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Short Stories - Reviews |
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Short Stories Reviews |
Ultimate Video Fighters by Delmar Burkett (3) "It was very good. The actors were out of sight. Especiallhy the fight scences. I hope I see more of your work" -- Denice Royster, grand blanc, michigan, usa. "I really enjoy the creativeness of Ultimate Video Fighters. I thought it dialogue and climax was excellent and exciting. Hope to see what else you have in store." -- Frank Scott, Bradenton, Florida. "This is a good story. perhaps you can make it more descriptive make it more lively and more convincing because in the real world, so far most of the people havent experienced that yet, so make it real and make it convincing like the harry potter and stuff! its good overall. i am serious. " -- Cherie. The Watermelon Seed And The Rose Bush by Michael L Phillips (Aka The Purple Monkey) (3) "This story is indeed humurous. maybe you want to use a wider range of vocaubulary so that people can laugh throughout the whole story. its good anyway. really." -- Cherie. "Ha ha ha ha ha this was hilarious - loved it!" -- briony carvalho, Reading, England. "fun to read, i remember when l was young after eating fish, i went to drink water and was told that the fish needs it to swim in, in my stomach!" -- carol, stockh., Sweden. Proms Are For Lovers by Devin M McDaniel (1) "Watch your grammar and you might want to reconstruct certain sentences. Be logical at some point of the story to" -- Cherie. Awakening by Sidney Tucker (1) "Its really good. Maybe you should add in how come you are so put down and what made you detach from God." -- Cherie. Kyra (Chapter 1) by Ryuichi Minamino (2) "Hey, that was a great story..now all it needs is the rest of it!!! You wright great stories my friend!!! Keep it up, okay. " -- Tohma, Florida. "Thanks ^_^ glad you like 'em!!!" -- Ryu. Your Thoughts Or Mine by Armand Waksberg (2) "You have good grammar and good content for this shrot story. " -- Cherie. "You might also want to change the character's occupation in the story. Instead of letting them be original people maybe let them be scientists? I think that would make the whole thing more exciting..." -- Cherie. Washed In The Blood by Monica L Sprague (1) "Its a good essay i must say. The words are strongly used.Good command of language and description given. " -- Cherie. True Lovers Story by Hesham Helmy (2) "just to read" -- hema, Trichy, Tamilnadu, India. "take note of your grammatical errors, and you can convert the dialogue part into a poem. it would then bring in the spirit you want the reader to feel. good job." -- Cherie. The Silence Of The Forest by Matthew Mark Gill Scary (1) "I like how your charater is lost in the forest. great job." -- Jeanette . The Red Wars by Ap Williams (2) "Sounds good. You should go ahead and write this. I like the descendancy of Blood demon idea. Good luck." -- Buxton. "Thanks, Buxton. I haven't started writing the actual story yet...still working on building the world in which my story takes place (maps, cities, characters, history, etc.) I plan on submitting some of that stuff on here. We'll see how it goes. Thanks." -- Author. The Power by Randall Barfield (1) "Good read. I am looking for short stories to adapt into a short film and I like this one. If this is true than I am sorry for your loss. Here is a link to my demo reel. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=I9r1PO0iRfA my email is jondenison5@mchsi.com" -- Jon Denison, Albuquerque, NM, USA. The Porch by Danny Swearengen (1) "I absolutely love this story, it was intriguing from the first sentence and I love the ending! Fabulous!" -- Tamsin Butler. The Aussie Media Are Full Of Shit by Thepratmeister (2) "Fucking hilarius and true, but what about today tonight????" -- Hugh. "Oh, they suck too. So much so I can't even watch it without driving my blood pressure up to dangerous levels." -- thePratmeister. Nothing More by Aubrey Ashe Morrison (1) "An absorbing tale of the utter despair of lost (or in this case, cast-away) love. Favorite "turns of phrase": "cruelly bright days"; "tainted heart"; "colourful yet empty canvas." The conflict here is tantalizingly hinted at--the conflict between the protagonist and Brea, and the protagonist's inner conflict as well. I think you could provide some more details and expand upon your narrative without ruining the mysterious, almost obtuse quality of your subject. What was the fight about? Why did he push her away? etc. Finally: is "Nothing more" a shout-out to Poe's "Nevermore"? Good stuff--you're a promising writer, Aubrey Ashe Morrison." -- Mr. Glen Martin, Shillington, PA, USA. Hand-Carved Shame by Ambif Frantzich (1) "It is an interesting story but I feel it lack the unfolding of tension, bit by bit. Perhaps this might be due to too much telling and not enough showing.Giving nmes to the central chaacters might help , if done right from the start of the story. Name the dead man and the murderer.Create an image of a darkened appartment with a shaft of moonlight falling on the face of the dead man, and showing the reade the woman who put the dagger through his heart." -- CG, UK. Divine Intervention by Crystal Leslie (1) "Will God can sent his angle to do what he wants them to do. Great job." -- Jeanette . Cat's Eye by Jeani Rector (2) "Kind of absorbing, alot of big adjectives about the cat, and not very intriqing. It is a good start though, Im' no editor. I am not sure how the title fits that is psychology?" -- Deandra. "I think it was SICK, actually. And more than just a little obvious references to animal abuse. Bottom of the barrel. " -- David Boyer, Vincennes, In, USA. Atlanta Love by Ibemeforever (1) "For those of you who read this and think, that you have read this before you probably have! I submitted on here a couple of years ago under a different name! I no longer go by that name or use that e-mail address my work will be posted under this name from now on. Thank you." -- ibemeforever. Again by Tamsin Butler (1) "WOW -loved this! Nice and fast paced and dramatic!" -- Briony. 813 Magnolia Street by Johan Keylay (1) "good concept" -- katt. When Vegetables Attack by S T A C Y I Don't Know What Pseudonym Means (1) "Thanks for the laughs" -- kwilt. The Suicides Of The Seraphim by Mangano Laura (1) "Hi, A short sotry should go from point a to point b in one unwavering line. You introudce us to Nellie the Receptionist and spend a lot of time with dialogue that has little to do with the main thrust of your story. You are a good writer, because when you finally began to tell us about the wee kitten, you grabbed me. Then finally, at the end, you left me with a bunch of stalks and no flowers. I'm not even sure what the point of your story was! You are too good a writer not to attempt something more substantial. I shall look forward to reading more from you. " -- Edmund Jonah. The Quest Of The Prism by Coby Hanson (1) "i get the feeling that you're not serious about this. If you try to construct your stories better, and pay more attention to the speech, and feelings of the characters, you'll go far" -- lenny. The Judgement by Sarah K Lewry (1) "This is an excellent story. Your faith is evident in your story. Your story brightened my day!! Keep on writing about your faith, and God will receive the glory." -- Rachel Reeves, Malakoff, TX. The Boy In The Road by James Donaldson Collins (1) "Well, I read it all the way through because the writing was good. I'm not sure whether you would call this a story. It's short all right but it goes nowhere. What's the point of the story? Letting the mind wander about does not a story make. I would love to read something with more pep from this writer. He certainly can write." -- Edmund Jonah, Israel. That Night I Had The Strangest Dream..... by James Collins (2) "Interesting...great writing!" -- Jay Gatsby. "not diggin' the alien abduction themes, but all the same, pretty good. good writing." -- dickface jones. Speechless Vacation by Jeremym Kipp (2) "it is a very good play" -- shafa, male', maldives. "I can see nothing...." -- Ye Min Oo. Raindrops And Memories by Briony Carvalho (4) "The imagery was excellent! Kinda saw the end coming...but a great write Briony!" -- mattie. "Yeah it was a bit obvious, was planning on this being the opening chapter of a book but got bored with writing it. It was going to be obvious but then she turned evil! Thanks for the great comment though x" -- Briony. "really enjoyed the story. had an idea of the ending but didn't spoil it, great imajery " -- Kate Kerrison. "I like the theme, but because there've been many others like it, you might put in a few more "red Herrings, clean it up a bit amd rearrange the vision you're trying to convey to the reader. There are also some better word choices you could substitute. Aside from that, I think you write pretty well and I liked it. " -- RICHARD. One Big Fishing Story by Lantz Mattinson (1) "Love it Lantz. Love the way it is written. Factual yet lots of emotion to keep it from getting stale. Just the right words in the right places. From a sister's point of few i learnt a little more about my dear brother that I didn't know. Love you. Love you sister shelley" -- shelley, Cape Town, Western Cape, SA. Making It by Jasmine Alvarez (1) "noice one! Powerful stuff" -- Lenny, Canberra, ACT, Australia. Ice Castles by Krupska Miranda (1) "it was a nice story, it almost scare me.you really got me?...although you didn't emphasizes clearly how cold and terrible when you're in a blizzard on your first part of your story, it went along and carried me away at the end...it was a sad story but full of sense,sympathy, love, loyalty and reality.keep on writing and your skill will improve...i haven't write for a long time now and indeed i can't even make one paragraph story..keep writing and i will always be happy to read it...basta ikaw..." -- castro a. yadang, san fernando, la union, philippines. Gulfport Vanished by Darren W Brown (1) "Great story. Really good writer! Keep up the good work!" -- Marlene. Future Love by Caroline M Miller (1) "Very vivid. Nice description. Very real. Great writing!" -- Jordan Life. Future E-Mail by Alyssa Rangel (1) "This story was VERY very good. I just kept wanting to read more. This author is very talented. She has a Flare for writing, and YOU WON'T BE DISSAPOINTED." -- Amberlin, Ramona, New York, Canada. Deimos by Stephen Beck (1) "Nice story. Good ideas. This story could be improved 100%, though, if you just revise some things. First, when writing your story, make sure you eliminate ALL gramatical errors. Second, when you're finished, read an re-read your story to make sure it sounds as you want it. I think you should elaborate more on the impotant events, talk more about what happens with him seeing the thing out of his window, and the object getting stuck in his foot, etc. Overall, though, your story is very good" -- A.P. Williams. Box by Danielle (1) "Nice little piece of work. Good pacing. I could almost feel the tension between Jay and Steve. The prose could use a bit of tightening, though. Been writing long? " -- W. N. Dayley, USA. Blindness In Sight by Samara (5) "I also enjoyed this...not fair to not tell me who you wrote under before...I do not recognize your writing style...atleast give me an old title or something?!" -- mattie. "You have an amazing talent" -- kwilt. "Thank you sweet angel...I worried about you" -- mattie. "This is a tad too pretentious. Added to which this is some annoying alliteration and repetitions- "Sitting in silence Serah..." "The train clicked to a stop as Serah reached her stop." As you definitely have a command of the language, I would like to see you write something more honestly felt, something about real people with real problems. "Standing in silence she stepped..." " -- Edmund Jonah. "Excellent piece of work, l wish l could write like this. "the train clicked" you used the sound for expression the way a blind would use his or her hearing. " -- Amy, London , UK. Back On The Bludge by Ian Kidd (1) "Great Start mate. The humor was well balanced and not over doing, which i enjoy..P.S love the losing virginity to a married women bit!" -- Jonathan, perth. A Stalker's Story by D Corona (1) "Very good writing --- You had me hooked right from the start. I could feel the tension -- and it sounds like an interesting story. Keep up the good work. " -- Val, Cupertino, CA , 95014. Go to page: 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 29 30 31 32 33 34 35 36 37 38 39 40 41 42 43 44 45 46 47 48 49 50 |
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