Jenna by Kat Fiore The horror of love. [2 words]
Like Troubled Water by Amarjit Bhambra One way of explaining life... [1,261 words]
He Gave It All Away by Amarjit Bhambra I have my own African Grey and this story was written in 1999, hope you like it.... [1,959 words]
Eat You Lunch Children by Amarjit Bhambra A story for Halloween for young children,especially the ones that don't finish their lun... [450 words]
The Power Within by Amarjit Bhambra - [90 words]
The Pharoah's Daughter by Amarjit Bhambra A little tale one mightlike.... [246 words]
The Healing Hand Of The Lord by Amarjit Bhambra I was in a Foreign Country, with my son who fell ill in the middle of the night. ... [259 words]
The Good Against The Evil by Amarjit Bhambra - [628 words]
Charlie The Squirral by Amarjit Bhambra When my son was born,I alway remember a Squirral in the Hospital grounds that the Nurses u... [341 words]
A Thing Of A Bat? by Amarjit Bhambra When this actually happened, it was very hilarious. I hope you imagine it well to enjoy that ... [349 words]
Wonderful, Wonderful Works Of God, The Lord God Is My Healer, My Protector by Amarjit Bhambra I think that sharing is very importa... [197 words]
The Heart Of A Noble Woman by Mandi Butkovich -A story about a young noble woman who first discovers what love is.---Please Review [860 words]
Witchcake by Risa Peris An imaginary retelling of the beginnings of the Salem Witch Trials of 1692 throught the eyes of one o... [1,491 words]
Venice by Matthew Penner - [303 words]
Untitled About Bugs by Durfee's Student World from the perspective of another. Title suggestions appreciated! I can print the 2nd... [1,706 words]
Things That Really Happen In Life - The Sense The Feeling Before It Really Happens. by Amarjit Bhambra This really happened to me ... [356 words]
Thin Air by Randall Barfield ...you'd think it impossible that one man could terrorize an entire nation but,of course,... [874 words]
There Are No Others! Just Me! by Nik Siromah Short story about one of the greatest Bulgarian revolutionary of all time, Vasil ... [3,577 words]
The Thorn And The Rose by Amarjit Bhambraaa Bitter tangled love? [224 words]
The New Gaurdians by Creature Of Death This is another story I made like I said sci-fi is my beiggest thing I like to write about th... [2,079 words]
The Hunter by Evgeni Miller Jonas Rath A short story dating a couple of months ago. Comes with a second chapter which will be posted in a... [433 words]
The Electric Car by Tomas Sancio B Baquiano Two stories in Latin America become intertwined when a young Engineer kills herself after a fa... [1,462 words]
Teenager's Prayer by Jordan Holetzky A teenager's prayer... [1,216 words]
Screaming, Save Me. by Marie Buzzy After the dream ends, I find myself sitting in bed, frightened and panicking as I whisper t... [718 words]
Schoolgirl by Randall Barfield - [937 words]
Reflections And Modern Man by Kristal O-Garrow The dispersed thoughts of a man who just experienced a divorce. [678 words]
Pedro by Jordan Holetzky Talks about people who don't even know you are will to care about you to pray for you and to share God wi... [654 words]
Nightmare 1 The Chase by Jordan Holetzky This story is about a freaky dream... [752 words]
My Treat by Amarjit Bhambra - [631 words]
My Name by Allie Haaland - [209 words]
My Embarrassing Moment by Brady Kalt This is a short story about one of my embarrassing moments. [203 words]
Mountain Arrival by Norachai Thavisin The hermit has to prepare his mountain chalet for the arrival of his woman visitor. He didn't ... [2,095 words]
Most Embarrasing Moment by Anthony Espinoza Assignment for school. [226 words]
Mexico by Hiatt - [799 words]
Life Force by Caleigh Jepison Please please can you tell me what you think? Starting chapter of a horror novel - may be a bit clic... [603 words]
Inbox by Nathan Weaver The first in a series of short horror stories. I can't say much without spoiling anything. Just check i... [688 words]
Inbox 2 by Nathan Weaver The second in the series. The roommate. [1,081 words]
In Michael's Mind by Am Mason R.I.P. Michael. [218 words]
Hospital Room by Randall Barfield Sadly, it's another case of "who needs fiction?" [1,115 words]
Hickory Dickory by Tomas B Sancio Of mice, men and Nuclear Science. [828 words]
Family Therapy Remembering Nama's Funeral by Mickey Bryant This short story gives detailed descriptions of the comedy of errors ... [5,111 words]
Embarrassing Day At The Pool by Kaitlin Kingdon A short story about an embarrassing day at a pool on vacation. [319 words]
Damn by Bk Kinsel It is all my fault. [163 words]
Creature Of Death's Bio by Creature Of Death This a character I use alot in my stories he reflects me and my mood at certain times a... [3,589 words]
Birthday Visitors by Norachai Thavisin Two unexpected people visit me on my birthday. We spend an unexpected day at the local beach.... [1,319 words]
A True Story About A Very Young And Naive Nathan Weaver by Nathan Weaver The title says it all. A short, true story about mysel... [346 words]
A Red Tent by R Amici I had to submit this for school. [633 words]
A Cry In The Dark by Barry Stevens Faeden A creepy story of the macabre. Not for the weak hearted. [887 words]
'fly by Lawrence Peters Freedom [426 words]
Without Reason by Sime Sheef Anger breeds hate and hate breeds evil. Unfortunately this perfect world breeds all three. [983 words]
Whisper Of A Hero by M Hansen April THIS STRORY IS ABOUT A WOMAN WITH STRONG INTUITION, AND SHARES WITH US HER DESPAIR OF A LOVED... [1,063 words]
What's Wrong With The World? by Bk Kinsel A story about the world. [172 words]
Valentine's Cupid by K J H Sienna is a fiery redhead that works for a local newspaper. She is fairly unlucky when it com... [2,873 words]
To The Fullest by Sime Sheef Peter has figured out how to drain the potential from every moment in life...but what will it co... [978 words]
The Wedding Reception by Avis - [1,893 words]
The Little Turd That Could
The Final Battle by Briony Carvalho Read it and you'll see! Any comments on anything I do are hugely appreciated - even if it's j... [348 words]
Sword From Heaven by Kristen Karlson A series of interconnected stories about the forms and consequences of power. [7,754 words]
Six Episodes Of Love by H Klecel - [3,199 words]
Russian Roulette: Foreshadow by Catherine Lefloy The story is about a young russian soldier that is eager to go to war, later he fi... [1,635 words]
Ordinary Day by Derek Anthony Held A short story about military families and how war tears them apart. [540 words]
Night Of The Courtesane by Charles F Kane A Dream that's more than a dream. Story with a twist. [1,243 words]
Medical-Shedical by Avis Narration of annual general medical exam. [1,548 words]
Life On The Broken Wings by Partha Pratim Majumder A young pretty girl , who is handicapped since birth , has to pass her leisure sitting... [1,860 words]
Heaven With Her by Bk Kinsel An old man dying in his bed wishing only to see the love of his life. [253 words]
Flak by Joseph Xavier Ramirez A short story about an escort fighter pilot in WW2, as he embarks on this mission he will face many challe... [1,158 words]
Escaping Reality by Monica L Sprague This is an account of a real event that has a fictional ending...the ending that I know she wa... [981 words]
Dream For An Insomniac by Rachel Joseph A short love story of a unique girl [739 words]
Downsizing by Katherine A M Corkery A confident employee at a well-established law firm enters the office ready to receive word of a pro... [1,823 words]
Confortable Darkness by Sime Sheef The world is dark and light is not welcome. It only pains the eyes. [996 words]
Cipher by Rachel Joseph The life story of a boring girl. [2,509 words]
Can't Let Him Go by Nicky Rothschild Can't Let You Go is about a girl that has fallen in love with a man that is 4 years older then... [1,442 words]
And... by Lawrence Peters For Andrew, whether you like it or not, it's yours. written in Los Angeles, where writers go to become r... [129 words]
And I Prayed Part 3 Of Awakening by Sidney Tucker Continuing from Awakening and The Journey Home A man finds the final steps to ... [1,235 words]
Alone At Dawn by Sime Sheef The tale of a man searching to resolve the pain of loosing the woman he loved. [957 words]
Go to page: 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 [17] 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 29 30 31 32 33 34 35 36 37 38 39 40 41 42 43 44 45 46 47 48 49 50
| |
TITLE (EDIT)
The Little Turd That Could |
DESCRIPTION
A short story based on office interaction and politics.
[1,052 words] |
TITLE KEYWORD
Humor |
AUTHOR
Michael L Phillips (Aka The Purple Monkey) |
ABOUT
THE AUTHOR
I am a 37 year old white male who was born October 4, 1968 in a small town in Florida named Bonifay. I entered naval service in July 1987 and have served my nation with pride and honor for the past 19 years. I am an active duty sailor, rated Information Systems Technician (IT), currently stationed aboard the USS Dwight D Eisenhower (CVN69) and will be retiring from active naval service in Aug 2007. This is my first attempt at writing a humorous short story and as such I have never been published on the web or in print. I thank you for any praise or criticisms you may have.
[July 2006] |
AUTHOR'S OTHER TITLES (1)
The Watermelon Seed And The Rose Bush (Short Stories) A short story based on a sothern tale told to young children. [480 words] [Humor]
|
The Little Turd That Could
Michael L Phillips (Aka The Purple Monkey)
(This story is based on factual events that took place aboard the USS Dwight D Eisenhower in July 2006 somewhere off the coast of Virginia, USA)
Once upon a time there was a man who had an irritable bowel. For years on end the man had
tried various methods to relieve these symptoms with over the counter medicine, herbs, and his
grandmother�s sure fire cures (witchcraft by medieval standards). The results had varied results,
but the outcome was usually the same. He would receive a modicum of relieve but ultimately the
symptoms would return and often worsen. Now it was bad enough that he constantly had pains
in his stomach, but as time progressed the pain was slowly spreading south. This became a
point of worry for the man as he knew eventually the pain, as it was progressing, would affect his
daily ritual of universal contemplation as he read one of his favorite gun magazines. This routine
was one of great importance to the man and one he had come to count on as a stress reliever.
However, as each day passed the worry of what was to come weighed so heavily on his mind
that he began to dread his daily sabbatical. Eventually, he went to see a psychologist about his
problem. The psychologist advised him that the best way to get past this was to think of it in a
positive manner. He told him to focus on an idea that would give him a can do attitude whenever
the worry arose. The doctor informed him that some of his most successful patients found
encouragement in and drew strength from the stories of their youth. To this end the man went to
the library and began reading children�s books. He came across the story of the little engine who
could and it brought back found memories of his mother reading the story to him as a child. He
decided to use this story of confidence and self determination as his focusing point whenever the
worry and stress threatened to overtake him. This worked out well for the man and as the
months passed he once again was able to enjoy his alone time and allow the burdens that
weighted so heavily on him to slip away. That is until the unfortunate event that followed three
days of eating a diet heavily loaded with meats and sorely lacking in fiber products. Now on the
morning of this unholy happening the man arose as usual and speedily prepared for work. He
was aware of the excessively full feeling he was experiencing and decides it best to take a small
dose of a weak laxative. However, unbeknownst to the man the maker of the laxative produce
had made a terrible mistake with the dosage and accidentally quadrupled the maximum amount.
Upon arriving at work the man continued with his normal routine and had a very large cup of
strong, hot coffee with an excessive amount of cream and sugar. Now as you can imagine this
man had to attend a morning meeting with his supervisors to plan out the days events. It was
during this meeting that the first signs of trouble made themselves painfully obvious. His stomach
and intestinal track felt as if he was trying to restrain the mother of all farts. He grimaced and
desperately tried to control his sphincter muscle. Once the meeting was over the man made a
made dash for the nearest bathroom, barley making it to the toilet before the rushing flow of
digested animal matter burst forth like speeding bullet. As he set their uncontrollably defecating
massive amounts of liquid disgust from his anus he tried desperately to find his calm center. It
was to this end that he began saying aloud, softly at first and then gradually louder until he was
screaming at the top of his lungs, I THINK I CAN, I THINK I CAN, I THINK I CAN. Now here is
where the story takes a tragic turn as the mans supervisor walks in the bathroom only to be
assaulted by screams emanating from the stall directly in front of him. Add to this the
overwhelming stench that only an undertaker could tolerate and the sounds of explosive diarrhea
and the supervisor has to immediately leave. The man, upon finishing his moment in hell, cleans
himself up and proceeds to his work space. There on his computer was an e-mail from his
supervisor. The e-mail explained that as his supervisor he was responsible for the well being of
all the persons who worked for him and this included the man. He advised him that for the sake
of the company he would be recommending that the man be seen by medical personnel to
determine the cause of his intestinal distress and until he was medically cleared and for the good
of the company he was to be immediately placed on medical leave. The man replied to his
supervisor as follows. Sir, I appreciate your concern for my well being as well as those that must
work around me. I have sought out medical and psychological treatment for my condition. The
unfortunate incident you had the misfortune to witness was the result of three days of
overindulgence in consuming many meat products. Unfortunately for me I was unprepared for
the size and quantity of the meat products that I consumed and this caused an unexpected
blockage in my rectal area. Now due to the treatments I have become quit adept at controlling
my sphincter muscle and this has brought me considerable pleasure. But due to the
overwhelming pressure in my rectal cavity I was unable to properly maintain control over myself
during this incident. I gladly accept any input you may have as I enjoy eating meat and would be
sorely pressed it I had to give it up. In addition I have heard from several gentlemen employed at
the company that you yourself enjoy eating meat. They say you are especially fond of sausage
and hot dogs. As I also enjoy eating sausage I would be intrigued by your process for preparing
and eating sausage. I look forward hopefully increasing my responsibilities in the company as
well as you have.
The man was immediately fired
Moral of the story, if your boss is a known homosexual watch what you send him in your e-mail.
All Hail the Purple Monkey
|
READER'S REVIEWS (1)
DISCLAIMER: STORYMANIA DOES NOT PROVIDE AND IS NOT RESPONSIBLE FOR REVIEWS. ALL REVIEWS ARE PROVIDED BY NON-ASSOCIATED VISITORS, REGARDLESS OF THE WAY THEY CALL THEMSELVES.
"test of the review process" -- Michael.
TO DELETE UNWANTED REVIEWS CLICK HERE! (SELECT "MANAGE TITLE REVIEWS" ACTION) |
|
Submit Your Review for The Little Turd That Could
Required fields are marked with (*).
Your e-mail address will not be displayed.
|
|
Submit Your Rating for The Little Turd That Could
|
COPYRIGHT NOTICE
© 2006 Michael L Phillips (Aka The Purple Monkey) |
STORYMANIA PUBLICATION DATE
August 2006 |
NUMBER OF TIMES TITLE VIEWED
2004
|
|
