DESCRIPTION
This is a revised version of a scene I had written for my sitcom "McDaniel's" (a sitcom about the fast food industry). I wrote this version for possible use in a student project I had agreed to help with. That student project was a mock-informercial about a product called Cubie, a 9-step program to success. This scene ended up being deleted before production. Still a little amuusing, though. [346 words]
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Cubie Nathan Weaver
AN OFFICE. ENTER NATALIE, ELDERLY GENTLEMAN sits behind the desk.
NATALIE
Hello, sir. (shakes ELDERLY GENT�S hand as he rises)
ELDERLY GENT
Natalie, is it?
NATALIE
Uh, yes, sir.
ELDERLY GENT
Do have a seat.
SHE SITS.
NATALIE
Thank you, sir.
ELDERLY GENT
A few questions about your resume, which I read� a little.
NATALIE
Shoot� sir.
ELDERLY GENT
Are you secure in� what�s the word? Secure in your�
NATALIE�S jaw is on the floor, afraid of the obvious innuendo.
NATALIE
What letter does it start with?
ELDERLY GENT
I believe it starts with an �S�. Yes, that�s right. Are you secure in your� your�
NATALIE
(regretfully fills in the blank) Sexuality, sir?
ELDERLY GENT
No� no. PHOTOGRAPHY! It wasn�t an �S�. That�s what was getting me. (PAUSE) Sexuality? (grunts in disgust)
NATALIE
(eager now to makeup) Yes.
ELDERLY GENT
Would you consider yourself a virgin?
NATALIE
I�m not sure I understand what you are getting at?
ELDERLY GENT
(to the point) Are you a virgin? (awkward pause) Would you consider yourself a veteran?
NATALIE
I� do I have to answer this?
ELDERLY GENT
Just a simple question.
NATALIE
I wouldn�t consider myself a veteran, no� I�m a virgin.
ELDERLY GENT
Well, then why would I want to hire you?
NATALIE
YOU�RE NOT GOING TO HIRE ME BECAUSE I�M A VIRGIN!?
ELDERLY GENT
Plenty of other WELL qualified applicants have already been in this office.
NATALIE
Just let me get one thing straight before I walk out that door and SUE YOU. Are we talking about my experience as a photographer or are we talking about my sex life?
ELDERLY GENT
(shocked) SEX?! Of all the cockamamie�
FREEZE FRAME. Letters appear on screen, �BAD.�
NARRATOR VOICE OVER
Never be caught making this mistake. Remember, the employer is always right. Now, let�s back up and try that again with a little help from Cubie..
BACK TO NATALIE making entrance.
NATALIE
Sup?
ELDERLY GENT
Natalie, is it?
NATALIE
Right on.
ELDERLY GENT
Do have a seat.
SHE SITS.
NATALIE
Don�t mind if I do.
ELDERLY GENT
A few questions about your resume, which I read� a little.
NATALIE
Try me.
ELDERLY GENT
Are you secure in� what�s the word? Secure in your�
NATALIE
Absolutely.
ELDERLY GENT
Would you consider yourself a virgin?
NATALIE
Absolutely not.
ELDERLY GENT
I like you, Kid.
NATALIE
I can�t see why!
ELDERLY
You�re hired!
NATALIE turns and looks at the camera.
NATALIE
I had to sell my soul, but now I�m rolling in cash. Thanks, Cubie, I owe ya one� well, millions actually.
END SCENE
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