Storymania - Adria by Rita Brian

Adria
Rita Brian

her name is adria. she has a firm jaw, often clenched when seen in public, she has swallowed many wads of doublemint gum. her nose is long and narrow. her chin, pointed. the librarian called her a boy two times in junior high. she's from idaho, but she hates all potatoes. she hears "you live in idaho and hate potatoes?" a lot. most people have at least five foods that they hate. she only has one. she purposefully runs over squirrels and roadkill whenever she goes out driving in her mother's black chevy. later she feels guilty for intentionally murdering something that breathed. she's always wondered what it would be like to sleep in the nude. she wishes she were catholic sometimes, just so that she could go to confession and have it all over with. she's scared of death but sometimes longs for the serenity of the idea. other times she longs to be more alive. she wants to be sweet and docile, but has a nasty temper. girls used to tease her in school. she was quiet and small. she pursed her lips and swallowed the third piece of gum of the day. "how come they don't get their mouths washed out with soap?" she had screamed when telling her mother about them. she was tough and unaffected in her mothers eyes. or so she thought. her father Fred moved to california when she was 3. charlie was in her 3rd grade class. he pushed her into the coat closet in the back of the classroom and stuck his tongue in her mouth. her wrists were too tiny to fight back. the mailman would wink at her when she was a girl sitting in the front yard during the summer. adria's mom would roll her eyes and wrinkle her nose and tell her to come in the house. old grandpa died on the couch while little adria was watching bambi. his mouth was left wet and gaping and she didn't cry when he wouldn't move. she finished the video tape. when her mother noisily came in the front door returning home from work, she pretended she didnt know that anything was wrong. she felt guilty and she didnt know why but she thought she should.

adria couldn't think of one reason why she shouldn't swallow this piece of gum right now--no flavor, poor consistency and she wanted to see if it would really stick to her ribs like her mother told her it would. she sat in the passenger seat of her mothers black chevy. she gave her mother an indefinable look and swallowed a piece of doublemint gun with deliberate motions. the thrusting forward of the chin, rolling of the head, an audible "gulp" sound. all the while adria's green eyes were fixed on her mothers brown ones. adria's mother knew adria had swallowed her gum again and she began to say something, but then stopped when a blue honda with racing stripes cut her off. mother cursed softly, inaudibly. the sudden brake made adria's seat belt tighten. adria hated seat belts. she decided that she wanted to the first out of the car in the event of an accident and what better exit than a wind shield? better to fly away from a wreck than to burn up in one—adria's eyes closed and she imagined herself in a terrible car crash in extreme slow motion. angelically floating from her seat, metal crumpling around her. door and dashboard reaching up to hurt her, ineffective. glass shattering, spraying her harmlessly like crystal rain. adria saw herself leaving the car through the ruined wind shield, bright smile, closed eyes, arms stretched. the head lights of oncoming cars glinting through the raining glass, casting shards of rainbow light all around her. adria tucks. adria rolls. she hits the street softly and is instantly on her feet. she stands up with the grace and finesse of a ballerina--raised chin, closed eyes, small confident smile. it's then that adria is snapped awake by her mothers voice. mother asked what on earth she was imagining.

adria snapped out of her thoughts as she felt the car swiftly rock back into place after the jolt of the brakes. "just about imbeciles who drive" she said staring ahead of her as the blue car sped off then she glanced at her mother. "i'm gonna take you to the doctor's adria. there gonna have to cut you open. they will use big tonges and take out a lump of gum the size of football. it will hurt and you'll scream. and i won't care. i'm telling you." her mother said half worried, half her mind on something else far away. adria thought of cancer lumps. polyps. gallstones. cysts. unwanted things in the body. but gum? she knew it was just some myth kids grow up fearing. she smiled at her mother's abrubt words and her way of always over dramatizing everything. she would say everything as if it was the first time she's ever thought of it. a brilliant idea. a new revelation. but she has said these same words for as long as adria can remember. adria pressed her hands against the hot air coming from the vents on the dashboard. she held them there until she got goose bumps and she placed her warm palms on her neck and stomach beneath her tee shirt. a football couldn't fit here, she thought. she peered out the window at the blurring stores fronts. the busy streets with traffic lights and honking horns turned into long stretching roads with dirt and gravel driveways branching off of them. the chevy pulled into one, grinding the gravel underneath.

adria exited the car slowly. she looked on as her mother plodded furiously across the gravely driveway toward their small house. mother flung open the screen door, fumbled with a ring of keys, found the right one, unlocked the door and entered. adria looked and wondered what exactly made her mother so severe, so intense. she shrugged to herself and began walking up the street to the main road. she saw a few cars speed by, then none for a couple minutes, then two more. she walked down the road and saw nothing but trees for sixteen minutes. then she saw lights and stores and so forth. more cars. people. town. she went into the wawa and bought a red toy cap gun and a blow pop. she walked out of the store with the blow pop in her mouth and the snub-nosed cap pistol in her hand. just then a cop car passed. she wondered if she pointed the cap gun at the officers and began firing would she be killed in a hail of policemen's bullets? probably not. she learned in school that toy manufacturers were ordered by the government to paint all toy guns and such loud colors so cops wouldn't shoot children dead in the street. adria wondered how many swiss cheese looking kids it took for them to pass that law. thousands and thousands probably. when the policemen were at a safe distance she snapped off a shot. a thin streak of blue smoke rose from the pistols barrel. she smiled slyly and blew away the smoke. she holstered the pistol and walked down meadow street towards the library.

she could see the library building in the distance. the large clock tower glowed and read 6:02. swirls of evening color spread across the skyline. reds, pinks, yellows. the warm colors contrasted with the chilly fall air. illuminated clouds slowly moved along the sky. adria crunched quickly on her grape blow pop and chewed on the pink sugary gum just long enough so that the crystals dissolved. the sweetness still clung to her throat, as she pulled one her mother's virginia slims from her back pocket. it was papery and smooth and her long pink fingers danced with it as she lit it and brought it to her lips. she drew it in and savored the feeling of enduring the musty and sick smell and taste. she never coughed and this made her feel strong. the thought of her perfect, hollow body taking in this chemical. this smoke. the stuff that shot of of factory buildings and spewed out of old cars and trucks. it was all inside her body. a tiny polluted universe. she blew smoke into the air and the breeze made it swirl around her. she crushed the cigarette beneath her boots. she stood on the sidewalk across from the library, waiting for a pause in traffic so she could cross. she thought of the time when she was still young enough to think that the world revolved around her and she could play with it as she wanted, standing back and seeing how things fell into place around her own self enclosed world. on a restless afternoon, she decided she would lay in the middle of the road in front of her house. the road seemed to be begging for it, it was so lonely and still and anything that came in contact with it, seemed to never stop except for dead animals, squashed bugs and automobiles that collided or exploded. adria's mother was inside the house somewhere far away watching the television with mascara running. so she lay there, curled in a ball on the crumbly blacktop. a station wagon approached. the car swerved and ran into a large tree stump on the edge of the road. adra didn't wince a bit when she heard the screeching tires or smelled the burning of the rubber. the woman driving the car wasn't hurt but adria had caused a big mess in the area. the officer ,who brought adria into his messy, green office at the station, was nice and agreeable but he later told adria's mother that it was just an attempt at attention. "what exactly is wrong with that girl?" aunt bea asked adria's mother in a detached tone as they sat at the formica kitchen table drinking strong coffee. adria listened as she loomed in the doorway. when aunt bea left, adria emerged and hugged her mother, pressing her face into her mother's soft belly and squeezing her eyes shut so that tears couldn't escape. "i don't like aunt bea much." she said muffled through fabric and skin. adria was meeting someone at the library at seven o'clock. she entered the old building and passed the time. she looked up big books on crimonology, the human psyche, canada's founders, muscle structure, lady madonna art, nudists, paralysis, and urban society. she pictured dark metallic city streets full of gun toting citizens. the opposite of fragile. she touched the plastic toy stuck inside her waistband and felt like a silly child again. she went down to the damp basement where the free depression era copier was hid away. within a minute she produced several copies. high contrast. some greatly enlarged. da vinci's medical sketches of the human inner workings. graphs of greek mythology, america's most wanted list, a close up of the atomic bomb exploding like some magical mushroom, naked baby jesus, canada's national anthem. adria stacked the papers perfectly together. the faint sound of the clock tower went of on the hour. long throbbing chimes as if she were in some movie. she scurried up the rib like metal stair case and left the library. a silhouetted figure appeared among the silhouettes of cars. human flesh and blood among metal. she knew it was her visitor. she walked towards the figure, then they were walking towards each other as if before some sort of slow motion western brawl. but adria forgot about her gun and she secretly smiled, hoping she was silhouetted as well.

as adria approached her visitor, the black shadow that enveloped him gradually disappeared like black ice, fast dissolving. adria put forth a tentative greeting, "hi." the wind was suddenly blowing hard but she still heard the visitor reciprocate kindly, "hi." extending a hand. adria looked at it like it was covered with maggots. she gulped, then gripped the hand, pumped twice and released. adria quickly put her hands in her pockets to avoid any further contact. adria felt his eyes on her, like twin laser beams burning into her soul. she shifted her feet and tossed her hair, then became conscience of her involuntary mechanisms and quickly crossed her arms and stayed still. the visitor looked over his shoulder toward the large clock tower as if asking it permission to speak. permission was apparently granted. without turning back around the visitor asked, "where should we go?" adria stood silent, the wind parting her hair and making her eyes squint. The visitor seemed unaffected by the the gust. He took a step closer and said, "let's go." He began walking back down toward meadow street, he stopped a moment and looked at adria and whispered, "beautiful sky. it looks almost…atomic." adria nodded in hesitant agreement but no words escaped her lips. he continued to walk down meadow, then onto redrose avenue. "headed for the park?" adria asked knowingly. The visitor turned leader threw a nod over his shoulder. adria thought that was rude. the wind blew lightly, stinging her red cheeks, mussing her hair. adria noted that the sky was deep blue now, with a pink ribbon lining the horizon. the trees were dark and rustled loudly, leaves swirled around in tunnels, not unlike tornadoes, almost revealing the winds invisible shape and direction. as they neared the park they could hear the squeaks and clangs of the steal playground. the swings pushed themselves. the fiberglass animals attached to giant anchored springs boinged to and fro, obscene smiles never wavering (except for the turtle who frowned sadly). sand beat against the clubhouse with a scraping hiss. the slide stood tall and never moved. adria and the leader reached the gate. it clanged rhythmically against it's latch, though never catching. the leader entered and adria followed. adria closed the gate, because the klang was grating on her nerves. the leader watched her do this and then looked at her face curiously. "locking me in, eh? do you wish to kill me?" adria, caught off guard, stammered, "no, i, uh, the gate was, you know--and i , uh, don't think i could kill you anyway, i mean if i wanted to, of course--not that I..." the leader laughed loudly, cutting her off, then said seriously, "i was wondering, because you've got a gun in your trousers. i saw it's black grip when the wind blew your coat open, just before you shook my hand." adria's jaw opened in shock. she began to speak, stopped, regrouped. she slowly pulled the toy cap gun from her waist with deliberate movements, so as not to startle her friend. she offered it to him and he took it. "a red pop gun." he said to himself. she nodded to herself, embarrassed. he played with it in his hands, opening the cartridge, closing it. feeling it's weight in each hand, "it's a pretty heavy gun. heavy means it's reliable. if it doesn't work--you could always hit me with it." leader turned gunslinger frowned and studied the cap gun, "i see you've fired a shot already. who bought the farm?" adria smiled broadly, "it was someone who had it coming." he pointed the little pop gun to the sky at arms length, squinting his left eye, aiming at something invisible. she snatched the gun back and put it into her pocket. he smiled, bearing no teeth. "so, what are we doing?" he asked finally. "we're talking, we're standing here together. i asked you to meet me at the library, you did. do i have to think of everything?" he chuckled nervously. looked at his feet, then his hands, then adrias face, "no, i suppose not. i've got a question, though." "ask it." she said confidently. she searched his deep blue eyes, eyes that touched they sky. "well," he began, "what made you finally wanna talk to me? we've been making eye contact for so long that i didn't think it'd ever be anything more than that." adria suddenly got a stern look on her face, "what makes you think it is?" the boy standing before adria recoiled as if shot but said nothing. the visitor/leader/gunslinger searched his thoughts. he backed up one step, then forward two. he smiled and extended his hand again, "my name is byron." adria looked at his hand again. it seemed a little less offensive but she didn't know if she felt like touching skin on skin again for no good reason. "i'm adria. and i think handshakes are sort of useless." he shrugged and casually retracted his hand. she had seen this new boy for the past few days at school. he was new and different. she watched him sometimes. sometimes they made quick eye contact. he kept to himself but was friendly. the teachers liked him. he made conversation with the lunch ladies. others students approached him now and then to talk.

he was in one of adria's classes. quite a few times he rose his hand to debate something the teacher had said. he didn't gloat but seemed obligated to let out whatever was inside of his head. adria liked to leave school during lunch. as other students drove off in their cars and others drifted about in the cafeteria, adria would take a walk or sit under a tree or drift around the building peering into the cloudy windows. into empty classrooms, dark offices, the bustling kitchen, janitors closets. sometimes she saw something faintly scandalous or odd happening. things that would make girls in her class squeal with surprise or gasp in horrid delight. flirting teachers, crying students, a sleeping principle. adria filed it all away in her mind and kept it to herself. when her friend jolie was in school, she would join her. she was strong and loud and always had something to say about everything. adria never saw the new boy much during lunch. except for picking up something to drink in the cafeteria, adria wasn't sure where he went after that. he wasn't on the lawn or under a tree or behind a window. she wasn't sure if she wanted to follow him one day and find out where he hid, but it was a possibility.

as adria stood before byron her mind flashed back to what had happened just the afternoon before. adria was at the grocery store. she hulled a gallon of skim milk onto the sticky conveyor belt. "two fifty nine" the tired looking cashier commanded. she placed two bills on the belt and dug into her pocket for change. she pulled out lint balls, a paper clip, 2 green dimes, and several pennies. she didn't know what was she was thinking. she sighed quietly and turned to walk out the door. her mother had sent her out to pick up some milk for a pineapple upside down cake that she was attempting to make. the chevy was still on loudly rumbling on the other side of the glass window. a hand lightly brushed adria's shoulder. she looked at the hand. larger than hers. slightly worn and a little tanned. she followed the hand to the arm, which was wearing black and connected to a black heavy coat. then a face. it was him. the boy man new student person whose glances she caught in school for split seconds until she turned away. the glance that she wasn't sure where to file. what to think of them. "here" he said, she looked at his face. simple with deep colored eyes that could command armies, rival the night sky, show passion, or turn into a cruel glare. he didn't smile just brought his hand closer to her eyes and opened his palm revealing silver change. adria looked down not comprehending fast enough what she was supposed to do. he shook the damp change from his hand and let it fall in front of the cashier. adria placed her bills down and smiled faintly as she stood next to the door waiting for him to pay for his groceries. canned green beans, a bag of frozen corn, sandwich rolls. he picked up his bag and walked towards the door. "ooh are you waiting for me?" he said. his voice cracked slightly like liquid slowly being poured over ice. "no. but thanks. that was nice of you. you didn't need to do that really, we can live without milk." the gallon pulled at her arm. "ofcourse i didn't." he said. adria itched in her spot, she felt warm and uncomfortable and she wasn't sure why. "listen i have to go" she held up the heavy sweating milk and peered out to the car, still humming. she started opening the door. she imagined her mother at home getting restless and frustrated and giving up on the cake without the milk. and she was hungry. "when do i get to meet you?" he asked following her. "maybe meet me at the library at seven tomorrow if you feel like it. i'll be there." he didn't say anything but stood as adria hurried into her car. she looked up before she got in and tried to search his eyes for what he could be thinking. if he was evil. or lonesome. or just bored. maybe he was happy. or funny. or psycho. this was the most eventful and weird trip to the grocery that adria had ever made. and she wasn't sure if she was glad about that or not.

"where did you come from?" she asked him...

byron. the name was echoing in her head. bouncing around her brain. hopping from lobe to lobe, crackling like electricity down her spine. his hand suddenly re-extended even after she declined his handshake. She asked him where he came from, hoping his hand would drop, but it didn't. it remained extended, firm, a clear sign of his unflagging rigidity. he searched her eyes, a small smile crept onto the corners of his lips, "I know you didn't like my assumption: that you asking me out on a date makes us more than silly hallway glances." now it was time for adria to recoil as if shot and that she did. she took three small steps in place, as if drunk and reeling to catch her balance. horror made her mouth drop open an inch. her eyes quietly accusing him of a murder that never took place. he continued, "i look at you and you look at me. i've noticed you and you've noticed me. rarely does it pass from that. but we both were hoping it'd go further. it's true, adria. and us meeting at the store and me dropping you the silver. that threw you over the edge. you just had to ask me out." the horror on adria's face doubled and redoubled with each sentence he spoke and still his smile never wavered. then something broke. adria's head felt light. her vision blurred at the edges. her mouth began to go dry when suddenly everything came back. but brighter. everything seemed calmer, the wind even seemed to abate. byrons smile began to withdraw. adria looked at him with a face as calm as a hindu cow's. the air seemed electric. the sky was a stark navy blue color, the sunsets pink ribbon receded until it wasn't there anymore and all there was was blue and white and gray. the moon crept out from behind a cloud and made it's self visible. a bone colored crescent shaped satellite. the only one witnessing this odd interaction. Byron began to talk, but adria's small hand came up and he stopped talking, "you know, byron? when you're right--you're right." and adria felt a silly twinge of her mom when she said that, but she wasn't kidding. she'd always hid behind a facade of pride and defensiveness. She'd held close to paul simon's words, "i'm hiding in my room. safe within my womb. i touch no one and no one touches me. i am a rock. i am and island." she saw those lyrics fade away like cigarette smoke. adria thought to herself: didn't paul simon also sing song called "feeling groovy?" byron seemed perplexed. adria was sure he'd laid his abrasive, sickeningly confident conjecture on people and they all reacted in similarly disgusted manners. adria was strangely tickled by it because it was true. and the fact that she let it through her screen of pride, her filter of composure and numbness surprised her greatly. so many times well meaning people have tried to get to know her and wanted to meet her half way. And sometimes people simply wanted to pay her a passing compliment, a simple act of courtesy, a smile wink and nod. adria regarded these as...actually, adria never regarded these acts. she let them bounce of her shell and her shell was nigh impenetrable. "i touch no one and no one touches me." jolie is the only one who didn't bounce off. she didn't get in, but she didn't give up either. jolie kind of sticks to her shell, calling at adria from the outside. always making her smile. but byron here. crazy silly self-assuming byron. with his reservoir of delusional confidence. adria liked it. the fact that it wasn't based in reality made her chuckle. but what truly IS in reality to begin with? adria's pride and numbness was brushed away like cob webs. unsightly cobwebs that were definitely overdue for feather dusting. adria looked down and noticed that byrons hand had long fallen and the look on his face was just this side of hilarious. adria smiles, bearing her semi-straight white teeth. she said, "byron. i'm going to shake your hand." his hand remained down at it's side. adria grabbed his right hand with her left, hoisting it up and gripping it with her right. she shook it slowly, emphatically, never breaking eye contact, "what now byron?" byron's face turned from confusion to shock, back to confusion--then it turned to relief. byron shook adrias hand back. he wanted to kiss her hand, but thought that'd be over the top, especially since he'd never been compelled to do it before. "i want to talk to you." byron said. "and what do you mean I'm right?" adria blushed, almost embarrassed, "don't sweat it. do you want a bagel? i want a bagel." byron narrowed his eyes questioningly then calmly said, "yeah, a bagel, yummy." adria quickly swallowed her gun and began walking down the street away from the park, byron followed. everything was settled. the park made no noises against the dark blue night. the sliver moon commanded silence and the park abjectly obeyed. Byron asked, "where're we headed? Thom's Diner?" adria turned around and while walking backwards politely said, "yes, byron, is that all right with you?" byron smiled and laughed. he sped up and walked by adria's side, "i think i'll have a muffin and tea. where i come from in tulsa, before school i'd stop by my uncles cafe and get a muffin and a big cup of tea with honey. it's been a while since i've had that." byron's eyes suddenly seemed very distant. miles away. he snapped back with an apologetic glance, "i miss home and i don't miss home." he chuckled nervously. adria looked at him and saw so many things she's never seen before and she wanted to understand them. she whispered, "i'll have tea and a muffin too."

they approached the diner. it appeared almost radiant against the darkening sky. they went inside and quickly adjusted to the glaring fluorescent lights. the diner was scattered with dusty, ravenous truck drivers, a business man in a suit sitting by himself eating and reading the news paper, but it seemed as if he were peering directly through it. a waitress who just got off work, still wearing her smeared get up, was feeding a young boy pancakes. coaxing him with fork fulls of starch of syrup. he writhed in his seat. tired of the place, maybe even as much as she was. they found a booth at the back mirrored wall. adria felt a little uncomfortable being reflected into two images. being one was enough, and she hoped he wouldn't glance into the mirror and see something that she didn't want to give away. she hated vulnerability. even in it's slightest form. she could see his profile sitting next to him. he was unaware of it's quiet presence. his boyish cheeks. the faint trace of shaved facial hair . his ear, like a fleshy flower. speakers overhead lightly played a beatles song turned into a lonely piano melody. it was thin and flat and only begged the listener to think about the genuine song. the waitress approached them and a minute later, emerged with their treats. byron held his consistent pleasant half grin. not frowning not smiling completely, but with no obvious underlying wants or concerns. he was just there. and then again perhaps he wasn't entirely. hovering from a safe distance above, he let the honey from the happy bear bottle drip down into his cup. heavy, slow, and mesmerizing. his brown hair was shaggy and flopped around the crown of his head with his every slight motion. he strangled his cup of tea in between swallows of the liquid. adria slowly sipped hers. she didn't want to scald her tongue and get it all fuzzy for the rest of the night. she picked at the blueberries in her muffin and nibbled on her sweet fingers. byron split his open, buttered it and dug in like a pro. the table was silent for se

veral seconds. not the awkward silences. but an accommodating, beating silence. still full of life and questions. she wondered what brought him to half way across america. to this small town pushed onto the corner of north america. she was nestled in the suburban almost rural landscape of idaho,not far from the border of nevada. she grew up with passing glances of the sawtooth mountains. jagged and towering. looming in the distance. symbolic for something she couldn't touch. strength and the idea of a different world just on the other side. " i bet you want to know why the hell i'm here" byron pulled the wandering thought out of adria's head, breaking through that comfortable, lulling moment of silence.

this is different. very different. adria thought about what would come next. talk of feelings? sex? children? social security and retirement? no, wait. not quite there yet. what is that noise? adria's mind was in panic mode. her human proximity sensors registered an intruder and her alarm was blaring, but she didn't let it paralyze her or make her automatic defense mechanisms spring into action. throughout her interaction with humans, mainly in school, adria didn't even realize she was shoving people away so forcefully until the "trespassing" individual was completely purged. out of sight and out of mind. adria heard the alarm ringing, but she kept hitting the "snooze button," if you will. adria felt like she was in a movie. a movie she had never seen before. a movie where the actress that looked strikingly like herself spoke, but the words in which she was speaking seemed to belong to someone else. conversation was sparse, but it certainly was interesting. adria wondered what she would say next but after a short while she stopped wondering. it didn't take long for adria to recognize the phantom voice as her own. adria's soul felt lighter. her self conscience and anxiety, her filters and booby traps seemed far away. a sad rusty machine someone finally had the good mind to turn off. adria made herself close the "hood." she no longer cared about the dynamics of her sudden mutation, the intricate processes that made her mind switch "gears." things are very different. she decided she'd leave it at that. adria shook her head, clearing her thoughts, exiting her own head like getting out of the back seat of a small two door vehicle. adria shook her head again, this time she made it all the way out. byron had almost finished his muffin and was sipping his tea gingerly. the happy bear honey bottle smirked ecstatically, perhaps remembering a joke aunt jemima cracked back in the cupboard. adria thought the silence was gettin' a bit long--a waitress sped by with armload of dishes making her hesitate, "now that i've met you, would you object to never seeing each other again?" byron looked up from his demolished muffin and could only muster a questioning grunt. she smiled, "it's a song." he barely laughed. adria noted to herself that he switched over when they entered the diner. he became somber and contemplative. she decide she'd wait until he spoke to pipe up again. she watched him drink his tea and look around the diner, slowly scanning, stopping only briefly to steal glances at adria. he noticed her unease and said, "hey, don't mind me. i'm a little off today." adria smiled and began to act as if she wasn't bothered then said,"yeah, i hope your not like this all the time." she smiled quickly, revealing her attempt at levity. he smiled and looked out the window at nothing. "your eyes kind of move quickly, i bet you take in a lot, notice a lot. an observant fellow." she snickered at herself, not recalling if she'd ever referred to a male as a fellow directly in his presence. he smiled broadly,"yeah, hehe, who watches the watchmen?" adria thought a moment at his esoteric rhetorical question, she imagined he'd read that somewhere. he swallowed the last of his tea, "my stepfather, who has raised me since i was ten, is a police detective in tulsa, oklahoma. he's part of 'internal affairs.' the part of the police department that checks out the other cops. makes sure everything's kosher. but nothing ever is. my mother had reason to believe he was into something really bad and, we, uh, left. We're staying with my aunt until we figure something out. she said i didn't have to go to school if i didn't want to because she isn't sure if we're staying. i enrolled anyway. i missed the people, i mean, not individually, but i missed the movement, the crowds. i love listening and...no one knowing that i'm listening." adria nodded slowly. she understood completely. adria thought it was a good thing that no one in school paid any mind to her. she just went about her business and blended in with the fixtures. she didn't respond to people when they spoke to her unless it was imperative she do so. if they were in her way, or if incidentally they were a teacher. once in a while a boy would approach and talk about something various, sundry, pointless. adria would listen and go about her course. eventually they got tired of talking to themselves and they'd do the same. it was your basic win/win situation. no one got involved. no one was put out. no one was hurt. adria liked to think she was on strictly an information gathering mission. she heard this about that person and that about this person. such and such did this to so and so while everyone was watching! names traveled, stories circulated and recirculated, changed, twisted. gossip and lies permeated. adria heard a lot of things. bits and pieces of a larger whole. the social tapestry of a small school was an amazing thing to behold. adria knew about watching. and now adria was learning about how to stand still. about talking and conversing. she knew she could talk to byron and she hoped he knew he could talk to her. her mind surged forward to future possibilities, but she tried not to let them cloud her present thinking. adria felt better than she had in a long time and she hoped she'd be able to keep it together.

stay with the moment, she told herself. don't be a child. this is your chance. don't blow it. thoughts raced in her mind too fast for words to form in her head or elsewhere. she couldn't believe what a girl she was being and she didn't want to face that strange truth. she took a little breath.

"did you like it in tulsa? were you happy?" adria asked. she liked the talk of emotions. other peoples that is. not of her own of course. she pictures byron smiling in some ambient light through a sunny window. she imagines him slumped over in a dark room. who exactly is this boy?

"ofcourse. why wouldnt i. my home."

adria thought of the black race riot in tulsa. she read about it at the library as a young girl. a black man hung in the streets. thousands of houses burnt down. killing. the kkk. but then there was oklaohma. the movie. her mother had a dubbed copy of it for as long as she can remember. she could pin curl her bleached blonde hair up like shirley jones. and if she was in a rare, wonderful good mood, she would wake up adria singing "oh what a beautiful morning". byron seemed normal enough though. not demented. nor cheeky.

"you've ever been there?" byron asked

"no". she sucked her tongue and decided to leave her fleeting thoughts on the place to herself.

"thats it. Its my turn."

"turn for what?" adria asked, suspisious. expectant.

"to ask. to ask this girl the questions" he lightly tapped the mirror next to adria's face with his fingernail. he glanced into it for what seemed to be the first time of the night that he had even noticed this little scene being played out beside them. adria looked over. his finger appeared to be placed on her nose. poised. waiting. adria rolled her eyes and he brought his hand back to his empty cup, still warm. "what's with you and having your hand in close proximity of people's face? haven't you ever heard of a comfort zone? within a foot or so and people get defensive, inverted, offended."

"yea yea yea. you think too much." he said stretching his voice out like a rubber band. with a little attitude. sly. playful. for the first time, he sounded modern. influenced. the crackle deep in his throat. she only heard it a few times, but already it seemed familiar and she awaited it.

but it was her thinking, that made byron want to know more.

they chatted in slow motion for almost an hour. about the only town adria has known, and the town byron has found himself in. he tell adria he feels safe here somehow. she wonders what exactly he needs to feel safe from. perhaps his father. they mention a few of the things that keep them up at night. adria sometimes thinks of fallout shelters. they scare her. or she thinks of picnics. she's never been on one, and doesn't understand the appeal of bringing your food to the ground to eat. she would like to try it someday though. byron thinks of his father's guns. radiation poisoning. driving fast in his car to some place where he can be happy. and his mother can too. maybe he would like a girl next to him. maybe not.

adria looks at the clock. it's later then she thought. time never moves in diners like this one. she tells byron her mom must be worrying. he says he understands. byron puts money on the table. and they walk back to the library. the moon is shrouded in haze and the air smells like burned leaves. adria wants to walk home from there. its only a short walk and the air is making her heart beat a little faster and walk with more purpose in her step. plus she doesn't want to seem to naive or starry eyed. but he insists on dropping her off. his car is warm and rumbles and adria feels as thought she could fall asleep right there, sinking in the seat. she says goodnight to her new friend. when she slides into her cool sheets and is content in a way she can't explain. she will see byron again tomorrow.

this is how byron comes into her life. an accident. a surprise. like the toy at the bottom at the cereal box. how funny, adria thought the cereal was all she needed to be ok.

adria slept dreamless sleep. the alarm sounded and pleaded for her attention. she absently gripped the cord and yanked it out of the wall. her morning ritual. adria normally wakes up sleeping on her side, but she found herself flat on her back arms and legs splayed like a human star fish on the bottom of a calm ocean. and how appropriate is it that she was using her ocean motif bed spread. adria sighed deeply and plugged her clock back in. set it, then laid back down. she resumed the star fish splay and thought of byron. her bed was almost as warm as his car and her pillow smelled vaguely of him as well. she wondered if he was thinking of her. she thought not. but that was the self hate in her talking. something new inside her was disagreeing quietly. a tiny pin prick of hope and warmth within her being. it told her that byron was thinking about her. adria didn't trust it at first, but the more it spoke the more convinced she became. she listened closely to the voice and it was persuasive, logical and smooth like honey. adria shook her head defiantly as if disagreeing adamantly with a bold faced untruth someone was trying to force down her throat. adria sat up in her bed, "get ready for school, dork" she whispered. adria got up and shook the remainder of those silly 'lollipop land' thoughts from her head. she went to her closet and, for the first time in God knew how long, she actually constructed a matching outfit that she knew she'd feel good in. she heard her mother shuffling about and looked at the clock. 6:05am. mother would start getting ready and leave at 6:30. adria knew if she wanted to get a ride to school she'd have to hurry. she'd get to school a little early and hopefully encounter byron again. she was also aware of a couple past due homework assignments that needed to be done, but such things dropped from her mind, like acorns from a tree. adria showered and dressed quickly and looked at herself in the mirror, turning and preening like fashion model. she found her jacket behind the bed where it slid when she threw it the night before. she looked at her shoulder bag, slung over her desk chair, untouched from the day before. she threw it over her shoulder and was out the front door where her mother was waiting with the chevy warming up in the driveway. adria regarded her mother with a nod and a hey, which came out more like, "heh." mother put the car in gear and backed out of the gravelly driveway slowly. adria's mother said, "you look cute today." adria looked at her mother gratefully, "thanks, mom." the moment turned awkward in one second. adria looked out the window at nothing in particular, perhaps the trees, mailboxes, powerlines, indecisive squirrels tempting fate on the street. adrias mother drove lazily, humming to a song on the turned low radio. it was barely audible, but adria knew it was 'lets stay together' by marvin gaye. adria remembered that they played that song in pulp fiction when marcellus wallace was talking to butch. she wondered what the whole bandaid deal was about. in that conversation between mr. wallace and butch, marcellus told butch that the world was filled to the brim with "unrealistic motherf*ckers." and that he'll feel a sting when he throws the boxing match he was being paid to throw. marcellus offers that the sting is pride. he quickly says, "f*ck pride." pride only hurts, it never helps. you gotta fight through that sh*t. because a year from now, when you're kickin it in the caribbean you'll say: marsellus wallace was right." adria didn't imagine she'd be kicking it in the caribbean in a year, but she liked the idea of not letting pride hold her back from making her happy. she figured she could put a little of herself on the line. she'd been saving her chips for long enough. adria decided she'd take a few chances. the song was over and mother pulled up in front of the small school. adria stared absently out the window, still deep in thought. adria's mother snapped her fingers quickly stirring adria out of her stupor. adria smiled and looked at her mother, "thanks, mom, have a good day, 'kay?" she opened the door, got her jacket and bag, then turned the radio up a little bit and smiled broader, "bye, mom." to adria, mother looked ten years younger and not like the intense wounded women she'd become over the years. a smile tickled the corners of mothers lips. adria closed the door of the car, not too hard yet not so soft that she'd have to try again, but just right. she walked up the sidewalk to the school where just a few kids stood. soon there'd be a few dozen kids loitering in front. maybe ten minutes. adria looked back her mother again as she pulled away, avoiding a pair of careless teens crossing the road. adria felt love for her mother just then. adria always knew that she loved her mother, but that was among the first times adria felt love for her mother. adria felt tingly and alien in her own skin. she entered the school slightly glowing--loving her mother and looking for byron.

adria wanted to talk to byron. tell him things. make known how strong her mother really was. she wasn't weak and feeble, the way adria unattentionly has viewed her in the past. last nite adria didnt bring her mother up much. neither of them talked about their family really. last night was just wonderful small talk and a few laughs. byron could definitely make her laugh. not the gut busting laughs that make you hurt. but witty observations and views that made her smile. adria went to her classroom, she wasn't about to search high and low for byron, even though she felt like calling out his name, like a prophecy. the classroom was still empty. a few of the old windows where cracked open and cold wind circled around the room. she crossed her arms and sat stiff in her chair, shivering slightly. students slowly piled in the classroom. this was the class where something was due. or was it. adria got good grades, but most of the time menial things like 200 word essays and oral reports fled her mind. especially at times like this. luckily the teacher came in and lectured for awhile, shuffled some papers around on her desk, waved her hands around some, and class was over. adria held her breath as she entered her next class. byron was in this class. sociology . he always had something to say. today adria wanted to listen. but he was not there. she looked at his seat a few from hers. it sat unoccupied. it was a left handed desk. was he left handed like her? she didn't even notice last night. the class flew by in muffled tones. it was lunch. adria walked through the halls towards the exit. peering around for byron from the corners of her eyes. he was not there. usaully adria didnt feel hunger by this time. this early lunch at 11. but she longed for food. she picked up a large green apple and an iced tea at the cafeteria. jolie. the name struck her. where was she. adria remebered her mother telling her that jolie called last night. she was sick with a sore throat that made talking painful. adria crossed her fingers and hoped jolie wouldn't have to have her tonsils removed. talkative, opinionated jolie. adria couldnt imagine how it would be if jolie couldn't talk for a week or so. maybe she would combust or go crazy. adria smiled. she has always found pleasure in jolie's mild case of add. she found it interesting. its what kept jolie ticking, alive. and in some strange way she envied that. jolie could take her tests in little quiet rooms by herself. she could take all day if she wanted. sometimes she could use her open book. sometimes she didnt have to take them at all. jolie loved this, and adria knew it. jolie was smart. adria pondered leaving school early and going to jolie's. she wanted to see jolie struggling for words as opposed to letting them fly out effortlesly. as if they controlled her. they could write there words down in notebooks. she would tell her about byron. adria thought for a second that maybe she wouldn't just yet. what if he doesn't even exist anymore. what if he never did. adria looked around the cafeteria once more. then made her way outside and sat under a tree. adria was a senior. she only had one class after lunch break. and adria was getting an a in it without even trying. she chewed on her apple. it was interesting and sour and she was happy that she had it. she pulled out her copied pages out of her bag. Colored them fervently with her pencils. Meticulously cut them out. she layed them out on a page. she was making some kind of bizarre valentine and she didn't know why. she colored little baby jesus's skin pink. mary had big eyes. adria filled them in dark and brown like her mothers. pressing her pencils down. jesus didnt need a father. but he did! adrias thoughts collided and crashed for clear understanding or something. anything. a second where everything made sense and could be accepted as it is. where is byron. where is byron. the thought of him invaded her head. how can anything make sense if byron is gone. she tried to remember what the last words of the night where. did he say he would see her tomorrow. he didn't. he just thanked her and told her to sleep tight. that phrase came from when mattresses where held up with ropes and every so often the ropes would sag and need to be re-tightened. she wondered if he knew this.

" hi there" his voice. adria instinctually covered her belongings with her hands, and looked up with urgency. he was standing there. under the tree. naked branched hallowed his head. he sat down indian style across from adria, crunching leaves and grass beneath his legs. "i was wondering where you were." adria said.

"i didnt go to sleep last night till late. family things i guess" byron answered shortly. "something bad?" she asked. his hands pulled and prodded at the grass in front of him. " not too bad. were here still and ok. i don't want to talk about it now, it wouldn't help. i'm sorry"

adria didnt get offended. she could tell he sincerely couldn't talk of it right now. she hoped it wasn't anything insufferable or damaging. when they looked at each other, adria saw byron's eyes. they weren't as care free as last night and his lashes hung low. he looked tired. "are you hungry?" she asked

"not much"

adria kept conversation going a bit. she told byron how mrs. shaw's stockings where falling down the entire class, gathering at her thick ankles. she told him that because he wasnt in class, it was quiet and dull. last week in class, before adria even knew who byron was. he did research on freud's theory of the oedipus complex. he had lots to say about it. this thoey says that at age 4, children are sexually attracted to their parent of the opposite sex. "i didnt have a father at age 4, what does that mean?"

byron smiled consolingly. "that stuff doesnt mean anything. i did it to make mrs. shaw happy. she likes when we seem interested. and i want to pass. i want to graduate this year. move on."

adria realized just how charismatic byron could be. she's seen it. when he's talking to faculty or other students. she admired that. with her, though, he wasn't. it some way this assured her. he was himself. low key and human.

byron played with her paper scraps with his fingers. he didn't ask her about them. if he did, she would just feel childish, since there was no explanation. he picked up mary. she looked happy but somewhat lost.

"what are you doing today?" byron asked. his aura of mopiness had now vanished and his alertness restored.

"im going now to vist my freind, shes sick."

"sick how?"

"i'm not sure, i want to find out."

byron didnt reply. she wondered if he wanted an invite.

"i should pick you up tonight, we'll do something. anything. you can bring someone if you want." byron saidafter a long pause.

"if you pick me up, you have to meet my mom. she would be scared having a stranger pick me up. i don't think she knew that you dropped me off last night."

"so i'll meet her. I'm good with mothers.", he smiled

she imagined he would be, charming and intelligent.

"my mother doesn't like your sort of the species too much, you see. only the ones that live in old movies or fairytales." adria realized maybe she hadn't either, until byron that is. byron seemed worthwhile. adria and her mother, self enclosed and lonely living in that little ranch for all these years. the thought alone depressed adria for a second. "she thought my father was one of those" she pulled a photograph buried deep in her wallet. she felt like a fool for having with her. but if her mother found it while cleaning or something one day, she would be hurt. it was her father. with a pipe. tufts of thick blondish gray hair. he was on the side of a road somewhere. behind him a field of yellow daffodils. "dreamy huh?" adria didnt know if she said that with sarcasim or if she really thought something about the picture was dream like. "i wonder if my mom took this" she thought aloud. byron handled the picture carefully. it was thin and old.

"ask her" byron said

"you dont understand, i wouldn't do that to her. we've never talked about him. my mother. she's fragile and she was hurt. but she was as strong as she could be, in a way that i've never realized probably. all i know is that he left."

adria's eyes gleamed in the afternoon sunlight. she wanted to cry about her father. but crying required memories. and she had none. adria never once cried because she had no father. she never once cried because of her current situation and circumstances. she never once cried because she wanted to be part of an intact family unit with a mom, dad and brother, picked fence, tire swing and loyal family dog. nothing like that. every now and then she'd for her mother. hard. someone who's emotional condition has been locked and set. a woman who couldn't move on. like someone wounded and left with a glaring red facial scar or an amputated appendage. adria saw her mother working and living and going through motions. all for her. if it wasn't for baby adria--mother might very well have died. adria in her heart feels guilty for putting her mother through the torture, making her trudge on, but all the counselors and concerned people in the know told her that it wasn't her fault. that mother would heal. that she can't blame herself for things she had no control over. that bygones are bygones and so on and so forth. But those small consolations are like wax paper over a badly bleeding wound. brief relief, seemingly inevitable death. adria gulped down the lump in her throat and the brimming tears receded. she looked up byron who was looking deep into her. he slowly moved his hand up and touched her face. so softly that it almost didn't register as tactile stimulus. adria smiled and her eyes once more brimmed with tears. one tear grew fat and spilled down her cheek. byron regarded it with a delicate thumb stroke. wiping away the tear, but barely touching the skin. his content smile turned to a frown and he pulled his hand away quickly, "i'm sorry, adria. i didn't mean to..." she looked at him gratefully. byron's eyes narrowed questioningly. adria realized her internal human proximity sensors were off. her self defense mechanisms disabled. she said, "it's all right. you didn't do anything wrong. i just think we've found each other at a really weird time..." adria took back the paper mary from byron, put her things away and stood up. byron stood up too. they both brushed leaves from their backsides for a moment. the paper baby-jesus poked his pink head out from her bag curiously. adria now noticed her senses burned a little brighter. the trees and the leaves almost pulsed in their earth tones. browns and greens and tans contrasted against the stark blue sky with it's white wispy streaking clouds. the brick school looked like a fortress surrounded by dancing laughing trolls that she knew were her fellow students. adria, almost chuckled, "byron--we should go visit my friend. her name is jolie." byron nodded his head once slowly. he knew jolie. she was the only one who'd call adrias name from all the way down the hall. byron smiled, "i know who jolie is. but i don't know jolie." adria remarked to herself that jolie knew who byron was, but jolie didn't know byron. jolie called him prince of thebes for some reason. adria made a mental note to ask her what that was about. she shifted her pack and smiled at the sky, then at byron. and for the first time, that she knew of, adria caught byron looking her body. he met her eyes after one exceedingly long second. he smiled and said, "what time?" adria, suddenly self-conscious, crossed her arms and said, "is five all right? after dinner?" byron, well aware that he'd been caught peeking, smiled sheepishly, "yeah, that's perfect. i'll be by at five. and, um, do you want me to bring someone?" adria said, "only if you want to. it's up to you." byron smiled like a clown and ran his hand through his hair nervously, "well, adria, i'll see you at five o'clock then." adria nodded and began walking towards the troll infested fortress. as she got closer the trolls became students and the fortress became a school once more. the trees and the sky dimmed. byron stood by the tree, planted. adria turned around and mouthed the word, 'bye.' byron did the same. adria weaved through the kids and walked through the double front door of the school. walked down A-corridor, then halfway down C, where her locker was. she emptied her bag into the locker messily. grabbed her english notebook and a the dog-eared paper back book she meant to finally begin reading. adria scanned her locker for something that would remind her of any assignments she was forgetting. none sprung to mind. adria walked back up C-corridor five school text books lighter. she wondered if byron was still in the schoolyard standing next to the tree like he lived there. perhaps he'd have a few birds on his branch stiff arms. perhaps the teenaged trolls out front would chop him down and cut him into byron logs, fuel for their sacrificial fires. adria smiled secretly. a passing female student, adria thought her name was erin, met her smile and reciprocated wanly, unaware of the queer thoughts racing through adrias head. adria passed the principals office, stole a glance at the busy secretaries shuffling papers, and a few unindentured students 'lending a hand.' adria felt really good in her clothes and really good inside her head. she entered the girls bathroom. a dim room with three sinks and five stalls. a window was open in the back of the dank room. it let in fresh breezes of air that made adria chilly but totally invigorated. even the stinging smell of toilet mints seemed to evaporate. she stood in front of the mirror and smiled like a person who just didn't know any better. adria smiled like a person who'd been born yesterday. adria smiled like she had just fallen off the turn up truck. she also hated her hair long. she always wanted it chin length or shoulder length at the very longest. right now it resided somewhere in between. her hair certainly lacked shine, but it's natural brown color had a glow all it's own. the small collared shirt was wearing was a little tight. made her look like she had a bit more than was actually there. adria hated the smoke and mirrors and misdirection most women implemented when dressing and putting on face make up. adria wore some, but nothing you could really see. she had nice skin for the most part. no real problem areas. adria touched the big pores on her nose and grunted. she left the bathroom and saw miss shaw hiking up her stockings. she looked up and gave adria an "oh dear me, the crap i have to deal with" type look. she walked off with her planner and notebook clutch to her chest. adria looked at her, completely amused. something felt very normal to adria, very plain and simple. life seemed nice all of the sudden. it struck adria like a feather--quite soft, but stimulating enough nerves to spark a tickle that required an immediate scratch. adria was heading out the front door of the school when she saw byron standing in front of the school next to his car explaining something to the school security. adria stood just outside the door, watching byron talk calmly. she couldn't hear what he was saying but she knew byron wished to give her a ride home and had parked his car in front of a yellow curb. the kind of curb you can't park in front of. byron talked and the security guard just kept shaking his head and pointing over his shoulder toward the parking lot behind the school--totally annoyed. byron looked everywhere on the gaurds face except his blue icy eyes. byron remarked, "i was just going to run in and see if she was ready, that's all, man." the security guard's eyes grew deeper, colder, "give me your name and homeroom, boy." byron winced and smiled knowingly. adria looked at byron, surprised. the guard produced a small pad and a pen from his florescent orange striped vest. he looked at byron with his head cocked, listening. byron, met his glare silently. the guards eyes gleamed a paler blue like ice chips. he inhaled deeply--about to erupt with the anger of a million disrespected school security guards when byron said, "my name is byron gondoli. homeroom, c-8." he looked at adria with the same fox-sly eyes he used to look at the gaurd. adria smiled hesitantly. unsure if she liked this at all. the guard exhaled the fury and tiredly looked at byron's car, "get in that piece of crap and get out of here now." the gaurd gave adria a look like 'what are you doing with this bozo.' adria read the look, shrugged, then got into the passenger seat of the byrons cars. byron got in. he sat quietly and stared at the dash. after about thirteen seconds byron looked at adria and laughed, eyes wide, mouth gaping, almost no sound escaping. adria smiled and layed her bag by her feet. his laughs now reduced to breathless whimpers. she chuckled nervously and asked, "what'd you say to him to get him so riled up?" byron snickered childishly, "i don't even remember, but it was rude!" byron suddenly became serious. he started the car an started driving.

"what are you thinking right this second?" adria asked byron, at the risk of sounding severely typical. but she wanted to know. he didn't speak for a few moments. "about how sometimes i do things that i don't realize i am doing. or plan to do or say. it just happens. my actions sometimes dominate my mind. surpass logical thinking. or thinking at all. if i make any sense." adria understood. she's been there. but she was afraid that when it happens to her, the outcome was always bad and it was always self desteructive. "like just now with mr. officer?" adria asked. "sort of. but with you alot i think. it's as if a little piece of me that i dont even know is there comes out." byron kept his eyes focused on the road. this was an example of what he was talking about. these ramblings of words, although true, he did not plan to say. and after they spilled out he wondered if he was regretful or not. adria thought about his words, timidly flattered. "and what do you think about that?" she asked. " that you should be careful" he smiled and quickly glanced over her. the girl in the passenger seat clutching her school bag in her lap with her head resting againt the window. vibrating and making her skull tingle with urgency. she pressed her teeth together and savored the feeling. of saving her teeth from shattering on the spot, without the usual cushion of bubble gum. she was heroic in her mind. she was being somehow saved. going 45 mph down this road. towards something she wasn't sure of but couldnt wait for. quicker then she realized they were approaching her driveway. "the next right " she told him. he didnt forget which house was hers, but didn't say anything as the car made it's way towards the house. "who's home?" he asked. adria peered over at the house. closed and dim. "nobody. my mom is at work till 5. she'll probably be here when you come by" the house was empty. but suddenly adria realized that she didn't want byron to come inside. this was her spuratic thinking. spur of the moment precautions attacking her. she was scared. scared of seeing him before her with the backdrop of her life behind him. the old sofa with it's springs that poked you in the worst places. the ceramic sink with it's stains forming in the trails that the water has run over for years. the wallpaper scattered with year round yellow roses, tiny peels forming in its corners and growing over the years. besides, the last time adria was alone with a male inside the house was when grandpa lived there. her spine felt cold at the thought of poor grandpa. what if by messing with the ways things have been for so long would screw up everything. what if byron couldnt breathe inside of there. like grandpa. like the way adria has felt far too many times. "she works everday?" byron asked, the information being stored in his mind, the unapologetic maleness making its way out. harmlessly and unplanned. as if it controlled him somewhere deep inside. "yea, shes an assistnant for a lawyer downtown. which means she does everything. types, makes phonecalls, runs to the store, lots of errands. it's a tiring job, but shes been there forever. she would never leave.""i see" byron said. adria slowly gathered her things. she toyed with her seat belt and unclipped it. byron thought about the how she used the word found when she referred to them meeting eachother. it made him feel fortunate. he wanted to give her a hug as she left. to thank her for saying the word found. touch her skin if it was only for a second. for now, the exposed lower part of her arm had sprouted goosebemps. he wanted to brush them free. instead he turned up the heat a notch and lifted the vents on there tiny hinges, even though she was escaping within heartbeats. he remembered how warm her tear was. the wetness on his finger had evaporated and he pictured a microscopic film of salt, blessing his fingertips. he wanted to congratulate her. for being so tiny and delicate. for being so strong and vulnerable at the same time. tough and knowing, although innocent. for trusting him, even if it was in the smallest ways. for her it was alot, and he saw this. he felt like he was in a nature film. the sort where they film a flower bud for hours upon hours. when it's sped up, it appears as if it is wild, exploding with life and itching to break free. blooming into something beautiful and proud. this was him. bursting with feelings all of the sudden. they zooomed towards him as fast as the dashes of yellow lines on the road just a minute before. persisant. throbbing. they passsed over him. surrounded him. he did not know where to hid them. or if he even should.

the blooming feeling rushed out of byron leaving him deflated like a baloon. adria was looking at him with the a species of curiosity he'd never seen before. her eyes gleamed green. eye brows slightly raised. she absently moved her hand around on the door, feeling for the handle, not finding it. she looked down, saw it and put her hand on it. she looked back up to byrons muddy brown eyes. did he want to tell her something? adria was sure he did. she waited. before she could thank him for the ride, he kind of blurted, "maybe i could stay until you're ready to go to jolies. we could watch tv, make something to eat or something." adria thought, 'wow. the guy wants to cook and watch tube: well paint the barn and call me sally--i'm in love.' adria winced at her own silly thought. thank goodness she didn't have a problem with saying her thoughts out loud. she would have been committed long ago. "probably not a good idea, byron." adria hated being ashamed of her house, adrias mother worked hard for the things they had, but it still didn't make adria comfortable enough to let anyone in. anyway, mother would blow an 'o' ring if she came home and saw a boy in the house alone with her innocent young daughter. "sorry--some other time." she offered. he looked at the dash board not quite understanding. but the kicked puppy face only resonated for two or three seconds. he figured her mother wouldn't appreciate an interloper alone in the house with her daughter. they met eyes and unknowingly shared that thought. he went back to his content/bored face and said, "all right, all right. i can see when i'm not wanted." adria looked at him through narrowed motherly eyes "oh stop it. i'm leaving. five o'clock, okay?" byron smiled crookedly and mockingly saluted her. "aye aye, cap'n." adria chuckled and said, "clean this filthy car. on the double." he whined defensively, "heyyy." but was cut off when adria got out and slammed the door shut, making the final syllables of his protest nearly inaudible. adria walked slowly to her house, her back to the car, knowing he was staring at her. when she entered the house, byron noisily pulled away. she dropped her bag on the floor to the right of the door. adria plopped face down on the couch. she lay there thinking of the different ways byrons interaction with mother could go. adria prayed that mother'd be nice and sweet. not cold and questioning. adria didn't she think could handle a scene like that at this point. she flipped over like a pan cake, grabbed the remote control and flicked on the television. a beautiful distraction, television was. two minutes and the thought of byron was on the backburner of her brain, simmering quietly. she flicked around from channel to channel. The animal network or TLC usually entertained adria, but nothing caught her interest this time around. she flipped around and around, catching glimpses of talk shows, judge shows, game shows and soaps. jerry springer introduced a grown man in a diaper, jenny jones pleading with an overdevoloped sex addicted teen, judge joe brown tries to get the story straight, bob barker condescendingly leads an enthusiastic young man over to an oversized slot machine game of some sort, some poorly acted soap opera--then it was maury povich! he was in the rut of doing lie detector and paternity tests. for some odd reason adria loved these shows. the suspense was unbelievable. the accused guests always claimed the lie detector was faulty! but the paternity tests--that was solid fun. that changed lives. it conclusively told the world who the daddy was. adria loved it when the accusing party was wrong. they'd run backstage and cry and maury would console them and tell them it'd be okay, that they'd find the real daddy. the accused upon finding out they weren't the father usually jumped up and down and hooted and hollered and obnoxiously yelled, 'i told you, ho. i told you.' adria hated that. have some respect, man. adria changed the channel once more to the Family Fued. oh, how she missed the early Richard Dawson episodes. he was clearly drunk as a skunk and he kissed every single cute girl--on the lips. that beast. adria found him quite entertaining. he even wore a white see otter cap a contestant had made for him once. weird. adria hated the sight of louie anderson on the new Fued and hated the sound of him even more. didn't richard dawson kill himself? with that thought and others on the back burner she drifted to sleep. adria felt a dream coming on....