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Short Stories Reviews |
Cold-Eyed Triage Nurses In High-Heeled Boots by Angel Obregon (4) "I found that the characters were VERY sterotypical, and nothing here was too original either." -- Oliva Bond. "I'm sorry you dont like me. Honest." -- Angel Obregon. "Your description and the story do not match up. I did enjoy this story. I'm fond of methaphors and you use them well. Keep it up! THis is the most interesting thing I've read on this site yet." -- Candace. "Thank you, Candace. If you want to talk, try [email protected]" -- angel, NYC, NY, USA. The Way To Bet by Angel Obregon (1) "Ehmm..m. Sehr gut Seite! Ich sage innig..!:) bmw" -- BMW, ..., ..., .... ...And Everything Goes Black by Darcy K Metz (2) "Excellent...for some reason, it reminds me of "Yellow Ledbetter" [Pearl Jam]. I suppose because with the song and the story, your imagination can make it about whatever it wants. Except, with Yellow Ledbetter, it is only because I have no idea what the f*** Eddie Vedder is saying...With ...And Everything Goes Black, it is because the combination of robust imagery and strange allusions to Pi, Dreams, Pointlessness, and getting kneed in the crotch leave the reader with the obligation to fill in the blanks. Bravo! *Commences fruity golf clap*" -- Tyrant. "Nice one Darcy. The more you (the writer) got into this the smoother it was to read. At first it felt as though you were trying too hard to be a writer rather than telling us a story. Let me give an example. (Describing sex) "Moving rather rhythmically." Why did you put the 'rather' in there? To me it reads as an appology. As if you don't trust your writing. You are going well describing the intimacy of the sex scene, and then maybe somewhere in your mind you wonder if it's too strong, so you soften it, make it passive and appologise to the reader for writing from the heart. Okay that's only one word in one place but you used 'Rather' as a pacifyer several times and 'Very' too. Other than that and you may well disagree with me and feel that it reads better with them, I think this is a belter. Your imagination is excellent and you tell a good tale once you relax into it." -- Sooz, Dalton, Cumbria, England. A Jennifer Love-Affair by Darcy K Metz (2) "Funny!" -- Jennifer Nobile Raymond, New York, NY. "A mixture of feelings, I felt the grandfather's pain as well as his love, mixed with humor, touched all senses" -- Katrina, PG, B.C, Canada. The Wicked Witch Of Creative Writing by Gary Donnelly (6) "Gary, I loved your story. I laughed and shared your feelings about the wicked witch. I'm glad you made it..." -- Nelly, Los Altos, Ca, Usa. "So true for any of us who has had creativity monsters going against our creative endeavors...this story is a very good and funny exercise in exorcism. Well done." -- Joan. "Some teachers have it hard. Not getting the gist of why a student wishes to succeed really puts them a mile apart from those enthusiastic predagogues. Mine simply started to ignore me...poor slob! Keep up the good work. Neptune" -- Neptune. "HAHAHHAHA..... (wiping eyes) I love your writing style; so cynical, so wry, so .... interesting. " -- Wolfa. "Well Gary,you've accomplished one thing for sure! I could not stop scrolling through,till finished! WOW very good! Brought back memories,your intreging style kept me glued in. Throughly enjoyable. " -- Edgar A. Joe, Rupert, Idaho, USA. "I would agree with Ms. Mitaka. Your skills are rather remedial. You resort to foul language for emphasis and although you have a very conversational tone, constant usage of "You see,"s and the like make it seem as if your character is more arrogant than Matika. What is so bad about the nun idea? That was a weak arguement. You also speak in fragmented sentences and there are some rather glaring grammatical errors involving everything from spelling to commas to quotational issues. The worst part was the "I learned something anyway," conclusion. I am sorry to tell you, but that IS a rather cliched device." -- B, chicago, il, 60626. Satan Smiled by Albert Davis (2) "Very good. Very different. But I liked it a lot." -- Meg. "And to think, I sit in the cube next to you! Next time you look hungry I'm running out the door! D" -- Darrell Pritchard, Lexington, SC, 29072. The Fourth Floor Landing by J. Michael Kearney (1) "Couldn't get to know characters very well. Poorly written detail wise considering the setting, but excellent plot/storyline and ending. Last paragraph drew everything together." -- no. Forever And Always by Virginia A. Sheppard (1) "This story was very heart touching and realistic. It made me want to read on and on to see what was going to happen next." -- Pam , Normal, IL, US. Spring Break by Arlene Mason (1) "I didn't read the story, but it was late at night when I read the synopsis and I thought it said: "Another adventure for Keith Richards!" so I laughed. :-)" -- Tyrant. Hidden Reality by Lisamarie Jones (2) "Loved it." -- Meg. "This is really great! I loved it! Excellent reading. I loved the mystery. It seemed like she was at the sites until we learned that she was in an art gallery. Great story!" -- Robert K. Tarquinio, Santa Monica, CA, USA. Autumn Wind by Dorothy Getchell (4) "Teriffic, a wonderfully detailed story, tugging at my heart strings. " -- Kim, Plymouth, MA, USA. "Sometimes a story comes along and just pulls you in! Without your knowing you become a part of this tale of love lost...the Preverbal fly on wall. Excellent!!!!" -- kris, plymouth, ma., usa. "Good story! It would be nice to see more of the story told with dialogue - it makes the characters come alive. " -- Bren, Victoria, BC, Canada. "Dorothy, this was a simply beautiful, moving piece. Well Done." -- Jennifer Nobile Raymond. Art Lovers by M J Martino (4) "It was awesome, funny - I was spellbound!" -- Deborah K. Lockhart, Los Angeles, CA, USA. "Not only does the author have a great command of language, she has a unique humorous style and sense of character." -- Frank Thomas, Salem, Mass., USA. "adorable!!!!!" -- Lisa , Levittown, NY, usa. "beautifully written, I loved it." -- Al Davis, columbia, South Carolina, USA. The Empty Bay by Alex Empire (3) "Dude, you are messed up.... other wise, pretty good, I guess." -- Kal Petterson. "Would benefit nicely from any other paragraphs...pretty good, but other than that, dude, you are messed up." -- Tyrant. "Umm. You do write stories for a reason? Yes, probably to confuse the people. But emotion is showing through that story, so you wrote it because you felt that way perhaps? Keep writing. You will improve." -- Bernay, Cooranbong, NSW, Australia. On The Other Side by Lisamarie Jones (5) "Spooky - cool." -- Jeremy. "Weirdly well written! " -- Cathy, NJ. "*I* was creepier. Good story, though. Good descriptions, nice flow, et cetera. Huzzah and Kudos." -- Lizzy Borden. "WOW!!! This one definetly chilled my spine... and right when I was starting to feel sorry for the girl. Very well written!!!" -- Luis Felipe, Rio de Janeiro, RJ, Brazil. "I enjoyed this story. The descriptive writing is evocative but works well by keeping the story moving, eg. `she broke it sharply`. Meredith has our sympathy and the ending is a shocker. " -- Wendy, Sevenoaks, Kent, UK. The Witness by Thomas J Misuraca (7) "I found this story very intriguing. It left me guessing and dying for more. The author is one great tease!" -- Josephine, Toluca Lake, California, USA. "Good. Great. Awesome!" -- Toby, Malverne, NY, USA. "Excellent story, the author creates a growing tension that makes you feel as if the character was alive. The end could have been better, though, even if the author still didn't want to reveal much." -- Luis Felipe, Rio de Janeiro, RJ, Brazil. "The story flowed quickly, building into a climax with a slightly unexpected ending. I felt proud of Paul at the end." -- Rick, Sherman Oaks, California, U.S.A.. "A real comment on our own fear of confrontation. I thoroughly enjoyed the read and await further stories from the author." -- Tica Miller, Yaphank, NY, USA. "My only suggestion would be to change the title, since the Witness was a film starring Harrison Ford protecting a boy in an Amish village. Also two stories away from yours happens to be The Running Man, another 1980s movie, starring Arnold Swarzenegar. Be careful that your title doesn't closely resemble an easily recognizable title already out there, or you open yourself up to a lot of grief." -- EC Allen. "I liked the plot and the ending very much. The question that he is asked is so typical of people doing market research of one kind or another. In just a couple of words it explained the whole story (or at least gave me a theory that I'm quite satisfied with). The only thing I would do is edit it down a bit generally. I thought the story could have been told in far fewer words and would have had even more impact. " -- David Gardiner, London, England. The Perfect Kiss by A Shockley (5) "Great writing! The only flaw was the sort of unrealistic conversations of the characters. All of the "I am good"'s. Try using "Im" and words used for often by younger people. But except for that, great job." -- Meg. "This story was so cute! It was so sweet. It is like every girl's dream to have the "perfect kiss"" -- Jennifer . "This was a very good story. There's nothing I can really suggest. When I read the story I could feel what the characters were feeling. It was very descriptive! I would love to read another story by you again sometime." -- Allison, Normal, Illinois, U.S.A.. "I think your story was very cute. The only thing I think you could make better is your conversation with dustin the first time you talked!" -- giovana, normal, il. "what a huge cliche! I hate the way your 'conversations' go" -- Dimitri, London. The Running Man by Eric Allen (6) "A bit predictable and DIVED isn't a word, so it makes you wonder how good the grade was on this one...besides, wasn't The Running Man some movie way back when?" -- Tyrant. "i liked it! Good descriptions, good writing. very negative, i love it!" -- Daniel Gonzales, Whittier, CA, USA. "Tyrant's both right and wrong, wrong in that "dived" is too a word, as in : He dived into the ocean. I haven't read the story yet so I don't know how the word's used, and it may be used wrong, but it's definitely a word. Tyrant is right however in that you can't use that title Eric, after all it was a major motion picture when I was a kid back in the 1980s, and Arnold Swarzenegar played in it for God's sake. Change the title at least." -- EC Allen. "My suggestion kid, would be to change the title to "Running Waters", and name the man Chris Waters, thereby engaging to story points at the same time. I can't be wholey sure whether the story's a sadistic short story, or simply incomplete, but it is remarkably descriptive. I don't know if the younger generation is just getting better with writing or you're just a fine example, but it is indeed professional work, and I wouldn't say it if I didn't mean it. Now to see if I can lend a hand. In story order: "to scare one another". The word "one" must be placed before "another" or you will leave the reader wonder "Another what?". The word "pondering" is fine, but you may wish to change it since pondering at the pond, sounds odd. I'd write: The possibility of drowning was preferable to capture. Amend the bridge slightly by saying it's a roadway or a highway bridge. I was caught a little off balance by the thought that it might be a walkway bridge. I saw the "dived" part, and as far as I'm concerned it's right, I won't get technically picky by saying it should be "dove" or something. If it sounds right, then it's right. Though I'd either eliminate "without hesitation" or "second thought" to prevent redundancy. All in all good work Eric." -- [email protected]. "Nice sentence structure and pace. Excellent job overall with detail and setting. Well done." -- no. "Wow, I'm blown away. That was great. What a great idea! And it was certainly NOT predictable. Great descriptions, really. You're writing is a bit poetic and negative in a way as well. Excellent! I love how the ending is like a twist, that's a great idea." -- Christina Aspears. Come Back, Mr. Mojo Risin' by Noel Dolan (2) "First off, only a bartender should be behind the bar. The two girls must be sitting, perched, draping the bar (if they are floozies) but at, not behind the bar. Immediatley, I pictured two females sitting behind the bar and it defied everything I have ever experienced in my bar hopping days. It looks like you're trying to write literary fiction here and that's good. Your story is told with too many passive verb construction, you need to make your sentences jump. Why was Kennedy so obsessed with Morrison. Granted, he looked like her dead brother, but did she really believe her brother was in fact still alive. If so, you have to show that, get me to believe it or get me to believe she has some mental deficiency, that she can't cope with reality, ect. But obviously she is able to function in the real world, as you have shown. Why then is she carrying on like this. I think you think that by saying his remains were never found, Kennedy has license to be a nut case. This has the makings of a good story but it needs work. Also, establish Kennedy as the POV character earlier in the story. Ciao" -- Bob Hayes, Elgin, IL. "Nice idea but poorly developed. You need to explain Kennedy's motivation more clearly. She sounds like a psychopath. Also, expand your dialogue. It sounds flat. There doesn't seem to be very much chemistry between the characters. I think if you were to develop the idea further, these things would fall into place." -- Spenser. God's Messenger by Tom Di Roma (4) "Totally cool story!" -- Linda Kittell, Stamford, Connecticut, USA. "Hi Tom!" -- ben babbitt, oceanside, ca. "Tom, YOU ROCK!" -- bilbo blue, oside. "MR D! Good story. " -- ben. A Day In Dell by Barbara Villarreal (1) "A nice little parody of a western. I'm working on one myself, about the town of Peaceful, Wisconsin." -- jerrygeorge51 a.k.a. EC Allen. My Boy's Best Friend by Melissa Allen (2) "Yeah, this happened to me once, so I stabbed them. " -- O.J. Simpson. "The story was really good, I liked it allot. Its kinda sketchy at times, and hard to follow. But it was really sweet, and kept my attention!!! Maybe the paragraphs can be broken down differently, besides for that the story was good. :)" -- Jenny, Normal, Il, USA. Music To My Ear by Melissa Allen (1) "Needs serious revision. The cliche story of girl meets guy, hates guy, then loves guy could be done less stale, and your poor spelling and punctuation enoyed me....err...annoyed. Now you've got me doing it." -- Tyrant. It's A Wonderful Life by Jennifer M Haynes (1) "As I've said before about other titles upon this board such as The Net, The Running Man, and Witness, you simply can't use such a well known title. Please, you can't honestly tell me you don't know that It's A Wonderful Life already exists as one of the most famous titles of all time. You may just as well try calling your story The Bible, and pretending it's an original title. Please, please, please for the love of Pete, change the title. Nothing else needs to be changed, just the title." -- EC Allen. The Jigsaw Puzzle by Jennifer M Haynes (1) "This story is kind of twisted, and very cool. I can relate to the whole boring town sort of thing too." -- Paula Shackleford, Hamilton, Scotland. A Teen's Diary Entry by Rachel Elaine Reeves (6) "Even though it conveys a good message, this kind of writing is so generic. Every bit of fictional writing on drunk driving is the same. Think of a more elaborate story. " -- Meg, Baton Rouge, LA, USA. "I was going to use this as an opportunity to call Meg a tight b*tch, but turns out she was right...this story SUCKED! It's only saving grace was that it was short. Short and sucky, just like your mother likes it, Reeves. I hope the next time you *try* (try being the operative word)-try-to write, choose a topic that hasn't been done 309,079,876,529,111,846 times before. " -- Tyrant. "Meg's a Tight b*tch! Wha-who said that? Why, none other than me, Ricky Martin! Look, I said it twice! " -- Ricky Martin. "Gripping realism. This would also make a convincing central theme if the author should decide to further build upon the story from its present form." -- Joan. "The story was really moving. It made me realize how everyday of our lives people drink and drive and never think that anything is going to happen to them. But it does and when it happens you life changes forever. I couldn't imagion what the author of this story goes through every day, know that she killed 4 people, 2 of which were he best friends. I really hope more people read this article so they truely understand the importance of a DD." -- Lacy Penn, Bloominton, IL, USA. "Hmm, I don't think someone will get a life sentence for DUI manslaughter." -- Bengt. The Big Bang by Darcy K Metz (5) "Dammit, man! You had such a cool idea and you limited it to a half-page colloquy which was as ambiguous as it was pointless. With such a plot, you could do great things, so try rewriting it." -- Tyrant. "I agree somewhat with tyrant, the story had a great premise and could have been better. Although I still found it entertaining and any intelligent person could figure out what was happening, not at all ambiguous if you ask me." -- Screef. "A very good idea. Could do without the cursing, it takes away from the story line and is distracting to most readers. It also makes the author look like their vocabulary is quite limited. Even though I understood what happened, it would be a much better story if expanded upon. " -- Jenine Boisits, Shirly, Ny, USA. "Short and sweet....leaves me wanting more" -- Katrina, PG, BC, Canada. "Hey, it isn't that bad. But let's be honest, it was a bit confusing at the end. I got it, since I read stories a lot, but other people that haven't...How would they react??" -- Bernay. Escape To Samsun by J A Melody (3) "A truly compelling war story, excellent physical description, most enjoyable to read, I've already recommended to others" -- Imre Kubec, Budapest, Hungary. "A very well written, well structured, war tale, the imagery and verbilised visions you use are superb, the characters, though not explicitedly interpreted are very tangible, very real, simply through their actions and their reactions, the language you use also accentuates in particular, nature. Indeed it is sometimes reminisent of peotry: "Dusk descended. The purple mist of nightfall enshrouding every definable shape on the horizon. It was cold, the evening freeze ensconcing each clay particle in a frosted mist". " -- Kevin Winston, Cardiff, Wales. "Well done, excellent description I could almost feel I was there in the ledge, in the forest under the carriage with Kagi great ending, great story, keep up the good work Alison" -- Alison Simpson, Boston, MA, USA. Haul Out The Holly by Jennifer L O'callaghan (1) "I tried to review this piece, but it was unavailable. You may want to check to see if it was moved." -- R. Bennett Okerstrom. Fake Reality by Erin D. Traynum (1) "It really reads like a suicide note. Erin either has the great ability of giving her characters a voice, or she's suicidal. I hopes its the previous, I'd like to read more of her work." -- Tim. Through The Window by Erin D. Traynum (1) "Very good story, sounds like a true one. The sad part is that these things do happen in real life. I'm really looking forward to reading more of your stories, keep up the good work!" -- Luis Felipe, Rio de Janeiro, RJ, Brazil. Florence by G�rard Ducasse (2) "I wonder why you call this a "banal" love story? I think it is absolutely outstanding in a number of ways. The tenderness of the doctor's feelings come over beautifully, as does the sense of the hopelessness of his love, rendered impossible by social distance, profesional reserve, age difference, his sense of awkwardness about the whole thing. The girl's feelings too are implied, never directly expressed, and yet we feel we understand her completely. What an incredible amount you have condensed into so few words. It is highly unusual to find a successful love story written by a man, and this one is in the front rank of the genre: touching, sensitive, understated. " -- David Gardiner, London, England. "This is a beautiful story, and so expertly written considering English is presumably not your first langusge. It shames me to think that a man of different nationality can write better English than I do. Only one sentence spoiled the flow of this lovely piece. "and our eyes briefly crossed" ugh boss-eyed lovers! [Corrected to "briefly met"] Other than that teeny-tiny quibble ...beautiful. I would have like to see them get together but then maybe that would have taken a perfect story and made it corny. " -- Sooz, Dalton, Cumbria, England. Deposit Three Billion Dollars For The Next Two Minutes by Angel Obregon (3) "Here I am as promised. Now, what did you want to know? What are you looking for from this review, otherwise I'll just go spelling Nazi on you." -- JA St.George. "Very well then. If you do not wish to respond to my query, I will simply do a spelling and grammar check." -- JA St.George. "They're playing a video game: building weapons that dont work to meet threats that dont exist. (apostrophe not present in either �don�t.�) 2 hour/3rd (I dislike the use of digits, used for things other than times and dates, where written form would look more appropriate �two-hour/third,� but if you simply must use �shorthand,� �2 hour� then don�t forget to include the hyphen.) Same goes with �5 minute.� �Day time� is a compound word. �but, draws a blank except for anger without a target.� (Unnecessary use of a comma.) If I am not mistaken a �cant� is a type of South American bean. I believe you mean, �can�t.� He's been abducted by star aliens. (If you�d like you can take this line out of the passive and put it in the active by saying �He's been abducted by star aliens. Tiajuana (Pretty close, it�s Tijuana.) film makers (compound word.) How is that possible?, (Unnecessary double punctuation, since a question mark effectively serves to end any complete thought.) �radio. you may ask, when� (Not capitalized.) dialling (One �l� not two. I had to disable the �correct� function on my computer just so I could print the word with an unnecessary extra �l.�) bushwack (Forgotten �h� in bushwhack.) signalled (Same problem as with �dialling.�) it'stachyons (Need to separate �it�s� from �tachyons� while dropping the apostrophe, since nothing belongs to an �it.� So is the misfortune of the poor �it.�) meaning or something (unnecessary space.) �story is condensed but, in stories of this a kind, it's used as incantation: (Unnecessary use of comma after �but.�) THE X-FILES are admirable but totally humorless and paranoid. (�are� should be changed to �is� due to the fact that although the name of the show is plural, there is only one show, therefore a singular.) otrageous (what happened to the second �u� in this word?) THE X-FILES have argued, (once again there is only �one� show therefore it �has argued.�) yodelled (Same problem as with �dialling� and �signalled.�) "Misplaced my decimal point." said IVAN, looking morose. (This line is slightly ironic considering you placed another point. There should be no period here, this is a place for a comma.) slip stream (Compound word �slipstream.�) �variety even in your paranoia.. (Unnecessary double period, ending this sentence.) Most common mistakes: Forgotten apostrophes; misplaced punctuation, especially at the ends of quotations; Unnecessary breaks throughout, either due to improper formatting on web-page, cause unknown, or writer error. This has been exclusively a spelling and grammar check, since the writer did not bring up specific review criteria when queried. " -- JA St.George. Quarter Of A Century by Drexler McStyles (1) "Left me feeling drunk and filthy. A disturbing peice of work I couldn't take my eyes off of. A writer who seems to have no fear or conscious. " -- Tyler Norton, Portland, Oregon, USA. Destroy The Link by Jennifer M Haynes (2) "I thought this story was well written, well fleshed out, and unpredictable. I read a book of short stories by stephen king, called nightmares and dreamscapes, but this was better than any of them." -- John Bissett, Dublin, Ireland. "Well written and definitely different..." -- Camryn Chase, Windsor, NS, Canada. Packed With Peanuts by Jennifer L O'callaghan (4) "Well....I don't understand what you mean by "looking for your voice." You have a great way with description and you "show" rather than "tell" what is happening, which is where most writers miss the boat. The best advice I can give you is....Keep it up! You have a real talent." -- Gary Gordon (a.k.a. Lo Phat Ham), Phoenix, Arizona. "Ummm, I like the name of the title, but I honestly don't believe the title and the shory story are a perfect match." -- Amanda Castro-Socci, Washington, DC. "Packed with peanuts: Snickers satisfies. I know the feeling. :-)" -- R. Bennett Okerstrom. "Finally! After sorting through an amazing amount of sadism, sorcery, evil, death, mayhem, social evils and personal stories of distress and failure, I find a decent interesting story written in a finely crafted manner. A short story that moves me to think about a snack! Very nicely done!" -- Dohn Gayne. Bovinza by Duane A Wood/Caveman (1) "Pretty good, but I was expecting better. Nice idea, though. Consider drafting for a second time and concentrating on characterization." -- no. Shear Trouble by Addison Gast (3) "Vivid & impressive style. The unanticipated ending brings Stephen King to mind. Encore!-We shall read the other works listed soon. -Bill Overmyer Studio City Ca." -- Bill Overmyer, Studio City, California, USA. ""Shear Trouble" is a sheer delight to read. How does this guy get so much punch into just 514 words?" -- William O'Neill, Riverside, California, USA. "Exciteing and suspenseful all the way! I had to think awhile after reading the ending and that made the story even better. Write some more of these!" -- Donna Rheinhardt, Denver, Colorado, USA. Blues In The Closet by Victoria King (3) "Great storyline and cool dialogue. Micky Splane its not but the writer has the hook on the reader from the start and that's important.The "cut to's" and movie script notes can be deleted and won't hurt the story. Virgina has a keeper here. She sould take her characters into a full length novel. " -- A. Overmyer, Irvine, CA., USA. "Is this suppose to be a screenplay or a short story? Either way, the plot is weak, and the characters even weaker. Numerous errors make the piece a labor." -- Greg Olson, New York, NY. "awesome story. the whole storyline reads right. but, how does it end? the ending is cutoff. this would make a great script, if you cleaned it up." -- sunny, DC. The Mistake by Kavan Tate (3) "very nicely written but I didn't like the story. Write something more complex. I'd read that and probably enjoy it a hellava lot more." -- matty. "Stay with it Kavan, your descriptive style will improve with each story and you will learn to edit out all the "I's" etc and you will become a winner--it shows!" -- Addison Gast, Coto de Caza, California, USA. "Thus starts out great and then quickly ends. This is good but it could've been longer to avoid a let down at the end of the story" -- Steven. Elizabeth by Christine Dorothea-Maris (2) "I don't usually give bad reviews, but this is something sad. You have a story line that has had much overkill and there isn't any elaboration on the characters. I think if you developed a bit more it could be better. This has possible potential, but as it stands now it's predictable and boring. Sorry!" -- Lola, college station, tx, usa. "Ignore the review above. it is very entertaining but...too short. Make more description of the characters and their personalities...that would fill in some space and make it longer." -- Bernay. Transition by Oliver Thomas Coles Brackenbury (2) "I like it, good use of description." -- Shawn, Ottawa, Ontario, Canada. "Excellent story dude!" -- Nemisis. Twenties by Larry D. Griffin (4) "Great little story, Larry. Very touching and symbolic. Keep writing!" -- Sharman, Melbourne, Australia. "This story is cool - the message is good and truthful. I just found some sentances too short, but I loved the story" -- Matt, Johannesburg, South Africa. "Well done, Larry. It's so difficult to get a viable story into a short piece of text." -- Gerald Hornsby, London, UK. "Dr. Griffin - a fine example of what you taught me years ago at OU....the difference between 'affect' and 'effect'! Of course, each sentence easily led to the other and the deliberate and necessary brevity made it all the more impressive. Not unlike a phrase you used in a poem that I think went like this...'flash photo fast'...click...click...we are given snapshot after snapshot of leaving a door, opening a car, heat on our backs and paper stuck in a fence. Of course, back in '78, 480$ might have been sufficient for this 'minor surgery' that Armagnac knew he needed to find...somewhere. The reader of course is left with that literary aftertaste - like wine on the palate - that it'll form a different characteristic with each time you run through it! Thanks!" -- Dr. James Murphy, Romulus, New York, US of A. Tiki's Revenge by Edward L Wier (1) "Ed, I don't know how I stumbled into all this! Tiki's Revenge - It's fantastic! What can I say! Your imagination, it's incredible!" -- Liz Chatham, Lawrenceville, GA, USA. Outlaws by M H Doty (2) "Well, very interesting work. I will highly recommend this piece to my desparado friends. You are a true wordsmith. I cannot believe you have not yet been discovered. Maybe it is because, you stink like shit. More importantly, who is interested in the life of a stinking idiot? You should remain there in Mexico and not come back here, ever. " -- Arturo Iguana. "I read your story after reading the review above, and was expecting some kind of trash about Mexican bandits robbing trains. I wonder how much of your story Mr. Iguana (meaning "New World Lizard") actually read? Anyway, I found it really honest and personal and deeply engrossing. It isn't every day you read something written by a woman in an obsessive relationship, and I found myself able to sympathise and understand your feelings perfectly, even though I am a man and not given to this obsessive form of love/lust myself. The story really works. I feel it's highly autobiographical and written at one point in time during the course of that relationship. I wonder if you still feel the same way about your "outlaw" or if it has all come to some sort of end. If so, you might like to go back to the story when you feel ready and give it the ending that it lacks at the moment. Apart from that, it's perfect." -- David gardiner, London, England. The Cake in His Pocket by M Betette (2) "A fine story that would be better if the author didn't mention the boy's problem. Keep the reader wondering until the two go into their ether finale. A touch of Kafka." -- Paul V. Fornatar, St. Petersburg, Fl. "Needs work" -- Eli Robbins, Bethesda, MD, United States. The Doona Drag, A Collection by S Lichtenstein (1) "This writer needs to put more creative thought into the work. The blurbs were more interesting than the actual stories. Limited use of vocabulary" -- Fred Flinstone, Malvern, Australia, Vic. The Girl in the Ocean by Edward D Adams (1) "Narrative has extranneous elements that take away from the mood of the piece. For example, the opening paragraph seems out of place in 3rd person, then the story begins in 1st. But your style handles dialogue, description and action well; it was quite readable. " -- Joel, California. Age Before Beauty by Mary Ann Savage (1) "Mary Ann, I loved this beguiling tale centered on a most interesting and different theme. Just the right hint of mystery and eroticism, as the characters and plot unfolded. Well done!" -- Sharman Lichtenstein, Australia Weeds by Mary Ann Savage (9) "A beautiful, sad piece that is even a bit funny in parts. I thoroughly enjoyed reading it. The characters seemed so real, like people you might meet in almost any neighborhood." -- Sal Morano, Corona, California, USA Adult Bookstore by Sal Morano (2) "This was so wonderful! It's a shame you haven't received any prior reviews. I simply loved it. You have a wonderful way of describing the circumstances of your characters, something I unfortuanately lack in spades. I implore you to keep writing and keep submitting. I noticed that you didn't have any other titles listed with Storymania. That's a no-no. Talent like yours deserves to be recognized. You're bound to get published, if you already aren't. Keep up the magnificence." -- Michael Harris, Detroit. "I guess there's nothing wrong with reviewing my own work! I'd almost forgotten I had posted it here more than 12 years ago. I'm so glad Storymania kept it online. I enjoyed reading it once again, but I would have written it a bit differently if I could. I would not have made things sound so technical, so clinical. Re-reading it was almost like reading a textbook or something a college English major/writer wannabe had created. Thank you if you enjoyed my work. I appreciate your taking the time. If you want to read something I take more pride in, look up "Poems, Moans, and Groans for the Lost and Misconnected," a poetry collection also included in this web site. Thank you, Storymania. Thank you, readers, especially Michael from Detroit, who reviewed it first. God bless you and yours. Thanks for the encouragement to get in touch with my creativity again!" -- Sal Morano, Corona, CA, U.S. Go to page: 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 29 30 31 32 33 34 35 36 37 38 39 40 41 42 43 44 45 46 47 48 49 50 |
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