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Short Stories Reviews |
Finally... by Darin R Molnar (1) "It was good! Interesting twist. This from a fellow King fan and goat farmer....." -- Kerri Olsen, Shelton, USA, WA. Cold Eddie Kane by Albert Davis (1) "Wow. This is a great story about human nature and how people so often dont take a peek under the curtain to see whats happening through the window... " -- Darrell Pritchard. Without Condition by Branson Storm (11) "Enjoyed this story immensely! It was real, sad and humorous all in one. Please submit more of your work. Thanks for writing with your heart - it definitely shows." -- Betty R., Las Vegas, NV, U.S.A.. "I hate to say this, but I can really identify with Joe, or at least he reminded me of myself several years ago. Maybe you could continue with the story (novel length, etc.), I'd enjoy experiencing the rest of his life. Well written Branson!" -- Jerry, San Diego, CA, USA. "Very emotional story. I don't know whether to hate Joe or love him. I find myself doing both simultaneously. The brutal honesty in your writing is greatly appreciated. Like others who have reviewed your work, I would enjoy following the rest of Joe's life. I will be looking out for more! " -- Barry, London, Endland. "Are you out of your mind? If so, it's working. I like the style of your writing. Concerning your inability to edit, that's what they make editors for - don't sweat it too much. " -- Craig Gerber, PA, USA. "This guy is going places...He totally captured me! " -- J.Bryant, Atlanta, , USA, GA.. "Loved it! A bit strange, but exploding with reality. I especially enjoyed the struggle of humans being able to love unconditionally and you comparison to the animal kingdom. Good luck with you future! Susan E." -- Susan E., Houston, TX, USA. "I read this story hungover. The story hit home with me, considering. I haven't stopped thinking about it. If your looking for a pick-me-up story this aint the one, but if you are looking for excellent writing which will take you deep inside the character, this is it! Branson does an excellent job. I am ready for a full length feature! Keep up the great work!" -- Colby, Cookeville, TN, USA. "Dito! Didn't get a paragraph in and allready knew it sucked. so same review that "Beyond..." got... Wow! Who do you think you are? You suck. You're writing sucks. Your stories aren't even stories their just simple situations. Hell, anybody can do that. Try harder. It may help, but most likely won't. Sorry, man - Ijust dont get ya." -- Bryan, Seattle , WA. " -- Big "B", Seattle , WA. "I can see that this is exceptionally well written. I don't agree with Bryan that "Hell, anybody can do that", very far from the case in fact, but I have a grain of sympathy with his feelings of dissatisfaction. The central character just isn't all that interesting, nor is there anything particularly likeable about him. I felt sorry for the unfortunate women who got involved with him (and to be honest he sounded so physically disgusting that I wasn't convinced they would). But my main reservation is the same as Bryan's, that the story doesn't seem to say anything or go anywhere. It's all technique and very little content. It would be fine as the beginning of a novel but as a stand-alone story it just comes across as a rather self-indulgent monologue from a Film Noir style anti-hero. With that much writing talent you could do a lot more. You just need a story to tell. " -- David Gardiner, London, England. "ASTONISHING PIECE IF WRITING. To those out there who don�t get the �story line� or �the ending� or the point of this man�s work, you must read the story, not examine it. Just flow through his work, as it flows brilliantly I must say, and then set it aside. Think of how you feel. Think of how you feel about the characters and, most importantly, think about how you now feel about yourself. I know there are those peculiar ones out there that just wait for the explosion at the end, but this particular work, as I have discovered from roaming around this site, is actually the second chapter of a novel that has been �changed a bit� to make it a short story (see Branson Storm�s review of �The Go-Between� by David Gardiner. As a retired English Professor and fellow Texan, I want to make it clear that I am not just siding with one of my own on this one, Mr. Storm would not approve of this as shown clearly in his essay �Evolving to Simplicity; Our Lack of Human Evolution�, and neither will I. Some write to entertain others. Some write from necessity. The latter type of work usually affects readers emotionally, especially the more they reflect on a particular piece. There is a story in Mr. Storm�s short stories, as well as his previously mentioned essay and brilliantly honest poems � the story is reality, humility, openness and life. Literary fiction is not action, action, action; it�s a window into reality, most typically from the writer�s life experiences that often connect, in one way or another, with our own. Also, Mr. Storm, �Beyond the Realm of Us� was a beautiful piece. I hope to soon comment on it as well. Please post more of your work as quickly as you feel comfortable doing so for I await the intrigue. It�s interesting that I feel I�m beginning to know you even though we have never met nor spoken. I know I don�t have to say this, but keep writing from your heart�s necessity as it does affect the hearts of others, obviously mine as well. " -- Prof. Mark, Austin, TX, America. "Well written. Looking forward to the novel." -- Bill S., New York, NY, U.S.A.. Absolution by Adam Lear (1) "Hey Adam...is that you...aka NiGhTeYeS?? Email me [email protected]." -- Vicki, Gold Coast, Australia. Defining Stupidity (Now Where Was I?) by MacKenzie Morgan (12) "Wow, enter sandman good song to hum and to concentrate too. Guy talk, yup tis a wonderful thing. Man lifes a bitch when you wake up and there is a half naked girl next to you. Maybe you should have knocked on the window or something or touched bobby's car. bobby probaly has some mental alarm or somethin. Morning wood meets half-naked chick the battle of the century!! " -- Ryan L. Babcock, Baltimore, MD, United States. "Now the story finally begins to get interesting. It seems that Bobby's introduction into the story has brought life to what has been an altogether unusual and painfully dull experience for anyone other than Mack himself. Hopefully more interesting stories will follow, and then Senior Week will have kicked into full gear and fulfilled all of Mack's dreams. With all the trials and tribulations he has endured, only good can come. I think it is time for Mack to "Show Me Something."" -- Booby J, Baltimore, MD, USA. "it gets better and better !!! i still stay with the fact that you should stay away from madison and all of woman kind!!! stop insulting randy's pancakes... he is very sensitive. this is definately something i have been waiting for, so keep'em coming. o and to helping hands from chicago you were right... but he came throught after all... stay in touch " -- Aurora , macon, ga. "hey, keep writing, it's really good, i can't wait to read the next part!" -- Christy M, Columbia, MD, USA. "Very good story but the dialogue becomes a bit silyl at times with characters who appear close using too much formality. The line which describes the graduation gift as "stupid" seemed out of place. Yet all in all a very entertaining work." -- pat, Baltimore, MD, USA. "Great job Mac. I wouldnt say that Bobby's introduction has done much as of yet. Maybe you could elaborate on the other chracters more, not just yourself and the women. I wonder whats instore for you guys during senoir week. I hope at the least you had fun!! I can't wait to read the next segment!!" -- Timothy Sams, Orange County, NY, Usa. "Mac, another wonderful addition to your epic summer adventures. You should have ditched Madison somewhere along the road. I can't wait to here about the crazy things that you do or happen to you during the rest of senior week. Aurora I'm glad he pulled through in the end, but who knows what the future may hold? Best of luck to you in all things. It's great that you guys (Mac, Aurora and Randy) are such close friends everyone needs people they can count on to always be there. Till next time..." -- Helpful Hand, Chicago , IL, USA. "I'm so glad you didn't stoink Madison...she doesn't seem to be your type (please God tell me you didn't do anything later with her either!). I still think you shoulda kicked Randy's ass for his behavior. ;) Oh well...good stuff kid. But now I'm ready for some REAL good stuff *wink wink*. *hugs*" -- Raye, MI, USA. "hey mack great entry i love the character development but give randy some credit and when is this thing gonna turn into the steamy sex driven story any sr wk epic should be?" -- Ronnie Gnillits, Boston, California, Zimbabwe. "HESH WANTS SEX!!!" -- Hesh. "Jummy wants sex too. Hubba hubba hubba, Ima happy boy!!!!!!!" -- Ghost of Jummy. "Message: Due to his less than desirable behavior on this board, "Jummy" will no longer continue to 'haunt it. If any of his friends do not abide by Storymania's rules they will be banned as well. This goes for you as well Mr./Mrs./Ms. Morgan, since other users have rights as well, we'd appreciate your discontinued use of bad language." -- Notice. Jinx by MacKenzie Morgan (14) "Dammit...now I have to wait to find out if and when and how you got yourself outta a big ole mess with Madison?! *sigh* Oh well...I liked it. A LOT more laid back than your first couple of pieces. Seems to be a lot more genuine. Just quit teasin me with cliff-hangers...this isn't Melrose Place you know ;)" -- RayeBear, Michigan, USA. "I'm sorry to say but, yes..the Asshole theory is indeed correct and I will do my best to not follow it and be a typical girl, I promise i won't let all you nice guys down!...Keep writing, seems to me that it's the one thing that keeps you sane!" -- flashdance, westminster, MD, USA. "dude "don't do anything stupid" I you got some bad luck with those words. YOU got to run away when you any good looking girl especialy a tease like madison. That asshole speech was fucking great" -- Timothy Sams, Orange, NY, US fucking A. "the asshole theory is not a theory but a fact being one of those abused nice guys myself i should know. Bobby and randy had an argument about apr financing. Bobby probaly doesn't believe it exists. Mac with your luck with hot women senoir week probaly isn't the best place for you. Mary Christine is probaly the safest bet for you." -- Ryan Babcock, towson, Maryland, USA. "Mack...i love it but i disagree with "ryan babcock" with your luck NO WOMAN is a safe bet for you" -- Ima Foxx!!!, USA USA USA. "very interesting... i am a firm believer in the asshlole theory... but what happens when the good guy fails you?? you know it can happen. I don't think there is a safe woman in your path right now!! unless you have a death wish.... the story was great and i want more !! but don't make things worse for yourself!! ( your bull shit intrepreter) " -- Aurora James, macon, ga. "Great peice of writing Mac. Like everyone else I believe in the asshole theory. Women and you do not make a good combination. But it seems to me that you seek out the wrong type of women every single woman you have mentioned has been unbelievably hot, maybe you should take a tip from SHALLOW HAL and look at the inner beauty. Oh and Aurora the "good guy" that failed you probaly wasn't a good guy after all." -- A helpful hand, Chicago, IL. "Jummy, Jummy fo Fummy banana fanna fo fummy mi mo mummy... ahhh! A mummy!" -- Jummy. "Jummy??? What the fuck was that?" -- Tom, Gardenville, Wisconsin. "Jummy rulz!@!" -- Jummy. "This guy's so fucking annoying... No not you Mack, I don't want you to go hog-ass wild on me like you did with the Storymania Advisor, I mean this Jummy cranial intrusion. I'm gonna kill that guy." -- Tom, Gardenville, Wisconsin. "Oh no! He's killed me, I'm dead! xxx Here Lies Jummy. xxx" -- Jummy. "Hey there Mack, great story! Are this Tom and Jummy friends of yours? Cheer up and call me sometime, see ya around!" -- Tara, Baltimore , MD. "To Tara: Have we met? If not, how am I supposed to call you? I don't even have your screen name for goshsakes (should you have one). Thanks for the review though. I appreciate it. And no, Tom and Jummy are not friends of mine. My own Tom doesn't even know I've posted this." -- Mack. Aurora (Borealis) by MacKenzie Morgan (11) "i think Aurora is wonderful!! though i do wonder if she is as perfect as you say. there was a very interesting plot line and seemingly true to life love and friendships!! keep it coming i can't wait for more. these characters i can completely relate to. " -- Aurora, macon, ga. "Hey Mac, another good story this one better than the first. But you treated Randy like sh*t man. If he is your friend he deserves better than that. All in all good story. This Aurora girl sounds really cool, probaly one in a millinon" -- John E. Thomson, Daytona Beach, FL, United States. "Mac, good peice of writing. Seems like you know your subject well. Everyone should have friends like that. I know i got a few. Beautiful in more ways then one. Whats next in this story line? I wonder. I am excited about reading more on these characters. If only to meet this Aurora... P.S. give Randy some more respect than that" -- Ryan Babcock, Baltimore, MD, United States. "Although the focus of this story is different than your other piece, it seems a bit more down to earth. Perhaps Aurora is a goddess, perhaps she is only a normal person living a normal life. She interacts with everyone well, and that is the way it should be. She should be an example for all to follow. Keep it real, and who knows, maybe another Aurora will appear." -- Booby J. "mac, another great piece...i loved your description of aurora, well deserved i'm sure-your very own b.s. interpreter. you're very lucky. you have a great way of writing human reactions. keep at it. " -- jess, md. "Very good writing! Its honest and to the point, which I like. It really has that "daydreaming/relfecting back" quality that makes journal writing so important and interesting. " -- RayeBear, Michigan. "I like it... by the way I love the quote from "FNT" you know i dig that song...I think every guy needs an Aurora in their life..dont you?" -- Flashdance, Westminster, MD, USA. "Mack I love your character development i find myself constantly on the edge of my seat waiting for the next tidbit about randy especially...cant wait for the next installment" -- Jo-Jo Baboon, MD. "I can really identify with a lot of the themes that get brought up within this story: band practices, friendships with awkwardness. However, the readability (if that's a real word) is what hooked me into the narrative account. The humor is crucial, especially all the dope allusions (a personal favorite conversation stimulator) in reference to Hugh Hefner's age and an amazingly awesome song, "Enjoy the Silence," by Depeche Mode. I could say that "all I ever wanted, all I ever needed is here" in this story. I COULD say that, but I won't. That is cheese-disease. I'll just leave it as "I thoroughly enjoyed reading this piece." That could be right." -- Dave Concern, Baltimore, MD, USA. "I think that the man in this story was really good at helping the people out of the twin towers when it collapsed! He was really brave...oh and the lady who lost her arm...that was well explained in great details!!! Great story........i wish i lived in the twin towers! Keep up the sick jokes!!!" -- D.A.lO. "jonny" -- jonny, jonny, jonny, jonny. The Largeness Of Sound by James Tregonning (1) "I don't get the title connection. The theme, though dark, is interesting, but you could have done a better job with the character descriptions. For example, was David a teenager, an adolescent, a retarded adult. The mother - middle-aged, sexy, matronly, attractive, ugly? I think this would have given the story more resolve. " -- Richard, OH. Shirley's Angel by Richard Koss (2) "Hi , my name is Marlon i'm studying english at IGA , well in IGA they had the great idea of having students of advance courses like I ,reading your stories , and I said great because I have read 3 and I have enjoyed them but the one i can call my favorite is Shirley�s Angel and i�m going to tell you why : This story talks about a family , that is apart , because Richard lives in another city and he is driving back to Columbus on x-mas nigth to see his family and his ex-wife Shirley and he starts to remember the years when he and Shirley were together , the Angel , and how the angel dissapear without knowing were the angel went to ,after that all the problems they faced and the divorce and of course all of Shirley�s accidents. The part i liked the best was when Richard enters the antique store and this misterious man just appears and start talking to Richard and the angel he was looking for is there , i mean were did the angle came from ? I dont know maybe that was a miracle or just pure luck , the other thing that i like about the story is the fact that Richard and Shirley were divorced but he was looking for this angel to make Shirley felt a lot better , because she was ill and he was trying to make her enjoy but i believe was giong to be her last x-mas , well the least think i can do is to congratulate you and to ask to keep writing man ,if you wanrt to write me ban�ck well you have my e-mail. so take care man bye. " -- Marlon Antillon, Guatemala , Guatemala. "Thank you Marlon for your kind words. I'm glad you enjoyed the story and I encourage you to continue to read and write yourself. I look forward to seeing something posted by you and your fellow students." -- Richard. Seeming by Daniel Birnbaum (4) "I like the idea of making people stop and think for a minute and take a deeper look at all the silly things we could live without, but somehow depend on because the make us seem stronger or under control or whatever reason.. the point of view worked out well, a regretful prisoner in hell.. good work :)" -- Rae. "I second what Rae said. I wonder though why you removed 'God' from it." -- JA St.George. "I also agree with Rae about the idea of making people stop and think for a minute. Like for instance if you were in the middle of a robbery and you had the chance to stop it, what would you do? I think Tim Leong answers that rather well in the story Stopping For Coffee, which is just to the left of here.--The Advisor" -- JA St.George. "jonny12" -- jonny5, jonny20, jonny19, jonny10. Child In The Park by Justin Kile (1) "When i read this story, I felt like a kid again running through the park. It was very delightful to read. Great work!" -- ashley, mckeesport, pa, usa. The Infinity Wars by Frank L Martin (1) "Good job of grabbing my interest. Needs a bit of editing amd tighten of sentence structure here and there. The beautiful woman will appeal to male readers but seems trite. How about a scrawny, crooked-toothed woman for a change? " -- D. Peebles , Ferndale, WA, USA. The Butterfly Man by David Godden (3) "This is a very strange story. Did mister morris really do it? it is really sad also. " -- Samantha. "Thanks for the review Samantha. The answer is no, Mr. Morris didn't do it, but through a desire to aportion blame, he was branded as an abuser. To many peole are too fast to lay blame for things without first checking the real facts. Thanks again. Dave" -- David Godden, Geneva, Switzerland. "very different, very interesting. so is the fact that u have my last name and live in geneva too!" -- Katherine Godden, geneva, switzerland. Stop For Flowers by Justin Kile (2) "Devastation is the only word that comes to my mind after reading your story. You use such great imagery and development. Although the story ended on a bad note and saddened me, I'd have to say that i thoroughly enjoyed it!" -- ashley , mckeesport, pa, usa. "What a sad ending, nonetheless, the story was excellently written. Great details!!! I really enjoyed your story, it definitely made me think about how precious the time you spend with your loved ones is. Keep writing, you have an excellent style!!!" -- Yasmine. Pizza Bianca by Mark Herner (1) "Hello Mr. Herner, it's me again, though the last time I looked over your work I was going by the name EC Allen. The opening scene is all narrative driven with no immediate scenes, but I didn't really mind. It might be effective to scatter the recipe throughout the work in some kind of stealthy way, but allow the reader to know that there is a recipe in there and where to find each of the ingredients as well as measurements. If that doesn't work, you might want to have a character or characters performing the recipe in an immediate scene.--The Advisor" -- JA St.George. Favorious by David Gardiner (2) "Not as keen on this one as the other two, but I was so impressed by your knowlege. This is obviously a favourite subject of yours and the study you have put into it is very impressive. The olde English got a bit irritating for me after a while, but I'm an ignorant soul who is easily irritated. I'm still impressed by the professionalism your writing shows. " -- Sooz, Dalton, Cumbria, England. "Not as easy to get into as the others by this author but I read it twice because I loved the language and the sense of menace. It's a very clever piece when you work out what's going on. Worth the effort." -- Leonard Caville, Key West, Florida. Fall Breezes by Justin Kile (1) "After reading all three of your short stories, I have come to the conclusion that you use very descriptive words when describing the weather. I love how you incorporate the seasons into all of your stories. It is a wonderful asset." -- ashley, mckeesport, pa, usa. The Wound by Amit Gupta (1) "Not really good is it this story! Well maybe next time ay!" -- Liz. The Greatest Blues Singer Of All Time by Jon Nicholas (1) "Howlin' Wolf - his legacy stands for itself, period - nobody else even comes close, including Muddy Waters & Robert Johnson." -- Phil Howard, auckland, new zealand, n/a. The Ages by Keir Hunter Hardie (9) "Much to savor in only 700 words. Written in the style of writers I admire the most. Cetainly a cut above the better works posted on this site. I'll be looking for more. " -- Richard, OH, USA. "One of the best on the site. Have you got more - particularly romance? I assume you are published will you tell me who with? I shall watch for more in the meantime. Lindz.." -- lindsey, exeter, devon, england. "Well i think that this story is about a girl who got milk from the milkman early in the morning! Am i right?" -- Mary Wells. "I could find very little wrong with this piece. I assume it is an excerpt from a novel you're writing or have written by the way it sounds and the mystery it hints at. Am I being led to believe that this James and Anne are over three hundred years old, or do they just enjoy defacing ancient artifacts? There was some small glitches which I'll point out now, and whether you wish to change them is entirely up to you, since they are just suggestions, and not hard and fast rules: Five had been bills. One had been from her solicitor in Paris and the other had been from a professor in Edinburgh. Neither of these two lines is a complete sentence. The word "centre" is usually used to refer to a place rather than a point. When refering to a point it is usually "center." Too many sentences begin with the word "She." You may wish to try mixing it up a bit, or else consider changing the title to She. " -- The Advisor. "Evocatively written, beautifully observed, with just enough mystery to keep us wanting more! Is this a place you've been as you go through life like a tourist? " -- Chris, Atherstone, Warwickshire, UK. "More please - best on the site." -- MacHargill, inverness, scotland, moray. "Ehmm..m. Sehr gut Seite! Ich sage innig..!:) bmw" -- BMW, ..., ..., .... "well Written when is your book out will be looking for more keep up the good work........ " -- Fred Merk, Glasgow, scotland. "Keir..just read the above short story, and thoroughly enjoyed it. The mind gives us much better images than the good old TV. Keir.. thanks for taking me away for a few minutes, from the hustle and bustle of normal life, to a more tranquil & relaxed location. You know,I enjoyed that short break, feel refreshed,oh well back to reality....thanks Keir,give us some more.. soon.... John Chisholm, Bristol,england" -- John Chisholm Hardie, Bristol, England, Avon. Raindrops by Richard Koss (3) "jonny" -- jonny, jonny, jonny, jonny. "jonny571" -- jonny401, jonny124, jonny239, jonny707. "exmlnvwo teowc bjao uaihvjc uwaqotil lzosv dfahs" -- fson zrjcflgk, tireyxkd, CA, USA. Rags & Italian Shoes by Jon Nicholas (2) "Great Story. It made me laugh, which is always a good thing. I have seen few people digress as well as you and still keep the plot intact. " -- Justin Kile, Howell, NJ, USA. "Jon, eventhough you're old enough to be my father ( and we share the same surname - spooky!) I have one comment: Long paragraphs; they make for hard reading. Besides that, I like this story very much. It works, full stop. However I find it has a banter very similar to John Grisham novels. Whether that's good or bad - I'll leave you to decide." -- Harriet Nicholas, Northampton, Northants, UK. Marta, Close Your Legs. by Meaghan Elise (3) "Quite a realistic character portrayal. I think I used to know her. Every generation, every era, every society - they all have their share of Martas. My only criticism - that you began 13 paragraphs with her name." -- Richard, Oh, USA. "Surprised that there is only these two reviews after so many viewings. Meaghan, this is high-power writing, more like a prose poem than short story. You have a grip on the visceral, that's for sure. I find no real fault with this, keep writing." -- Wallace. "Despite all the blunt language and up-front description this story is actually full of disapproval and distaste for sex. It's an anti-erotic story. Marta is presented as a monster because of her love of sex. It's actually quite a cruel and even patriarchal story, seeking to put down women who don't conform, or so it appears to me. What it does though, it does extremely well. " -- David Gardiner, London, England. Make Him Crave You by Jennifer L O'callaghan (2) "That was hilarious! I loved it!" -- Wolfa. "hmmm!what do we have here?not bad,not bad at all!loaded with stuff for the 'clueless women',and tells the "clueful men" to beware!!!great!" -- kennedy, nigeria. Embarrassing First Date by Susan T Fisher (7) "Well if u go 2 the opticions right u can get som neat glasses! You can also not go on dates and be free like a bird!" -- Dave. "We are the same age, I have been there! It's nice to look back, but, I'M SURE YOU ARE "AN UGLY DUCKLING"" -- Brian O Neil, Grass lake, Mi.. "At last I read one of the reasons you are a lesbian.If I had a terrible date like that I'd probably be gay too.I hope that when you discovered women you were able to relax and be more yourself.Women don't care about superficial things like the color of ones glasses.The only thing a gay woman cares about is what is the best way to stimulate her lovers vagina.I hope that you have forgotten about your most embarrasing date and that your vagina is stimulated frequently." -- Dave. "Hi As in your guestbook to include support html?" -- Stif, New York, ME, united states. "kwtvg iscmrnjx xcfzme zino cgvur ufxn atic" -- znym rtwykfczx, ntrgkobcs, CA, USA. "here here here here here here here here here here" -- Josie Preston, Lena Hawkins, Deedee Spears, Edwin Foster. 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Eating At Arby's: The South Florida Stories (1982) by Richard Grayson (2) "A fun read. I soaked in the ironic and ignorant bliss of the main characters. I am happy now that I have read this story." -- Jon Nicholas, Kentucky, USA. "Woah, what a great story! Perfect combination of blankface innocence and irony. Thanks, Richard!" -- CatamountClyde. A New Game by Jon Nicholas (3) "Good story! But i think it will be to booring in a short film. -Johan" -- Johan, Fyn, Fyn, Denmark. "I'm not sure how you made the background purple, but I'll give you credit for that.--The Advisor" -- JA St.George. "If you agree to reprint this story on my own personal website, I can guarantee you a better review than that.--The Advisor" -- JA St.George. Star Truck by Robert W Carlomagno (5) "A really funny story. Written well with a plot and characters well defined. Flows from sentence to senrence. Can hardly wait to read your others. Still laughing." -- Bob Bolvin, Denver, Colorado, USA. "What can I say? This is especially funny just after watching one of those original Star Trek episodes on the SciFi channel. That's my suggestion for anyone who wants to read this. Watch one of those first, then read this piece. You can parachute into outerspace?--The Advisor." -- JA St.George. "Robert, have you tried this story out on any of the Star Trek fan writing sites. I'm sure there must be at least a couple out there, and perhaps you can sell it that way, if you haven't already.--The Advisor" -- JA St.George. ""Thank you for your kind comments on my story, Star Truck. I had hoped that others would comment on the other stories I have posted." -- Bob Carlomagno. Advisors reply: Bob, I understand your frustration, better than most. There is a major discrepency in the ratio between the volume of work here on Storymania and readers who have the time, compassion, and ability to give a review. I may be able to help, if you are willing to be directed to another website, which is currently under construction. This website is largely dedicated to critiquing. It isn't a replacement to Storymania, merely another tool for you to use if you want it. If you do, I'll gladly tell you the location, but otherwise I will not advertise where it may be unwanted.--The Advisor " -- JA St.George. "It can be visited at http://home.earthlink.net/~jerryageorge " -- JA St.George. Project S.T.A.R. by Loki (1) "Hi, why nobody responds me?" -- Maria, New York, NY, united states. Nine Days And Counting by Lorraine Wylie (3) "What a load of rubbish! I think we should be worried about the anthrax threats not what you want to look like...." -- Jenny. "Actually I find this introduction quite intriquing! It's a pity I coudln't read more. Good luck Lorraine, I think the last reviewer hasn't quite got the drift!" -- lydia reeves, dublin, ireland. "yes, like this one! come on loraine, whats bext!" -- julie watson, manchester, england. Love Beyond Death by Nadeem Akhtar (5) "extremely sorrowful imaginary love which although does not exists in this world but appeals" -- sara, bwp, pakistan. "wonderful , touching" -- Juned, New Delhi, Delhi, INDIA. "believe you me imaginary love does exists. For example love can be imaginary in arrange marriages etc. All the same i did like this story. Even in this day and age i have personally come across people who are suddenly not cared for due to their disability." -- Amy, Hayes, Middlesex, England. "jonny" -- jonny, jonny, jonny, jonny. "Hey man the above article was quite interesting.. And I landed here while searching for my email id........cool.....NIce to know you nadeem........Take care" -- Mohammed nadeem, bangalore, Karnataka, India. Loonies by Steven R. Kravsow (1) "You have wasted your time writing all these stories coz no one has read any of them!!! I think you should go home!" -- Jenny. Beyond The Realm Of Us by Branson Storm (11) "Enjoyable- good use of syntax" -- Eric E., Houston, Texas, USA. "People should read this story now. I believe it will give them more insight into the sudden confusion and emptiness being felt by the families and loved ones of the victims who died in the Sept. 11th attacks. It made me realize how their pain will never go away. " -- T. Glasson, New York, NY, USA. "Worth Reading...Keep up the good work Branson!" -- J. Bryant, Atlanta,, USA, GA,. "I didnt read this but im sure it is.....crap...." -- L.Cline. "To: L. Cline - How commonly ironic it is that through your abysmal lack of effort comes forth, shinning with great light, your deeply self-imposed ignorance. I pity you; really I do, from the bottom of the glimmering bulb of sweat dripping from my swinging scrotum. May the darkness in which you hide be cold with the breath of all your brother cowards. Good luck." -- STORM, Houston, TX, U.S.A.. "Wow! Who do you think you are? You suck. You're writing sucks. Your stories aren't even stories their just simple situations. Hell, anybody can do that. Try harder. It may help, but most likely won't. Sorry, man - Ijust dont get ya." -- Bryan, Seattle , WA. "Brilliantly well written, like "Without Condition", and has slightly more of a story line. Mainly though it's feelings and atmosphere that come across. In both stories though I got the impression that the narrative was leading up to something, and then it just stopped. I think a little more attention to developing a story line of some kind would improve your work, at least for me." -- David Gardiner, London, England. "This is a sad piece, once again leaving me to ponder my own mortality and feel a great deal more passion for those who suddenly lose someone special for no reason at all. I loved this one, too! Keep writing, neighbor, and I'll keep reading." -- Sandra, Baton Rouge, LA, USa. "This is a beautiful piece of writing. It is an in-depth and dissected journey through the mind of a troubled man. His feelings, thoughts and emotions are laid bare for us to poke around in and examine and I love some of the phrases and pretty words. My main thought while reading this was of wishing that one day someone might love me the way your character loved his woman, I just hope I don't have to be brutally murdered first! However I do feel that it doesn't really go anywhere and there was a lot of repetition. I think it's way too long for the words to sustain. I got a little bit bored in the middle. If this was cut to about 3000 words I think it would be a crackin1 piece of writing. As it stands its damned good. " -- Sooz, Dalton, England, Cumbria. "And as for L.Clein, How the hell can you judge something you haven't even bothered to read? Perhaps you would still think it was crap after you'd read it, but at least then it would be an informed opinion and you could be respected for the time and trouble you'd taken in your reading and review, and who knows you might even have enjoyed it or learned something. I have no respect for someone who puts another person down ... I have even less respect for someone who puts another person down without even bothering to read his work. " -- Sooz, Dalton, England, Cumbria. "Wonderful piece of writing. I found myself being completely absorbed in the life of your main character. Excellent!" -- Jasper Jones, Alexandria, LA. The Grave Keeper by Joel Harper (3) "Excellent use of graphic, sensory detail. Maybe you're just writing with an English slant and I misunderstand, however, what is a grave digger doing with an umbrella and suitcase? Perhaps "Grave Keeper" is not a translation of "Grave Digger," and maybe this "Grave Keeper" is just what we in the States call a Tombstone Sculptor, and I believe there's an even more precise name for it. But if it is a guy who chips away stone to form letters and numbers upon a gravestone, then why do it out in the field? I'm sure they're not that backwards, even if this story is set in England.--The Advisor" -- JA St.George. "I think I may be thinking of a "Stone Engraver." Also this story would have to be set relatively recent as clues in the story indicate that it is at least the 20th century. Therefore it is completely mysterious why this guy is doing what he is doing unless it is some other country's custom, such as England's. I simply don't know.--The Advisor" -- JA St.George. "Having spent over thirty years working in cemetery-related occupations, I can easily relate to the story told, and to the thoughts of the "grave keeper." The story would be accurate as to the thoughts of the gravedigger as he and co-workers tear down the tent, fold up the chairs and put away their tools, very often in dreary or inclement weather; just another day's work to them; a major upheaval to the family and friends of the deceased. For 25 of the last thirty years I have worked as a stone engraver and own my own monument (tombstone to the lay person) shop. The person who cuts the final date actually does do the work in the cemetery. It is, of course, easier to travel to the stone than to move the stone to the shop. However, two points of clarification: 1.) The date isn't cut immediately following the funeral and is often not cut for several months. 2.) Chisels are only occasionally used and would be used with an air-powered air hammer similar to a miniature jack hammer....most modern lettering is cut using a sandblaster with compressed air supplied by a gasoline-powered air compressor. Not romantic, certainly, but (sorry Joel) the truth of the matter." -- Patric S. Hamilton, Holton, Kansas, USA. Sometimes The Wind.... by Matt Macul (9) "This took my breath away. Beautiful, but sad tragic story. You will cry..." -- debbie, laguna beach, usa. "OK.. listen dude.. you think you are all that? Well, this story is incredible.. incredible.. forget you! Forget your bull. Why write a story that hurts so much? forget you---" -- pete, Covina, CA. "This story is as powerful as any i have ever read. The tone and pacing and style are deeply rooted in pathos.. and the dog and owner are fully sketched characters.. lots of symbolism... great Job!!!" -- sean, bonita, Ca. "Brilliant. Frigging brillaint" -- Victim 13, LA, CA, usa. "This is by far one of the most intense saddest stories i have ever read--don't know why, but it is also very dark.. very..." -- veral, Jersey. "Some stories stay with you forever--inside you they burn and create tension--this is one of those why is this author not famous?" -- John, Las vegas, USA, Nevada. "well... i don't know it made me cry-- is this a sicko writing thisor a genious" -- valerie, Miami. "I don't know--this hurt to read-- I mean it makes you feel and no one wants to feel--damn, this hurts really hurts do not read this if you do not want to cry" -- John, washington, washington. "Something about this tapped into my very being--this is a dangerous story because it implodes in your psyche and makes you see things dark on the horizon...scary scary" -- Michele, aliso viejo, ca, usa. John by Glen Pearson (2) "AAAAAAAAAAAAARGH!!!!! My virgin mind!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" -- Wolfa. "Wow!" -- Ivana. Blank Canvas by Amit Gupta (2) "The story BLANK CANVAS is a nice story I ever read. I like the story and I want to read more stories from Amit Gupta" -- Mark, NY. "Blank Canvas is a good story which is written deep through heart. I liked I idea of writer who written it well." -- Gautam, Ahemdabad, India. Go to page: 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 29 30 31 32 33 34 35 36 37 38 39 40 41 42 43 44 45 46 47 48 49 50 |
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