DESCRIPTION
A small peice I wrote to express some things I never say. Questions I have no one to ask? [585 words]
TITLE KEYWORD
Psychology
AUTHOR
LearyS
What If Everything Hurts? LearyS
What if Everything Hurts?
What if everything hurts? What if you get over things that
have happened in your life but they never completely
fade away? What if your horrible mistakes will hurt
forever? Who can answer these questions?
Therapists, Psychiatrists, friends, mentors, books.
What if you have found God and healing but still
struggle every day? Unable to throw away old
pictures or journals. When is it officially the right
time to let go and how do you actually do it?
These questions haven’t ever been answered
for me. No matter how far I get from my past I still
find myself affected by it. Today I make good choices
on a daily basis but whom do I do it for? I’m not
entirely sure. I love my parents so deeply and never
want them to experience the hell they did when I was
out of control. Is that why I make good choices?
I know logically that if I don’t keep it together I will find
myself old and lost unable to see anything of value
in all my years. Is that why I make good choices?
Or have I truly changed? How do you measure who
you are?
Sometimes when I find myself recycling memories
I’ll just sit and stare at the wall. I find comfort in just
staring and letting random thoughts fly through my
mind. Some people think this is odd. Is it? I don’t
know but sometimes it’s my only choice. My thoughts
turn to questions constantly. “ Will I be able to survive
this world, this life?” That’s a question that I have tried
to ask before but I’m not sure there is anyone who’s
ready to hear me say something like that. I have a
feeling they would take it way to literal. Another
question I’m not sure anyone is ready to hear is,
“ Does everyone have this much trouble functioning
daily?”
I wonder are my thoughts unique or do others
choose not to share their similar struggles for the
sake of everyday life. Should I just let them be
thoughts or is there an answer to be found?
And who else is looking?
Paranoia: extreme and unreasonable suspicion
of other people and their motives. How does one
really know if they’re being unreasonable?
I have experienced many situations where people
had very bad motives what am I to compare with.
Why is it that my experience with people that have
good motives is not as powerful as my experience
with people who had bad motives? How do you truly
switch what you consider to be the norm?
Anxiety: a state of intense apprehension or fear
of real or imagined danger. It just doesn’t seem
natural to start your day in this frame of mind.
But what if you are use to it? What if you feel
vulnerable without these thoughts?
What part does that play in who you are?
What if the, “ What ifs” never end and they just
download every morning, noon and night.
Hope: a chance that something desirable will
happen or be possible. This I am the most weary
of yet hold on to the hardest. Because the way I
see it hope by definition is present in any and all
circumstances. No one can take hope away from
somebody if they choose to hold on to it. Another
thing that amazes me is that even when you
reject hope it remains.
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"Shannon, everything does hurt, and never goes away. It is how we deal with the past that makes us grow. Accepting what we have changed to better ourselves, forgiving the rest. It is a daily struggle that gets better with time. We are all looking, seeking the brass ring that is just a bit out of reach. Keep the faith, good things are on their way." -- Prudy.
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