Through The Mind Of A Retard
October 6, 1998 My name is Edward Randoll Miller. They call me Randy. I am 14 years old and singin is my favorite. Papa and Mama want me to write in this book. We can be friends. Mama’s callin for suppa… mashed tater night…. YES! October 10, 1998 Tree colars are startin to change. Rakin time will be here soon. Maybe Papa will give me a quarter more this year. Still warm enough to ride my bike. Still time to pick perty orange and yeller flowr’s for Mama. Gonna do that now. Bye friend! October 13, 1998 Papa said it would be a good idea to bring you to scool with me. You are here with me at Hanceville Middle School. We are the bulldogs. I am in grade 8. Next year I’ll be in the big high school. I can’t wait. I like scool most the time. Some kids make fun of me because I’m slower than them. My teacher Miss Honeycut makes me be strong. I sure like her a whole lot. She’s perty. Sometimes I pick purple flowr’s for her. She’s lookin at me now… should prolly talk to you later. October 17, 1998 Went ridin my bike behind Erney Pitt’s gas station today. Found this stream with all sorts of frogs. I brought one home. Mama wasn’t happy and made me throw it out. Our house is clean. No frogs allowed. October 18, 1998 I’m mad… very mad. I want to punch them all. I am not Randy the Retard. I am not Randy the Retard. Retard means slow… I am slow… that’s ok. Miss Honeycut says slow people are special. Momma says I am slow because God wanted me to stay behind and make sure everyone was ok. Sometimes I don’t want to make sure people are ok… specaley the ones that call me names. October 22, 1998 Leaves have been fallin all around. I like to rake them all in a big pile then run as fast as I can and jump in the middle. Papa pays me for rakin leaves. He gave me more this time… four dollers and fifty cents. October 23, 1998 We got a new neighbor today. I was outside with my radio. I like the old songs. Fly me to da moon by Frank Senautra is real good. New naibor is my age. My momma told me at dinner tonight. She said maybe we can be friends. I sure would like to have more friends. October 25, 1998 Halloween is comin up real soon! I like to dress up. I have been so many fun costumes. The giant lobster was red… real red hott too. This year Momma says I need a costume that won’t make me swet and fall so much. Last year I fell and went to sleep for a few minuts. Sleeping on Haloween is not good. Eating candy is good. October 26, 1998 I’m in Miss Honeycut’s class. I like to lurn from her. Today we read the story of the ugly duckling. I like that story… looks don’t matter… hearts matter. Miss Honeycut says I got a good heart. She has perty eyes. We make good friends. October 27, 1998 Darek is the name of my new neibor. He said hi to me in the hall today. I hope he does that again. I’ve never seen his papa before. His mama seems real nice. We brawt her some cookies. Oatmeal rason… they taste real good. October 29, 1998 It happened again. Jordan and all his friends. Why does somebody so mean have so many friends. I was just walkin downstars. They pushed my books out of my hands… they laffed… why… why… I am Randy… not Randy the Retard. October 31, 1998 BOO! Did I scare you friend? Haha… Tonite is trick or treat night. I have the best costume ever! My grandma made it. I am dressed as Frank Sinawtra… the best singer in the whole world. Ladees bedder watch out. I told Miss Honeycut about my costume. She game me a hi five! She was almost as excited as me! Yum Yum candy here I come! November 2, 1998 Darek was with Jordan on Haloween. Darek helped them. My mom bawt me more candy. I don’t want that… I want the sack they stoled of mine. Darek waved to me at first. Now he’s with them. His papa should really teach him some manners. I don’t know where he come from… but here in Alabama neibors don’t do each other like that. November 3, 1998 I rode my bike everywhere today. I went passed Pitt’s, into town, passed Fred’s Super Store and went to the apartments. I saw a man moving in. He looked like me. He was older and messier. He smiled real big at me and said hello. He said he has a son my age. Mama would be mad if she knew I talked to a stranger. He is different. I just can tell. His eyes smile the way Momma says mine do. November 5, 1998 Singin and music is my favorite. Sometimes I like to watch TV and movies. Forrest Gump a good man. His Jenny is beeeyoootiful. He was a soldier and a runner and a picker of perty women with lovly singin voices. November 8, 1998 Derak looked at me and grinned in the hall. A sneaky mean grin. I just don’t understand. He just wants to be cool. Kyle, one of Jordan’s friends put somethin on my back… kids laffed… maybe that’s why Darak … smiled so much. Maybe I am just Randy the retard. November 9, 1998 Went ridin my bike again today…. stopped and saw this man moving in. Don’t know why I watched him. He was movin into these apartments… he was way older than me… had dark hair.. taller, but round like me. For some reason I just noticed him. Left didn’t say hi. November 13, 1998 Went to the apartments today. That man was outside playing with a pug dog. Pugs are my favorite. Mama won’t let us have one. Big house must be clean. I went up there and asked to play… he said sure. His name is Clark and he said he has a son who was my age. Said he misses his son. Clark had smily eyes. His eyes got sad when he said that. Wonder if that’s how I look when Jordan and Darek call me names. Wonder if Clark got called those same names. Wonder what Clark did. November 16, 1998 I told Miss Honeycut about Clark. She asked all sorts of questions. Seemed sorta worried. Said she wants to meet him. I’m not too sure hows I like that. Made her promis not too tell Mama and Papa. November 18, 1998 Miss Honeycut and Clark and me went to the Krystal chicken place today. I ate real good… curly fries tastes good. Clark was real happy to meet her and anserd all her queschuns no problem. His favorite colar is red… he likes cuntry music… his son doesn’t know him… and he goes to my school. Lots of infermaton in one day. November 21, 1998 Thanksgiving will be here real soon. Today in class we named what we’re thankful for. I’m thankful for Mama and Papa acourse. I’m thankful for Grandmother and Granddaddy and his ginormous farm. I’m thankful for dawgs.. specially pugs..and I’m thankful for Miss honeycut. I’m thankful for Clark too. Oh, and I’m thankful for God… and how he gave me sparkly eyes and the gift to be slow and take care of people…. very thankful for that one. November 22, 1998 Derak was rude today. Made my face real hott. I like to eat.. so what. He called me fat names… I got so mad. Told him his daddy auht to teach him some manners. I forgot he didn’t know his daddy. Derak’s face was blank… then he just yelled at me… said he didn’t know his dad. Said he didn’t want to talk. Told him I was sorry. He told me to go away. November 27, 1998 Thanksgiving with Grandmother and Grandaddy was the best. Grandmother and I play her old recerds. She dances with me! We ate so much… had to unbutton the top of my britches. Whole family comes and we just talk and eat. Greenbean casserole is my favorite of grandmother’s dishes. Grandaddy and me took a walk in the woods and field. Could walk forever with him listening to his stories and hearin his old feet crunch bare on the ground. I thought about Derak and his Mama. Wonder what they ate for dinner and who they are with. Specially thought about Clark… hope he didn’t just go to Krystal and get a chicken sandwich. I am real lucky. December, 1 1998 Month of Christmas and Jesus is here. Time to fix Derak and his meanness. I am gonna try so hard. I have back up… the big guy upsters. I’ve been talking to Mama and she think he just needs a little more Jesus and to know his daddy. I know I can help with the Jesus part… will try my bestest about the daddy part. December 4, 1998 Went to Derak told him I was sorry about his daddy… told him I was sorry for gettin angry when his friends called me Randy the Retard. Told him…I am proud to be slower and that I can help him. Told him I want to be his friend. He just stood there… maybe he was surprised I could say so much… maybe he will want to be my friend again. Maybe he saw the hopefulness in my eyes. December 7, 1998 I told Miss Honeycut about the blankness on Derak’s face. She said he has been going through a tuff time lately. He found out who his Daddy was. She said he went to his house and introdused himself. Miss Honeycut wouldn’t tell me who it was. Said I would find out. I don’t like secrets too much. Well, maybe this is for the bedder. Now I just need to talk to work on the Jesus part. I guess he is busy helpin with the daddy part. December 10, 1998 Gettin colder outside. Lots colder. We don’t see snow much round here. Sure would be fun. I would like to make one of those snow angels. That where you lay on your back and and flap your legs and arms… makes a print in the snow like a jiant angel. I like to come in with a fresh warm blankit out of the drier waitin.. feels like a billion warm hugs. December 13, 1998 Was a whole week since I talked to Derak. He never looked at me at scool. Today I was watchin out my big window from upstairs.. I was just watchin the road, the people passin, just everything. I saw Clark comin up the road.. I ran downstairs. I love visitors! Opened the door… across the street was Clark and Porky, his pug dog… he hugged Derak’s Mama.. and walked inside. Yes sir, now that was a shocker. Wonder how they became friends. December 16 Told Miss Honeycut what I saw the other day … kept it to myself for a while… just wanted to think. Miss Honeycut gave me the news. She is best at that. Told me she knew. Told me that Clark is the daddy of Derrick. December 17, 1998 Wonder what Derak thinks. Wonder if he likes Clark. Wonder if he calls his papa or daddy. Wonder if he likes his eyes. Wonder if he made fun of him when they met. Wonder if he’s sorry fer makin fun of me. December 18 ,1998 Clark visited me and Miss Honeycut after scool today. Told me about Derak.. how he sure was glad to finally see his boy. Well, I guess I sure am glad too. December 20, 1998 Was outside in the yard today… just foolin around.. wishin Porky, Clark’s pug dog was here… sure do like to play with him. Well, Derak came over to see me. He had shaky hands… looked at the grownd before he looked at me… tired eyes.. real quiet. I asked what was wrong.. He looked at me then with a real sad face. Said he was so sorry… so so sorry for all the names and the hertful werds. I told him it was fine.. and it was over and it’s Christmas… I told him Jesus forgave… and me… well, I can too. He thanked me.. asked me a couple questions about my friend Jesus. I anserd best I could. December 21, 1998 Well… I am ready! Christmas be here in just a couple days! Mama said we’re havin people over fer dinner… I like these people. It’s Mamma and Papa and Miss Honeycut and Clark and Derak and his momma. All my friends.. I’m real happy. That’s all I wanted was to git more friends… and I sure did get em even before Christmas… December 25, 1998 Today was the best Chrstmas ever! I got a dog! A real one… Momma is letting me keep it! It’s a pug dog… my favorite! Oh and lastnight at dinner! Mamma cooked a hunny ham… and you know what… something amazing happened. Derak prayed. He prayed about bein thankful for the food and for new friends and for Clark and even said Happy Birthday to Jesus. Mamma looked at me and winked. We both knew he got that little bit more of Jesus that he needed. I’m glad I’m slow. I got to stay back and take care of Derak. I don’t care about bein called names. I am Randy the Retard… and proud of it!
Copyright © 2005 Rachel Lynn Marshall |