was a doomed night. And Harrison grunting like a pig in a trough.

Kate: I don't want to hear anymore.

Harrison: Who's talking to you? Get eating and then go get ready. (Stands up and walks to the edge of the stage.)Looks fine out here. People about already. Boats, people and a nice blue sky. Jefferson, we're going to have some fun. We're going to show them people how it's done.
Jefferson: Sure are, Dad, sure are. (Jefferson rises and walks to the window next to Harrison.) We'll show them how sailing's done.

Harrison: Look at that boat. A fine specimen.

Jefferson: Look at that sail. The way the wind caresses it.

Harrison: Have to treat them properly, boats. Have to master them. Keep them steady. Keep them where you want them. Just like women.

Isa: Go drown yourselves.

Kate: No, don't say that.

Lisa: Will you damned well eat. I'm fed up talking to you.

Harrison: The mouth on that child will be its undoing one of these days.

Jefferson: Take no notice of her, Dad; she's just a spoilt brat.

Harrison: I haven't spoilt her; it's your mother who's done that. Giving in to her whims and tears. Giving her what she wants and not what she deserves.
 
Isa: (Sitting next to Kate.)He looked own at you last night and I swear he was like a dog over a bone, his lips licking each other like mating doves.

Kate: Don't. (Moves her chair away from Isa a little.)Don't say those things. It makes me feel ill to think about it.

Harrison: Kate, you're pushing your luck. Keep that mouth of yours closed.
(Turns and stares hard at Kate. Kate puts down the spoon and folds her arms across her breast.)If you've done, get ready to go out with your mother. And don't cause any trouble. I’ll know about it. And you'll pay, if I do. (He looks away from Kate and looks at Lisa.)Just do what you can. See the arts. Enjoy the arts.

Lisa: If I can. If she'll let me.

Harrison: She will. She’d better. (Looks at the window. Lisa rises and goes to the window too. She puts her arms around Harrison and kisses his cheek.)

Isa: You can have too much of a good thing. Look at them. Like a pair of dogs at it. It's a wonder he doesn't sniff her backside.

Kate: Don't, don't, I won't listen anymore. (Kate rises quickly and walks to her bedroom door. The others look around at her.)Just...Just going to get ready. (Kate moves again, opens her door, and disappears inside.)

Harrison: Just watch her. She'll be all right out in the fresh air. It's being cooped up in here that makes her go funny, I'm sure.

Lisa: I'll do what I can. It's not great fun without you. Promise we can be together another day.

Harrison: Sure, I promise. Just a while with Jefferson. Boats are our thing. You don't like it. I promise we'll have time together. Just you and me. Like we used to. (Lisa kisses him.)

Lisa: And I'll do what I can with her. Make it a day of fun if she'll let me.

Isa: A day of fun with you will be like a dose of the piles. And you Harrison go drown yourself. And take Jefferson down with you. He's nothing but a weak-eyed waster.

Jefferson: I'll get my stuff. (Jefferson goes off to his bedroom.)

Lisa: Love, you.

Harrison: I love you, too. (They kiss and embrace.)

Isa: Oh, spare me the sight. (Rises and goes to the window beside Lisa.)He can't be trusted. He goes into your daughter's room and watches her sleep. And that's not all. You must suspect. You must know. Are you blind? He's a real bum. You should see him when you're not around. See what he gets up to. Kate's too shy to say anything. I hate him. I'll have him one day. (Harrison and Lisa kiss again, then walk up to their bedroom, and disappear inside. Silence.) I'll bide my time. We'll have him. (Isa walks to Kate’s bedroom, enters, and closes the door. Silence.)

                              End of Scene Two.

                                  
                               Act One. Scene Three.

A few hours later. The table is cleared except for a fruit bowl. The food trolley has been taken out. All is neat, tidy, and quiet. Suddenly the upper stage door opens and Lisa rushes in followed by Kate and Isa. Lisa throws her bag on to the sofa and storms lower stage and stands by the window. Kate and Isa stand by the door staring at Lisa.

Lisa: How dare you show me up like that. What did you think you were doing? Are you completely mad? (Pause. She stares at Kate for few moments breathing heavily.) Have you nothing to say for yourself? Was it so necessary to show me up? The looks people gave us. I’ve never been so humiliated in my life before. (Silence.)Wait until your father hears about this.

Kate: No, don’t tell Daddy. I couldn’t help it. It wasn’t me. (Turns and looks at Isa.)It was her. (Points at Isa. Isa smiles and shakes her head.)

Lisa: Don’t take me for a fool. Of course it was you. I was there. I saw you.

Kate: She made me. (Stares at Isa.)

Isa: You’ll only make her think you’ve lost the plot completely, babe. (Isa moves next to Kate and puts her arm through Kate’s arm.) Look at her. She thinks you’re losing it all together now. Look at her, not me.

Lisa: Give me a good reason why I shouldn’t tell your father. Go on, one good reason.

Kate: He’ll hit me.

Isa: That’s a certainty. The man’s a control freak.

Lisa: Good job if he does, perhaps then you’ll learn to behave yourself.

Kate: Please don’t tell him. (Moves lower stage slowly pushing Isa’s arm from hers. Isa follows walking just behind Kate.)He’ll go mad at me.

Lisa: You should have thought of that before you did what you did.

Isa: She’s all heart, this woman, all heart.

Kate: Keep quiet, You’ve got me into enough trouble.

Lisa: I beg your pardon. What did you say?

Kate: I wasn’t talking to you.

Lisa: Then whom were you talking to? The man in the moon?

Isa: Full of thought isn’t she. Full of strange thoughts.

Kate: I was…I can’t say. It’s too complicated. (Pause. Looks at Lisa with a pleading gaze. Isa moves up beside her and puts her arm around Kate’s waist. Kate sighs, but doesn’t move away.)

Lisa: Everything about you is complicated. Your very being is a complication to your father and me. You make my life hell. You and your mad ways. (Sighs. Turns and stares out of the window. Kate walks towards her slowly with Isa at her side with her arm still around her waist.)

Kate: Don’t mean to. Don’t want to.

Isa: Don’t go apologising to her, Kate she’s not worth it. You don’t know her and her ways and what she says when you’re not about.

Kate: Shush. Shush, will you.

Lisa :( Turns at glares at Kate.)Don’t tell me to shush. You rude girl. Never met anyone so rude.

Kate: Sorry, Mummy, it’s a mistake. I meant her. (Pushes Isa away from her.)She’s the one. She causes the trouble.

Lisa: Stop this nonsense. Stop it now. (Rushes at Kate and grabs her by the arms. Isa stands nearby her hands gripped into fists. Her eyes glaring.)I won’t have it anymore. You have to get out of these silly ways or you’ll end of in some… (Pause. Releases Kate. Looks away and stares out of the window. Isa goes to Kate and embraces her. Kate doesn’t resist.)Some place where you will be locked away and I won’t be able to see you for ages and ages. You don’t want that do you, Kate? Not locked away? (Pause.)Please. Try to see sense. Try for my sake. Try for your own sake.
Kate: I will. I will. Don’t tell Daddy. Please, Mummy?

Lisa: I’ll see. I can’t make promises like that.

Isa: That’s how it is kid. You see now? They don’t want you kid. It’s all a sham. She wants Harrison. That’s all she wants. She likes it when it just him and her. Even Jefferson is a pain to her. The brat brother who hogs her time with his boats and yacht and whatever it is they do together.

Kate: It isn’t like that.

Lisa: What’s not like what? (Turns and looks at Kate.)

Kate: You do love me don’t you? You do care for me?

Lisa: I do when you behave. I do when you’re sensible.

Isa: The woman’s lying. She couldn’t speak the truth to save her life. She may need to one of these days and it won’t be any good. It won’t be any good at all.

Kate: Are you lying?

Lisa: No. I never lie.

Isa: See what I mean. She even lies about lying.

Kate: Not now? Not at this moment?

Lisa: Not now, not ever.

Isa: Liar. Liar. Liar. (Leaves Kate and goes to Lisa side and stands a few inches from her ear.)You’re just a damned liar, Lisa. Couldn’t save your backside from hell if you tried.

Kate: I’m tired. (Sits on a chair at the table.)The walk tired me.

Lisa: The paintings were good. It was an interesting morning, until you started your silliness.

Kate: I’m tired. Too tired for all this.

Isa: Art is meant to soothe. Soothe the soul, brain, and heart. However, it failed today. (Looks at Lisa and speaks to her.)You see art as a means to education. It’s nothing to do with education. It’s a matter of expression. Either you understand what’s expressed or you don’t. If you do then you’re one of the saved, if you don’t you’re one of the damned ignorant bastards who occupy too much of the world with your love of money and riches and wealth and power… (Pause. Smiles.)Kate understands. She sees through it all. She’s one of the saved. You are just a whore.

Kate: Don’t say those things.

Lisa: It’s true.

Kate: Is it?

Lisa: Yes.

Isa :( Leaves Lisa and walks to the table and sits next to Kate.)There may be trouble ahead, there maybe moonlight, kisses, and cuddles in bed…

Kate: It’s all too much. I’m too tired.

Lisa: Go to bed. Lie down. (Pause.)You don’t seem like my little girl anymore. You seem to have grown away from me.

Isa: That husband of yours spoilt things, didn’t he? Couldn’t keep his damned paws to himself. The man’s a slave to his urges. He mucks about in areas forbidden.

Kate: Stop. Stop, I won’t listen.

Lisa: But you have, Kate. You’ve grown away from me. You never hug me anymore or come up and put your arms about me. It’s as if you don’t care about us anymore. You’ve become a stranger.

 

 

Go to part:2  3  4 

 

 

Copyright © 2005 Terry Collett
Published on the World Wide Web by "www.storymania.com"