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Menopause Doc Byron
As usual, my stepdaddy wasn't home yet when I
came home from school. Probably out drinking with
his bowling buddies again, I figured.
Mama was in the kitchen, covered in sweat and
blood, cutting up another hog.
''Daddy ain't here?'' I said, already knowing the
answer, but just making casual conversation.
''Nope,'' she said, bringing the meat cleaver down
again - KA-CHUNK! - hard enough to shake the
whole table. ''Ain't here no more.''
No More? I thought, excitedly. The no good,
foul mouthed -
KA-CHUNK!
wife beating -
KA-CHUNK!
drunken sonofabitch is REALLY GONE?
Naw....it's too good to be true.
''Where is he?'' I asked her then, like I really
gave a rat's ass in hell.
Mama just looked over her shoulder at me, her eyes
weak and bleary. She had been going through ''the
change of life'' lately, and had been feeling
really irritable and tired.
''Ain't here no more,'' she repeated, then...
...KA-CHUNK! the cleaver hit the juicy hogmeat
again, sending droplets of blood spattering her
apron. KA-CHUNK!!
''Why'd he leave?'' I asked, wanting to hear the
whole juicy story. I was hoping mama had sent him
out the door with busted balls and a black eye,
at least.
''Didn't leave,'' mama said, raising the cleaver
up again. She had an almost crazy look in her
eyes that gave me the creeps. ''Didn't leave.''
KA-CHUNK! KA-CHUNK! Blood spattered the floor and
walls now. KA-CHUNK!
''Mama,'' I said, in a soothing tone, trying to
keep her calm. ''You said he ain't here, said he
LEFT, but, he DIDN'T leave. I don't quite
understand.''
''Didn't say he LEFT,'' she said, then KA-CHUNK!
''Said he ain't here no more.''
I gave up; there was no use in trying to talk to
mama when she was like this. ''Well, then, what's
for supper, mama?''
''Your STEPDADDY,'' she said, with wild eyes.
KA-CHUNK.
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