Only Seven Remain CHAPTER ONE In the city projects of Chicago's south side, the sounds of children could be heard as they scattered about the courtyard playing. The large scaled red buildings, displayed signs of wear and tear, due to weather and abuse. Tattered curtains hung from various windows, trash and broken bottles cluttered the path that lead to its gates. To look at this in a whole one would definitely say this was the lower end of life, a place were few people cared, a world known to most as the ghetto. The day was July 7th in the year of our Lord 1972. The dark nimbus clouds moved across the sky at a slow pace, each displaying signs that a summer storm was approaching. Angela sat back on the bed, her back prompt up against the wall, her mind grooved to the sounds of the Platters singing "Sweet Inspiration," a cigarette dangled from her lips. She began to let her mind wander over the past she left behind, her family, her friends, and most of all the love she had for the God she served. At one point in her life God was her main reason for living, for loving, her main purpose in life, yet her physical being yearned for something she believed God could not give her. The love of a father, and the feeling she gets from a man. As her mind raced further back into her past, she remembered the words of Reverend Jordan. "Watch and pray that you enter not unto temptation, the spirit indeed is willing, but the flesh is weak." The flesh is weak," she uttered under her breath, she looked down at Frank. "It was you," she thought. "The one who turned me away from everything I loved. I hope you love me enough, that I am willing to give up my entire world." She caressed his face, "I think you will make a great father," she whispered to herself smiling. "Soon real soon we will all be happy," she said touching her stomach. Deep down, her spirit cried out to God, wanting to change, wanting to come back to Him, but the love she felt for the man who laid beside her, would not allow her to surrender to God. As the song came to an end, she shook all thoughts of the past, and looked down at Frank. "Frank, Frank honey," she said shaking him awake. "Yea baby," he answered moving his hand to her breast. She removed his hand, "Baby do you love me?" "Sure I do, that's a dumb question." At the sound of his words, Angela put a smile on her face. "That's good, because I have something to tell you." "What is it?" "It will keep till later," she said as she began stroking his face. God, I love him so much she thought. It feels good to finally find someone who really loves me. "What time is it baby?" Frank asked rolling over in the bed. "It's about 12:00 p.m., what do you want to do today." "First we..." He reached over and pulled her towards him, kissing her on the breast. "Not now Frank, let's wait until we are ready to celebrate." "What are we celebrating?" he said now puzzled. "I'll tell you later, but right now clean yourself up so we can eat." Angela pulled away from Frank and went into the kitchen to cook. Frank listened to her singing in the kitchen, as he gazed at himself in the mirror. He began stroking his hair. "Dam, I hope this girl isn't getting serious, I don't have time for this, it won't be long now, soon baby soon, you gon be my best ho." He grinned to himself and went into the kitchen. As she stood over the stove, Frank surprised her with a kiss on the back of her neck. "You know baby, you are good for me." She smiled at his words, and could not believe that she had finally found heaven on earth. She kissed him hard on the lips before placing the food on the table. "Let's go down to Miller's Pub. Frank said, "so you can tell me that fantastic news that you're keeping from me." "Let's do it." Angela said with a bright smile, feeling relieved she had more time. They both raced to get dressed, then headed for the door. CHAPTER TWO The sky was getting darker, the air colder, when Angela and Frank came staggering down the street. She looked at her surroundings; sickened by all it had to offer, believing one day Frank would take her away from it. "I'm going to rise above this one day," she said waving her hand in contempt of her environment. "Rise above what?" Frank asked. "This," she said pointing at the projects. Frank snickered, "Rise above it to what, a high class alcoholic?" He began laughing hysterically. "No fair." She laughed, "I'm not a al-alcoholic, I'm a social drinker." They both laughed over her unbelievable words, and then sat on the bench in front of the building she lived in. As she stared off into the distance, the children who used an old mattress for a trampoline captivated her mind. She then laid her head on his shoulder. "You've been holding out on me baby." he said. "What do you mean?" "Look, enough of the suspense, tell me what are we suppose to be celebrating." Angela smiled, then her expression quickly changed. "This is sad," she said looking up at Frank, "Promise me our child will not grow up this way, promise me Frank, promise me that you will take us away from this." "What's the matter girl, the booze getting to you?" "Naw," she said removing her head from his shoulder. "I was just thinking, I don't want to live this way anymore, I want better, hey, give me that bottle, I need a drink." "Don't go getting depressed on me girl," he said, "I thought we were celebrating, even though I don't know what we are celebrating." He handed her the bottle. "That's not what I'm trying to do." She said between swallows, "I'm just tired baby." She handed him back the bottle. "Well we better get inside before it rains." He said taking a drink and standing. "I would love if you will do me the honors of letting me get between those legs of yours." He said falling, after trying to act as a noble man. Angela laughed hysterically, and then rubbed her stomach. "Give me that bottle before you waste it." He handed it to her, sitting on the ground laughing with her. "You know that's what got us here in the first place." Frank face took on a grave expression, as he picked himself up from the ground. Puzzled by her words he asked, "What you mean, got us here in the first place, where exactly are we? Girl you know you loved every bit of this manhood." He then grabbed himself with one hand and attempting to caress her with the other. "Stop Frank," she said removing his hand. "I'm trying to be serious here. I am trying to tell you something." She turned up the bottle. "Ok baby, what is it?" he laughed. "Make it quick, my groins are aching." He rubbed the front of his pants in a suggestive way. She looked at him, not quite knowing how to express what she wanted to say; she realized the best way was to come out with it. "Baby, I'm pregnant." She held her head down. "What!" he shouted. "I could have sworn I heard you say your uncle died and left you all his money." "That's not what I said," Angela responded now getting frustrated. "You are going to be a father." Frank stood there looking at her; the inebriated look in his eyes has taken on the form of rage. "Are you sure, how did you let yourself get pregnant." "Lighten up baby, I'm sure, but I didn't get this way by myself, it was all your groping and stroking that got me this way." She said rubbing her stomach. She tried to embrace him, but he only pushed her away. "Baby, I'm not in the mood for this." He shouted, "Get to the punch-line and stop joking." "Damm Frank, it's not a joke, it's our baby." "First you're pregnant, now it's just a baby, Damm!" He raised his hand in attempt to slap her, and then hesitated. "You told me you were taking the pill." "Let's not get rude Frank," she said preparing herself to move out of his reach. "I was taking the pill, but you know, shit happens." "No! Why don't you tell me how shit happens Angela?" She didn't say anything, but attempted to reach out to him. He slapped her hand away. "No! Why don't you tell me how shit happens Angela?" "Come on baby, it's just a child." she said reaching out to him again. "No! Don't touch me!" he said, "Don't you ever touch me again." He threw his hands up as if surrendering then turned and walked away. "Where are you going?" she said running behind him. "We just can't leave things like this." Tears began forming in her eyes. "I know we could be happy as a family." She caught up with him, and grabbed his arm. "Frank look, I know you're mad right now, but just think," she said now acting desperate, "We could be a real happy family, you, me and the baby. Don't walk out on me now, not now." "Happy! Happy!" he said pulling away. "You told me you were taking the pill, if I would have known otherwise, I wouldn't have touched you." The look on his face became one of disgust. A ball of tension surrounded them, as the effect of the alcohol began to run its course. "I was baby, you have to believe me," she said crying. "I believe you, I believe you have been waiting for a chance to trap me every since I met you, hoping I would help you, how you say...rise above this, but it's not going to work." There was a long pause, "besides what makes you think it's mine anyway." Angela stood back, shocked by his words, "I don't believe you could say something so stupid, I just don't believe it." "Believe it baby," he said, "You are just what I was going to make you, a whore, a washed up alcoholic whore." Angela ignored the hurt she was feeling from his words and tried to appeal once more to the man she loved. "Didn't you tell me this morning that I was good for you. What happened between then and now?" "You weren't pregnant." He said sarcastically, "Besides you were only as good as the money you were going to make me." Angela became enraged by his hurtful words, she gritted her teeth together, and did everything she could to keep from lashing out at him. Her mind raced over the times they shared together. In an attempt to appeal to the gentle man she met, she allowed her anger to subside. "Baby, look at me, how can you be so cruel, I'm carrying your child, our child." "So you say." Frank retorted. Her mind raced further back to the day she had first fell in love with him, she had believed he was different, not like the others who fathered her children, and abandoned her. Unlike the others, he promised her he would never leave. With that thought in mind she tried to appeal to him again. "Honey, why would I try to trap you, when it was you who said that we could be together always." "I couldn't have a woman like you, look at you, a lousy stinking drunk." "That hurts Frank, what did I do to deserve this." "You got pregnant." "You know you could have used birth control to," she said, "You were just as much a part of this as I was." "Baby, I'm a man, it's not my job to provide birth control, it's yours." He then grabbed her, with the sweetness of calm in his voice he spoke. "If you didn't try to trap me, prove it." "How baby?" she asked between sobs. "I love you, how can I prove it?" A stern look came across his face; his mouth displayed a full set of clenched teeth. "Get rid of it." Angela was stunned by what he said. Words could not find their way to her lips; her ears could not accept what she had heard. A sudden look of hate took shape across her face as she heard his next words. "Get rid of it bitch." he screamed, believing he had the upper hand on the situation. He did not push her away from him, he had no concern about her anger, nor how his words affected her. "When I am ready to be a father, it will not be with a� with something like you." She looked at him; the hateful look in her eyes let him know that he had said too much. "Wait just one damn minute," she said raising her finger in his face. "A washed up alcoholic." She reached for the bottle that sat on the bench, and turned it up to her mouth to drain the remaining liquid. "Alcoholic huh, well I'm glad I didn't let this go to waste." She looked at him, and as the lightning broke it's way across the sky, she broke the empty bottle on the bench. She held the neck of the bottle in her hand. The roars of thunder filter the air. She began walking towards him. "You said you loved me, now you want me to kill our child. Wasn't it you who said you couldn't live without me? I guess as long as I allowed you to screw me, it was ok, and now that I'm pregnant, I'm a," she began stumbling over her words. The rain began to cover her tears, as her voice began to crack. "I'm a washed up alcoholic bitch. Damn you to hell Frank, Damn you to hell." She raised the bottle over her head; he heard the seriousness in her voice yet he stood his ground. "Look little girl, I don't know what you thought we had, I could never love a woman like you. In the beginning, I have to admit, you were special to me, you didn't drink, you didn't curse, but look at you now." He hesitated. "I used you, and you became nothing more to me then someone to pacify the ache in my groins, so wake up and when you do, there's one thing you damn well better remember." His expression was serious as he started walking towards the gate, "Get rid of it." She threw the broken bottle at him, catching him on the side of his face. He halted, putting his hand to his face, and realizing blood was there. He turned only to find her rambling through the trash for another bottle. He ran the rest of the way towards the gate, with her close behind him. "You're will pay," she shouted, "You hear me creep, you're will pay. This baby is gonna grow up and kick your ass in a major way, I'll see to it." Frank turned and looked at her, blood trickling down his face. You crazy bitch." He then turned and walked away. Angela stood in the rain yelling behind him. "You bastard." She went and sat on the bench, covering her face with her rain soaked hands, she began to cry. "I can't believe this is happening to me again." She rolled her head back while yelling out. "God! Where did I go wrong?" She began hitting her stomach as if to rid herself of the child. "You blew this for me." She screamed, still hitting herself. The roar of the thunder drew her attention from what she was doing. She clutched her belly and began rocking back and forth. "I'm sorry." She cried, "I'm so sorry, it's not your fault. You didn't ask to be here." She sat up straight, as if a thought had hit her. She attempted to wipe the rain from her face, but the more she wiped, the wetter her face became. "I need a drink, I'm sorry baby, but I need a drink bad." She composed herself as she stood. The rain had washed the effect of the alcohol away. She walked to the store, purchased a bottle of Vodka, and began drinking it as she walked home. Her mind raced over the words of Frank. "That bastard." She tried hard not to take the hate she was feeling for Frank out on the child she was carrying; yet she knew it would take some doing. She held her head up as if the rain would wash away her thoughts, she wanted to forget all that had happened, praying that the rain would wash away her fears of being alone, yet she knew that once again she had wrecked her life. CHAPTER THREE Angela, a 27 year old strong willed, God fearing woman, wouldn't let anything tear down her spirit or her self-confidence, until she met Frank. Frank came on like an angel of light, listening to her every word, attending to her every need. Taking her mind off the hardship of her problems of the pass. She believed Frank was a God sent. She never knew that he had motives of his own. She never saw what was coming until it was knocking at her heart. He began introducing her to the things in life that she tried hard to stay away from. Drinking, drugs, and even the one that she vowed to God would never happen again, premarital sex. As time passed she found herself trapped in a world unlike the world she knew, and began clinging to Frank as if he was the only existence on earth. She fell deeper and deeper into this world he had created for her, and began denouncing the one who could free her. In the beginning she saw her world filled with joy, love and laughter, she soon realized that the world Frank created for her would be one filled with grief and depression. She went into her apartment, the room showed signs of neglect, the walls, a dingy blue, was covered with finger prints and dirt. The room reeked with the smell of stale cigarettes and spoiled food. The sofa was covered with clothing. Empty bottles were scattered about the table and floor. She walked over and opened the window. A burst of fresh air covered her face. "Lord, why did you take my husband away?" She slammed the window shut and walked over to the sofa and removed her rain soaked clothing. She didn't concern herself with removing the clothes form the sofa, or covering herself. She sat down, opened the fifth of Vodka, toasted the air, and began drinking. "I have to do something about my life," she said talking aloud. "I can't let that creep get to me like this." She held her head down as if disgusted with herself; she tried hard to hold back the tears that were developing in her eyes. The more depressed she became, the more she drank. Her thoughts were interrupted by a knock on the door, as she stood, she began to feel the effects of the Vodka. "Frank!" she yelled as she ran to the door. "Mama! Mama!" the two children screamed as they entered the apartment, then stopped short when they saw their mother's nakedness. She didn't bother to bend down to kiss them; she just looked at her sister who accompanied them. "Could you at least put some clothes on?" Ann asked. "Did they give you any trouble Ann?" Angela asked grabbing the blanket from the sofa. "Girl, what is wrong with you?" Ann asked looking at her sister as if disgraced by her. "Can't you at lease stay sober long enough to clean this place up?" "Look," Angela said turning away form Ann. "Don't come into my house with your high and mighty lectures, I don't need it." Ann a woman about 29, fair in complexion and very well kept, lived on the other side of town. She never liked coming into the projects, but knew if she didn't take care of her sister's kids, they would never be taken care of. "Girl I don't see how you could live like this" she said, I mean look at you, look at this place." "And what's wrong with me?" "You stink, you're drunk, and how in the world are you going to take care of these kids." "If you don't approve your highness," Angela said bowing sarcastically, take them back the hell with you." "No baby, you're the one living in hell, I just don't understand what that man had so special, that you would turn away from God and your family, to a life like this." Ann said waving her hand. She then called for the kids. Sarah was 5 years of age, with the darkest of eyes, she was the shy one and very quiet. Johnny on the other hand was 6 and very rugged looking for his age. "You're not getting off as easy as you thing, I'm taking Sarah with me, so you better straighten up real quick to deal with Johnny." "If you can't take them both, then don't take any of them." Ann grabbed Sarah by the hand, ignoring her sister's words. "You're pitiful, and just think, I used to be jealous of you when we were kids." She turned and started towards the door. Angela lashed out at her. "You can't just take my child like that." Ann pushed her away, and shook her head, "Then why don't you start acting like their mother." Angela reached out to grab Ann. "No Mama! Don't fight." Sarah screamed. "I'll stay here with you." "I'll tell you what," Ann said hearing the screams of the child. "Until you get yourself together you will never see this child again, this is not the way a little girl should see her mama." "Take me to Auntie." Johnny shouted, "I don't want to stay here." Ann looked down at the bow with sadness in her eyes. "Baby you stay here and take care of your mama, she needs you here with her." Johnny really didn't understand what was going on, with tears in his eyes; he held his head down and nodded in agreement. Ann grabbed Sarah and turned towards the door, before opening it, she looked back at her sister. "Remember only you can change your life. I'll be back in a couple of days to check on Johnny." Angela looked down in her son's eyes, then back at Ann feeling ashamed. "Ann Please! Please take Johnny and keep them both for a while. I know I need help, and I'm sorry for the way I acted. If you do this for me one last time I promise I will get help." Ann looked at her sister, remembering the last fight they had, thinking she had been there before. "You know Angie, I don't believe a word you're saying, but as of now, consider this fact; until such time as you get yourself together you no longer have kids." "You can't do that." "I can and I will." Ann said looking at her sister. "I don't want to fight with you, I don't want to criticize you. I just wish you would start looking at you through my eyes." Angela didn't answer, she wanted so bad to tell her sister what happened that day, but thought against it. "Things haven't been that well for me today, and you're right, at the present time I wouldn't be any good for the kids, I am not any good for myself. So could you help me just this one last time? Please!" Ann stared at her for a long time. "Well at lease you finally admitted it, look this is only temporary, now get it together. I have faith in you." She reached over to hug Angela. "Remember only God can help you, call on Him, just this one time." "OK," Angela said with tears in her eyes, "I'll do it soon." "Do it now." Angela reached over for her sister's hug, than bent down for each child to hug her. She cried as she watched them walk out the door. CHAPTER FOUR 6 Months Later: Angela stumbled out of bed and looked out the window "Shit," she cursed as she rubbed her stomach. She walked over and turned on the television. "Police have one suspect in the murder of a black youth." Angela turned up the television and sat on the bed. Pain raced through her head and belly. She wrenched, "Slow down baby." she said rubbing her stomach, "It won't be long before you enter this cold cruel world." The light from the television caused her head to hurt more, but she sat and listened to the rest of the broadcast, before turning off the television. "There's no good left in this world baby." She said as if the child could hear her. "Why are you trying so hard to come into this bitter place? I wish I could keep you inside of me and protect you, but the way I've been drinking, I'm doing you more harm then good. I have to quit, I just have to." She walked over to the dresser, staring at herself, as she began reflecting over her life. "Life is so filled with screw-ups." She screamed picking up a glass and throwing it at the mirror. She looked at her reflection in the broken glass, "Dam!" she began rubbing her fingers through her hair. "Look at you," she said staring at herself, "you became everything Frank said you were, a washed up alcoholic." She looked around at the cluttered room, than began picking up clothing as if it would make things all better. When she grabbed the shirt from the floor, a sharp pain raced through her body. "Ooh!" she moaned throwing the shirt back on the floor. "I need a drink." She made it to the bathroom and got dressed. Long ago she had stop caring about her appearance. The wall she built around herself was filled with grief, despair and depression. She hated the way Frank left, she didn't like the way her sister proved her to be unfit, and gained custody of her children, and mourned the fact that she longed to see a father she never knew. She knew there was no one else in her life that cared whether she lived or died, and just maybe her father did. At the rate she was going, she knew she was on a short trip towards a quick death. Still in pain, she walked out to the elevator, after waiting a long period of time she kicked the door. "Dam elevator; never works." She cursed aloud, and walked towards the stairs. She finally made it to the corridors of the ground floor clutching her stomach. "You're not coming now are you baby." She rubbed her belly in an attempt to subside the pain, and then stepped out into the open air. "Good, it's not that much snow," she said talking to her unborn child. "Baby I refuse to let you be raised in this, I am going to get myself together, and after this day I will not take another drink. I can't live like this anymore." The wind carried the scent of rain; the sky had a hint of storms approaching. Angela began walking, kicking the slushy snow with every step. She did not notice Frank until he grabbed her. "Getting started a little early," He said displaying a sarcastic grin, while holding onto her arm. "I knew you couldn't be the mother of my child." "You have 2 seconds to release my arm, or so help me." Before she could finish her sentence, Frank let her go. "You know Frank, in the beginning I hated this child because it was yours, and I hated you for not being a man, but now baby the only thing I want to do is thank you, and to tell you to kiss my ass." "Baby you don't mean that, you still love me, and if you get rid of that bastard child, I'll come back." Angela, now feeling pain and anger growing inside her, looked at Frank. She was about to speak, decided against it, shook her head and walked away. "Is that the way you want it." Frank called after her. She stopped and looked at him, "Baby don't flatter yourself, you weren't that good." Bitch was the last word she heard, as she walked up the street. She felt herself becoming stronger, she had resisted the man she once loved, and by that strength she had managed to ignore the pain. "He pissed you off too, huh baby," she said rubbing her stomach. "You know baby," she laughed, "I don't think I want to be alone right now. God! I must be going crazy, I'm talking to you as if you hear me." She laughed again as she passed the liquor store, and headed toward Miller's Pub. Miller's Pub, the neighborhood hangout, a dingy, dirty place filled with all the neighborhood's drinkers, drunks and junkies. The building itself appeared as if it should have been condemned years ago. She had passed several people hanging around the outside, asking others who passed by for change. Once inside she had to adjust her eyes to the dimness of the bar. "Hey baby," she said walking over to the large man that sat at the end of the bar. "I haven't seen you in awhile." "Been a long time." he said turning towards her and kissing her on the cheek. He then looked down at her stomach. "Girl, you don gon and got yourself pregnant." "No kidding." She laughed. "Buy me a drink." "Sorry, another place, another time." "What's wrong Roy?" she asked getting a little irritated. "I just don't contribute to minors." He said pointing to her stomach. " "C-mon Roy, what could it hurt." "Nothing and everything, besides I'm busted." She looked at Roy. "Seems like you have a bun in the oven yourself." She said pointing towards his belly. "But I understand. Hey Mac, give me a Vodka straight." Mac poured her a drink, and turned just in time to see her stomach as she took off her coat. He poured the drink out, and brought her over a glass of 7-up. "Here you go baby," Mac said. "Thank." She placed her money on the bar, and picked up her drink, after tasting it, she looked at him. "What's this a conspiracy." "Baby I would serve you anytime," Mac said, " but I can't serve you in your condition." "And just what condition is that Mac." she said, now mad. He didn't answer, he only pointed to her stomach and then the sign on the wall. "WE DO NOT GIVE CREDIT. WE DO NOT SERVE CHILDREN. SO DON'T ASK!" Angela read the sign again, "I'm not a child." "He's only telling you right." Roy intervenes. "Who asked for your opinion," she shot back at Roy while putting on her coat. She looked at the both of them, then turned and walked out the door before any of them could notice the hurt expression on her face. The sound of laughter trailed behind her. "Jack-asses." She cursed. She walked back towards the liquor store. "Hi Sonny, let me get a fifth of Vodka." "Sure thing," the emaciated little man replied. "You know Sonny, I just don't believe people these days, I tried to get a drink up at Miller's, and they wouldn't serve me." "Go figure," Sonny responded, handing her the package. She left and headed toward the park. The temperature had reached a high 45 degrees, and for a day in January, with the exception of the dark clouds, it was a nice day for a stroll. The snow was melting, causing the streets to be wet. The pain in her body warned her that it was time to sit. She walked over to an old picnic table and sat with her feet resting on the seat, there she began drinking. The area that surrounded her made her scream out. "Oh God!" My life is such a mess. It appears as if the whole world has turned against me." The more she drank, the more depressed she became. "Why am I here, why do you continue to keep me living." Tears began forming in her eyes. "I can't make it in this world anymore Lord. My kids have been taken from me, and look at me now, pregnant, and by a man that meant me no good. Mama ran off, my daddy, I don't even know who he is, or if he care if that I hurt." She turned the bottle up again, this time trying to finish every drop. "Why am I so stupid? God!" She screamed, than doubled over from the pain. "I gotta go." She attempted to stand, dropping the bottle in the snow. She realized she could not stand straight, a warm feeling tickled
Copyright © 1998 Janae D Anthony |