Far-Off Distance The pitter patter of the rain grew harder; an average western Oregon winter.I looked out the adjacent window to my desk, my thoughts filled with the boy sitting next to me. This boy, whom I'd had feelings for for some time now, was quite handsome for a boy our age. A black mop sat upon chisled feature, but theywere soft when he was around me, accompanied by piercing, steel-blue eyes, making him look older than his seventeen years. Between these thoughts and the pitter patter agains the window pane, I'd missed most of the class discussion. "Edward!" the teacher said stearnly in my direction. "Have you even been paying attention to the discussion?" "Nope," I mumbled in reply. The stout, old woman looked shocked in my lack of interest, but she recovered quickly. "You'll see me after class, okay?" Her tone suggested that it was more of a demand that a question. "I don't know," I replied. "I have calculus next. I don't think that old goat would be too happy if I were late, again." The class erupted in laughter at my discription of the math teacher. "I will call and tell him that you will be late, Mr. Tudor." Her voice annoyed me. Can't she ever shut up? "Pardon me class." And she left the room. I tried to return to the rain and my thoughts, but was interupted by the very occupant of my thoughts. "Psst...Ed." That deep voice rang in my ears as it whispered my name. I wanted to ignore by best friend and object of my affection, but he wouldn't allow that. "Ed-ward," he continued. "What, Roy?" I groaned as I turned to him. "What's up with you? Lately, you haven't been paying attention in class. What's on your mind?" he asked. I felt the blood rush to my face and I turned away again. I couldn't tell him that he played the lead role in the fantasies that filled my head. I looked back to the rain. "I got bored, so I decided to watch teh rain," I lied. "I can't see what you like about it," Roy said. "It's soothing," I replied. Just then, the teacher walked back into the classroom. "Mr. Tudor." I turned to meet her eyes. "I will be seeing you after class," she said, returning to the discussion. I shrugged and turned back to the window, proceeding to ignore the rest of the discussion. * * * After a brief lecture about my lack of participation, I left the teacher sitting at her desk. Shutting the door behind me, I saw Roy leaning against the wall. He looked up at the sound of the closing door and pushed himself off the wall. "Well?" he asked. "It's nothing," I reassured him. "Come on," he moaned. If you looked at him, you wouldn't be able to tell, but he was rather childish; his physicall appearence and behavior were completely contradictory."What did she say?" "That I'm a nuissance." "No! You are not!" "Okay, maybe I'm not, but you are," I said through a grin. "Hey," he whined. "Stop complaining, the truth hurts," I said. Roy crossed his arms over his chest and put an angry look on his face. I glanced at him, knowing that he wasn't really mad at me. He proved me right when he relaxed only moments later. Together, we made our way down the quiet hallway. The sound of the rain against the building and the shuffling of our shoes on the tile floor were the only noises. Oh how I hated the silence. Then, the bell rang, breaking the silence. "Ugh, we're late," I groaned. "Damn, again? You know we're alway late to calculus. Why don't we just skip? Just today," Roy suggested. "We're not always late," I started, but Roy gave me his 'puppy dog eyes'. "Damn you,Roy MnKinley. It always happens, I'm just too soft," I agreed. Seeing me give up, Roy flashed a smile, making butterflies dance in my stomach. "Shall we?" he asked as he offered me his arm like a gentleman. "We shall," I answered, declining his offer. We changed direction to the large,double doors that lead outside. * * * I kept my good off as we stepped into the rythmic pitter patter of the rain. Roy, on the other hand, pulled his hood up over his head. I stole a sidelong glace at him and noticed him looking at me from under long eyelashes. Realizing he'd been caught, he straightened and turned away. After sometime, I heard him mutter something. "Huh?" I asked. "Pull your hood up, I don't want you getting sick," Roy retorted, annoyance fluttered on the tone. I wanted to obey, but defiance played at my mind. "And if I don't?" The look he gave me was cold, but it melted when he was my smiling face. "Then I guess I'd have to nurse you back to health, if you did get sick." "Yeah, right," I replied. "Hey, let's go in there." I pointed to a small bookstore. Unlikethe rain, Roy loved books, and so did I. "Yeah!" He agreed energetically. A bell rang over my head as I pushed the door open. A middle-aged man sat behind the register at one wall, absorbed in a thick, hard-bound book. He only looked up at the ring of the bell. "Welcome," he mumbled as he returned to his book. The store was small, a bookshelf at each wall and one in the middle. Althought the books weren't used, the looked like they were. The shelves were lined with dust-covered books, with holes here and there where a book was missing. Roy and I made our was towardthe back of the store, just looking for something catch our eye. I touched one of the book spines, dust clinging to my oily finger. I wiped my hand on my jeans. "This is boring," Roy whispered in my ear. "Yeah," I whispered back. We turned and left the store. Stepping back into the rain, Roy pulled his hood up again, complaining that is was getting harder. "Be a man about it, Roy," I said without even looking at him. "You're not made ofsugar, you won't melt." "Yes, I will," Roy protested. "No, you won't." "Shush...what do you wanna do now?" he asked. I thought about it for a bit. Then a thought popped into my head, but I was reluctant to let it out. "That new movie's playihg at the theater, you wanna see it?" "Which one was that?" "Shooting, fighting, taking over the world; same ol', same ol'," I answered. "Sounds good," he replied. * * * I forgot my money at home, so Roy paid for both of our tickets and we walked through the sliding doors. There was still twenty minutes until the movie started, so westopped my the concession stand. "What do you want?" Roy asked. "What? No, you already paid for my ticket. I can't ask you to get me snacks." I felt guilty for him having to pay for me. "Let's just say you own me," he suggested. I knew that he would keep this up until I gave in. "Fine," I sighed. I looked at the candy selection. "Chocolate crunchy thingies." "Okay," Roy relpied. He gave our order to the guy behind the counter. After paying for the candy, he handed mine to he with a smile. As we turned to go to the theater, I caught the guy lean to his coworker and whisper something in his ear. Then, both on them gave us a weird look. Feeling slightly embarassed, I turned back to Roy and we proceeded to the dark sanctuary of the theater. We found seats toward the middle and Roy tapped me on the shoulder. "Hey, Ed, can you save my seat? I've gotta pee," he asked. I looked around. "Sure, but from who?" The theater was completely empty except for the two of us. "From the forces of evil," he said with a grin. Then, he walked off toward the restroom. Alone, again, with my thoughts. The look the employees gave us haunted my mind. Did they actually think that we were on a date? We're not. Even if I wanted it to be, we're not. And if we were, what's with the look? The pitter patter filtered through my thoughts until I noticed it again. I abandoned my uneasy thoughts to focus on the rythmic sound. It must be getting harder, I thought. It had, in fact, done just that, because I couldn't hear it when we first came in. Listening to the low, soft beat, I relaxed and let myself drift into subconsciousness. "BOO!" I jumped straight up, clutching at my chest. Roy laughed behind me and jumped over the back of a chair, landing next to me. "God dammit, Roy. You scared me half to death," I almost yelled, sinking back into my seat. Roy sat down in the seat next to me. "What? You were asleep, so I decided to wake you. Or would you rather me stare at you while you slept?" Roy asked. I turned away, whispering thanks to the fact that the theater was dim. "Thanks for waking me," I mumble sarcastically. The theater dimmed further, meaning previews were starting. I heard rustling beside me and looked over. Roy was trynig to open his candy, having a hard time with it at that. "Need help?" I offered. "No. Just a little more." Suddenly, the whole bag split down the middle, sending chocolate covered raisins everywhere. "No!" Roy moaned. "You can share with me. It's okay," I said, trying to comfort him. After successfully opening my own bag of candy, I offered it to him. "You still owe me," he reminded me as he took the bag. "Yeah, yeah. Now, shhh." I pressed a finger to my lips. On the screen, a man in some sports car raced from more sports cars. They were driving down an oddly empty stretch of freeway, shooting at eachother. Then, a boomingvoice claimed that the movie would be the next blockbuster event. The screen displayed the release date then continued to another preview. Two boys, about our age, sat at opposite sides of a classroom. They were talking to two obviously different social groups. Then, it flashed to their first encountr and what comes after. 'Not your average boy-meets-boy story' a different voice boomed. That reminded me of the look we got. Did Roy see? And if he did, did he care? "Hey, Roy," I whispered. "Hmm?" "Did you notice the look the employees gave us?" I asked, my voice strained from nervousness. He sighed beside me. "Don't worry, Ed. Let them think what they want. If they misjudge two friends for a couple, that's their own problem," he answered. "Yeah," I whispered. Then, I noticed a pleasent smell under my nose. I looked down and realized Roy was holding the bag of candy right infront of me. "Want some?" he asked. "Yeah," I replied, taking the bag back. The movie started and we watched it in something close to silence. * * * "That was awesome! I really liked that Claude guy." Roy was refering to the main character. Claude was a blond-haired, blue-eyed, handsome man. His looks, however, greatly contrasted the fire arms he was constantly toting around. I guess he was kind of cool. "Yeah," I agreed. "What now?" Roy asked. "Donno," I answered. "I say ice-cream,' Roy suggested. "On a day like this?" The rain was still getting harder. My copper hair was soaked, along with the rest of me, and I was sure Roy's hair was wet, despite his hood. "You're right," he gave in. "I'm always right. How 'bout we go to my house," I suggested. Kinda bold on my part, but it was only to dry off, honestly. "Mine's closer." He pointed in the general direction of his house. "Okay." We walked the five block to Roy's house, getting wetter with every step. I couldn't feel my toes because my shoes were completely soaked through. Although I tried not to notice, the temperature was really beginning to drop. I shivered. "Are you cold?" Roy asked. "Kinda," I shrugged. "C'mere," he said, and he threw an arm around my shoulders. Embarassed, I tried to pull away, but he held tight. "Calm down, I'm just trying to warm you." "Fine." My stomach filled with butterflies again and I was sure that my face had become an interesting shade of red. Finally, we walked through his front door. Roy slipped his sneakers off and set his bookbag down next to them; I followed suit. I had only been here once before, to work on a project for physics last year. I followed him through the hallways of his house and up the stairs to his bedroom. After shutting the door behind us, he began rummaging through his dresser. Finding what he wanted, Roy threw a tee shirt and a pair of sweat pants at me. "I'll go change in the bathroom," he said. Then he left the room, shutting the door behind him again. As I undressed, I looked around the bedroom. A desk stood against one wall, a dresser in a corner, and the bed at another wall. A computer sat on the desk and a television on the dresser. It's better furnished than my room, I thought. I had just pulled the sweat pants up over my hips when a knock came at the door. "Come in," I called, pulling the shirt over my head. Roy came through the door with a towel on his head. He slid the towel off and threw it at me. I rubbed it over my hair. "Thakns for the clothes." "No problem," Roy replied. "Wanna play a game?" "Sure." "Which one?" he asked, opening the bottem drawer of his dresser. Inside was a game system and a couple dozen games. "This one. I picked out one that looked relatively promising. "I like that one, too," he agreed. Roy plugged the cables into the tv while I took a seat on his bed. When he was done, he sat beside me, pointing to each button and explaining what it would do. We spent hours playing games. Althought, I guess, the proper was to put it would be: I got my ass handed to me on a platter. I just couln't win, no matter how many buttons I pushed. After my millionth defeat, we heard teh front do close. "It's that late already?" Roy asked himself. He jumped off the bed and left the room. I looked at his alarm clock. Five-thirty. Mom wouldn't be home for another three hours and dad probably wouldn't come home tonight anyway, again. "I will, Mom," Roy said, coming back into the room. He turned to me a asked,"Hey, Ed, you wanna spend the night?" "Sure, I just have to call home," I answered. I didn't bother telling him that it would be a machine I'd be talking to. "Hey, Mom, it's me. I'm gonna stay at Roy's tonight, 'kay? Bye," I spoke into the receiver. I hung up the phone and turned back to Roy. "Well?" he asked. "It's fine, I can stay," I told him. "Yay!" he said childishly. "You wanna share the bed, or do you want me to get a sleeping bag?" "Uh...um..," I stuttered. If he knew what I thought about him, would he really want me in the same bed as him? "W-we can share, I guess." "Okie-dokie!" Then, someone tapped on the door. Roy jumped up to open the door for his mom. She entered the room carrying two glasses of milk and balancing a plate of sandwiches. Roy took the plate and set it on the bed, then took the glasses. "Thanks, Mom," he said. "You guys have fun, but don't be too loud, I've go some stuff to go over for work," she said. "Okay, Mom. "Okay, Mrs. McKinley." "Night," she said as she closed the door. "I like your mom," I said, grabbing a triangle of sandwich from the plate. "You just met her." Roy did the same. "So. I usually go by first impressions anyway," I said. "Not with me," he replied. "At first, I thought you looked intimidating, then you spoke. After that, my impression was that you were mentally retarded. But I came to realized that you were smart but acted childish. Though, it is hard to tell people that you really aren't mental. Ow!" I rubbed my arm where Roy had just punched me. "That was supposed to be a compliment!" "How?" "If it were anyone else, I wouldn't care that they thought you were retarded. You should be happy that I defend your mental state," I defended. "You're the bestest," he said, throwing his arms around me. I cleared my throat. "I know. But sometimes, I wonder if you really are," I said under my breath. "Are what?" he glared at me. "Nevermind." Roy punched me again. "Ow! You hit hard for being mental!No!" He lunged at me. I tried to move, but he grabbed my arm. "No you don't," he said and he tackled me to his floor with a loud thump. "Get off," I groaned. I tried to push him off, but he grabbed my wrists and pinned them to the floor. "No," he said in his deep, suductive voice. He wasn't wearing the childish face he usually did, but one more serious. Roy's hair was a mess and, despite his stearn face, he looked absolutely sexy. My heart began to race as my head filled with thoughts the shouldn't had been there. Suddenly, the door burst open, yanking me back to reality. "Roy! I thought I told you-" His mother stopped yelling as she realized her son was stradling and restraining another boy. She grinned mischievously. "What the hell's going on?" Roy leaned in, so close that I could feel his warm breath on my collar bone. "We were about to have sex," he said with a straight face. "No! We weren't!" I blurted. My face felt hot and I knew it must had turned a very deep red. His mom didn't stop grinning. Finally, she threw her hands up, as if to surrender. "Whatever, as long as you don't get him pregnant," she said over her shoulder. As the door shut, Roy rolled off me. He sighed as he lay on his back next to me. I propped myself on my elbows and looked at him. Why had he just said that to his mom? Did he actually like me? No. I'm sure he would had done that with any other friend, I thought, laying back on the floor. "Ed, you want something to drink?" Roy broke the silence. I turned to the desk where I saw two half-empty glasses of milk. "But-" I started. "No, not that kinda drink. You know, a 'drink'?" I was afraid of that. The only dime I'd ever had anything to drink was as a cousin's wedding, and I was told that I had become rather loose tougned. What if I told him without realizing it? "Uh, sure," I said despite my fear. "Okay, come on." He got up and started for the door. "Wait. What if your mom hears us?" I asked. "She keeps her door shut while working, so if you be quiet, she won't notice," he reassured me. Roy offered me a hand, I took it and he pulled me to my feet. Slowly, and quietly, we made our way down the hall then down the stairs. When we came to the bottem of the stairs, Roy grabbed my hand and lead me through the dark hallway to the kitchen. Rounding one last corner, Roy fumbled for the light switch, flicking ifon when he found it. Light flooded into my eyes along with the image of hiskitchen. It was like something right out of a cooking show. Glass cupboard doors revealed any and all contents, appliences lined the counters, two spice racks stood on either side of the stove, and everything was either white or silver. It was also spotless. "I broke that one," Roy said, pointing to the cupboard above the sink. "How?" I asked. "I was on the counter, looking through the cupboards. When I tried to move over,I put a knee in the sink and I lost my balance. This hand went straight through the glass." He held up his right palm, and, sure enought, silver-white lines ran across its base. "Ow," I commented. Then, I grabbed his hand and began tracing the scars. Although I couldn't see his face, I knew that he was looking at my hair with a smile on his lips. "Doesn't hurt anymore." He then pointed to a drawer with his free hand. "I slammed these fingertips in there." He waved the free hand. "Broke the two middle ones." Still holding his hand, I glanced at his fingers, then at the drawer. "God, Roy, you're just an accident waiting to happen," I said. "And these aren't the worst ones even," Roy said with a proud tone. "Now then, where were we?" He squatted to a lower cupboard. He opened it and shoved his arm to the back,pulling out some sort of hard liquor. After handing it to me, he opened the fridge and grabbed a six pack of beer. Silently, we smuggled the alcohol up the stairs, past his mom's closed door, and into his room, where he immediately shut his door. Taking the bottle of liquor from me, he asked, "Have you ever had this stuff?" "No, only champagne at my cousin's wedding." "Okay. Well, it's strong and kinda burns when it goes down," Roy warned. "And don't gulp. Just take a swig and swallow it, doesn't burn so much that way." I nodded in reply. "Let's start this," he said, popping open a can with his fingernail. Hesitantly, I followed suit. After taking a gulp, I began coughing. Roy looked over his beer at me. "You okay?" he asked. "Yeah, just went down the wrong pipe," I answered between coughs. "You'll get used to it," he said, taking another drink. * * * After only four beers and half the bottle of liquor between us, we were quite drunk; we could literally be called lightweights. Through foggy eyes, I found the remote to Roy's stereo. Fumbling with it, I accidentally pressed the power button. In a reasonable volume, a verse played in a language I couldn't understand. "Hey," Roy mumbled as he clumsily wrestled the remote away from my hands.However, with both of us drunk, the process was longer than needed. "What was that?" I asked. "It's called Haruka Kanata. It's Japanese rock. Someone got me hooked on it," he replied, squinting at the remote. After locating and pushing the off button, Roy threw the remote on the bed. He sighed and laid his head on my lap. "You're so comfy," he muttered. I gulped hard, trying to keep certain thoughts out of my head. Roy looked at me, then shifted his eyes to teh ceiling. I ran my fingers through his black hair. This brought him hack from whatever he'd been thinking about. "Do you ever think about being in a relationship?" Roy asked turning back to me. It caught me completely off guard. "Ye-yeah. Sometimes," I stammered. "With who?" I looked away. "Hey, I gots a secret. C'mere," he said, gesturing me closer with his forefinger. As I leaned in, Roy slipped a hand around the back of my head, pulling my lips to his. Shocked, I tried to pull away, but his hand prevented such actions. His lips were much softer that I had expected. Slowly, the soft lips parted, and mine obidiantly did the same. Now, with nothing standing in the way, his tounge danced and tickled at mine. Unconsciously, I let out a moan, which he took as a sign to delve deeper. Before I knew it,I was on my back, again, and his hands were gently exploring up my shirt. My mind and my heart were racing when he released my mouth. I gasped for air and realized it was just long enough to take my shirt off. But, instead of returning to my lips, he began sucking and nipping at my neck. I moaned again. "No. Sto-stop," I stammered, but he didn't listen. "Roy. Please. Don't. Stop." "Edward," Roy said breathlessly in my ear, making me shake. "Hmm?" "Which is it? Stop? Or don't stop?" "I don't know," I answered. "Then I'll choose." He looked like he was thinking it over, but I already knew his mind was made up. "Hmm...I'm not stopping," he declared. He went back to his task, but explored my whole upper body rather than concentrating in one area. He caressed my stomach with his lips and tounge, causingmy skin to tingle and the muscles to twitch. My breathing sped up and my body heat rose. I could feel that Roy's fingers were hot as they rested at my waist. Had these been his own actions, or those brought on by the alcohol? A fingertip creeping into the waistband of the sweatpants tore me from my thoughts. "Roy!" I yelled. He looked at me with surprise in this eyes. The look on his face told me that he didn't know why I'd yelled at him. "What?" "Your hand," I said in a small voice. He looked down and saw what the problem had been. A sly grin spread across his lips as he looked back to me. "What's wrong with it?" Roy barely got the words out before the door flung open. We both looked to see who it was, but the door slammed before we could see. I looked questioningly at Roy, who shrugged it off and tried to go back to what he'd been doing. Again, he was interupted by the opening door. This time, we looked up and all the blood drained from my face. Mrs. McKinley stood intimidatingly in the doorway with her hands on her hips. Roy grinned at her but I remained white as a ghost. "I thought I told you to keep it down," she yelled, but she broke into a smile with her son. "And I thought I told you we were gonna have sex," he replied, still smiling. "Roy, rape and sex aren't the same thing," she said, the grin never leaving herlips. "And I thought you were joking about that." "I was joking, at first, but I changed my mind, can you blame me? Look at him. " He glanced at me for a second then returned his gaze to his mother. "He's just so cute. Also, I wasn't gonna rape him. Contrary to popular belief, I do have a moral center." Hearing Roy call me cute made my butterflies come back. But hearing them openly talk abou Roy and me sleeping together took me beyond embarassed. I wanted to be anywhere else, away from the source of my embarassment. Since that wasn't going to happen, I tried to hide under Roy. "Hey, Ed." I looked at Roy's mother as she spoke. "If you need any help, just yell and I'll come beat some sense into him, 'kay?" Her voice and her eyes were kind, but I knew that she do it if I called. I couldn't do anything but nod, which I did weakly. She smiled and turned on her heel. Reminding us to be quiet, she shut the door. I let out a sign when I heard the door click. "Oh my God, Roy," I said. "What were you thinking, saying that to you mom?" "I was thinking she'd go away sooner if I told her the truth," he answered between kisses to my neck. "But my mom would'be freaked out. Why didn't yours?" "She knew that one day, I would bring home a guy, she just didn't know when." He stopped his kissing and looked down at me. "What?" "Guess I'd better explain," he sighed. "I came out to my mom a long time ago. At first, she thought it was her fault, raising me without a father, but I told her, over and over, that it wasn't. Then, she tried to hook me up wtih her friends' daughters. None of those ever panned out and I told her that she couldn't change the way I was. Eventually, she accepted that and didn't care who I dated. However,everytime I got close to someone and asked them out, they'd call me a freak and cut off all contact with me. I never really found anybody. But you transfered in and I realized you were different. You blushed, looked away, and stuttered many times when we'd be alone, and I soon caught on." Roy leaned in and kissed my lips. "But what about the whole 'she doesn't care if we sleep together' thing?" I asked. "Well, I can't go getting my parter pregnant, now can I? She saw no reasonnot to, so she doesn't care," he replied. "Can we continue now?" Roy slid his hands down around my hips and tried to pull the sweatpants down again. I grabbed his hands and pulled them above my head, causing him to lose his balance. He landed on my-e with a grunt. "No, Roy, not now," I pleaded. "Oh? But you owe me," he said through a mischievous smile. I glared at him. Attempting to get up, Roy tried to release himself from my grip, but to no avail."You're stronger than you look." "There's a lot of things you don't know about me," I said under my breath. "Like what?" he questioned. "Like the fact that, right now, I'm really embarassed," I said, turning away from those stee-blue eyes. "I'm not all that comfortable doing that right now." I sensed his doubt and added, "And I'll yell if I have to." Roy's face instantly hardened and his eyes grew cold, but his voice wasn't so harsh. "You're so mean," he whined. And, again, his features grew soft. I released his hands, allowing him to roll off me. He sighed as he lay down beside me. I tried to get up, but he put an arm around my waist and his head on my bare shoulder. "You may not let me do as I wish, but that doesn't stop me from holding you, right?" I was glad that Roy didn't look at me when he spoke, becasue I felt my whole face blush. "Sure, I guess," I mumbled almost inaudiably. I glanced at his alarm clock again. Twelve midnight flashed accusingly at us. "Hey, maybe we should go to sleep." Roy agreed, got up and laid down on the bed. He patted the bed next to him, as if to say 'come hither', and I obeyed. I'd always obey Roy. I climbed in next to him as he drug the blankets up around us. Again, he wrapped an arm around my waist and pulled me close. Feeling his head against my back made me feel calm and relaxed. In the quiet of the dark room, I heard the pitter patter again. Listening to it,I realized someting: I hadn't yet told Roy. How stupid could I be? This whole time, he openly, and phyically, expressed his feelings for me, but I remained silent about my own. Now was as good a time as any, right? "Hey, Roy?" I asked. I got no immediate answer and thought he was asleep. I was about to forget about the whole thing when I heard him grunt in my ear. "I...um...I kinda...really..."I stammered. He sqeezed me tighter, then whispered in my ear, "I know, Edward, I really like you, too." Roy fell silent again. I felt his chest rise and fall evenly against my back. He's fallen asleep. His warm breath tickled my ear, but I didn't mind so much. After sometime, I let myseft ease into sleep as well. ������
Copyright © 2007 Mandi Butkovich |