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Short Stories - Reviews |
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Short Stories Reviews |
Journey To The Planet Merridion by Michael Harris (3) "I liked this short story.Clev,and these "Alkighted",seem to be Badass.And the Visuals of the flourishing metropolis,of Merridon and Castlla,is Fantastic,and very Vivid,in it's desription.Seems like the Human race is about,to have a bad day,when these Alkighted arrive. Pretty good stuff.I enjoyed it.Oh,and feel free,to check out my latest title:The Dreamer. " -- willie, Baton Rouge, LA. "Thanks a lot.I'm glad you enjoyed reading it.And that book, i mentioned,it just helps to guide,you to writing screenplays, (long or short) more proficently.So,over all,if you ever submit, a script to an hollywood exec,they can't say,its god awful.It doesn't give them,the impression of amatuerism.The techniques it provides,helps you to craft,any type of script, in the proper format,and such.And as for the Vengeance of Exodus...i kind of hopped off of it,for a while.But,i will finish it,one of these days,when i'm not so busy.Well,until next time,my fellow scribe.As spock says: Longevity and prosperity be with you...and stuff like that.Keep up the good work. " -- willie Travis Jr, Baton Rouge, LA. "Okay, it was a good story and I really enjoyed reading it. I thought that it was well-written and very organized. I thought the detailing about the city and the people were very descriptive. Initially reading it i thought to myself that Lucas' arrival into the story would have been a lot better than what it was if you spruced it up a bit; it was just too plain. But then I would have come to realize that the main focus of the story was not about his entrance, but what they anticipated to happen. So I guess Lucas' entrance wasn't all that important then. Additionally, the Alkelight alien, I felt he should have been more profound other than his appearance when they got ready to leave earth. Like he should have been more mysterious; like how you mentioned that he was following Lucas all that time, maybe he should have initially encountered Adrian or maybe secretly followed Adrian around so that the readers could get a more vivid understanding of him because he was a pivtol aspect to the story he should have been included more. I hope that makes sense. Okay, so overall, I thought it was very good; highly creative and let the readers wanting to read more because of the mystery. It was like "Ahhhh...Stop it already and tell me now; the suspense is killing me." LOL But good job! I believe out of the series, the best one for me was The Arrivals." -- Shanee Faith, Detroit, MI. The Moon Inside by Soron (1) "It was very interesting.Well done." -- Sujana. Speed Trap by Matthew Lett (1) "Great Job! Like It" -- Matthew Mark@, USA. A Strawberry Short Story by Terence Boydon (3) "very nice.... :)" -- tutut, jakarta, jakarta, jakarta. "Great story! Could you please change your name? Teng Boydon? Eeew!" -- Intsiktus Korektus. "Yes! Very good story! @Intsiktus Korektus, I think the author used the name Terence Boydon and not Teng Boydon" -- Kulotus Korektus. Helle ... Hello .... by Abhijit Sarma Barua (1) "Gr8 Story and realyy touchy one.................." -- kamalakshi, Jorhat, Assam, India. Bikers Gone Wild by Brayden Dent (1) "Haha! Great story kid, love Park City, used to hang out there when I was in cage fighter training back in the 60's. We really tore that place up." -- Roy Claus, Beaver Springs, MN, USA. War Memories 1 by E M K S Moresteel (4) "dude that is freaken awsome considering i helped write most of it brilliant well done!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" -- kasey steel, oak ridge north, texas, u.s.a.. "I, usually, am not one for war stories but this is a well written story. The words and style make you feel as if you are in the middle of the action." -- emory l griffin, georgia, USA. "This may please GI Joe fans and wanna-be rangers and Green Berets but despite allowances for rough dialogue, the grammar is plain awful. You use commas sometimes excessively and unecessarily and fail to use them when you should. There is also no excuse for using plural nouns and verbs when they should be singular and vice versa. You keep switching your action verbs between tenses which does not help the flow of the story, especially when there is a lot of action going on. Unfortunately, you need more than action to make this acceptable to an intelligent reader. Don't be flattered by Emory's review. He's another one who thinks he can write but lacks basic, fundamental writing skills. You may think I'm just a nasty old guy who pays too much attention to grammar, composition, and spelling, but you'll learn the hard way that you need more than just a story to interest publishers. They trash thousands of stories and manuscripts every day that read like they've been written by someone with a 6th grade education. Years ago I sent whatI thought was a pretty well written short story to a successful, published author whom I met in Florida. She told me to revise it, offering suggestions for better diction, grammar etc. I revised it 5 times and after the last revision she finally said, "Good, now what are you going to do with it?" I sent it to over a hundred publishers, magazines, etc. I received two replies. They told me to keep writing. Even if your just writing because you like to write, take pride in yourself and improve you understanding of what good writing really is, not just what you think is cool. " -- RICHARD. "Nice story and one can imagine himself in the middle of the action while reading that stuff, I liked it but I must say that if you keep writting and learn to use better grammar and give more credibility to what you write even if its fiction you will make incredible stories.. It was good though" -- walmar, El Paso, TX, USA. She Only Got Flowers From Him Once. by Emory L Griffin (1) "Sad & pitiful. It's been a long time since I've seen one of these cases, but I don't miss that. In my view, the laws have always been too lenient on those assholes." -- barfield. 1 To 3 Turns by Emory L Griffin (3) "My God, rough tale to be sure! I'm going to say this: It holds the reader's interest throughout, I'm sure, but also, I think you should cut it right after he realizes he's responsible for killing his own mom. Let him live with the guilt. Also, you don't say his dad died so leave it at that--to continue being nasty to him. That way, seems to me, the story has more power. Just my ideas. " -- barfield. "I agree about the way the ending should be however I didn't realize it until after I submitted and read it again. Most people said I tend to rush through my endings, so I drew this one out a bit. By rough do you mean it needs work?" -- emory , georgia, USA. "No, by rough I mean it's full of thoughts of revenge, murder, death, bloody details, etc. Strong, in other words. " -- barfield. The Merchantilers by Bo Turner (1) "I believe this guy is writting about a merchant from my town and that some of his descendants are casaul friends! From what I've heard over the years from some of the family, the story is TRUE! Damn!" -- Arthur, Tarboro, USA, NC. The Doctor Is In. by Emory L Griffin (4) "This one reminds me of those old horror movies & the basements or dungeons. Maybe a Boris Karloff flick. He was a great actor." -- barf. "this will be my final review of your work. I've seen enough. I offer the same sentiments posted in my review of "Mail," another of your feeble offerings. The story line seems like it was "cut" and "pasted" from a B- movie alluded to by Barfield in his review. Spattered blood, knives, scapels, and body parts cannot save a story which is totally predictable and weakly narrated - the product of an immature writer who needs help in all facets of writing. To improve, you must first come to grips with you deficiencies. If you don't know what they are, I suggest you stick to video games. If you're going to copy something or somebody, why not read some quality short stories by real accomplished writers. You may not have heard of many of the great ones, but I'd sure as hell try to find out who they are(were)if I were you. That would be a start. I hate to apologize for being so impatient with young people - so I won't. " -- Richard. "An asshole who uses big words is still an asshole." -- emory , georgia, usa. "Very good Emory, You've proven you know how to spell asshole. You ought to consider it for your middle name. Funny how many great writers were known to use big words occasionally. So long, junior. " -- Richard. Nightmare (On 7th Ave) by Mary Anne Caudill (1) "Very good, Very funny" -- Mali Beic, Portland , Oregon, USA. Moving In by Emory L Griffin (1) "Reginald's poor luck that day! You did it justice. Bloody read! :) keep writing" -- barfield. Life After Death? by Emory L Griffin (3) "Your last line says much. Isn't it great to live in a nation in which this freedom exists? I think so." -- barfield. "I hope it's someplace with surfing and golf and someone you love holds out a hand and pulls you from the dark to show you the way. But dont rob and beat old ladies, I bet if there are dues to pay there we all have plenty already. And thanks for proof reading your stuff, it's good." -- Patrick Fell, torrance. "No one disputes your right to believe the way you do. However, you ought to do some serious study and research about theology and Christianity before you start spouting off what Christians believe or do not believe. You sound very immature and mis-informed, especially when you start using pharses like "a popular mantra of Christians is that God works in mysterious ways and we are to have complete faith in His judgement." Then you attempt to ridicule this "mantra" as you call it, by giving a childish example frquently used by atheists and agnostics, noting all the murders, rapes, etc. that continue to go on each day implying - how could a God whom we are to believe in allow this to happen? One of the most notable tenets of Judeo-Christian theological dogma is the concept of free will. God has given us this free will to choose how we shall live life on this earth. He does not interfere with our choices. Those who dismiss the belief in a Creator and choose to ignore His commandments and teachings, living only for this life, will forfeit their chance for redemption. There are many theories of just what rewards and punishment await us in the after-life. You're mocking description of "gold paved roads and mansions" is typical of ignorant, condescending, elitist liberals. Those who mock the existence of a soul usually end up hoping they're right. They can't believe in religion and morality because then they'd have to take responsibility for their behavior and lifestyle. So they invented basically what is known today as "moral equivalency." Do your own thing and I'll do mine. Don't judge me and I won't judge you. Even the kids like it as well. God may not yet be ready to pull the plug on us, but I'm sure He's frowning. " -- RICHARD. Giving, An American Tradition by Emory L Griffin (2) "I think you are correct in your optimism and positive attitude. Racism is ugly and wrong--any hour, any angle. " -- barfield. "yo yo yo dis ya boi charles yo. yo stories an shit good as fuck lil man. off da rip they sum good ass stories. they be scarin me an shit. i read one a day. ay yo aint you tha brotha that got dat fine ass guhh? damn ya you dat boi man she fine as hell. i seen ha awhile back and DAMN shawty fine. you had best be treatin ha with some respect or a lil nigga like myself gone hav ta take ha from you, na i mean? and damn she got a nice ass. cute face slim waist wit a big behind. Whew. i luh ha ass real talk. i see ha ass an i'm like da da da damnif only given da chance. aint ha name b.ladd or sum shit? hell yea dat ha name. i b.ladd ha ass all nite yo. but fo real you keep on writin good stories an shit and show sum luv to ya guh playa playa. ___> Charles {da baddest}" -- Charles. Don't Tell Anyone by Randall Barfield (3) "This is my kinda story. I really enjoyed this. You have become, hands down, my favorite author on this site." -- emory l griffin, georgia, USA. "Thanks, Emory. You're gonna make my head swell!!! I don't need that! Keep writing. I'll read each one. " -- barf. "And I will read each of yours. Do not fear I give you my word I'm not a sadistic internet stalker, just a fan and it's good to receive support from a fellow Georgian." -- Emory, Georgia, USA. Ain't Love Grand? by Emory L Griffin (2) "I'm not sure it's your best, but it's good. It's true, he didn't die alone. Maybe you should say he was in a car crash after having drunk a lot. There are several ways to say it. Try writing a story for postcardshorts.com. Let me know if you do." -- barf. "I very much enjoyed your story. Punctuation and grammar may need a little work but honestly, I'm here to read 'real people's work'. Real people don't have an editor on standby! Therefore and in conclusion! I very much enjoyed reading your work. Thank you. " -- Linda, Colorado . The Elephant In The Room by Emory L Griffin (1) "Whoa. that got me remembering sleeping in coal black east Texas nights. Seriously though is this happening?" -- Ethan. Paradise by Calliope Irja Pearl Nelson (1) "A very thought provoking story. And you are right, you can't outgrow yourself." -- Jacqu� June, United States. Bon Appetit by Emory L Griffin (1) "What an ending! This one's a mess--the events, that is. Herbert got his relief. Finally. good write. cheers" -- barfield. The Spiders And Johnny Bailes by Phil Neale (2) "its very wonderfull to read kids like me" -- ronald, philliphines , none, none. "i like it!!!!!!!!!!!" -- ronald. My Lady In White by Emory L Griffin (3) "really enjoyed this story. I did think the beginning could have moved a little faster into the story teller. The ening was very good as I anticipated what was to transpire. I would like a little more punch in the ending, but that's what I do in my writingm maybe that's not your style. Thanks for sharing." -- Priscilla VanNess, Creston, IA, USA. "Too many short sentences, too much description where you could of left the mind to wander. Use commas and semi colons a bit more. The subject matter was good, thought the way you set up the beginning and the end was better than the middle. The end two sentences have something missing. HOWEVER! A very good effort." -- Jay. "Very interesting story. I enjoyed it fully. At the end is that possibility that perhaps he wanted to go. The atmosphere too is good. Keep going!" -- barfield. Mail by Emory L Griffin (2) "Intense, intense! But a good one. Keep going." -- barfield. "You must be pretty young because frankly, I see only an immature, copycat attempt at horror. Sorry, but I don't care to read silly stuff. Try something more subtle and creative. You can scare the shit out of someone without slashing their throat. " -- Richard. Alice In Alaska by Journey Two (1) "I hate to criticize, and this is just my opinion, but the characters could be more developed and the plot could be longer. It does have potential." -- Emory L Griffin, Georgia, USA. A Kid Named Eddie by Emory L Griffin (1) "Chilling, to put it mildly. Well done." -- barfield. Paranoia(Have I Told You This?) by Emory L Griffin (4) " Just so you know, I'm 51, in college studying for my Associate of Arts degree and hope to earn a Bachelor of Arts majoring in English. I started writing at about age ten. Other than a few typographical errors, this is an interesting story; chilling, sad, mysterious. "The pounding in my head has (not as) resulted in the loss of my vision." You need a period after ...where the blood came from. Capitalize "It" in the next sentence. I like the repetition of "Have I told you this?" It reminds me of uncertainty and of doubt cultivated by repetitive indifference. Sounds like the speaker has been severely damaged and is quite fearful of people in authority, like Big Brother. It makes me wonder if one particular incident in childhood caused serious damage for the rest of his life. Will he find relief on the other side? Will be find peace?" -- Peggy, Justin, TX, USA. "I like the idea and the directions that this short piece creates and makes possible. You have done something that can really open the imagination. The main thing that I saw that didn't catch my interest is the technical way you wrote it. Picture this: A man is paranoid, and that in itself is driving this man mad. How frantic must he be? I am sure he is anything but calm as he starts to worry about having to escape and allude THEM. His manner of speaking won't be so "proper". It will be more natural, using conjunctions and things of the sort. Pretend you are frantic and speak it first before you write it. Once you hear it, you will know if it is right or wrong. Take care of this and you will have your ace." -- wade, Kansas City, Missouri. "I like it. Do they teach english at your high school? lol. 2nd paragraph, get rid of "and" after smiled and start new sentance. Does the smile reach his eyes? Sometimes if it's not proof read we dont know what to believe you mean. But I like it." -- Patrick Fell, torrance, ca. "This one, though maybe a bit inferior to the other one i read, has good potential. Just a few changes as many have noted above. Get someone always to proofread your work until you have more experience 'chalked up' they used to say. For a man of your age, you're doing fine. Keep it up." -- barfield. The Lily Painting by M Schied (1) "like your web so much" -- minh, HCM, HCM, VIETNAM. Paper Cranes by Meruthiel (2) "I liked it! The end was sad, and I think a lot of people can relate (I'm imagining it as a father-daughter relationship; don't know if that's what you intended). I also like the part where you describe the eyes as "rusty orbs." I think you show lots of potential for your young age!" -- Elizabeth Flores, Ohio, USA. "Wow the end struck hard. Makes one think of what they have before they lose it. Makes one realize appreciate all they can have with a person and not take that person for granted. " -- Camille, Lawrenceville, GA, USA. Death's Embrace by Emory L Griffin (1) "Bravo! I think this is very good. I wouldn't change the ending for anything. It is just right. Keep writing. :)" -- barfield. Cindy's Fall by Randall Barfield (1) "I just wanted to let you know that I really enjoyed this story. It is scary because it's actually thought out and not just blood and gore. Those are always the most frightening." -- Emory L. Griffin , georgia, USA. The True Stones by Matthew James Parsons (1) "This turned out to be a pretty decent story that kept me reading to the end, and certainly promises a continuation of the adventures of Desti and Regalius. Certainly I can see areas where you can improve (such as better or more realistic dialogue, better pacing, etc, etc) but hey, we're all gathered here because we all need to improve. I'll certainly be looking out for your next entry in this series, but would suggest that you read through other author's entries on this site that are of fantasy and science fiction natures and as you do so pull up your pieces on your computer and compare the difference between things like sytle, characterization, prose, etc. It's a very good technique to drive to want to write better, giving you a bit of a competitor's spirit. Here's a few criticisms that I noticed: 'The human hunters entered the clearing to see their dead pray...'That should read, 'to see their dead prey.' 'The human set up a simple tent, and he fell asleep soon after the yeti had.' Wouldn't it make more sense for someone to keep watch? '...the necromancer banged his fists on the table, knocking his hood of his head.' That should read, 'knocking his head off his head.' '...but they also had gathered the rest of them here, even the True Bloodstone from the armor...' That should read, 'but they also have gathered the rest of them here...' Ok, that's about it. As I said, I'll be looking out for future entries in this series, and may even give some of your other work a read. I also write fantasy and science fiction, and--if you like--you could check out some of my work. Until next time then, take care and happy writing. " -- Michael Harris, Detroit, MI. Dosvadonya Darling by Joel Weiss (3) "GREAT STORY" -- joel. "Most of the stuff posted on this site is from wanna-be copycats, so why should you be any different? It would be a waste of time to comment on your writing ability because this piece is just another copycat version of a predictable, contemporary, shitty television script. Stop watching so much TV and use what creative talent you have, (if any) to write something original, unique, and perhaps, even entertaining. This place, (Storymania) has become akin to a fraternity of amateur artists, each one trying to paint his own version of the "Mona Lisa." Who cares? " -- Richard. "great story and it is very original it is very well crafted and very creative great detective work." -- csijoe. The Last Ballet by Simon Nguyen (3) "its a great story.." -- bryan june baroy, dumaguete, negros oriental, philippines. "Not bad. However, if you want your work to stand out above most others, you must take even more time to polish it. Your use of the adjective "signature" may be fashionable but it is becoming kind of trite, like the word "hot." There's nothing wrong with using old-fashioned words. You're not writing exclusively for a "hip" audience. You should also edit your work for other repetitious words and phrases. Artists are motivated for several reasons. Some drive themselves because they DO want fame and monetary rewards. Others love what they do and do it well, if only for that very reason. Then there are the wanna-be artists. Among this tarnished group are those who have some talent, but never quite perfect their art enough to reach the pinnacle of success expected from a true artist. Some of these are lazy or lack ambition but most of them just don't possess the natural talent to get to this level. Love of the art itself, dedication, ambition, hours of study and practice are all prerequisites for artistic immortality. But an ounce of natural ability is often worth more than a hundred pounds of hard work and ambition." -- Richard. ""A true artist does not care about money or fame; it�s the opportunity to perform the art one so dearly loves that is empowering the artist to shoulder on." A true artist would not write such a sentence--"empowering" is cliched. "Opportunity" is overused. "Shoulder on"? I think you mean "soldier on." Judging from this sample, I wouldn't... " -- brian, atlanta, ga, usa. Go to page: 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 29 30 31 32 33 34 35 36 37 38 39 40 41 42 43 44 45 46 47 48 49 50 |
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