www.storymania.com |
Short Stories - Reviews |
|||
|
Short Stories Reviews |
The Summer Man by K P William Cheng (3) "Surrealistically erotic, the denouement is powerful." -- John Owen. "The plot is simple, yet owerwhelming. In less than five hundred words, the writer is able to point out the dark side of human nature and human desire. I am impressed by this short story. " -- Tom Geroge, Tokyo, Japan, Japan. "This story needs a lot more fleshing out--no pun intended. It seems to be intentionally obscure. A good start, however." -- Jenny, Mercer, Fort Worth. The Diary Of Walter Chan Part Two by K P William Cheng (1) "Full of wit and wisdom about life, the story of the gay guy learns a great deal from his past relationship." -- John Owen. Coffee At Starbucks by Sunny (2) "wow man!!! what a provocative funny story...u've got me all horny now...you must be the best writer ever." -- sunny, dc, usa. "besides being probably the worst and raunchiest writer I've come across, you actually think the drivel that you jot down is good, now you are a better comedian than you were ever a writer...you ought to be a stand up. Although you probably wouldn't get along with that crowd either" -- Molly. Angel Turns Pro by Lawrence Peters (2) "An unusual writing style which works well with this piece of writing. I could sense the urgency! Karen" -- Karen, UK. "A good read. Not too long, not too short, just right. Hey, I've got a request, could you write a story about a dragon? If you could, I'd be over the moon." -- Bernay. The Fate Machine by Darcy K Metz (3) "I can see where you are wanting to go with with this story, and I like it well enough. BUt, the thing is, when the story begins, you give the character no feeling whatsoever, until later, but by that time the people don't know how he HAD felt and basically don't care what happens to the man then. Maybe some flashbacks, and some remembered conversations with him and his father, would bring him emotion and realism. Maybe add a few boyhood tears, and the like. But I like this story, I do, and I hope I helped you out. I'll read it again if you want to re do it or something. Good job!" -- Kimberly De Liz. "Hi Darcy - the story line is interesting, but you are simply telling us the story, not showing it (one of the writer's commandments!). Try using more conversation, more action, instead of just merely telling us what's going on - this may help the story move for you. " -- Jennifer Nobile Raymond, New York, NY. "I agree completely with the previous reviewer (Jennifer). You are just giving us a chronicle of events, no description or characterization to speak of, and you are telling us everything, not showing us the story unfolding so that we can interpret it for ourselves. I suspect you have become too focused on plot, which is only one element of a story. Before we can become drawn-in to the plot we have to care about the person or people involved in that plot. This bit is missing. The central character is, to be honest, a bit of a cardboard cut-out. Those extra dimensions are exactly what he lacks!" -- David Gardiner, London, England. Poisoned Seed by Nitro (5) "Hmm... well, you did say that it was a rough draft, so I'll give you that. But while I was reading this, I somehow felt that you weren't even sure of where you were heading with this. Grateful isn't spelled 'greatful'. :-) I think somewhere in the middle, after specifically naming it a tree, you turned it around it was a human with veins. I get it, but the way you brought it along didn't seem to fit with the rest of the work. But hey, The idea was pretty cool, so when you write the final draft, I'll read it. oh yeah... what does 'whils' mean? do you mean 'while' or 'whilst' when you say this? Good work; see ya! :-)" -- Kimberly De Liz. "What a great metaphor, it could have been a tree, it could have been ???? great work " -- Janae Anthony. "WEll Nitro , I have had my fill of you tonight. The first time here for me. After reading this I don't know whether to review it or refer you to counseling? I can't tell if its your mom or your boyfriend , if you are angry or sexually abused but it is good. I like you and your writing. I also guess you are a little "mello dramatic". I am hoping you are anyway but do well. You are too lazy. I understand laziness, maybe your writing is as much for therapy's sake as it is for writing's sake. Whatever, it is good and you are sesouas (that is definitly not spelled correct) and I am lazy too." -- rivers. "If anyone cares, it's 'sensuous.'--The Advisor" -- JA St.George. "good job. i liked the metaphor of the poisoned seed, i could really feel the hate the little seed had for the mighty tree, but it was suppressed, controlled rage which is all the sweeter and which makes this story work, otherwise you would probably be all incoherent...the title "Poisoned Seed" was awesome, wish i had thought of that for some of my stories :) it was a little bit too long and repetitive in theme in some parts (emotion is only half the story)...also, i wonder why the mighty tree was so toxic?" -- sunny, dc, usa. The Sun Ray Hit His Eyes by K P William Cheng (1) "How sad it is, William. Mei Lan has such a pretty voice. She's like a wilting flower. And I feel sorry for her husband, trying to decide between obligation, tradition and his real feelings. You told this story simply and beautifully. . . well done." -- Harriet. Joe And His Cat by Mark Herner (2) "A very strong and moving story, a plus for any story. What I found wrong with it though was that it began too soon, or in this case "technically" too late, meaning the intro is written well, but everything following it is told in flashback, and the intro becomes "a little" unnecessary. Instead the flashback scenes, should be shown as fleshed out scenes, remember one of the golden rules of our craft "show, don't tell", a concept I perpetually struggle with. It might be painful, but I'd suggest eliminating the intro, and beginning with the club. This is only a suggestion, so please don't take offense." -- EC Allen. "Or you don't have to kill off your words at all as EC Allen would have you do, just place them further into the story, which would also make flashback null and void. Now that I've rooted your story onto victory Mr. Herner, mind returning the fave, deal? My "High Flyer" is only a little teensy weensy 9 stories away from yours." -- The Cheerleader. Learning To Heel by Rekha Ambardar (2) "Well written. I like to write and read stories or pieces using that style myself. Very straightforward, without getting into detailed descriptions of the characters,(dog included)and yet,giving the reader enough to form his own mental pictures of them. I was also glad to see you avoid the excessive use of methphors and similes, which I find in the work of so many aspiring writers, perhaps to camouflage the lack of substance in their stories. I was hoping for more of a surprise ending, but overall,a good, entertaining story. " -- Dick Koss, Willoughby Hills, Ohio. "good story, it was well written and caught my interest, even though there wasn't tons of sex and drugs!!! i especially liked "he imagined her in bed, but turned away in disgust or longing" keep it up." -- sunny, DC. The Slapper by Glen Pearson (4) "Yuck!" -- Ivana Milakovic. "That was disgusting, although humorous in a very, very sick way. But it was well written, I'll give you that." -- Wolfa. "They're like mopeds -ok to ride 'til your friends see you doing it... I agree that it's well written for what it is; but then so was Mein Kampe." -- AJ Magy. "Comparing this piece to Hitler was a stretch. However I must disagree. I do not believe that this piece was well written at all. But, it has potential. Tightening up on grammer and spelling is always key. Try to reach a broad audience. I fear, author, that this piece will not.Just my opinion." -- Jeffrey. T. S., I Remember by Jenny Mercer (4) "Jenny, I see what you're trying to do here, and it's a great idea... but for some reason it doesn't tug at my mind in the right places. oh, believe me you, it DOES tug, but not the way you obviously want it to. Bring more emotion into the story: facial expressions, narrowing eyes, unholy sensations, etc... you can do it, you've got the flare... just bring it out a tad more:-) Chao mira mi" -- Kimberly De Liz. "I can almost feel the affects of the nightmares related to his experiences. Anything haunting him this bad would bring them on in a blink of an eye. I believe this is what short stories are for...our continued imagination." -- Barbara Heick, Denton, Texas, USA. "Clever title--"And other withered stumps of time were told upon the walls; staring forms leaned out, leaning, hushing the room enclosed..." You might want to read Nabokov's short story, La Veneziana--"I would get the feeling that I was softly congealing, cohering with the canvas, merging into a film of oil color. Then I would shut my eyes tight, yank with all my strength, and leap out." Your story works kind of like that, sucking the reader in until we finally get a powerful glimpse of the picture in the last (and best) paragraph. This could be a nice compact gem of a mood development story--remember, its effectiveness will lie in each and every brushstroke. " -- Matt Holman, Groton, CT, USA. "WOW, interesting concept a real mind bender. It makes you think... " -- Nathaniel Miller, Bend, OR, USA. Shaman by Randy Guess (1) "Great story, I think that has inspired me to live a new life!" -- Xzar. Grim by Arcanum (3) "A "lil something" you cooked up, eh? Maybe a lil something you cooked up while on the crapper! It's thrown together and old. I'd personally flush this one, man, but I could somehwere in there sense potential. Next time, use your head while your not using your ass ;-)" -- daryl. "I see what the problem is here, and it isn't that it's all bad. Problem is it's not a story. A story must have not only a theme but a plot, yours misses the plot. It seems as if someone's taken a book, torn out a single page, and chose to display it. My advice would be to show us the rest of the pages you didn't allow us to see." -- EC Allen. "This is incomplete. An idea for a story that was started, but not finished. Keep trying." -- Kathy. The Monster Of Vangor by Nancy F. Carlson (2) "Please don't be offended, but you asked for an opinion. Not that I'm such an accomplished writer, but I encourage you to read my essay "Think Before You Write", it may help you." -- Dick Koss. "this is a cool story it is kinda scary but i liked it" -- Marshall, Sydney, Nsw, Australia. The Forest Elf by John Shade (9) "Powerful. Hauntingly beautiful. Reminiscent of the work of E.A. Poe." -- EC Allen. "I completely agree with that statement!" -- AC Kelly. "Those other two were right this is excellent narrative poetry. If you're ever interested in writing narrative poetry in collaboration with a work of prose that I plan to work on give me call at [email protected], be sure to ask for EH Castle." -- EH Castle. "Unfortunately, that offer is no longer good. But this is still a phenomenal story. After all, I've been saying so, for the past two years." -- JA St.George. "It's amazing how many times I find myself drawn to this work. It is a sensational piece.--The Advisor" -- JA St.George. "This is surely one of the most intelligent and moving pieces on Storymania. It works at so many levels and says so much. The loss of innocence, the repulsive violence of war intruding into beautiful places and desecrating them, human greed and ignorance and short-sightedness leading to the destruction and plundering of the earth's resources, power-crazed mankind at odds with nature, the spread of ugliness and disillusion and selfishness... it's all here. What a superb achievement!" -- David Gardiner, London, England. "Congratulations John, my best read on this site. Impressed." -- DCoetzee. "This story is by Vladimir Nabokov" -- Duy Tran. ""The Wood-Sprite," V. Nabokov, 1921. " -- Marie. The Absolution Of Margaret by Richard Koss (3) "What is this fuckstick? Between this and that "Know it - I wrtoe it" garbage, I've come to the conclusion that you're not only unoriginal, plageuristic, and simple, but you're clearly a wanker. Stop writing this instant, you are shit, you are a hack, you are wasting yours and everybody else's time. Imagine using a joke you heard and pretending it's your story, and having the nerve to copyright it? Know it? - I heard it years ago. Way to live up to your name "DICK"" -- Phil, Dublin. "To smooth-talkin' Phil: You have every right to criticize the work of others, but at least confine your review to the story you've read,instead of venting your spleen about something else that pissed you off. I've read some of your other comments and for what it's worth - I've been around awhile, and in my younger days, I knew quite a few young guys with bad attitudes and big foul mouths. Most of them didn't live to be very old." -- D K. "Hey, not bad at all. Your critic from Dublin who calls himself Phil is a typical punk who never accomplished anything in his life and has a hard-on for Americans. If he came to this country, he wouldn't last a month. They'd find him in some trash container. As you said, no matter where he lives, he won't be around very long. " -- Anthony. Please Sir by Paula M Shackleford (4) "I really would appreciate feedback on this, even if you would just read the first chapter if you don't have time to go any further, I would be v. grateful! Thanx a lot! x" -- Paula, Hamilton, Scotland. "Your writing style and diction seem to fit the romance genre very well, based on the quick read I gave your story. Try submitting to some of those markets. They seem to pay better than anything else and they are always looking for new writers." -- RMM, Ft. Worth, TX, USA. "This short story is well written. Veronica is an interesting character, longing for true romance. I liked this short very well. " -- Robert K. Tarquinio, Santa Monica, California, USA. "Beautifully done as always Paula, but I think if I were to wake up to a Teletubbies alarm clock, seeing La La and Tinky Winky staring back at me would probably scare the hell out of me :-0 Anyhow I know have a barbarian (Gorell the Slayer) and possibly a bard (Christy Mack) in my band of travelers, voyaging to put an end to the evil reign of the Tyrant of the realm as well as doing other romantic/heroic fantasy sort of things. If you have no idea what I'm even talking about :-) please refer to my reviews of all your past stories." -- EC Allen. Letting Go by Paula M Shackleford (10) "That "throw the reader GOTCHA cookie-cutter surprise" at the end was so forced and unncecessary, it hurt...it really did. A few things: From what I understand, he's dead? So how is he writing a letter? Or talking to his mom/sister for that matter? Or maybe he's committing suicide...but then why would his mom be so nonchalant about the death? Eh, the "snapper" was stupid and ambiguous. Take it out, and the letter would actually be better." -- Tyrant. "He has wrote it BEFORE he died, that's why he is talking about "when you get this letter". Thanks anyway." -- Paula. "Well Paula, he doesn't call himself the Tyrant of the writing realm for nothing. I can root ya on, but where is our white knight EC Allen when we need him?" -- The Cheerleader. "Riding up behind you my fair maiden, Cheeleader. I will dismount my steed and draw my blade to fend off the Tyrant if he looks to further attack the ladies of this glorious realm. Cheerleader, if you happen to read back through this to see my posting, I just wanted you to know that a lot of people have expressed interest in the "Advisor" here on Storymania to have a contest done whereby each writer is given the same guidelines whether they be into Romance, Mystery, Sword & Sorcery, Sci/Fi, etc., and for each of them to come up with a completely unique story based upon that for everyone who enters. That is a fascinating idea, very similar to what I'm trying to achieve." -- EC Allen. "Geez! EC I can barely read you in all of that lime green! Anyhow, tell me what exactly you're wanting to do, and tell me who's also interested." -- The Cheerleader. "Look who's talking, you're stuck in the greenery too. Well Cheerleader, for about a month now the "Advisor" column has been asking if the writers here would be interested in a friendly competition with one another. The Staff doesn't seem to be too quick to respond to the demand of people like: Glen Pearson (an excellent darkly humored writer on this board), That Other Guy (never seen his work, but from what I hear he's one step behind everybody else in a funny kind of way), Tootsie Man (???), Mr. Wal-Mart (I wonder if he works there just like me, guess I'll have to hunt him down and ask), Dick Koss (an excellent teacher in the grammatical arts), Little Sweet Thang (apparently has some strange preoccupation with something called sex-cake), Gorrell the Slayer (need I say more), Christy Mack (Songstress extraordinaire), and yourself Cheerleader, and so I've been trying with varying degrees of success to interest them in my project, whether they wish to do it here on Storymania, do it by way of e-mail by constantly forwarding the on-going story to one another, watching it grow as it's passed from one person's hands to another, or wait until I get my website up and running. I think it would be a great idea, we could even invite the Tyrant of the realm, because hey that fits in perfectly with the idea. Please e-mail me and let me know if you're interested Cheerleader, my fine maiden." -- EC Allen. "Did someone call the name of Gorell the Slayer? Where is the Tyrant! If he fools around with my wenches he will be the fool, for I Gorell will bash his money-taking, land-stealing puny head in! Let him gloat upon his throne in his silken robes, but watch when you sleep at night, or you may not wake up! Do not mess with Gorell the Slayer!" -- Gorell the Slayer, Mortaban, East Fallow, Pollayasa. "This Is emotion at its highest. Paula, you really have a unique style of writing. I have a quote from one of my poems that reminds me of this emotional path of letting go. "They say love hurts, and i agree I'm lost in loneliness i can't be free" " -- Amir. "Coming back to your story once again, I didn't thin the ending was all that obscure or even sudden. He was writing a letter to someone with whom he had split up basically saying that he still loved her. Why had he split up from her? it needed some explanation, and in the last paragraph we were given the explanation. He was going to die. Presumably he had some incurable illness, and as soon as he had found out about this he had broken uo with his girlfriend, in a possibly misguided attempt to lessen her pain. I think it's a very well-written and touching piece. Perhaps "The Tyrant" needs to pay a bit more attention when he reads something? " -- David Gardiner, London, England. "Thanks for the support David, I appreciate it!" -- Paula. Blue Run At Telluride by Danny I. Spitler (1) "I was very impressed by this piece. You know that a piece is well done when it can be presented as either an essay or a story and be equally well received. I wouldn't be able to tell if it wasn't a real experience if you didn't tell me, on the same token I wouldn't be able to tell if it was a real experience if you didn't tell me. It could be an essay about real or made up experiences, and it could quite equally be a story, sings it has a plot to it rather than being incidental. My congratulations." -- EC Allen. Almost There by Paula M Shackleford (3) "Hi there once again Paula, as I've been saying for months now (though my evil twin brother Tyrant seems to disagree with), in reviews upon all of your romantic stories, I think you are one of the best romantic writers on Storymania (and no that's not a pick-up line... honest). You didn't seem to be very interested in my proposal to head-up my romantic/heroic fantasy world project, which was contained in the e-mail package I sent you awhile back, but that's okay, I will still continue to respond favorably to your work as long as you continue to do it with the quality I have come to expect and respect. Just one question. What is a 18-30 package holiday? Does that mean 18-30 days? It isn't necessary to put what it means in the story, it's just for my own curiosity. As always, your partner in crime across the Pond, EC Allen." -- EC Allen. "It wasn't that I wasn't interested, I just didn't have the time, I am a fourth year uni student! Anyway, an 18-30 package holiday is one for 18-30 year olds, which basically both males and females go on if they want to get laid. there's a lot of desperate people out there! I just assumed it was a universal kinda thing! Anyway, thanks for the review!" -- Paula. " Alright. Crystal clear now, thank-you." -- EC Allen. A Story Problem by Kathleen Quigley (4) "Yes, another pearl of brilliance!" -- Tyrant. "Not very realistic in any way and not very developed." -- Alithium, Tucson, Arizona, USA. "Too much middle, and harly any end. Doesn't look like you put much effort into it. Like I said before... reviewers on this website are tough and you have tough competition. Read other people's work before you submit your own." -- christy mack. "Okay what? I'm so confused. Do you have a thing for a guy named Justin? *Wink, wink ;)* And I couldn't find the focus in the story. You're story had background information but I don't understand where you were going with it. Also the Epilogue isn't really in its entirety. Why would anyone just believe what she said if she was soooo ridiculed? An what was the graduation's collective reaction? Why was Justin even there? Was he the unnecassary love interest? I have so many question not enough time to ask them, but to say it could have been better and I'm not afraid to say it. (Usually Im nice about this, but why is it so...random?) " -- Julissa Gayle Raven. Wrong, Wrong, Wrong! by Crazy Clown (3) "I understand what the author is saying, and I acknowledge that Crazy Clown is an intelligent person. However, I pose the question to the author: if *you* were told to find every possible solution to "2 + 2" and to justify every answer, what would your answer be? Simple arithmetic is not designed for "creativity". I am a strongly creative person myself, but mathematics is a defined subject. There is only one correct answer (or set of answers) to any given problem. The means of achieving it may differ, but the answer will always be the same. If "purple" is given as an answer, and "17" as an alternative, both are equally wrong. Purple is a product of two parts blue and two parts red, is it not? Two plus two does make purple, so is "purple" not a correct answer in that sense? Yes; it is a correct answer in this sense but not in purely mathematical terms (in which case it is a mathematically wrong answer). "17" is only correct in that it has been answered in mathematical terms as suggested by the question, but the answer itself is still mathematically incorrect, just as "purple" was. Both are equally incorrect. Therefore, although creativity is to be encouraged in any system of education, it cannot always be applied. (Though understanding *how* to multpliy, for instance, rather than relying on memorised tables, is a point with which I agree.)" -- OddSock, age 19, Sydney, NSW, Australia. "I bow before your superior logic. I acknowledge your obviously knowledgable review, and also the fact that there is always multiple ways of seeing the same theory. ^_^" -- Crazy Clown. "Math teachers aren't going to think outside the box. That's what makes them math teachers. They aren't going to have their students list out every possible answer for 2+2. Math is black and white and that's all it'll ever be. The people who teach it think along the same lines. Some math teachers are drones. Math is a hard subject to explain clearly nad make interesting, which is why the teacher's who mmake it interesting should be commended. Too often though math teachers stand in front of the board and show off, trying to do problems as quickly as possible, then say "What, you don't get it?"" -- Steven. The Journal by John Christopher Cook (1) "The "Journal" was a huge question mark to me, when I first saw the introductory page, because it left out a description of both the author and the story, that's the only thing I'd really change, unless the author wants it to remain a mystery. The p.o.v. being told from the ominiscient (I think that's how you spell it) was a bit cold and impersonal. I guess I just like to read and tell my stories in either in first or third person p.o.v.. But it is obvious this isn't the author's first time writing, and definitely knows what their doing." -- EC Allen. The Insane Ramblings Of A Complete Idiot by Crazy Clown (2) "I know I shouldn't be reviewing my own works, but I seriously think I was high when I wrote this thing. You know the weirdest part? All of my friends laughed their asses off when they read this. Maybe it expressed something in all of us that yearns to break free from the normals of society. Or maybe it is just funny. I'll let you decide." -- Crazy Clown. "*stares in amazement* The frame of mind you were in was no where near the setting of "normal" right? Mine's permanently on "so-weird-your-close-to-having-a-seizure". Welcome to the looneybin." -- Julissa Gayle Raven, aka looneymuse. That's Ratings Suicide! by Tcn (1) "Very realistic. I really see eye to eye with the fact that people are heartless when it comes to entertainment. They don't care what holds their attention for a half an hour or so, as long as something holds their attention. " -- ashley, mckeesport, pa, usa. Net by Barbara Villarreal (2) "Sandra Bullock was in the Net, so first off you'll need a title change, but the story itself is mint. It's an excellent example of turning metaphor into reality. I understand what you were trying to do by presenting the Internet, and saying that sitting alone at a computer terminal closes you off from the rest of the world, but contradictarily allows you to connect to the world. I can easily see how this story might be sequeled, and brought to a satisfying completion with a sequel. I'll call the sequel "Direct Interface" or how about "Falling Into Oblivion", about this woman's search, and about how words, pictures, etc. are put upon a screen, and gradually "fall off" the bottom of the screen. Just a thought." -- jerrygeorge51. "Even reading this story a year later, I still think this is a great story, in desperate need of a different title. Have you considered any of the above that I offered?--The Advisor" -- JA St.George. "Even In Light, May Appear Shadow" by Stoneheart (1) "Interesting. Though left with no true beginning nor end, it is difficult to tell if this is a battle between Powers, aliens, or other dimensional characters. I would be eager to learn more, so that more favorable comments and perhaps some suggestions may follow." -- EC Allen. Unstable by Margaret Li (5) "I just have to say that my name is a typo (obviously) and that I'm 14, so bah to you if you hate my story." -- Margaret Li, Purgatory,, In the Sky,, Above.. "Oh, c'mon... have a little confidence in yourself. We're around the same generation, anyway, and i know on a personal note exactly what this story is about. You're not a nerd, first of all, and I don't dislike your story. It was fabulously written, and I am beginning to think I look forward to your next story. You have a gift for the words, chica, so use them with pride. " -- Kimberly S. De Liz. "Ms. Li -- I found your story extremely compelling and believe you have a strong talent for description. Making an imaginary moment real. I hope you continue writing and look forward to your next story. " -- E A Renner. "Bravo. Well-written, I must say. Do have confidence, honey... I liked it a lot..." -- Alithium, Tucson, Arizona, USA. "Keep on writing!" -- R. Bennett Okerstrom. Tidings Of Comfort And Joy by Kathleen May (6) "Very nice! It was a little corny, but well done. I am fourteen myself, and I dont know anyone that cruel, but Im sure that happens in alot of places. The ending was sweet." -- Meg. "Fantastic read - really quite superlative. Cannot wait to see more of this truly exciting new writer. Will Ms May be the new JK Rowling?" -- Swithun, Kigali, Rwanda. "Well done! Look forward to seeing many more of your stories online!" -- Karen, London. "Well done! Look forward to seeing many more of your stories online!" -- Karen, London. "Excellent story with keen character development and insight into the mindless cruelty seen in every day life. This would be an excellent story for discussion in a high school English class. I look forward to more from this author!" -- Mary Fairchok, Puyallup, WA. "I enjoyed the story right up until the end. The gift doesn't make Cara special for who she is, only makes her fitin with a crowd that she really doesn't like. You might want to rethink the ending." -- Carol Lind, Bloomington, Illinois, USA. The Widower by Tony Seljuk (8) "Order CHEAP && Online BUY PAXILpaxil :: paxil side effects :: paxil cr :: paxil withdrawal :: paxil withdrawal symptoms :: side effects of paxil :: paxil and weight gain :: paxil weight gain :: paxil withdrawl :: paxil social anxiety :: how to stop taking paxil cr :: how to lose weight on paxil :: discount paxil :: health problem zoloft paxil treat :: weight gain with paxil BUY PAXILpaxil :: paxil side effects :: paxil cr :: paxil withdrawal :: paxil withdrawal symptoms :: side effects of paxil :: paxil and weight gain :: paxil weight gain :: paxil withdrawl :: paxil social anxiety :: how to stop taking paxil cr :: how to lose weight on paxil :: discount paxil :: health problem zoloft paxil treat :: weight gain with paxil SOMA ONLINEsoma :: buy soma :: akane soma :: aura soma :: soma carisoprodol :: buy soma online :: soma online :: cheap soma :: soma cube :: soma san diego :: watson soma :: soma addiction :: drug soma :: soma seeds :: generic soma ZOCOR onlinezocor :: zocor side effects :: generic zocor :: zocor generic :: side effects of zocor :: side effects of the drug zocor :: discount zocor :: gain weight zocor :: drug zocor CHEAP levitralevitra :: levitra levitra :: generic levitra :: buy levitra online :: cheap levitra :: buy levitra :: levitra prescriptions :: online drug purchase levitra :: discount levitra online :: viagra cialis levitra :: levitra side effects :: levitra online :: cialis vs levitra :: levitra addicting online games :: levitra alternative " -- cialisenl, Moskow, NY, Hungary. " %" -- kokisha, Madrid, California, Germany. "bmzijs ayliqkfrs rtuxlfwe dpghj pqkhab xsekudwc stizyrcf" -- kswn wtdfia, efrjcgub, CA, USA. The Tree House by Steven R. Kravsow (1) "Very cute, Steven--even better the second time around! :o) I enjoy how you vividly develop the characters in your stories. Your writing's are a true pleasure to read. Keep up the A+ work! " -- Tammy, VA. The Scissors by Glen Pearson (3) "You've got a way with voices and dialects, no denying that. I just wish you'd work on telling a cleaner story." -- AJ Magy. "Fuckin brilliant mate, good at last to see a story told in the way you would hear it on the street, if you had made it 'cleaner' it would not have been very true to life, two blokes talking together generally means a LOT of swearing, you got any more stories coming ???" -- Paul, London, UK. "I agree with AJ this could be really good...but the use of slang...and foul language is a bit offensive...would be interested to see a cleaner version? :)" -- mattie. Know It? - I Wrote It by Richard Koss (6) "You're right about it being vulger. You might add crude and disgusting. Really not that funny either. I'm surprised you would waste your time on such trash. Some of your other work is not bad. " -- anonymous. "Ouch!" -- DK. "It's also completely ripped off from an old joke." -- D., Dublin, Ireland. "D. is right, I heard that joke years ago, but what can you expect from this fucker, the human Xerox machine. " -- Phil, London. "I regret posting this piece, not because it's based upon an old, old, joke,which I allude to in my introduction, but because it's crude and in bad taste. There's enough of that stuff on this site, and I don't need to add to it. However, I subconsciously thought it might get some reaction from morons like Phil. - I was right." -- D K. " not enough humor any more keep up the good work i love a good joke" -- B.J. Wolfe, Qualicum Beach, Canada, British Columbia. Is She Playing Away? by Glen Pearson (1) "disturbing and fascinating. i loved it." -- Nitro. Ilya's Song by Bert Paradis (1) "An old man with nothing better to do, huh? Well, your 'nothing better' is better than you think, suh! Heh... nah, I liked it, it was sad but well written, well phrased, and you showed the little girl well, in a more adult perspective perhaps. For a moment there when you two locked gazes I felt you would fall madly in love and get married, but I know that's just 'cuz I'm young and immature. I liked this story very much, and I'd like to know it it's a true story? Good job, on the any how." -- Kimberly De Liz. Beyond The Fence by Mason Cole (2) "The idea is very nice, and the characters are good. However, this story has a problem, and it is the same problem as with the most of your poetry (with exception of Thoughts From A Prison Camp (which is an experiment) and To My Blooming Rose). That problem is too much editing. While I don't think that poetry should be just an emotional outburst, it looks as if you had edited it and then re-edited it...Until it lost most of it's freshness. Take it easy. Try to just feel the words, try playing with words. It doesn't have to be technically perfect. It is good that you really work on your texts and that you don't just publish everything that you can think of... But it's okay if you relax a bit. Best wishes!" -- Ivana Milakovic. "Whoa! Calm down with that thesaurus mate! Seriously though, despite you're quest to never use the same descriptive word twice the story is very readable and quite enchanting. I hope the sense of innocence between the lines won't fade as ya get older mate, its a nice touch. Keep up the stuff man, ya got a good imagination, but like that russian bird sez, relax!" -- G Pearson, England. While The Iron's Hot by Richard Koss (3) "It's good. Glad I found you. Well, at least you know I hadn't read it before writing mine. I'll be reading more stuff. Cheers" -- barf. "I am sorry, but this is sick. I had all the good will to really read your stories that I believed they would be full of wisdom, unlike my song, but all I know is this story is absolutely and entirely ......I don't even have words to describe it. English is my second language. I can't translate "apisteuti arrwsti malakia, xwris to paramikro noima yparksis". I am sorry." -- CJW. "To CJW: I never said my stories are about wisdom. They're just stories about people. Most of the time I try to utilize surprise endings with a twist. That's all. But I try to write stories and poems that pertain to any time or era. I don't focus on themes that may be "hot" at the time, like teachers having sex with kids. Thanks for taking the time to read it anyway. Take a look at "Hooked." It's only 323 words. " -- Richard. Timmya The Totter And The Cave Adventure Part 1 by Rose Trimovski (1) "cool" -- jon, chik, ill, usa. The Barn by Glen Pearson (3) "Still not sure if they were crows or bats, but I'll put my money on crows." -- EC Allen. "They look like crows to me." -- Ivana Milakovic. "I think this is a really cool story. It's really dark and moody, and you don't have to read through any boring crap like you do in my stories. It was quite disturbing, especially when you wrote 'taking the darkness with him'. Keep up the cool stories" -- Adam Brelsford, Bournemouth, Dorset, England. How Do I Love Thee? Let Me Count The Times. by John C Smith (5) "Huh. Well then. I have one word for you, after reading this. What? What the hell WAS that, man? I am terribly sorry, but this was just not interesting, and coming from someone at my age, that's pretty bad. But, hey, maybe that's just me, but I like reading stories with point, or humor. If you are insistant that this is good, it could be, if added to a bigger and more complete story. " -- Kimberly De Liz. "Coming from someone my age, thanks a heap." -- John C Smith. "You know, European film festivals love this kind'a stuff. Maybe you should write a script." -- Carrilho. "This story is dreadful start to finish. For one thing, every time a different person speaks, you are supposed to start a new paragraph. For another, I have a teenage son, and it is unimaginable to me that I, or any "normal" mother, would ever say, "You don't know how to please a woman" to him. Suggest you work on the dialogue. It is rubbish, and unrealistic, as it is." -- Candace Apple. "Dear Candice, In regards to the handling of dialogue, I seen it handled both ways. As to it's truth, I can only say that it is. I was very lucky to have a mother that was very open and blessed with a sense of humor. She was no Dr. Laura (thank God), nor was she "normal" like you (double thank God). And thank you." -- JC Smith, Mukiteo. The Box by Mason Cole (6) "Interesting plot. Good characterizations. A little high-handed, but the surprise ending is worth it." -- S. Kitty. "Definitely a great story with a spooky ending! It definitely reminds me of some "Awe-S-S-Um" potential. Keep up the good work!" -- Chou Kee Ling. "First-rate, but a bit scary. Why let the forces of evil win? Good triumphs in the end -- especially ovewr the span of eternity!" -- Jeff Taylor, Cleveland, Ohio, U.S.A.. "Ahaa, a**holes like Jeff Taylor who ruin the ending make me laugh. Oh, well. It's even more funny when they don't mean to ruin it, and are just incompetent fools! Whee-hee!" -- Tyrant. "Damned good! Was it the horror? No...not really frightening. The characters? No, though they were well done. Was it the plot? Kind of. It kept me reading, though it is late. What was it, then, that made this story as good as it is? The setting. I wrote a novelletta about a Zealot-run society with mixed results...because I focused on the rebel-who was a recluse-not many characters were introduced to reinforce the theocracy of it all. But I must say, Worthing, you painted it far better than I. Maybe I'll take "The Box" into consideration while revising. Huzzah and Kudos from mutating from the amateur who scribbled "Ye Who Enter Here" to the artist who painted "The Box". Huzzah and Kudos,indeed!" -- Tyrant. "Funny, entertaining, smart. I love Dracula, too..." -- Ivana Milakovic. "An Honorable Man" by Zach Czaia (3) "It was well written and phrased, good job. I wish more people would read this story. :-)" -- Uanna. "I would not consider this "well-written" at all. You have spelling & grammatical errors that make it very difficult to read. Also, your paragraphs shouldn't be more than about five sentances each. I gave up before I finished the story. But I do know that the parks of America are filled with homeless mentally ill persons, so unless you are a conspiracy theorist, the plot is lame at best." -- TheCritic. "Hi Zach- I think you have the beginnings of an interesting idea, but it needs some work. The plot as it stands is bland - needs more umph! I like the idea of seeing the bums in a park as thinking human beings. As far as the grammar, if you are going for a first person narrative, then it could be their particular speech pattern. Otherwise, your sentence structure needs to be tightened up a bit." -- Jennifer Nobile Raymond, New York, NY. Summers' End by John C Smith (3) "Wow, John - just goes to show you can never really tell what kind of people you meet day to day." -- Jennifer Nobile Raymond, New York, NY. "Wow, how weird, you did good keeping the audience's attention. It's weird how it does come so close to home." -- Tracy , Normal, Illinois, USA. "I really liked this short story. Neal Summers was very creepy, and the story kept me in suspense the whole time. However, I thought there was going to be an interesting twist at the end, with Neal Summers and his student Gary. " -- Jessica, Chicago, IL, USA. Go to page: 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 29 30 31 32 33 34 35 36 37 38 39 40 41 42 43 44 45 46 47 48 49 50 |
|||
| Copyright © 1998-2001 Storymania Technologies Limited. All Rights Reserved. |
||||