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The Insane Ramblings Of A Complete Idiot
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TITLE (EDIT)
The Insane Ramblings Of A Complete Idiot
DESCRIPTION
An essay on the insane ramblings of a complete idiot. Written by a complete idiot. Requires an altered state of mind to properly enjoy.
[1,090 words]
TITLE KEYWORD
Humor
AUTHOR
Crazy Clown
ABOUT THE AUTHOR
Proud founder and president of Crazy Clown Productions (c)
[October 2000]
AUTHOR'S OTHER TITLES (10)
Dragonball Z - Akira Toryama's Drug Trip? (Essays) An essay worthy of the label of Crazy Clown, about the sheer ludicrousnessness of Dragonball Z. [989 words] [Humor]
Some Explanation Is In Order (Essays) You might come to this title expecting a deep, philosophical, or thought-provoking story; instead, you get this! It is an explanation of my rather unique writing style, by Crazy Clown. [447 words] [Humor]
The Demented Monologue Of A Downright Imbecile (Essays) Another display of foolishness and inanity, from the one who can do them best, Crazy Clown. Requires an altered state of mind to fully enjoy. [1,246 words] [Humor]
The Muse Keeps On (Short Stories) A tale of the joys and sufferings of the muse... [1,006 words] [Writing Resource]
The Test (Short Stories) My first publishing-worthy (at least I hope) short story, on the topic of what religion is, was, and what may become... [1,118 words] [Spiritual]
The Unfortunate Homophobe (Essays) An interspective on a homophobe who wishes he wasn't, and some ideas and opinions on homosexuality. [1,131 words] [Gay & Lesbian]
The Vaporeal Defecation Of A Mental Diarrheatic (Essays) I just had so much fun writing the other two displays of inanity that I just had to write a third. Depending on how much you like my works, this could be either wonderful or horrifying, your choice. -... [951 words] [Humor]
Vanquished (Short Stories) Death, Revenge, Death. Misery has gone full circle. [894 words] [Action]
Well, Shit (Essays) A rather... interesting essay on the worlds worst waste. Requires a unique state of mind to enjoy properly. [1,020 words] [Humor]
Wrong, Wrong, Wrong! (Short Stories) When did being almost right, but still showing inderstanding of the question, be considered completely wrong? Wouldn't it be better to be smart then to simply be able to memorize? [566 words] [Mind]
The Insane Ramblings Of A Complete Idiot
Crazy Clown

     Well, well, well. Look who's here? Come to gloat, have you? Over your victory over
insanity, right? Come to point and laugh at the poor, poor freak of nature, the social outcast, the third pant leg, whom you tease and annoy because he didn't quite rise up to the challenge of normal existence. Well, I've got a response for you. Plogmatica, your honor!
     Well, well, well. Yes, you may be thinking that that that that had nothing to do with anything. But it does! It has to do with everything! Think about it. Of course I will.
No, you never do. Ah, the Simpsons, the largest and easiestly accessible collection of hilarious if a bit off color quotes in human existence. Who on earth can't relate to a simple D'oh!!! Oh, yes, the phrase; that is quite simple. Ever been asked to describe something you saw in your own words, say to a probation court? What does that mean, exactly? Do you need your own words? I'd say so; after all, they did still keep me on
probation after describing THAT brutal mime beating!
     Well, well, well. What is it with Americans and disliking random things? Who first came up with the fear of clowns, mimes, Chihuahuas? Clowns must be out of business these days. Every person I've asked on the street has said that they are afraid of me in the clown suit. Not one person stayed to watch me after I swallowed the rubber chicken, not one! They all ran and called the same three numbers and made me hurt more
people. But enough about me, what does it take to get into those pants? Sorry, random thought; must contain those. Bad for "mental constituency," said the homeless man before I beat him with his own shoe. Hey, he was using it to trick people into thinking he had a cell phone! I couldn't help myself. Wouldn't you have done the same? Of course. Everything you say. I agree with everything you've ever said in your entire life! Isn't that just peachy? Santa is an anagram for Satan! Yeeehaawww!
     Well, well, well. Ever done that? Just go off talking to yourself, running down the street naked wearing half a cantaloupe on your head repeating, "I'm a hamster!" I'm a hamster. Now that's crazy. Ah, Leslie Nielson. Gotta hate such a funny bastard. His first movie made me cry. Oh, yes; anyway, yeah, hmmm... buh? Yes, I remember now. Have you ever started talking about something that reminded you of something else, then go talk about that, then go off on another barely related topic, until you reach a completely
new area, field, a region of discussion, while the person you were talking to walks off, shaking their head and reaching for a can of mace? Of course you have. If you haven't, you have got to try this.
     Well, well, well. Here goes. Think about a hamster, you know, the vicious devourererer of worlds? Now remember he giant rat that killed Godzilla, or something similar or other; I don't remember because I have amnesia. Oh, and I have amnesia. And plus, I have amnesia. Anyway, take Godzilla balls and remember that old joke, "What's
big, pink, and drags on the ocean floor? Dick's Moby!" Take other works of art and then go to the famous Rembrant of a Picasso by Michealangelo of Monica Lewinsky riding a giant, oddly smiling hamster. There you go! You went from something to something completely the same in only... um... four? Five? Well, in a few steps. Aren't you proud? Now you can think (or lack therefore) like me!
     Well, well, well. Oh, that makes sense. Why do you ask? Yes, I am a navy poop deck officer. Did you ask something? What? Are you talking to me? Did you ask something? Yes, I am a navy poop deck officer. Why do you ask? Oh, that makes sense.
     Well, well, well. That was an exorcising of futility! Um... um... um... peaches! Yes, peaches! That word suddenly fantasied my struck! Oh, oops. I messed up. The word fantasied peached my struck! Yeah, that made much more sense. Thank you for your hospitality. Come on down y'all, y'hear? Y'know y'what y'is y'weird? Y'the y'word y'y'y'all. Yep, its just funny. So, Louisiananianianian. Like slick willie. No, not me; thanks for asking. I meant the president. He actually traded three boars for his family's honor! Yep, he sure didn't. Woah, these insane ramblings of a complete idiot are hard to create after a while, aren't they? You should know. You are actually creating them. You and that damn
garbageman. He is so silly! That is why I had to beat him over the head with a hamster on
a stick and then run for the hills!
Well, well, well. Do you sense a repeating pattern? Well, well, well. I don't.
Hamster. Hamster. No, I sure don't. Do you? Of course not. Oh, and thank you very much for showing me your beautiful gun. I am sure we will enjoy a lifetime of friendship and slavery! The president of Albania will surely appreciate our bean pickings to the fullest enjoyment level achievable by man, excluding genetically altered shit-compactor babies. They are able to achieve much higher levels of happiness, not having to shit and all. Man, those guys have all the fun!
     Well, well, well. Your cousin sure looks appetizing. I could just see her roasting
slowly over an open spit, her fat bubbling and sliding off of her golden brown body. Oh no! I've finally crossed the line between the obscene and ridiculous and the offensive and disgusting. I should get a medal! You know, an orange pancreas or something or other. I sure would be disgusted to be in the president of the presence himself! Just think of all the ooze sliding down his cheeks, getting all over my shiny gum shoes. Mmmm! Tastes like chicken tonight, honey!
     Well, well, well. Thatsatstsatstaststats all for tonight, folks! G'day, mate! Origachi
Maru! Konichiwa! Sambida! Chou! Pop pop plop click click click! Bye! You have just experienced the insane ramblings of a complete idiot. If all went well, you should start to think in some way similar to that displayed in the subconscious message transmitted by the words between the lines between the lines between the lines. If you do not, please call 1-800-GOOSE-FECES for a complete and prompt refund of whatever you paid to read this. Thank you for your time. Who's gloating now? Well, well, well.

     Your humble servant that will one day overthrow you,
     Crazy Clown

 

READER'S REVIEWS (2)
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"I know I shouldn't be reviewing my own works, but I seriously think I was high when I wrote this thing. You know the weirdest part? All of my friends laughed their asses off when they read this. Maybe it expressed something in all of us that yearns to break free from the normals of society. Or maybe it is just funny. I'll let you decide." -- Crazy Clown.
"*stares in amazement* The frame of mind you were in was no where near the setting of "normal" right? Mine's permanently on "so-weird-your-close-to-having-a-seizure". Welcome to the looneybin." -- Julissa Gayle Raven, aka looneymuse.

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COPYRIGHT NOTICE
© 2000 Crazy Clown
STORYMANIA PUBLICATION DATE
October 2000
NUMBER OF TIMES TITLE VIEWED
1583
 

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