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TITLE
The Magic Ball
AUTHOR
Ali Massa
DESCRIPTION
This is a story about a girl, as told by herself, who remembers the first time her feelings were deeply hurt by a boy. She grows up leading a disconsolate life, and then, by means of recognizing a ball with which the two of them once played together, is reunited with him. It is a recollection of bitterness and joy in life. [4,000 words]
READERS' REVIEWS
"It was a good story, but I wanted more detail about Paolo and his relationship with the narrator. I enjoyed seeing them reunited after so many years apart." -- Stephanie, USA
"This story was very nice but it need a little more details." -- Tyesha Ferguson, Pensacola, Florida, USA
"Not bad but the dialogue and description definitely need some work. " -- Meep, Edinburgh, Scotland
"I thought this piece was very well written. It gave great description so I could picture what was going on. I think more description about Paolo should be given in the beginning of the story so the reader could get a better feeling of who he is. Otherwise I think the story was a classic romance of two people who were meant to be together." -- Kim Zielinski
"I found this story to be incredibly far fetched.  I love a good romance, but this was surely not one.  The story lacked important details, and is based upon the assumption that readers of the piece would be so absorbed with the story that they would not question the major "coincidences" that occured within it." -- Bethany, Normal, Illinois, USA
"I liked this story a lot, it had such an interesting twist.  It moved so fast with so little description, but that is what kept me interested.  With not too much explanation on every bit of the story, I was able to stay interested because the author moved onto something else so quickly." -- Sarah, Normal, Illinois, USA
"I thought the story was good. It kind of dragged on a little in the middle, but it explained how one hurt experience can cause pain throughout someones life.  The ending had a beautiful catch.  It was unexpected, yet  fit perfectly.  This is a story that I feel everyone can relate to in one way or another." -- Regina Marie Coleman, Chicago, Illinois, USA
"In essence, I liked the moral of the story.  The way the "magic" ball supposedly brought Paolo and the girl back  together.  But, I just think that the author kind of rushed into things when she had the woman finally meet Paolo  in his toy store for the very first time in years." -- Marivel Escatel, Mendota, Illinois, USA
"I think this story was sick and did not make any sense whatsoever.  It was close to impossible to follow and I think you need serious help." -- Colette, Normal, Illinois, USA
"I thought this short story was interesting, but I felt like it jumped from one part of her life to the next to quickly. The author could have given more details, because it would have made many things more clear." -- Brian, Normal, Illinois, USA

"I found this story very interesting.  It is wonderful how she ended up meeting with Paolo.  I think this is just a great true love story." -- Sarah, Normal, Illinois, USA
"The topic of this story was a good one.  Try to do a bit more characterization.  Don't just call the main characters "he" and "she".  Also, add more detail to the entire stiry to help make the reader more actively involoved." -- Scott, Normal, Illinois, USA
"I liked this story. I thought the idea of a "magic" ball bringing two people together was interesting. There are some grammar and punctuation errors, but it flowed pretty well for the most part and I wanted to keep reading to the end." -- Marlicia, USA
"This is the first story that I have ever read on this site. I just joined and I am excited!!! I read the story eagerly and at first I felt a bit put-off by the lack of details or imagery, but when i realized that the character felt hurt-inside, I thought that she was living the hurt, talking the hurt, looking at everything through that hurt and that accounted for the low-key way the story was progressing. I have had much depression and I know how that affects how I see, say, and perceive. I felt her hurt. The emptiness that was being expressed by the bleakness in the story. Even the magic ball did not convince her in the end that things could be different for her. Being empty and hurt had become a lifestyle for her. To live without trust and love is not living, but generating a flatness, as the author showed us with her story. The idea of magic and what really happened and how it was perceived (the ball, the reunion, ya da)are metaphors for the irony." -- Shirley, La Crosse, Virginia, USA
"A very good story, needs to have more showing not telling and more dialogue." -- Cape Gal
COPYRIGHT NOTICE
� 1995 Ali Massa
STORYMANIA PUBLICATION DATE
November 1998
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TITLE
Corrine and Victoria
AUTHOR
Tyna Luckey
DESCRIPTION
Corrine is happy but not fulfilled. She longs for her lost family and her sister Victoria. [6,700 words]
READERS' REVIEWS
"I found the story very touching and well written. It draws you into the story and makes you feel a part of the whole story. It definitely brought tears to my tears, tears of happiness and joy. Thank you." -- Mike Beck
"This was truly a great story! Good usage of words and a good placement of events helped this story shine." -- Eric Warren, Detroit, Michigan, USA
"I absolutely loved it! Fantastic - it really drew me in... I was totally captivated and emotional about the whole thing. I wanted to read on and looked forward to more. It totally touched my heart and brought me to tears! Fabulous!" -- Marilyne Cartier, Bartlesville, Oklahoma, USA
COPYRIGHT NOTICE
� 1998 Tyna Luckey
STORYMANIA PUBLICATION DATE
November 1998
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TITLE
Destiny
AUTHOR
Tyna Luckey
DESCRIPTION
In a small town a girl suffers a lover's ill luck but she is reconciled to her destiny. [850 words]
READERS' REVIEWS
"A little bit cliche and read like a synopsis of a longer story. Good idea, but I encourage the author to flesh it out." -- Greg Morey, Canada
"I found this story... so lame and sad" -- Shane McCormack, Drogheda, Louth, Ireland
"You have an excellent story line and a good plot, I too feel that the story was only an introduction to something bigger." -- Martine Hayes, Dorset, UK
"I found this story... not to my liking.  I mean, it was okay, for a 12 year old, perhaps, but not for adults.  Two thumbs down." -- Kimberly S. De Liz, Brookings, Oregon, USA
"This was such a great story. Likewise, I feel as if this should be the beginning of a much greater work." -- Grace Spradlin, Tifton, Georgia, USA
"This story was sad. It was also very boring. Stories should be interesting, and that story was just dumb." -- Melanie Thompson, Bowie, Maryland, USA
"Your story had a very good plot to it.  I kinda liked how you never said any names just he and she.   That set the mood for a true love story.  I enjoyed it." -- Alissa Ammirati
"I thought is was a very cute story that could lead to an even better story.  Any one who is a hopeless romantic would love this story!" -- Jennifer, Illinois, USA
COPYRIGHT NOTICE
� 1998 Tyna Luckey
STORYMANIA PUBLICATION DATE
November 1998
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TITLE
Jealousy
AUTHOR
Sean Alan
DESCRIPTION
This is a story about the power of jealousy affecting the relationship of two people. [3,500 words]
READERS' REVIEWS
"Some really spectacular imagery but I kept waiting to read more dialogue. Otherwise, a keen and accurate picture of the lonely and disappointing aspects of single life" -- Valerie, USA
"Read to me like an elongated synopsis of something bigger. But, nevertheless, I felt emotions here I could relate to and I dropped into the belief that these were real people: an emotive success, then." -- Joel Seath, Portsmouth, England
"I find myself remembering bits of this story. However, I didn't like Margaret very much -- guess I wasn't supposed to. I'm unclear about Raymond's precipitous descent into violence after years." -- Mary Ann Savage, California, USA
"I thought this was a good piece of writing. I was really shocked when I got to the end of the story." -- Gina Rosynek, Bloomington-Normal, Illinois, USA
"I enjoyed the story and the storyline. The ending was shocking." -- Meghan Rooney, Bloomington-Normal, Illinois, USA

"I am trying to improve my short story writing craft because what I usually do is tell and not show.   It has been difficult for me to get enough objectivity from my "stories" to make changes it needs.  While your story kept my interest I could readily see that some dialogue and more showing than telling would help your story,too. Do not get me wrong,your narrative or expository style was great,but .... Let's both strive to show and not tell so much.  How about it?" -- Shirley, Lacrosse, Virginia, USA
COPYRIGHT NOTICE
� 1996 Sean Alan
STORYMANIA PUBLICATION DATE
November 1998
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TITLE
The Alien
AUTHOR
Edward Crayley
DESCRIPTION
The landing of an alien leads to a battle for its rights and its life...with a twist. [1,200 words]
READERS' REVIEWS
"Excellent story. Well written, I liked the twist at the end. Shows that we are always predictable. We all feel that we always have a selfish form of superiority...." --  Matthew Clubley, Swanley, Kent, UK
"The plot is this story's forte. I kept wondering what the twist was going to be ... Thanks for a very creative story and entertaining read! " --  Karen Ho, San Francisco, California, USA
"Even though it consisted mostly of somewhat confusing dialogue, the idea was great, and the ending really got the point across " --  Krystle, New York, USA
"Realistic, sharp dialogue; fast moving; too bad one of the reviews gives away the twist at the end." -- Louise Dunn, Australia
"A good read, makes you think!" -- Bridget Faith, USA
"Loved it. More please." -- CVZ, New jersey, USA

"You've got a great story line going, but you should elaborate on it. The ending was amazing, you really know how to punch the point." -- Lizzy, USA
"I'm guessing that you've seen 'Independence Day' several thousand times?" -- Robert Manning, Milwaukee, Wisconsin, USA
"This story is extremely unbearable -- with the exception of the ending!!!!" -- Hayley, Gold Coast, Queensland, Australia
"It was a very outstanding story. I really loved it." -- Veronica, Aurora, Colorado, USA
"A very interesting and unusual story. I thouroughly enjoyed it. Keep it up!" -- Scott, Brisbane, Queensland, Australia
"Ya know, I don't use this word often, especially when critiquing others' work, but your story was, in short; awesome! I absolutely loved the twist at the end, and fell quite the sucker for it. Thank you for a brilliant read, please keep them coming!" -- John Santino, Detroit, USA
"Well after I read the other reviews of this one I expected something out of the ordinary. I was disappointed, too little descpription and needs padded out. Also, I guessed the twist by the second paragraph." -- Meep, Edinburgh, Scotland
"Your writing is rather juvenile, lacking flow between sentences. If it wasn't for this site the only people reading this would be your star trek buddies." -- Lane Parmley, USA

"The reviews were right, it's a very clever piece. It may be due to my current lack of sleep, but I must admit that for some obscure reason I didn't figure out the "twist" everyone was talking about (though when I read it I found myself thinking "of course!" and smacking myself on the forehead). The style of writing could probably be polished a little, but the concept is very clever." -- Martina, Sydney, New South Wales, Australia
"Wow! This has got to be one of the best stories I have ever read! Why is this not at the number 1 position yet? Read it - It deserves to be!" -- Ebdon Smith, Ohio, USA
"The plot had a nice twist at the end. The flow of the story can be polished a little." -- Bill Zerkle, Des Plaines, Illinois, USA
"Derrr....nice "twist". I could pretend I didn't see it coming if I didn't, but I did. Cliched, poor description, and I'd whip you into shape as far as grammar went. Try harder next time, because it seems you enjoy writing sci-fi, as I once did." -- Tyrant

"I find the other reviews way over-enthusiastic, mainly considering that the most appreciated thing is the final "twist". Has anybody read Fredric Brown's 'Sentinel'?" -- Daniele A. Gewurz, Italy
"Cliches, bad science and a twist ending predictable from halfway in... Need I say more?" -- John, Westminster, California, USA
"I probably shouldn't have read other people's response to the story before I read it because then I expected the twist ending.  It was a well written story though.  It reminded me a little bit of this one episode of the Twilight Zone I once saw.  The author described "the creature" very well without giving it away too much.  I did keep getting confused between the mayor and the general,etc. But overall, as I said earlier, good story :)" -- Liz, Illinois, USA
"This was a good story, but the twist at the end was not as ingenious as the other reviews say. When you simplify the ending the author was making such an obvious attempt at inserting a moral to the story and the moral itself was nothing more than simply stating the obvious about the world today, thats its not a very peaceful place." -- Paul, Chicago, Illinois, USA
"Great story, well planned, well executed. Good characterization. You should submit it to magazines or anthologies." -- Joel, California, USA
"If some of you didn't like the story why then did you continue to read it.  I thought it was very good, especiall for a person who is an occasional writer.  I do see a future in writing for this person.  He has a great imagination." -- Kate, Florida, USA
"Before I read this story, I tried to find it in the charts, and wondered how it had managed to get to number 2 amongst so many other stories.  Then I read it.  That's why then." -- John Crayford, Kent, United Kingdom
"The story was very good. I enjoyed the 'unexpected' ending, even though I figured out what would happen a little while before the end." -- Melanie Thompson, Bowie, Maryland, USA
"Some people can just write. I wish I were one of those people." -- Crazy Clown
"Awright!!! Super cool! Luuuv the twist; that's probably how I would've written it myself!" -- Catalonia, San Antonio, Texas, USA
"Suspenseful...but the ending was foreseen." -- LLewellen, New York, New York, USA
"Very interesting reading.  The twist was enjoyable.  More, more, more!" -- V. Thornton, Detroit, Michigan, USA
"That is one of the silliest stories I have ever read. Ten lines in I knew the ending. I only write this so that others won't waste their time." -- Amanda, New Mexico, USA
"I liked the story, although it had some grammar problems. The ending was very good. It was worth reading." -- Cathy, Purvis, Mississippi, USA
"Not bad - reminiscent of old-school moralistic sci-fi, like Ray Bradbury. As others have said, need to work on some basic grammar skills and characterization, coherent dialogue. But keep up the imagination, the rest is just mechanics." -- Arch, Chicago
"Slightly predictable twist. Not a bad style of writing but I'd hardly say it's the best I've ever seen. Just a tad over-hyped methinks!" -- "manintheshack"
"The story was cliched and the dialogue too stereotyped, but the ending was good. Write some more where the characters have a personality that could go either way, otherwise the reading seems too mechanical and has been done before." -- Jack Brown, UK
"Very cliched sci-fi plot with equally cliched 'twist'. For a story this short, there is far too much dialogue and not enough plot development. Well-written, however; the story-telling itself is fluent and articulate." -- S J Fletcher
"That is a brilliant story, and so many people have read it. I loved the twist, it made me shiver. I liked the dialogue as well. Even though it has been a long time since you published it, it has stayed number one and even now it is. Great Job!" -- Ian Goodall
"Hot damn!!! Wording was great and sounded highly sophisticated! I Thought it was going to be another imitation plot, but it beat the record. Congratulations, your ingenuity on the ending took me by surprise and hopes to find more of the same." -- Jackie, California, USA
"Alot of reviews say that you need to create better characters in the story, but I don't think people realise that you were limited to a certain number of words. For a short story, it was an enjoyable read. Keep up the good work. Good Luck" -- Alice, Paris, France
"It may have been 5 years since you published this on storymania, but I have to say that it is very good. Your choice of words are super and sentence structure is great aswell. The twist at the end is good." -- Ian Goodall, England
"Very very good story... short but moving... I want to read more of your work!" -- Isabel Lerma, San Francisco, California, USA
"A reverse twist in the minds of extraterrestrials.  Different, and unique.  Need to go back in and clear the upload mistakes, those kind of errors threw me off for a moment.  It happens...my stuff comes out the same way." -- Essa Durrancey, Olympia, Washington, USA
"It was ok. I dont think that it was worth all the hubbub it was causing... I liked the ending though. It needs to be more detailed there are no descriptions and so I felt detatched from the whole story. Good ending though." -- Katherine Krahl, Honolulu, Hawaii, USA
COPYRIGHT NOTICE
� 1998 E Crayley
STORYMANIA PUBLICATION DATE
December 1998
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TITLE
Vampires
AUTHOR
Phil Bowman
DESCRIPTION
The first two chapters of an unfinished work that seems to be progressing more slowly as time goes by. As is, it's a short story about vampires. [4,850 words]
READERS' REVIEWS
"All and all a good start to what could be a great novel. Although it does lag and is incoherent at points throughout the story." -- Daniel Pelfrey, Superior, Wisconsin, USA
"Very good. Can be developed even more. Think of it. Vampires stories can be very mundane but I enjoyed your story and please e-mail me with more. Thank you." - NeCole Salow, St. Petersburg, Florida, USA
"Do you read a lot of Anne Rice or R.L. Stine? The story sounds like something I've read before, but you seem to add a little bit of a twist to it. I think that if you elaborate more on setting and characters the story would seem more interesting. KEEP GOING, good luck." -- Lola, College Station, Texas, USA
"As a matter of fact I found this piece quite off based and it seemed too kid like for me. Vampires suck blood nothing else especially pizza, that's all they know or ever want to know. Also the fact that vampires have been around for centuries and they don't usually crash at the cave as the author seem to put it. If you want to make it interesting change the time period and take out all the immature quotes and scenes." -- Trevor
"Entertaining, the story does have some rough edges, but the characters and story stood out sharply.  This is hardly an art piece, but definitely good pulp fiction.  Keep it up!" -- Sunny, Washington, DC, USA
"Much to like about vampires especially dialog." -- Judi, Tampa, Florida, USA
"I am a 17 year old amateur poet on this site and I don't usally look in the short story section but I was browsing and I came across your story of vampires and reading throughit and it fascinated me so much as I am a real fan of vampire stories and movies. Please update your story, and look in the poetry section and telling me what you  think of my poem. Yours truly in the new titles section. Thanks,  Mike" -- Mike Miller, Mechanicsville, Maryland, USA
"It is funny how easily one can be drawn into the darkness...." -- R. Bennett Okerstrom
"You are very gifted with emotional descriptions, and I was intrigued by your unique plotline. I, myself, am writing a novel centered around vampires, and found this story a very interesting read. Great job!" -- Kayla
COPYRIGHT NOTICE
� 1999 Phil Bowman
STORYMANIA PUBLICATION DATE
Revised June 1999
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TITLE
The Last Laugh
AUTHOR
Mary M Alward
DESCRIPTION
The story of two street people, Max and Old Joe. The city is in the middle of an Arctic freeze and the two men decide to stay together to fight against the elements. They discuss how many of their friends have succumbed to the cold snap and wonder which one of them will be next. Since they are beside a heat grate, have a large blanket and each others body heat, they laugh, certain that the Grim Reaper won’t claim them. Little do they realize who will have The Last Laugh. [2,700 words]
READERS' REVIEWS
"This was a great story line. It may work better if told from only one perspective instead of both Joe and Max's. The descriptions were nice." -- Patty T, Vancouver, Washington, USA
"A bitter condemnation of today's right wing society which takes and rarely gives back. Brilliant descriptive writing - going to be a classic." -- Prue Eckett, Christchurch, Canterbury, New Zealand
"This is a great story, Mom. Could happen to almost anyone. But for the grace of God go! Keep up the good work. Good luck." -- M. Desmarchais, Brantford, Ontario, Canada
"A touching, poignant story about the tragedy of the Human condition. It made me acutely aware! Thank you, Mary, for a tale that needed to be told." -- Renie Burghardt, Doniphan, Missouri, USA
"I read your story. Wow, it was so discriptive and so very true of today's society and how we ignore the uncomfortable things of the sufferings and feelings of those less fortunate then ourselves. But a least they went together to a better warmer place. Excellent writing." -- ToeToe, London, Ontario, Canada
"As I generally like stories to begin with some action, I was apprehensive when I began reading the narration at the beginning, but your writing overcame even my prejudice. I was impressed." -- Jack S., New Jersey, USA
"Great story Mary. One that always touches my heart. I liked the way you used the descriptive words with your characters." -- B Sutliff, Paris, Arkansas, USA
"Oh, what a beautiful story you told, Mary! You built the relationship so softly, I could barely feel it happening. The entire story was so extraordinarily meaningful! Wonderful writing!" -- Sharman Lichtenstein, Melbourne, Australia

"Mary, this was a beautiful story.  So touching.  Keep up the good work." -- Kate, Florida, USA
Ever read 'Waiting for Godot?' -- Mary Heugil
"The ending really surprised me! I've never seen you do th is kind of writing, Mary.  Exceptional.   You really got the message across.  Very descriptive, felt I was there." -- Jerri Brooker
"Thanks to everyone who has left such nice comments on my work. Mary, no, I have never read 'Waiting For Godot' but I will check and see if the local library has it." -- Mary Alward, Ontario, Canada
"Beatiful style! I love it! Keep writing, you're awesome!" -- Vianne
COPYRIGHT NOTICE
� 1999 Mary M Alward
STORYMANIA PUBLICATION DATE
July 1999
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TITLE
The Beast
AUTHOR
Baran Bulkat
DESCRIPTION
About two men who go into a large cave to find a horrifying beast. [600 words]
READERS' REVIEWS
"I almost didn't stop to read this one because of the description of it. I'm glad I did though. The story puts into words a reality the human race is dying from." -- Lizzy, USA
"A very descriptive, semi-suspense short story that turns into a reality of what happens in real life." -- David Anderson, USA

"Hmmm..some good description but it lacks a personal, through-the-eyes of the character essence which is necessary to create a real sense of menace and fear. " -- Meep, Edinburgh, Scotland
"This was a very good short story. I like the inserts it had of modern day society and how humans really are." -- Brad Collins, Illinois, USA
"Poor hermit. The loneliness and pity of the beast because it had shunned society and the way society had shunned it because of its physical inadequacies reminds me of John Gardner's Grendel. It's nice to see another young writer familiar with such works. Keep the good stories rolling, and don't listen to neigh-sayers who might tell you you suck. P.S. I was relieved to see good grammar. You punctuate sentences more capably than some of the thirty year-old wannabes at the site." -- Tyrant
"I haven't read the story yet, but from the other people that have read it their reviews interested me and I wanted to find out for myself the ending." -- Melissa Ray, Wayne, West Virginia, USA

"Nice story.   Some good imagery and descritive sentences.  Good twist." -- Matt, USA
"Excellent story - vivid descriptions - the end is a little bit predictable, but the story is quite good!" -- Luis Felipe Moura, Rio de Janeiro, Brazil
"A exciting story about two men searching for a beast in a cave. It really starts up your imagination. Great work!" -- Brennan Walters, Colorado Springs, Colorado, USA
COPYRIGHT NOTICE
� 1998 Baran Bulkat
STORYMANIA PUBLICATION DATE
January 1999
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TITLE
The Sheriff
AUTHOR
Charles Langley
DESCRIPTION
The Sheriff recites a pithy answer in verse.... [200 words]
READERS' REVIEWS
"Really great stuff here! I'm not qualified to offer any real criticism but I know talent when I read it and you have it! Wonderful imagery and a 'knowing' tone." -- Valerie, USA
"Nice job! Very touching! You have talent, go with it!" -- Bridget Faith, USA
"Great reading. Exactly the kind of twist I like to see. Unexpected and to the point. Keep up the good work." -- T Williams, USA

"Great example of cowboy poetry format." -- Mary Ann Savage, California, USA
"Touching. It reminds me, for some reason, of the Predator. I wonder if they would kill their own family for the proud trophy it offered. This personifies deeply the importance of ego in society and how it can even overcome love." -- Tyrant

"Wow what an interesting story. It was great." -- Matt Z., Normal, Illinois, USA
"Very touching, and well written.  I enjoyed it." -- Linda Barnett-Johnson, Lewistown, Montana, USA
COPYRIGHT NOTICE
� 1998 Charles Langley
STORYMANIA PUBLICATION DATE
January 1999
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TITLE
Pfarfenagle, A Collection
AUTHOR
Charles Langley
DESCRIPTION
Pfarfenagle - A satire...
Love-Struck - Sequel to Pfarfenagle.
Double Take
[2,000 words]
READERS' REVIEWS
"Compact, well written, funny in spite of the mayhem" -- Jim Hanks, San Jose, California, USA
"I think it's a very distinctive and engaging story. I loved it!" -- Valerie, USA
"Smart and entertaining. A very clever writer." -- Caroline, Sydney, New South Wales, Australia
"I like your work. Keep the stories coming your good, really good!" -- Bridget Faith, USA
"Funny, but a tad scary. Your work is brilliant, unpredictable, witty, and irreverent. You remind me of Douglas Adams, and that's a good thing. Keep up the good work." -- Tyrant
COPYRIGHT NOTICE
� 1998 Charles Langley
STORYMANIA PUBLICATION DATE
January 1999
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TITLE
The Death Reader
AUTHOR
Corey Goldberg
DESCRIPTION
The story is told from the point of view of a mortician who is studying the body of a beautiful dead woman. The character rapes a dead woman. Stands on its own as a short story. To be part of novel called "She Does".
[2, 500 words, Rated R]
READERS' REVIEWS
"Very interesting story. The thought may be morbid but I believe these things do happen in real life. Men have raped women in a coma - as good as raping a dead woman. His anger just reflects how depraved a man can be or maybe his revulsion towards himself." -- Fatima Pais, New Delhi, India
"I liked it, a bit morose, but I liked it. Be careful about using the same word repeatedly in close proximity. I think the story could easily be lengthened; there were a lot of areas into which I would have loved you to delve more deeply." -- Reuben Gregg Brewer, New York, NY, USA
"I like her writing style. I am not into the scene like the mortician, but Ms Goldberg is very talented. I wish her much luck and hope she becomes very successful. Sincerely, A fan in Germany" -- J�rgen Eicherm�ller, Gross Disnack, SH, Germany
"A good story writer here!" -- Bridget Faith, USA
"Well Corey.... Your story was strange, though interesting. You paint word pictures that are easy to visualize... Good luck in the future." -- Gary (Lo Phat Ham), Phoenix, Arizona, USA
"Thrilling! Like Poe's "The Telltale Heart" in the detailed description. But how could the wife have noticed the erection during dinner? Wouldn't it have been hidden by the table?" -- Sal Morano, Corona, California, USA

"The Death Reader is an example of an interesting trip into the warped mind of a disturbed individual. The author provided an exquisite example of the defense mechanism, projection. It was a thought provoking piece." -- K A Winchell, Philadelphia, Pennsylvania, USA
"Starts off slow , but chills the reader at the end. I was left feeling a mixture of anger, and helplesness at the man and his surroundings, and sadness for her, to be used twice , first the stabs , which she felt, and then the rape, which the reader felt." -- Andy, Washington, DC, USA

"Wow! Your short story was very good and original.  I think you can expand it though and make it a full length book.  It has an excellent plot." -- Tim Mayyou, Illinois, USA
"Good story, kept my attention.  There were a couple of areas that could use more details and explaination, which will make it easier to read." -- Trisha, Normal, Illinois, USA
"Dipping into the stream of consciousness...what a talent.  Look for an editor or someone to help you go forward.  Don't stop writing! I will look for you oneday, Corey.  You amaze me." -- Emerald Time, Washington, DC, USA
"I thought this was an excellent story. Very detailed and real. I do however think that there is a bit of detail lacking at the dinner table after his wife questioned him." -- Jen, Normal, Illinois, USA
"I have to admit, I was intrigued by the subject matter, and the writing is, for the most part, good. There are places that could use more "showing," less "telling." I would like to see more character development of the undertaker. Great start." -- Jenny Mercer, Ft. Worth, Texas, USA
"Great story, great picture, (of yourself) and you do resemble MM. I'd love to corespond with you, and exchange ideas. (Don't worry; I'm not another Hannibal Lector.)" -- David ''Doc'' Byron, Vincennes, Indiana, USA
"A great story? You're definitely writing to a certain type of person  (and I am not that type).   It would be more iteresting if you imply more than you say.  You're spoon feeding the plot and imagery to the reader, perhaps holding some back and only alluding to it would make the story darker, as the mind of the protagonist is.  It is an interesting plot which would look fabulous in a longer, more developed story.   Perhaps a murder mystery? I duno.  Take care." -- Peter Izdebski, Toronto, Canada
"I liked it, though it needs to be edited again.  I'd love to see more work that you have done, Corey.   Why is the copyright not in your name?" -- Deana V., Burlington, Vermont, USA
COPYRIGHT NOTICE
� 1999 Heather Umberger
STORYMANIA PUBLICATION DATE
February 1999
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TITLE
Early One Morning in October, 1997
AUTHOR
James Outlaw
DESCRIPTION
A semi-autobiographical short  story. [4,250 words]
READERS' REVIEWS
"I keep asking myself what was the purpose? I mean it kept me intrigued and was well written but I feel like there is more to be told or that maybe you included things that should have been left out for a short story, because they raise questions. I feel this could be a really great start to a novel... but hey I'm just an avid reader of books what do I know?... I like your style!" -- Bridget Faith, USA
"Reminds me of "Ghost Diner" back in 78.... Keep up the good writing!" -- Fred, USA

"Nice story, although a bit too familiar, without a resolution. A bit too much like (.. and then I woke up, and I realised it was all a dream). Entertaining, though." -- Gerald Hornsby, London, England
COPYRIGHT NOTICE
� 1999 James Outlaw
STORYMANIA PUBLICATION DATE
February 1999
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