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Non-Fiction




What Nursing Taught Me About Life And Death by Natalie Hallworth - [2,108 words]
Truth by Adele Staufer The story of the influence of my Grand-parents' lakefront plot on my childhood. [861 words]
Shots And Sticks by Sarah O'Farrell A Diabetic's Journey. [1,279 words]
Oh Australia, How I Hate Thee by Thepratmeister Let me count the ways... [505 words]
My First Break by Mike Raudenbush This is a non-fiction story about the first time I broke a bone. It is short and fast. With a fe... [992 words]
Life On High by Rose Reitman This peice describes my year long experience of getting high. I became accustomed to releasing fro... [1,414 words]
Vitry-Sur-Seine Half-Marathon - April 23, 2006 by Terry Kaufman After running the Paris Half-Marathon over a month ago, I decide... [777 words]
Purge - Goodbye by Briony Carvalho - [487 words]
Paris Half-Marathon - March 5, 2006 by Terry Kaufman 5 months of regular training. Knee, ankle, and ligament injuries. 21.1 ki... [940 words]
The Burglar, My Husband And I by Amarjit Bhambra This actually happened, Its also good to have a laugh about it. [243 words]
Stormy Petrels by Denise Clement Short true story based on my Hysler family tree. My paternal family of Duval Co. Florida. From 1... [7,856 words]
Kitty Kissses: The Silent Treatment by Shelley J Alongi Brandy tells me just what she thinks of going to the vet. [1,231 words]
Kitty Kisses: Our Little Brandy by Shelley J Alongi Tales of a little kitten. [1,366 words]
Test Of Friendship by Lady Sashi Like all good stories, itís best to start at the beginning, which is where we find ourselves... [1,117 words]
Out With The Old, In With The Young by Thepratmeister The Pratmeister gives his overview of 2005, and what he expects for 2006. [525 words]
Heteros, Homos, Celibacy And The Church by Randall Barfield Are we going back to the time of the Crusades? [590 words]
David's Letter--Bogota, Colombia by Randall Barfield This is a true incident. It is not fiction. [551 words]
The Pratmeister's Guide To Australia by Thepratmeister The Pratmeister gives you the unofficial history of the Aussies. [379 words]
Assholes by Thepratmeister The Pratmeister is in a mood. Again. [150 words]
Shame Para Hills High School, Shame! by Thepratmeister The Pratmeister has a gutless bunch of High School bureaucratic tosspots f... [191 words]
Book Of Shadows: Diary Of A Witch by Lady Sashi Written below are the accounts and experiences of a real, live Witch, in her ... [744 words]
My Letter To Anne Frank by Alvin Gladstone My small token of love & respect to the little angel. [304 words]
Kitty Kisses: Whose Bed Is It Anyway by Shelley J Alongi The family bed cat style. [750 words]
Kitty Kisses: Peter Jennings And Cat Company by Shelley J Alongi Amusing tales of cats just when you need them. [789 words]
In Thoughts And Prayers by Dawn Matley Maselli The Warwick Station Fire so strongly affected our community. To friends, neighbors and ... [179 words]
Fever Dreams And Memories by Lawrence Peters My first ghost story. [649 words]
Daemons by Randall Barfield Isn't British spelling more elegant sometimes? This piece of writing is about demons. We all have one... [2,678 words]
Rant Of The Week
Prudes by Thepratmeister The Pratmeister feels a rant coming on again. Oh dear. [355 words]
Perverts by Thepratmeister The world is going insane - but the pratmeister will reassure you you're not alone in thinking so. [322 words]
Nicole Cornes Can Suck My Balls by Thepratmeister The pratmeister gently points out to a "Sunday Mail" columnist where she is goi... [535 words]
My Parents And Myself by Carla Thomson It's basicly me bitching about my parents. [1,277 words]
Kitty Kisses: Licking The Hand That Feeds You by Shelley J Alongi Here's to many more lickings. [1,019 words]
Kitty Kisses Entry Two by Shelley J Alongi Formula One cat feeding. [658 words]
Kitty Kisses Entry One by Shelley J Alongi Shelley's life with her two cats. [957 words]
Kitty Kisses: Don't Fence Me In by Shelley J Alongi Flee meds, the closet, and the nineteenth century frontier. [1,089 words]
Australian Suck! by Thepratmeister The Pratmeister gives you the lowdown on the worst country in the world. [665 words]
Amelia Frid - Interview With Neighbours Actress by Ian Kidd In 2004 I had the pleasure of interviewing former "Neighbours" ... [1,244 words]
A Dream Comes True by Randall Barfield This is nostalgia and reflection. It's a short piece of writing dedicated to young Rodger W... [951 words]
Things People Do by Vivek Yadav This is my first attempt at writing. I hope improve as I go along. [497 words]
Cutting Myself by Khalif M Joyce Touch me once more, before my life ends soon. [206 words]
Photons by Rob Lioy A confessional essay on the insomniac thought process, dealing with issues of anxiety and love. [1,107 words]
Hidden Life Of The Author by Aryka This writing will mainly involve my life and how and let the reader possibly see the ... [222 words]
Tony's Unbirthday Party by Shelley J Alongi My birthday visit with Tony. [1,150 words]
Reach For The Sky by Shelley J Alongi On Saturday March 19, 2005, I gave this speech at our Toastmasters division D contest. It's a... [588 words]
My Worst Purchase by L Nelson This story is of when I accidentally spat in my brother's ear. [329 words]
Song Of Cy: Understanding Grief by Katlyn Stewart A parent's worst nightmare has become reality in Song Of Cy. A beautiful life c... [1,695 words]
Nightmares Echo by Katlyn Stewart Synopsis- Even as a young girl she knew she was different, knew she had secrets that must be hi... [901 words]
The Literary Cold War by Riot - [714 words]
My Last Day by G N Suicide. [495 words]
Mr Pearls by Gary R Hoffman This is the story of too many people in our world. [952 words]
Lunch With A Soldier by Dan Styles The saddest thing I'v ever heard. [125 words]
Jason Sucrut's Sons by G David Schwartz A short piece. [818 words]
The Black Sheep Of Mahee's Family by Patricia Lynn This is just a moment In my time of quiet leisure that I usually write reason... [1,191 words]
My First D by Morgan A Brennan A short piece. [959 words]
From Monster To Freshman by Sarah M Kaul Character Sketch of my brother. [3,252 words]
A Journal Entry For The Reviewer by Bradley Grimes This is my journal entry for Monday January 10th, 2005. [237 words]
Where Soldiers Cry by Steven L Howard A Christmas story that's probably not like any you've heard before. [767 words]
Every Breath You Take by Steven L Howard A letter to my children: In two separate accidents, two families of our friends buried a ... [410 words]
Dad's Here To Play by Steven L Howard Can we become so busy and self-absorbed that there is no time for the things that matter mos... [2,049 words]
The Beagle by Amber A Whitman A short piece. [489 words]
Happens All The Time by Lucy Midnight - [530 words]
Confessions Of A Caffeine Junkie by Nancy Rider About my encounter with a young cashier at KFC. I tried to be a positive influ... [577 words]
An Aviation Accident Arouses An Advocate by Shelley J Alongi On Saturday September 25, 2004, a plane went down while taking off fro... [2,007 words]
Sleepy Eyes by Sasu A poem about a man who cant take it in a world full of greed, and has to end it.. I have no psychol... [77 words]
Playing With My Hair by Skyler Drevan This is a piece that I thought about writing while driving up the Florida Turnpike from We... [228 words]
I Miss You So Very Much by Skyler Drevan (Just For You) [493 words]
The Best Grocery Shopping Experience Ever And Other Activities by Shelley J Alongi Another communication story about my deaf friend... [1,572 words]
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The Self-Appointed Altruists by Sam Vaknin Their arrival portends rising local prices and a culture shock. Many of them live ... [2,387 words]
The Family Of Four by Kevin Myrick For my friends at college. [1,014 words]
The Down-Low Life (It's A Two Way Street) by Skyler Drevan This is an article on the double life that women (bisexual, lesbian, ... [2,218 words]
Flight Number Five: Cuddling And Turning Cessna Style by Shelley J Alongi Flight number five in Shelley's adventures in flight offe... [2,028 words]

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TITLE (EDIT)
Rant Of The Week
DESCRIPTION
The Pratmeister tells it like it is on the hot topics of the day.
[796 words]
TITLE KEYWORD
Humor
AUTHOR
Thepratmeister
ABOUT THE AUTHOR
The Pratmeister is coming to get you!
[July 2005]
AUTHOR'S OTHER TITLES (13)
Assholes (Non-Fiction) The Pratmeister is in a mood. Again. [150 words] [Humor]
Australian Suck! (Non-Fiction) The Pratmeister gives you the lowdown on the worst country in the world. [665 words] [Humor]
If You Like Me... (Poetry) A tone poem, thoughtfully composed by the Pratmeister in tranquil contemplation, whilst taking a dump this afternoon. [64 words] [Humor]
Lying Little Liars - In Other Words, Our Government And It's Party Political Propaganda Tool - The Media (Non-Fiction) The Pratmeister is becoming political. [338 words]
Nicole Cornes Can Suck My Balls (Non-Fiction) The pratmeister gently points out to a "Sunday Mail" columnist where she is going wrong in life. [535 words] [Humor]
Oh Australia, How I Hate Thee (Non-Fiction) Let me count the ways... [505 words] [Humor]
Out With The Old, In With The Young (Non-Fiction) The Pratmeister gives his overview of 2005, and what he expects for 2006. [525 words] [Humor]
Perverts (Non-Fiction) The world is going insane - but the pratmeister will reassure you you're not alone in thinking so. [322 words] [Humor]
Prudes (Non-Fiction) The Pratmeister feels a rant coming on again. Oh dear. [355 words] [Humor]
Shame Para Hills High School, Shame! (Non-Fiction) The Pratmeister has a gutless bunch of High School bureaucratic tosspots firmly in his sights this week. [191 words] [Humor]
The Aussie Media Are Full Of Shit (Short Stories) The Pratmeister has had enough of the bullshit foisted on the Aussie public as "news" and "current affairs". [510 words] [Humor]
The Pratmeister's Guide To Australia (Non-Fiction) The Pratmeister gives you the unofficial history of the Aussies. [379 words] [Humor]
What The World Wide Web Thinks Of Aussies (Non-Fiction) The Pratmeister gives you a look at what real people think of the worst country in the world. [2,053 words] [Humor]
Rant Of The Week
Thepratmeister

THE PRATMEISTER'S


RANT OF THE WEEK

July 17 2005


Hello and welcome to the first column by me, "The Pratmeister", the
only honest man left in a society of hypocrites, prudes, religious
fanatic, censorship freaks and just plain good old-fashioned WANKERS.
This week I have to decided to give what may become a regulr
award: THE DUMB BITCH OF THE WEEK AWARD.
Now ladies, don't take offence, I'd love to give THE DUMB BASTARD
OF THE WEEK award, but when John Howard is still Prime Minister, what
would be the point? It'd be a foregone conclusion.
So on with the DUMB BITCH OF THE WEEK AWARD.
The nominees this week both come from that regular scumfest known
as "The Sunday Mail", otherwise known (together with The Advertiser)
as "The Liberal Party's Party Political Broadcast Propaganda Rag".
Step forward our first nominee, columnist AMANDA BLAIR, frequently
hilarious in her inane observations and "opinions", but this week she's
outdone herself, so determined to be intimidated by bearded lunatics
hiding in caves that she wants all our civil liberties taken away.
National Identity Card? Yes please. Security cameras in our toilets?
Wait, she's having an orgasm. Or is that her period? I don't want
security cameras on every fucking street corner, not, as Ms Blair
(any relation to Tony?) seems to think, because I intend engaging
in criminal activities (although frankly, if I did, I'd like some chance
of getting away with it. It's only sporting after all) but because I
don't particularly want some dumb fuck watching my every move,
monitoring me as I scratch my balls, pick my nose, stalk my sixteen
year old schoolgirl obsession, or sneak a quick wank outside said
schoolgirl's classroom. Fuck off! And to be brutally frank, anyone
tries giving me a National Identity Card I'll rip it up and shove it
down their fucking throat.
So does Ms Blair have it all wrapped up then? No competition at all?
Never fear, Nicole Cornes is here. Her regular column on how to be
a selfish, stuck-up single (and likely to stay that way) dumb bitch
in the new millennium has regularly provoked me to spasms of
hysterical laughter and occasional domestic violence, but this week
she's really taken the cake, with her column entitled "Why Nice Guys
Don't Get The Girl". Yes, fellas, it's what we've always suspected,
and she's come out and officially confirmed it: Women Are Dumb.
They don't want a decent guy, someone who'll love, respect them and
try to be there for them. Fuck no! They want some big brain-dead
macho fuckwit (plenty to choose from in this country, let's fucking
face it) to slap them about a bit and call them "Bitch". Goddamn it,
is this the reason I can never get laid? I thought it was my ugliness,
BO and general lack of decent clothing, but apparently I've got it
all wrong. Being a bastard is the key to successfully laying the dumb
bitch of the 21st Century. Tomorrow I shall go up to that nice bit
of totty from the local supermarket and, while purchasing my
Playboy and Kleenex, will offer to "Fuck her up the arse with the
contents of my toolbelt while simultaneously telling her how
worthless she is". According to Ms Cornes, we should be in the
boudoir within minutes. Being the dumb bitch that she is, Ms
Cornes concludes her latest toilet paper of a column by negating
her previous statements with a cowardly "Besides all the nice guys
are gay anyway" spiel, a common trait among slappers who could
never be bothered to give the nice guy a try when there's some big
dumb chunk of wife-beating male standing next to him. Sorry, Ms
Cornes, but they ain't. That's just what they tell YOU, honey. You
and your ilk are the vermin of the day, females so emotionally
retarded they think being a dumb bitch is somehow what their
feminist ancestors fought for. No wonder you can't get a decent
guy, girls. My Playboy and Kleenex collection provide me with a
more emotionally fulfilling relationship than you fuckers ever could.
And on a separate but related note, if I hear one more fucking
spiel from some loser about "What Women Want" I shall puke. Why
are there never any magazine articles, tv debates or movies on
"What Men Want". Because the modern woman is such a selfish
fuck she chucks them all in the same category and can't be arsed
to find out. And then whinges about being alone and/or stuck with
a bastard. Serves you right, ladies. SERVES YOU FUCKING RIGHT.
So who's the winner?
It's a draw. They're both such stupid bitches you can't choose
between them. When they gave women the vote, it's only a shame
they didn't provide them with an "OFF" switch too.
(Note to any emotionally together women who don't go for dumb
macho fucks over nice intelligent guys: Go away, I'm not talking
to you. Besides, according to Ms Cornes, you're fictional anyway.)
On a final note before signing off, I think I've finally figured out how to
get a regular column in the Sunday Mail: Be as dumb as fuck.


Till the Next Time



The Pratmeister

 

READER'S REVIEWS (7)
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"You suck." -- Linda Williams, Adelaide, SA, Australia.
"Bite me, dyke!" -- thepratmeister.
"Well its good to see that you actually seem to be relativly informed about politics, as that seems to be the only thing we seem to agree upon, however it is plain to see why you dont ever pull chicks, mate." -- Hugh.
"Fuck off Hugh. You sure do have a pretty mouth. The jail party is still on... call me..!" -- Jimmy.
"It must be noted bracelet over banco bankroll craps empire poker bonus! " -- empire poker, empire poker, empire poker, empire poker.
"Pratmeister, I felt at a loss on this country and the women living in it before I found you. Thank god for you who sees through the bullshit and can finally see the truth in all this shit. I really admire you for who you are and what you say, please continue to voice your opinions" -- K'.
"You've got serious issues!!!" -- Kate, Sydney , NSW, Australia.

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COPYRIGHT NOTICE
© 2005 Thepratmeister
STORYMANIA PUBLICATION DATE
July 2005
NUMBER OF TIMES TITLE VIEWED
2066
 

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